Thoughts for the Day

Incurable Affliction

2012-01-03T22:58:00.001-05:00

"'For I am with you,' says the Lord, 'to save you; though I make a full end of all nations where I have scattered you, yet I will not make a complete end of you. But I will not let you go altogether unpunished.' For thus says the Lord: 'Your affliction is incurable, your wound is severe. There is no one to plead your cause that you may be bound up; you have no healing medicines. Why do you cry about your affliction? Your sorrow is incurable. Because of the multitude of your iniquities, because your sins have increased, I have done these things to you. Therefore all those who devour you shall be devoured; and all your adversaries, every one of them, shall go into captivity. Those who plunder you shall become plunder and all who prey upon you I will make a prey" Jeremiah 30: 11-16.

It's a condition that plagues us all: humanity. I often grumble as I wrestle with the ugly parts of me just how awful it is to have this darkness constantly sneaking up on me, living in my inner-being, just waiting for a foothold out. It's my human condition, my great depravity. It's an excellent excuse for the terrible things we do but not enough so that it excuses us from the consequences that follow wrong actions. This may be ironic to say, but I love the harshness of the passage above. Your affliction is incurable. You have no healing medicines. You can't do it. You can't save yourself. You may try, God only knows how many times I have and likely will continue to try. Your sins are piling up. Your incurable. It's so desolate and hopeless.

Then we reach deep into some of the context of this writing. The Israelites are so much like us it's scary. They've fallen away, big time. They didn't want to listen to God, didn't want to worship Him, didn't want to do anything but exactly what they wanted to do. If they lived in modern America they would be skipping church, only praying in emergencies or when they wanted something and idling their lives away on alcohol and lewd behavior (and for those who think lewd is antiquated, try worldly). They'd look surprisingly similar to you and me.

But in this passage God isn't saying they're utterly incurable. He's saying they're incurable in the path they've set themselves on. When you dig yourself a hole well above your head and you try to save yourself, all it's going to do it scrape away the edges and make your hole bigger when you try to climb out. Bonus, it may throw some of the dust in your face in the mean time. The Israelites had dug a HUGE hole- no way of climbing out and righting themselves. They'd fallen into this severe, destitute place far off from God. In their plight they were hopeless.

Then the next part, and don't miss it because I love this: Why do you cry about your affliction? Your sorrow is incurable. Why do we feel sorry for ourselves? Why do we weep about the trivial things of life? Why do we drown on and on about the things that are temporal and don't truly matter? Our sorrow is incurable and our thirst unquenchable. Unless we go to the right source.
God says something rather uncomfortable next. I have done these things to you. We don't typically like to think of God as inflicting sorrow on us much less severe wounds and incurable afflictions. We don't like to think of God as the power who swept the Israelites into captivity and desolation. But He's that God too and in this passage He mercifully gives us just a small glimpse of His reason: For I am with you... to save you... yet I will not make a complete end of you. But I will not let you go altogether unpunished. He loves us so much. It's real; it's raw; it's uncomfortable. He loved them so much, despite their wandering, to devour and plunder the nations He used to scatter them. I love the word therefore, it's such a great word to sum up. Yet here, upon first glance, it sits awkwardly between to seemingly unconnected sentences. Until you think about it. The Israelites were His chosen, call by His name. And even though they broke the sacred bond, He certainly wouldn't. And though He did everything to them, He still broke apart the nations and stood once again protecting them, much like a father for his child or a shepherd for his flock. He not only stood up for His people He destroyed any doubt that He was the controller and ruler, the Almighty God.

What a powerful, fierce and incredibly loving God we serve.

Learning from Hindsight

2011-07-22T12:47:00.000-04:00

“Now in the time of his distress King Ahaz became increasingly unfaithful to the Lord. This is that King Ahaz. For he sacrificed to the gods of Damascus which had defeated him, saying, ‘Because the gods of the kings of Syria help them, I will sacrifice to them that they may help me.’ But they were the ruin of him and of all Israel” 2 Chronicles 28:22-23.

I’m going through the history and Chronicles of the kings of Israel and Judah right now and it’s stunning how dense they can be. Could they not look back on history and directly point to good following them when they followed God and a very severe inverse if they did not? Verses 1-4 outline the basics of King Ahaz’s wickedness and thus verse 5 God responds with, “Therefore the Lord His God delivered him into the hand of the king of Syria…” Unbelievably dense to imagine he could do all the wickedness described and expect God to do nothing- the God who brought down plagues to free His people from Egypt, notably after He Himself hardened Pharaoh’s heart, thus showing his power on any spectrum; The God who threw down hail stones to fight off Israel’s enemies when they were too weak; The God who rained down manna and quail to answer Israel’s hunger in the desert for 40 years; The God who did countless other acts; This God, who Ahab surely knew did all these acts, was the one Ahab also didn’t fear. So he mucked about and squandered God’s goodness.

Throughout King Ahaz’s life he was unfaithful although he knew intimately the amazing acts of his nation’s God. Yet starting in verse 22 above, when he became in distress he turned further from God. He turned to the gods of the nations’ who had defeated him and worshipped them. It makes sense, sort of, but didn’t it occur to him that maybe God was angry and thus allowed those nations to win?

But isn’t that exactly like us? Don’t we have the Bible right in front of us? Haven’t we read it, even if only a few of the amazing stories? Don’t we know about Paul’s miracles, Jesus raising Lazareth and the feeding of the 5,000 men not to mention all the happenings Ahaz knew about as well? Isn’t our arsenal of God’s amazing deeds even larger than Ahaz’s?

I find the unfaithful kings of Israel and Judah insolent. How could they lead their people astray? How could they be so ignorant to God’s power and authority? But it seems the characteristics we detest the most in others are the very ones we ourselves portray. I know God; I know His ways; I know His authority and yet I often turn to other gods, or idols, and worship them. I turn to television; I turn to money; I turn to any form of strength and education for survival in this world and cling to it. I run to any version of immediate success and stability I can get my hands on.

The saying is true that hindsight is 20-20. But if I have this strong of a response to Ahaz in hindsight of his grossly incorrect lifestyle choices, why don’t I know that hindsight of my own life will yield the same results if I don’t correct my actions and turn first to the Lord, knowing He will provide? Have we learned nothing from the sins of our forefathers?

Return to Me

2011-07-14T09:45:00.002-04:00

“’I also withheld rain from you, when there were still three months to the harvest. I made it rain on one city; I withheld rain from another city. One part was rained upon, and where it did not rain the part withered. So two or three cities wandered to another city to drink water, but they were not satisfied; yet you have not returned to me,’ says the Lord. ‘I blasted you with blight and mildew. When your gardens increased, your vineyards, your fig trees, and your olive trees, the locust devoured them; yet you have not returned to me,’ says the Lord. ‘I sent among you a plague after the manner of Egypt; your young men I killed with a sword, along with your captive horses; I made the stench of your camps come up into your nostrils; yet you have not returned to me,’ says the Lord. ‘I overthrew some of you, as the Lord overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah, and you were like a firebrand plucked from the burning; yet you have not returned to me,’ say the Lord. ‘Therefore, thus will I do to you Israel; because I will do this to you, prepare to meet your God, O Israel! For behold, He who forms mountains, and creates the wind, who declares to man what his thought is, and makes the morning darkness, who treads the high places of the earth—the Lord God of hosts is His name’” Amos 4:7-13.

This is a rather long passage but worth printing. We have a jaded concept of God’s wrath and bad things happening in our world. And ironically, it’s not always what an outside observer might think.

Throughout history one could easily draw the connection to what we consider bad things happening on this earth and God. After all, if He’s the judge-figure who sits up on the throne of Heaven spending His leisure time condemning people, He’d spend His active time smiting them surely. Particularly in ancient Israel, when bad things happened it was typically, if not practically always, because the Israelites had gone off course, disobeyed God and needed to refocus on serving only Him. It was essentially a jolt of “Hey you, remember me? Yeah, you’re going to need to get back to the straight and narrow or else.” Do good = good earthly blessings; do bad = bad things. But over time and in cases with nations outside of God, this general rule adjusted.

In today’s culture, this occurs sometimes but often we in the church think it rarely the case. Those outside the church may see a smiting God, but those inside the church usually see the Jesus with the lamb on His shoulders. But as the Psalmist lamented over evil men prospering, so we too see this principle lived out today. But what if it still happens much, much more than we realize? He’s the same God, isn’t He?

In the above passage of Amos’ writing, God over and over gave Israel little warnings. But because of their continued disobedience He sent them into destruction and bondage time and time again. What if our world is similar? When a bad thing happens to us like job loss, marriage trouble, a car wreck or something else tragic, what if we first reconciled our hearts to God and sought Him wholeheartedly? It may not be the case, He may not be punishing or correcting you, He may be using you to further make His name known through your pain. But just in case, what if we first, without anger or feelings of betrayal and indignation, first came to God and prostrated ourselves before Him and sought His favor and guidance. Would He relent? I think if you know God and read the scriptures even a little you can answer unquestionably, yes.

Ancient Adornment

2011-07-13T10:33:00.001-04:00

“In that day the Lord will take away the finery: The jingling anklets, the scarves, and the crescents; the pendants, the bracelets, and the veils; the headdresses, the leg ornaments, and the headbands; the perfume boxes, the charms, and the rings; the nose jewels, the festal apparel, and the mantles; the outer garments, the purses, and the mirrors; the fine linen, the turbans, and the robes” Isaiah 3:18-23.

When France announced their ban on Islamic full veils several months ago it renewed my interest in Islamic and other cultural attire. Several reasons where sighted for the ban including bondage because of customs and ease of terrorist concealment. While both are fairly valid reasons in my opinion, I also struggle with the interference of government in religion.

Throughout history is seems the exact opposite occurred: religion controlled government. It may be somewhat of a stretch to make this statement so overtly but religion of a people played a vital role in authority and control. Whatever gods or things a particular sect of people worshipped they usually separated themselves from other bands of worship. Of course, several people groups began over history to break this system down, most noteworthy the Roman Empire. But even Rome, ancient Israel, Great Britain and others who have come close to controlling the world had limits on worship and personal dedication to things other than prescribed. I supposed one could argue religion and government share a rather mutually beneficial, exclusive and at the same time destructive relationship throughout history.

But I particularly wonder, and maybe I’ll just look it up, how Christianity lost its fervor for traditional dress. Islam, a much younger religion than Judaism and Christianity, continues to pass along its traditional garb as a custom and necessity to true pilgrims. Christianity, however, focuses more on inner faith and less on rules and regulations. Freedom. We hear that word a lot in Christianity. But it makes me wonder if we’ve used that freedom to truly be better for it.

Have we utterly lost the customs of the past like in Ancient Israel? Are any still valid and need revitalizing in our world? In Isaiah 3 they clearly abused their power and because of their greed and need for more they turned aside longing after the wrong things. They let their worldly customs dig too deep into their souls. I think we modern Christians can totally relate to this. But it also makes me wonder how we’ve let ancient, pure customs slip through our fingers in the name of freedom and independence. We no longer adorn ourselves with bangles, veils, ankle bracelets or traditional garments. We dress for work better than we dress to enter the sanctuary of the Lord.

Clearly there are customs we should have and did abandon. But are there customs we should embrace once again? Are there customs that actually reside within the freedom of Christ and strip away our concept of freedom? Freedom is certainly not free and it’s not freedom to this world. Freedom is freedom in Christ and what of the sacred is He calling out and imploring us to embrace?

It Makes No Difference

2011-07-07T08:27:00.013-04:00

II Chronicles 14

“Asa [King of Judah] had an army of 300,000 men out of Judah…and 280,000 out of Benjamin…There came out against Judah Zerah the Ethiopian with a host of a million [that is, too many to count] …Asa cried to the Lord his God, O Lord, there is none besides You to help, and it makes no difference to You whether the one You help is mighty or powerless. Help us, O Lord our God! For we rely on You, and we go against this multitude in Your name. O Lord, You are our God; let no man prevail against You! So the Lord smote the Ethiopians before Asa and Judah, and the Ethiopians fled” II Chronicles 14:8-12, selected parts.

I love the Old Testament. There’s something about the utter dependence and ignorance of the people in Old Testament Israel that I resonate with. They had a huge disadvantage from us, sure, because of several things. For one, they didn’t have the permanency of the Holy Spirit- no inner guide. They didn’t have the level of individual belief and subsequent works like we do today; it was much more communal worship and belief. Sadly, if a King went astray, odds were good the entire nation fell as well, or likely God took vengeance on the nation because the leader acted wickedly and many followed. Jews lacked individual purpose and direction for the most part and relied very heavily on prophets to point them in God’s direction and the King to point them in everyday life directions. But the more Israel and Judah went astray, the fewer prophets were around to be called upon for guidance.

But I love the fact that even in the Old Testament some people understood the fact that God desired intimate communion and communication with them. He desired praise and reliance; He desired to be a merciful and all-powerful God to His beloved people. But He demanded obedience and undivided hearts. Asa wasn’t a perfect king, but he did a lot of good for the kingdom. He had a lot of soldiers in this scene and I bet he thought he was prepared for most fights. When he heard about the number of Ethiopians however, he quickly changed his tune. Fear crept in. The Hebrew word for million here means the Ethiopians had so many soldiers you couldn’t count them all. At least double for sure, probably a lot more than that. Judah was way, way up a creek and in trouble.

Then Asa cried to the Lord his God, O Lord, there is none besides You to help, and it makes no difference to You whether the one You help is mighty or powerless. This mighty king, reigning over all in his land, humbled himself and cried before the Lord. And in his cry he acknowledged a rather odd fact to me. We often limit God’s power to the logical. We rationalize situations and talk to God once we have an agenda and game plan that makes the most sense. We bring order back to our chaos and then inform God through prayer what we wish. And while God clearly does desire for us to pray boldly He also doesn’t need permission or guidance on how to handle anything. He has ultimate power and authority over everything, absolutely everything. He doesn’t care even a tiny little sliver what the situation looks like. If He wants to bring something about, He can. That idea is striking to me- it makes no difference to God whether the person He helps is mighty or powerless; if it did, it would mean God has a limit on His power.

We can’t explain away our issues or problem solve enough to figure out a successful life. Successful lives are built on a Godly foundation where He leads and guides. He doesn’t care if you’re mighty or powerless; He can and will use you exactly how He made you. We just have to trust with every part of our beings that God will fight for us if we rely completely on Him. And the ways we fall short, as we so often will, may we pray that God would intercede and increase our faith to believe He can and He will.

Truth

2011-06-04T15:27:00.000-04:00

My car was pinged a few times in the storm a few weeks ago that brought hail. At first I thought I wouldn't take it in- it's getting older and I've been parking it outside too much in the last few years. The doors, hood and truck have their fair share of scratches and tree sap. I had a brick from my chimney fall on it a few months ago that left a fairly large dint in the side and a small crack in the tail light. It's a well loved car.
But there is some hail damage and so I decided to take it in for the estimate. My initial thought was (and still is) a hope that maybe some of the other wear and tear will get fixed too because they're on the same parts damaged by the hail. And then I thought about the brick ding. I hoped they'd include it on the insurance claim- get it all fixed at once. After all, it happened in a storm too.

Ah yes, but it didn't happen in the same storm or at the same time- and I chose not to fix it several months ago. But, my internal justifier says, I can answer truthfully and tell them it happened in a storm (notice the "a" and not "the" but they'll never notice) and get all my mistakes fixed in this one insurance claim.
"Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me" Psalm 131:2.

We spend so much of our time justifying our actions. We mull over phrasing of words and manerisms until we've crystalized our truth. We can explain away how our mistruths frankly were for the greater good. We get away with things because "they don't hurt anyone" and so they're ok.

Several years ago I was down on the Gulf Coast repairing a few churches with some friends. We started in the main-hub church and most groups went out to other churches. My group stayed to help bring some organization to the operation. The pastor met with us shortly and went into a meeting, leaving instructions with the assistant that we needed to pull up the carpet in the sactuary because it'd been damaged by the storm.

Other than wear and tear nothing was wrong with the carpet. The church had only sustained minor exterior damage in the hurricane, no interior flooding or problems. With my suspicions about me, I spoke with several qualified people who verified my story of no interior claims. They were committing insurance fraud, trying to pull up the carpet and dispose of it before the adjuster got there so they'd get to claim it as damaged.

Fraud. That's a heavy word. No chance that pastor said to himself, "I'll commit fraud today so we can get new carpet." No, they needed new carpet and what was the harm, he probably thought. He'd justified his actions and probably had pushed it out of his mind enough that he felt fine. At the time, to say I was angry was an understatement. I wanted to storm in and tell this guy off- how dare he abuse power, particularly as the shepherd of not only this church body but of this whole reconstruction undertaking. I was disappointed.
God has this amazing way in my life of showing me exactly how other people feel in their lowest points. Not always at the time, sometimes years later, but I get there, eventually. I know how he feels now. What's the harm? Insurance is too expensive anyway, they owe me. I'll tell them it's all one claim. And I may be overly legalistic about all of this and I probably won't argue if they do end of fixing everything- but I hope I won't lie or even mislead them about it (which is the same as lying). "Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me." From my understanding, weaning is a hard thing. The child is used to mom being around all the time and making all the decisions. The child trusts mom and whatever she does is what happens.

But when you wean a child he's got to learn to live independently to a large extent. He can still be apart of mom's life but he's now got his own life and his own choices. Isn't that the perfect picture of the soul verses the human condition? We got to pull our souls away from our human depravity. We've got to separate these evil thoughts we have of manipulation and cheating. We've got to wean ourselves from our sinful nature. We won't ever be totally disconnected while we're in these human shells but we've got to live independently as much as we can. It won't be easy just like weaning a child is most unpleasant. But we've got to commit and do it because can you imagine a child that was never weaned? Much like a Christian that's still living in and of this world.

A child that's never weaned would never do well in this world. A Christian that's never weaned would never do well in this world or the next.

Sacrifice Costing Nothing

2011-06-01T13:12:00.000-04:00

"Then King David said to Ornan, "No, but I will surely buy it for full price, for I will not take what is yours for the Lord, nor offer burnt offerings with that which costs me nothing" 1 Chronicles 21:24.

"Then the king said to Araunah, "No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price; nor will I offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing" 2 Samuel 24:24.

This idea of sacrifice which costs nothing is of high value in our society today. We tend to do as much as we can to be seen or spoken positively of by others, even at the expense of hard work and true service. We thrive, even in Christian society, on what others think of us and frankly care very little about God's opinion. If we're all being honest, we only really care when we need something from Him.

I just finished reading these two chapters of Samuel and Chronicles, paralleling one another on the very same story. There are minor discrepancies in the authors' retelling of these stories but that's of no value. Hebrew society was an oral traditions society, caring less about factual details and much, much more about contexts and application. These particular verses struck me though with this thought of sacrifices which costs me nothing. David has wrongly numbered the people and God punishes Israel. To end the plague that's killed tens of thousands already, David is to erect an alter and sacrifice to God on it. One could argue, as we do in our day-and-age, that God has already "put them through" so much and they "deserve" for the plague to end and God to bestow kindness once again on them. After all, even David calls them lambs who have done no wrong. What did they do to deserve this punishment?

Interesting our similar we are to all mankind. We're defensive and think highly of ourselves. Deep down, self-confidence issues or not, we're pretty prideful. We deserve heaven, we deserve good things in this life, we deserve wealth and good health. Right? But despite this horrible plague that God reigns down over Israel killing tens of thousands, David still has to build an alter and worship God through sacrifice. And despite even this, David realizes sacrifice has to cost something.

If someone does the work for you but you get the credit, you don't learn true sacrifice. You don't learn the high cost of doing things for others as a service to God. You miss out on glimpsing a piece of the sacrifice Jesus gave to come, live, die and reign for us. If it costs nothing, you learn only pride because only the world thinks you did a great deed. David knew this all too well and knew if this sacrifice to end the plague was to be, he'd had to purchase the alter and all necessary supplies.

That which costs little usually means little but those things which cost much tend to be our priceless treasures. Are you authentically sacrificing for the kingdom? Do you believe it's worth the eternal reward?

Be of Good Courage and Strong

2011-05-13T17:25:00.000-04:00

“Be of good courage and let us be strong for our people and for the cities of our God. And may the Lord do what is good in His sight” 2 Samuel 10:12.

If I were in this situation that Joab finds himself in, sadly I’d be pretty nervous. Joab, the commander of the army and all the mighty men have been ordered by David to go out and fight. And the numbers are against them and Joab knows it. Previous to this moment David sent, in from what I can tell all sincerity, men to comfort the new King of Ammon, whose father had just passed. David was friends with the father and thus wanted to extend the invitation. But whether Hanun the son was still of young age or not wise enough to ignore his friends, he listened to their paranoia and couldn’t see the kindness of David’s actions by sending men to comfort him in his distress. Instead Hanun shamed these men and sent them away.

So of course, the nations are mad at one another. As I read this I think how absurd all the events are leading up to this battle. Silly people putting false meanings behind other people’s actions and because of overthinking they are now looking at thousands of people dying. I realize I probably have a higher view of the sanctity of life than they had back then but come on people. In my opinion (whatever it’s worth) many wars are fought over a great deal of overthinking and miscommunication between parties (and terrible people in those pivotal spots leading everyone else astray). However, I do sympathize with Hanun because I wonder how often I’m lead astray by popular opinion.

But Joab is preparing to fight. He’s split the army in two with his brother leading the other half. If one needs help the other will assist. I love the idea behind what this verse says- “Be of good courage and let us be strong for our people and for the cities of our God. And may the Lord do what is good in His sight.” I love his strength, his calm, his enduring belief that if God wills, God provides. I love his confidence. But what I really love is his willingness to do what he can to make the situation better.

Too often we look at dire situations and we’re prone to give up. When we see the odds against us we’re far too quick to throw in the towel and run away. But David and Joab pray. They know God and they believe that if He chooses to, He can. But they believe in a practical sense knowing they still have responsibility here. There’s no pouting from Joab, no whining to make sure God’s actually paying attention and knows what’s going on. He’s pledged loyalty to God and will complete his task. He’s going to be strong and courageous just like God challenged Joshua to be. But Joab’s final word isn’t a plea for help; it’s a statement of faith in God’s plan being bigger than his.

“And may the Lord do what is good in His sight.” Do I have this kind of faith? Not my will Lord, not mine but Your will be done. Not what seems good to me or what’s popular but what’s good to You, do that. Do I know God well enough to deeply trust that what’s good in His sight is actually good?

We spend our prayer lives asking for this and that, money, jobs, health, marriage and a laundry list of other services. But I wonder how much time we spend with God, learning from Him, listening to Him, to find that what’s good in His sight is what’s good for us and we can trust in His goodness. I wonder if we actually believe He knows what’s going on all the time and our whining, complaining and sobbing before Him may help us feel better but I’m not sure how much good it actually does to teach us. We have this amazing God before us, longing to be in intimate relations with us, longing for us to know His goodness so that we can find His confidence, even in dire situations.

Laughter and Might

2011-05-11T14:43:00.000-04:00

"Why do the nations rage, and the people plot a vain thing? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord and against His anointed, saying, 'Let us break their bonds in pieces and cast away their cords from us.' He who sits in the heavens shall laugh; the Lord shall hold them in derision...Yet the Lord has said to me...'Ask of me, and I will give you the nations for your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for your possession'...Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling...Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him" Psalm 2, select parts (but feel free to read the whole thing).

Seems like our God is much smaller and much less capable than this passage infers. Not only does it infer He's pretty might but it says God laughs at the mightiest people on the planet when they try to plot harm on His children. But our god is too often in a box- he's shoved in the corner or left at home or kept in your hip pocket for an emergency. He's a safety net only guy that we call out to in desperation when we've gotten into another situation. We don't spend quality time with him and when we talk to him it's the laundry list of needs, mainly including "bless her, bless me" and "be with her, be with me." I read a book about a month ago where the author, Daniel Henderson, said he thought most people's prayer lives would be quite silent if we took out those two phrases.

Picture this passage. The kings and rulers of the earth are plotting. These powerful, ruthless, tyrannical men of the world who everyone probably was deathly afraid of angering were setting themselves to destroy God's anointed. They had decided and the death of many was near.

But before God held them in derision, He laughed at them. In my head He shakes His head in sadness that they hadn't grasped His authority and dominion, that they were so illogical as to think they could do what they want and overpower God. But I wonder how different, even as Christians, we truly are from these men.

Our god-in-a-box isn't powerful. He isn't mighty or strong. He's an idol and He isn't real. The real God is this God, the mighty God who sees that we are dust and not even a dot on the map of eternity. He doesn't need us and He doesn't get confused or flustered when we make plans. But despite our nothingness God makes us very much something. He calls us His people and says when other people plot against us it's like plotting against God and Jesus directly. And He doesn't tolerate that.

And beyond all this fighting for us and His mighty hand covering us, He still says "Ask of me." Ask of me and I'll give you everything. You think you'll never get a job? You think you'll never get out of the miserable relationship you're in? You think you're stuck and life isn't worth it anymore? He gets it and He's saying "Ask of me." If He is who He says He is, if the Bible is correct then what are we doing mucking around in all the earthly stuff? Don't we believe God can do anything? Don't we want a God who is all-powerful? If He can go head-to-head with the greatest forces of the world and laugh because it's not even a challenge, I'm pretty sure He can also help you. It just takes faith to believe He will- and the amazing thing is He supplies that too.

Mistaken Prayer

2011-05-06T11:02:00.000-04:00

"Whoever is wise will observe these things, and they will understand the lovingkindness of the Lord" Psalm 107:43.

I've often thought there are many parts, particularly in the Old Testament, where God is a very severe God, a wrathful God that sometimes takes a long while to relent if He does at all. And can we believe the Bible teachers that say He's a God of mercy who disciplines those He loves? Psalm 107 beautifully answers all those questions and provides deeper insight into the human condition.

Psalm 107 paints this tragic portrait of humanity and actually the very opposite idea of how severe we often think God. It points to God's extreme goodness and mercy and shows humanity to blame for all chastisement and correction. It's tragic to me because the human condition is so poignantly independent, and that to our demise. This whole chapter is about God's people, His chosen people, wandering off in pursuit of lesser things that lead to darkness and emptiness. And four times it says "Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses" (vs. 6,13,19,28). I look at the Israelites and I think "When will they learn?" God verbally talks to them, how hard could it be to just do what He says? But it must have been infinitely hard, and the more I live life the more I understand their humanity. God doesn't speak audibly to me, not that I doubt His ability, but yet He's provided me with these guides, the Bible and the Holy Spirit, that likely have greater ability to pull me in the right direction than even the Israelites knew in Psalm 107's reflection of events.

But the point I want to make here is the deep sadness I feel in relation to their plight. They call out to God AFTER they've dug themselves into a hole so deep they needed the supernatural to rescue them. It's this continual loop of giving thanks to God for His goodness and praising His name, then slinking downwards rather quickly to set their hearts on lesser things. Then getting too easily caught it darkness and death and needing to be rescued to THEN call out to God. But He rescues anyway. He rescues knowing they'll be back in this position in no time at all. He rescues because He is God and He is good and He is abundantly merciful. He's not accepting of our human condition but He's our Creator and He's chosen to love us and rescue us from ourselves.

I find it intriguing that we often don't learn from experience to experience. We too quickly cast off the trying times in our lives because we don't want to remember the painful memories of oppression and sadness. But really, if we allowed those things to remain as a gentle reminder of His goodness to bring us out, not remain as a crippling to our souls, then we might, just might learn and rely on Him in the good and the bad so that maybe we wouldn't have to endure so much of the bad--or at least we wouldn't view those trying times as bad as before. I think God wants to offer us infinitely more than we even know and we're holding ourselves back from that life of pure joy and peace by turning so quickly away from Him to lesser things.

Prayer is not meant as a last resort. It's not intended to be used solely in the depths of despair and trial. It's meant to praise God, to commune with Him, to meet Him in the stillness and find the right way, the way He'd have us travel so that maybe we wouldn't need or even feel so many moments of despair and helplessness. Maybe the Psalmist is right in this chapter in his deep longing for the people to "give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men!" (vs 8 and others). He pleads for that to happen so that they can follow the right way and know God's goodness. I wonder what it would look like if we prayed without needing something- what kind of a world would that be and what kind of works would God perform in that world?

God's Promises are Always True

2011-03-31T09:19:00.002-04:00

“Brothers, let me take an example from everyday life. Just as no one can set aside or add to a human covenant that has been duly established, so it is in this case. The promises were spoken to Abraham and to his seed. The Scripture does not say, ‘and to seeds,’ meaning many people, but ‘and to your seed,’ meaning one person, who is Christ. What I mean is this: The law, introduced 430 years later, does not set aside the covenant previously established by God and thus do away with the promise. For if the inheritance depends on the law, then it no longer depends on a promise; but God in His grace gave it to Abraham through a promise” Galatians 3:15-18.

This is so interesting to me; hopefully you’ll find it the same. As you may know, Paul writes this letter to the Galatians for 2 specific purposes. People are coming against Paul and, in his opinion, slandering the Gospel he has put forth. So, he writes to prove his apostleship and to prove that the way to salvation is by faith alone, not by the law. I’m not going to get into all the details today but this letter is truly fascinating. So much of the “how to” of Christian life can be found here. So much of the simplicity, the turning away from all the crazy things we sometimes do and follow and just “putting on Christ” as Paul continues to say in his letters. But listen to these specific verses above. He uses something apparently very common to them. Scholars don’t have a specific example of this human covenant but they think it’s something like a binding contract or final will of a person. We do know that it’s something that’s in stone, meaning it absolutely, positively cannot be changed or altered in any way. So Paul says here that the promises [notice the plural] that were made to Abraham have remained unaltered. This matters sooo much both then and now. The Judaizers of the time, the people going against Paul, were telling the Galatians that if they wanted to fully come into the fellowship of Christ [become a full believer] then they had to take on the Jewish Law AND have faith in Jesus. Essentially, the Gentile believers had to convert to Judaism and then believe in Jesus, while still keeping the Law. Paul sights all sort of issues with this but we’ll save that for another time.

Here’s Paul’s point: The covenant God made with Abraham was unchanged, as it had to be because a covenant could not change. Just because He was God and could change anything He wanted to, He did not change His promise [because He is God and perfect!]. The Judaizers wanted to say God had added the Law to the Abrahamic Covenant. The Covenant can be found in Genesis 15. Look here though, it says promises. And as you read through Galatians Paul handily supplies in that same chapter several of these promises. God promises Abraham that ALL nations will be blessed through him (Galatians 3:8; Genesis 12:3; 18:18; 22:18). It says “He believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness” (Galatians 3:6; Gen 15:6). This is faith in one of its first presentations. Abraham had faith and God gave him His righteousness because of it. This is Paul’s main point- that the law didn’t add, didn’t tack on to Abraham’s faith leading to righteousness. Again, the Judaizers were saying that yes, you have to have faith but you also have to obey the Law because God said you have to. And you know what? I bet that made plenty of very reasonable sense at the time. But Paul backs up his argument with the fulfillment of scripture. If God made this covenant with Abraham and then added the Law or added anything at all, it wouldn’t be a covenant. He would be breaking His promise if He added anything to it. This is HUGE. You can say what you want, there are plenty of evil people out there that pervert the gospel, but I think many of the Judaizers might have really wanted to follow Jesus rightly, they just thought the wrong thing (but I’m sure some were false too). But this is big! Paul’s saying that by making Gentiles follow the Law they are essentially saying God is a liar that couldn’t keep His covenant so He broke it by adding the Law to it. Do you see how crazy that is? It makes me wonder how often we add to His scriptures or try to make it say things it doesn’t. Makes me wonder if I’ve ever called God a liar. Look how easily they did it!

God didn’t change the promises. They stayed the same. The Law was a gap filler, essentially. It was a way to make sin evident and more prevalent. It was a way to make people see, without doubt, that they needed God desperately. We’re free from the Old Testament Law, all of it. Every single last letter of the Law was abolished on the cross and Jesus brought His own Messianic Law with Him that brought life, not death. God isn’t a liar. The Christian life is infinitely hard but the how-to is simple: have faith in Jesus. By believing in Him we will follow Him, which means we’ll learn about Him, get to know Him and do what He did and does. God’s promise from Abraham is extended to us: believe in Jesus and you’ll receive His righteousness [and so be able to enter eternal life with Him].

Mud Pies

2011-03-10T10:50:00.000-05:00

"You shall utterly destroy all the places where the nations which you shall dispossess served their gods, on the high mountains and on the hills and under every green tree. And you shall destroy their altars, break their sacred pillars, and burn their wooden images with fire...But you shall seek the place where the Lord your God chooses, out of all the tribes, to put His name for His dwelling place; and there you shall go...You shall not at all do as we are doing here today--- every man doing whatever is right in his own eyes--- for as yet you have not come to the rest and the inheritance which the Lord your God is giving you. But when you cross over the Jordan and dwell in the land which the Lord your God is giving you to inherit, and He gives you rest from all your enemies round about, so that you dwell in safety, then there will be the place where the Lord your God chooses to make His name abide." Deuteronomy 12:2-11 (parts).

I'm tracking the journey of the Israelites and have come to the place where they're about to enter the full promised land. They're about to cross the Jordan so the other 9 1/2 tribes can gain their inherited land as well. Deuteronomy is a fantastic book in that it so far summarizes the Israelite journey, standing as a great pillar of reminder of the good God has done and the miraculous ways He has brought His people through the hard things of life to mold them and shape them to enter His goodness (which is coming soon!).

And as I read this particular passage I find myself once again understanding similar emotions these people must have felt. At a summary level it's very easy to quickly draw the conclusion that these people were ignorant, self-serving, small-picture people who were too stuborn to follow God because they wanted the blessing immediately and wanted it without fear and possible heartache. It's easy to draw the conclusion that it was easier back then to know the Will of God because He spoke it directly to them. I often find myself thinking that even I could have followed God fairly successfully (at least more successfully than they did) back then. But then in passages like this I'm reminded that we're all human, and therefore so very similar. You'd think we've evolved over the centuries but the heart and emotional matters, the cares and concerns, haven't really changed too much, as I now see.

They didn't want the hard times, the sadness, the pain and trouble. They didn't want to spend all their time honoring God and supressing all their humanity. They didn't want to persevere, they wanted the blessing immediately. It reminds me of the psychology study done years ago with the small children. The adult tester put some type of treat (like a hershey kiss or something) in front of the child. The adult then left the room, telling the child that if the treat was still there when the adult got back the child would get double treats. The idea was to see if the child could hold out and be disciplined enough to get more in the end. If you watch the video you see kids struggling to hold out, trying their best but odds were good they'd eat the candy before the adult returned.

It reminds me because far too often we're that child that tries for a short time to do good, to act justly and to love mercy but we get off the path. We start to see the gray areas and we take baby steps off the narrow road without even realizing the cost. We focus on that one piece of candy (immediate pleasure and ease to our desires and wants) instead of focusing on the long-term, better reward. And in our case, that long-term reward is eternal, not just double the immediate pleasure with 2 candies.

But I look at the Isrealites and that's the exact summation of their problems.God had promised them this grand inheritance filled with peace and prosperity. He promised them abundance. And I pity them because so many times it was within their grasp and they still couldn't set aside their humanity for long enough to take up God's free gift.

And then I take a step back and realize I'm to be pitied too. I can't set aside my earthly pleasures for the eternal reward. I've sunk too far into the American way of life and grown too accustomed to luxury and ease. We want our cake and we want to eat it too- right now. And yet we think these things will make us happy; we think they'll satisfy us, even if just for the moment until we find the next thing to work. But as C.S. Lewis says, “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and immorality and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like a ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

They had no idea the actual glory God had in store for them if they'd just obey Him. If they'd just follow Him and trust Him He had exceedingly great joy in store for them. And yet we, like they, continue to fool about and seek pleasure here, too often forgetting we're setting our bar way too low.

A Moment that Changes Your Life

2011-02-08T12:25:00.000-05:00

I've always looked for a moment that would change my life. A moment that would alter my reality and set me straight. A moment that I would always look back on and say that was the day that things changed, things became different, and I forever steered my life in the right direction. But I now realize the deep problems with that sentiment.

As I grew up most people I encountered in the Christian life pointed to a particular calendar day in a particular year where they were saved- at summer camp or sitting in the pew at church or in the desperate hours of loss. They reference that day as when life changed. They were lost but now they're found. And as much as I've been totally ok with not having a particular date I look back on to mark my Christian start, I think I've subconsciously still been waiting on a day that would alter my existence.

That may sound strange and you may be wondering if I'm saying I'm not "saved." I'm not saying that. I've been redeemed, no doubt. I'm saying though that we hear so many testimonies about I once was lost but now I'm found and we're prone to want that huge jump start so much so that we sit around waiting on it, all along letting life and love pass us by.

Everyday I wake up wanting that miraculous event to occur that will alter my existence. But I read a verse just now and it occurred to me that the event has already happened. And it's not the event that I want, it's the shedding of all the human weight I carry around each day.

"For the grace of God has appeared; bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodlinesss and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age" Titus 2:11-12.

The life altering change has happened. Jesus lived perfectly, died to take my place and defeated death by rising from it. The grace of God has appeared. It's happened and salvation has come. But what I didn't learn very well is that once I come on board with this belief (getting saved, that is) I've now entered a new fight. It's fight against evil, against our humanity, against myself. You may be different, but my ungodliness and worldly desires didn't go anywhere after I became a Christian and no matter what miraculous events happen in my life, they'll always be hanging around. And until I shed this earthly body I'll continue on in my humanity, unable to escape it's grasp without Jesus.

But the key to the battle is not some one-time, life-altering event. It's the day-to-day struggle, the moment-to-moment defeat of selfish desires, evil thoughts, slothfulness and materialism. It's not some event that's going to happen; it's my daily decision to be like Christ and to honor Him above myself. It's my committing to let Him do it because I'm continuing to remind myself that I can't do it. It's not a cop out; it's not laissez faire; it's not taking the easy road. It's actually taking the really hard road by letting Him do all. I don't think it's something you can really teach kids or new Christians. I think it's a surrender you've got to feel, to realize and recognize when you get so tired of fighting the battle on your own. That's the spot where God really works.

Life's about the day-to-day struggles and tribulations that make us more like Him. A moment probably won't change your life, but a lifetime will. A lifetime of combating the worldly desires knowing that He's working and He's doing and He's providing much, much more than we could ask or hope for.

Fair

2011-01-31T11:23:00.000-05:00

"If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount...Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:32-34, 38.

A friend told me that back in this part of history when you went market to get grain you requested it in measure. You held your tunic out (your garment) and the seller heaped the grain into it and you took it home for your family. The interesting thing is that apparently there were many ways to cheat someone of a full measure. The seller could short measure, not pack it down or shake it thus leaving pockets of air and emptiness and I'm sure a plethora of other conniving practices. But here, in this passage, God points out to us the importance of being generous.

I find it interesting how few of us Christians do much above what everyone else in society does. We speak to people that speak back, we lend to people that we expect to be repaid from and we usually adopt the "I'll scratch your back if you'll scratch mine" theory. We've let too much of our world creep in to our Christian thinking. I often attribute it to Southern culture. Here in the south most people would refer to themselves as "Christian" regardless of even owning a Bible (which almost everyone has one sitting on some shelf) or being in the practice of Christ-following. It doesn't require church membership, community engagement, honest living or even kindness. I hear people all the time talking about siblings and friends living very clearly outside of Christian beliefs yet we're so inclined in speaking about these people to give them the benefit of the doubt, as in "of course they've saved." It's a part of the southern life to add "getting saved" to your life checklist: they've had their moment alone or in church where they "gave their heart to Christ." Check. Set for life.

But if God says I'm being judged according to the measure [I] use, I'm in trouble. We're easily jaded by people taking advantage of us and vow to not be outsmarted again. We adopt the theory "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." And while I think there's still a place for that, it's not what the passage here says. It says, how are we lending and loving, giving and showing generosity to people again and again, without judgment, above the norms of society? How are we showing the kindness of a Savior? How are we different from everybody else? Luke tells us- it's when we give a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over that we're doing the work of Christ and fulfilling his order. And did you catch it? It's a good measure that's not just fair and equal, it's a measure that's running over and so a little beyond fair. It's a measure that shows Jesus' love and compassion, a little more than people expect or even need so that they can know the abundance that the Savior has and wants to give. It's a lot harder than we might think sometimes to live generously but I'm betting the reward will be worth it.

Biblical Meanings

2011-01-26T11:32:00.000-05:00

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load" Galations 6:1-5.

This past Monday I had the opportunity to attend a small group of women. It was a sweet group of girls who seemed to truly love and respect each other. They were finishing up a study from before Christmas, rounding off Galations. They've been following some book, never really caught the name- seemed to be a commentary of sorts. Anyway, as we came upon this particular passage everyone began, as we commonly do, to toss out their opinion of what they think it means. One by one each opened up her statement with "Well, I think..." or just simply "I think" or "I believe it means." But as I listened to each speak and tried to absorb, reflect upon and occassionally respond, I realized there were a lot of opinions circulating around. And then I realized that's a skill we've been taught since infancy- critical thinking. We're taught to examine things and find the probable and logical meaning. We're taught to find the reasonable conclusion, the one that makes the most sense to us. We're taught that God is a God of compassion and great grace and to be very conscious of that "plank in our own eye" and not criticize others for their tiny speck (Matt 7:3). But I think, and there I go thinking, that we take these passages sometimes far away from their original meaning to make them make sense to us in our humanity.

Here is a fact I'll struggle my entire Christian life grasping: God is not a reasonable God. He's just God.

As I sat listening around the circle at small group or as I listen to other group discussions on spiritual things, we seem to insert our own opinions a lot instead of seeking and finding the original meaning, as best we can, and allowing that to intersect and change our current thinking.

We want a reasonable God. We want a God that makes sense, that we can predict and that will provide for all our wants.

If you look at the passage above in Galations it begins with "Brothers (and sisters)." So, in order to find the meaning of who we're to hold accountable and how we're to hold those people accountable, we've got to first define who this passage refers to as our "brothers and sisters." Then, we've got to dig up whether the "anyone" (Brothers, if anyone...) refers to "anyone" of the brothers or "anyone" of anyone on earth. Then, it's the "spiritual" people who are to help guide the others. So, we've got to define whether we're actually pursuing Christ and His law at the moment and "keep[ing] watch on [ourselves]," which is another requirement for being able to be a restorer to those fallen off the way. We've also got to see what our "spirit" or purpose is in calling that brother out. Is it of "gentleness" to restore them to the brotherhood of Christ or some ulterior motive?

So we're bound to draw the conclusion that we've got to be perfect before we can call someone out in love by much of this passage and therefore excuse ourselves from having to deal with other people's issues. But then we read verse 2: "Bear one another's burdens." Everyone has burdens, everyone has struggles and no one is perfect, ever (well except Jesus of course). Our job is to bear each other's burdens, support each other when we fall, speak in gentleness and hope, and know that the favor you're giving will be returned in no time at all considering how much we fall and need help to get back up.

We need help. We need each other. But we need each other to do so Biblically and with pure motives and heart. Not in a spirit of perfection but in a spirit of gentleness, testing our own selves and searching out our own faults first. We need to stop thinking so much and let God tell us what's best and do that.

If God is for me

2011-01-24T11:33:00.000-05:00

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31b

I've always had a great problem with church division, denominations, high-powered leaders and the like. I have a hard time with many people, believing many different, sometimes very contradictory things, all attaining eternal life. I have a hard time being wrong.

But here's the thing, and please correct me if you disagree. We think that if we pray, if we read God's word, if we give our money and time and follow as dedicated followers of God that we will always be right about the important stuff. Now this may be an overgeneralization but I know it's pretty true in my life. It seems we've taken the above verse out of context. If God is for me, who can be against me is the feel-good phrase we've taught our youth to courageously fight off spiritual bullies. And with even just the change of "us" to "me" it still holds the same value and definition. But the problem I've found is that when we believe ourselves to be firmly planted in Jesus we think that our way is the right way. We unconsciously change the "if" to "because" or just leave it out altogether. Is God really for us all the time? Is God really for me when I intentionally commit some ugly sin, well aware of what I'm getting myself into? Is He for me when I do very human, dumb things? I'm not asking if He forgives me, He knows me utterly, but I'm asking if He's for me in those ugly moments rooting me on in what I'm doing.

I don't believe He is. I believe He'll never leave me or forsake me. I believe He knit my inward parts and He knows all the sins I'll ever commit even before He called me to Himself. I believe He's an all-knowing, all-loving, all-encompassing God, and I believe He's cheering for me to root me out of those deep, dark places of sin. But I don't believe He's for my actions in all circumstances. But I think that's the difference in our often human definition of this passage and God's point. If God is for us, who can be against us? First, we have to look at the "if" and figure out if we're in a situation where God is for our actions. Second, we've got to divide God being for us and being for our actions. Those are two separate things. God is for the rescuing of our souls and He's always "for" us in that capacity. He's not always for our actions (and mine that's most of the time!). The last point I see here is piecing together who actually is being referred to as candidates that would be against us.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places" Ephesians 6:12.

We're not fighting other people. We're not fighting ourselves. We're not fighting our church, our government, our neighbors or our people adversaries. We're fighting evil. We're fighting the darkness and the power it takes on. Those people that you're fighting right now, yeah they don't apply to this verse. It doesn't necessarily mean you're fight is in vain, but it needs to be contextualized to find if it's really worth the effort you're putting in to be right and for them to be wrong. It all needs to be contextualized to see if our pride is really the thing getting in the way of making peace in our churches, in our neighborhoods, in our nation above what we think is the narrow way to eternal life. We need to come back, refocus and find out what God is for and stick to those things to advocate.

My Hiding Place

2011-01-13T10:20:00.000-05:00

"They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man and said to him, 'Where are you?' He said, 'I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself'" Genesis 3:8-10.

I know the exact feeling Adam and Eve felt that day. I can feel it in my bones almost everyday. It's terrifying having someone really know you- know your thoughts, your deeds, your very core so well that you can't run or hide anything from them. It takes a pretty intimate relationship to reach this point and oftentimes we rarely have even one person in our lives we might let in this much. But then there's God.

In my experience this attribute of God is what's so terrifying, but yet awe-inspiring and freeing about Him. He knows my thoughts; He knows my heart; He knows my inner-longings and my goals; He knows my very frame. (Acts 15:8, Ps 44:21 and 103:14 , 1 Corinthians 3:20, Matt 9:4) He knows everything. All the yuckiness that I still hold inside. All the slander, malice, jealousy and anger. All the slothfulness, gluttony and resentment. All my shortcomings and faults. He knows it all. He knows when I give someone advice that I myself am not following, He knows the fronts I put on and the great acting ability I have sometimes. He knows. And He still loves me.

To me, that's the miracle. HE isn't frightened or looking on me smirkingly as He comes to cover my frailties. He isn't wincing because He HAS to love me. He had a choice and He chose me. He picked me out and molded me. He may me perfect, and although I've done an excellent job messing that up, He still calls me whole and puts me back in His arms day after day, despite my carrying on and running after lesser things, and makes His mercies new again.

He sees my nakedness and isn't ashamed- for Himself or for me. So why should I be so afraid? I can think of a thousand reasons still but if you think about it, they all fall short. He already sees all those things. We should find comfort in that nakedness with God, not fear. Because in that comfort we can find forgiveness. And in that forgiveness we can find peace. And in that peace we can find a way to heal and not continue to pile on the clothing layers of self-preservation and acting like we're better than we are. We can come to Him as we are, since He already knows, and find the courage to be better, to do better and to accomplish more for His glory- all the while watching and realizing our other layers are shedding away.

Psalm 32 sums it up perfectly - "You are my hiding place." Adam just picked the wrong one.

Frozen Pipes and Dreams

2011-01-12T11:35:00.001-05:00

"Now behold, one came and said to Jesus, 'Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?' So [Jesus] said to him...'Keep the commandments.'...The young man said to him, 'All these things I have kept from my youth. What do I still lack?' Jesus said to him, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.'" Matthew 19:16-21.

I had a very inconvenient thing happen to me Sunday- my pipes froze. I had no running water so no way of taking a shower or even washing my face. And you know what my first thought was? Wow, shoot, I can't go to church.

A few days before this I started a chronological plan to read through the Bible in one year. I've been pretty excited about it actually, I'm reading about Job right now and all the calamity he faced. My church also just started this 4 week devotional guide that corresponds with the weekly sermons, which I think is pretty neat. I caught up on my reading Saturday night before I went to bed and decided firmly to wake up early Sunday morning to read my devotional, pray and get to church on time. Then, my faucet went dry.

A call to my dad was the first thing I knew to do. I then called my landlord and left a message. At that point, all I could do was pack a bag and head to my parents house for who knows how long. As I drove the 30 minute car ride to my parents it gave me time to reflect. I'm not always super excited to go to church on Sundays. It's not the church, it's me. I sat irritated because it was a Sunday I was looking forward to, with the new sermon series and all. But then it hit me. I didn't go to church Sunday not necessarily because of the water but because it left me an excuse not to go. It was a viable way out.

I've grown so accustomed to my way of life in America and my comfortable living, building up my savings account, building a life with furniture and things in general, thinking piece by piece I'll feel more secure. I just finished this book called Radical: Taking Your Life Back from the American Dream (or something close to that) and as I said earlier, I'm reading Job. I have also read and reread the passage at the beginning of this blog. It pains me because I've been deathly afraid Jesus would ask me this same question.

What does it mean? Should I really sell ALL my possessions? What about my savings, my future, my retirement? What about my car fund and my emergency fund in case of job loss? Is it wrong to save? Doesn't God tell me to be a good steward of my money? Does he ask this question of everyone or is it just a test like God asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac?

But as I drove home Sunday, shedding some of the layers of American comfort I've allowed to blanket me, I realized that if God took it all away, I could learn not to miss it. I could learn not to be devastated or angry with Him. I could remember and continue to see how much bigger God is than all the stuff. I realised it on that car ride home and said if he wanted to wash it away in a storm or, in my case, flood water through my house as a result of those frozen pipes, then He could, and He would as He willed. I released another piece of me to His care. Another piece that I think I'll have to release most everyday of my life because of my automatic self-preservation gear. It's not an easy piece to let go and it terrifies me but if God isn't bigger than my stuff and if He can't provide for me outside of my own ability, then He's not a very big God and I need not worry about Him asking me that question.

I also realized that shame on me for thinking church was about coming clean instead of leaving clean. It's sad to think a pajamed girl with cowboy boots over her pj pants, with hair thrown up and face unwashed would be looked at and silently scorned for not taking more time to enter worship. But you know, although some people might have felt that way, it's not about them, it's about Jesus, and how He washed me long ago and He washes me still. And although I did not go to church because I had not realized what I know now, He washed me even Sunday morning. And although my outside still might have been a mess, my insides were clean and His mercies were new and His faithfulness never faultered. And although I do believe we should adorn our outward bodies in respect to the Almighty in worship, I do not believe He would reject me if I didn't. He loves me still and it's time I stopped letting the world determine my relationship with Him and started letting God outline it, no matter the cost.

Radical

2010-12-22T12:02:00.001-05:00

I've been reading a book recently at the encouragement of a pastor friend. The book is called Radical by David Platt. So far, it's fantastic. One part has really hit me:

"The gospel reveals eternal realities about God that we would sometimes rather not face. We prefer to sit back, enjoy our clichés, and picture God as a Father who might help us, all the while ignoring God as a Judge who might damn us. Maybe this is why we fill our lives with the constant drivel of entertainment in our culture--and in the church. We are afraid that if we stop and really look at God in His Word, we might discover that He evokes greater awe and demands deeper worship that we are ready to give Him."

As I read that it hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel the weight of it every day and there it is on the written page. Platt had been talking about how Jesus spent much of His time talking people out of following than talking them into it. When people wanted to follow Jesus He responded with statements like, "Go sell all your possessions and then come follow me." Platt made the point that we try so hard to twist Jesus' words to sound better and that Jesus didn't really mean it. I wonder in my life how many times Jesus has requested the same, or maybe something different, from me that I ignored as more of a heart matter than a reality. Maybe it is just a heart matter but I also think a lot of the times the only way for the heart matter to resolve is if the actual act comes to be.

This part of the book also reminds me of a sermon I heard months ago about how we capitalize on the characteristics of God that we like and minimize others. We don't like to think of God as wrathful, jealous or angry. It's interesting, isn't it? How we make God be who we want Him to be a lot of the time. I agree with Platt that I think I do it because I'm scared of what He really is, what I might have to give and what I might have to experience.

I'm only thirty pages in but so far, it's a great book. You should check it out.

His own Special People

2010-12-14T16:13:00.000-05:00

I've been reading through church doctrine recently (it's one of my hobbies. seriously) and I came across a statement that I wondered whether I could sign my name under. In a local church's covenant document it reads "To turn from all godless living and sinful pleasures and to live consistent, God-honoring lives." Now that's all good stuff and sounds really pleasing to God. But the truth is, I can't do that. I'll always turn to godless living, it's my nature and I'll always have to be turned back, again and again. So I'm struggling with this today, wrestling with such a weighty commitment and feeling like I've already failed God and my committment to Him on so many counts, every day, that to make another committment aloud makes it real and real means I have to try to follow it, giving me more things to fail at.

Then I noticed a series of scripture passages connected with the statements and opened to Titus 2:12-13. "Denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works." (as an editor's note please notice this is one sentence and I started in the middle so no complaining about my run-ons. Now back to the point).

The friction I felt before flushed out after reading this passage. Do you see it? So at the beginning we're right where we were- trying to deny ourselves everything of the world and live godly lives. But it doesn't end there and it doesn't leave all the pressure on us. It says "that He might REDEEM us..." He is going to continually save us and we need not rest on our own merit or accomplishments. I fight so hard to be a Christian and do the right thing on my own effort. I strive and push myself and forget to lean on Him and let God be God. He never intended a period in that sentence because the climax hadn't yet come when He was explaining our duties. He planned to redeem us, to set up apart, to "purify for Himself His own special people." I'm not just a person, I'm a special person. I'm not an accident, I'm not a mistake, I'm special and intricately made perfect. And while I don't act perfect all the time (ok fine, hardly ever), He still made me perfect and set me apart. And that's all I need to know. I think we search our whole lives to be told we're enough and He just told me that.

Translations

2010-11-19T11:41:00.001-05:00

If you live here in Knoxville or care to read papers across TN (and possibly other states) you'll read today about the new version of the NIV Bible translation that's just hit the shelves. Apparently the NIV was updated in 2002 to be more gender-inclusive, i.e. use words like "humankind" instead of "mankind," etc. Apparently too, this version was wildly unpopular and so just last month they've tried to join the two versions to find some common ground. They've leaned more towards the old version, however, because it is so popular.

One of the apparent Bible Scholars (I say that without meaning sarcasm but to emphasize I do doubt slightly this man's vision) stated that when they were translating they tried to create an accurate English Bible without ticking off readers. When I read that, well, it kinda ticked me off.

I don't know about you, but the Bible ticks me off sometimes. Come on now, do you really want to be kind all the time? Do you really want to hold your tongue when someone slanders you, judges you without cause or cuts you down? When turning our lives around and becoming a Believer the whole idea, and the only way it will work, is a total transformation and almost total suppression of all our humanity. It's almost completely against any instinct, any emotion, any cultural norm or practice. It's not like anything we've been taught governing moralism or behavior. Think I'm exaggerating? Our society is based on immediate reward. I do something good, I get acknowledged. I do something unethical, as long as I don't get caught I get the reward I sought and I still keep my character in tact (bc no one knows). We're taught to be kind and friendly because we're southern (well those of us that are blessed, anyway) and not because it's what Jesus would do. Sure, we may say it's because of Jesus, and sometimes it is, but generally it's human-decency governing us. Those that win the crowd rise to the top in our world.

The Bible teaches us to suppress the need for immediate reward which is entirely what our world is built on. The Bible teaches us to put others first and pay no regard to ourselves and in reality I put others first mainly when I can see the reward for myself.

The Bible ticks me off that Abraham could pretend Sarai was his sister and when the Egyptians found out he was lavished with gifts, not punished by God. Again, contradictory to human traditions. We live and die on earth by what is fair. But God doesn't. Grace isn't fair, not by a long shot.

But as a whole it irritates me that our religion has turned into something that as we translate the word of God, our closest physical connection to our Lord, that even a consideration is popular opinion. Are you kidding me? Humans are going to hate it, it's in our DNA, because it restricts commonality and popular livelihood.

If the original translates the word as brothers, translate the word as brothers. If it translates brothers and sisters, translate it brothers and sisters. If it translates brothers but the word used meant all humans then translate it as everyone. Put notes at the bottom so we can understand the culture and know how to define the correct translations. Stop trying to dumb down our religion because we've given up on people actually studying and try failingly to at least translate the Bible in such a common way that if someone happens to pick it up they might be able to understand. Have we forgotten that the word of God is foreign to those that don't believe? They're not meant to understand, that comes with the Spirit teaching us, not us watering it down so much that it becomes less than divinely-inspired.

We often aim in our modern churches not to create Saints but to create converts. We aim to save people and then teach them to come each week, sit in a chair for an hour and hear a word spoken by a person on Sunday mornings. We aim to make Christianity so easy that anyone can do it and should do it, because it's convenient and popular. Don't we realize that we're selling ourselves short by expecting less than who God is capable of making us? That we're selling ourselves short by allowing modernism and survival to be put above how the Word of God tells us to live? We don't tithe, we only pray when we need something, we definitely don't fast, we check Jesus at the door like some old coat when we walk into most social gatherings. I say we here, both because I'm human and because I've fallen prey particularly recently to many of these modern-day Christianisms. We live by the bare minimum commitment to Christ even though it's completely contradictory to Jesus' words about lukewarmity. And we think we're fine...and safe.

But now I realize I'm overly stating the problem but have yet to produce a solution. And I think the solution is very complex and difficult and I definitely don't have the answers. I do know that being a Christ-follower is a continuous turning, a continuous coming back to His riven side and asking Him to fill us, to complete us, to pardon our sins and make us feel whole. I think if I could hear Christ audibly speaking He'd be constantly whispering in the ear, "You're enough, Katie, you're enough." And not because I am enough but because He's made me enough. And that's enough to make me cling tightly, even in my wandering, and it's surely enough for me to realize that this appeasement that plagues Christianity to try to win over society is a losing battle and will result in would-be Saints never feeling like they're enough because that god isn't whispering the same thing in their ear and they spend their days only half filled. And that's not enough for me and it shouldn't be for you either.

Deleted from the Book

2010-11-16T20:18:00.000-05:00

“But now, if you will forgive their sin—but if not, please blot me out of your book that you have written” Exodus 32:32.

I’m about to finish a commentary on Revelation, I know I’ve been reading it for ages, sue me. I’m in Chapter 20 where it talks about judgment on the people based on what the books say. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll just talk about the Book of Life, which is what Moses talks about in the passage above. It struck me as I consider the significance of his statement. I try to love people, be kind to them, do little things like pick up someone’s copies from the printer, call a random friend and genuinely ask how they’re doing, send a short note or email of encouragement occasionally. I speak to people on the streets and smile as often as I catch someone’s eye. But being willing to go to HELL because I love someone so much I would trade places if the Lord required it? AHHHH. That’s, well, an eternal life choice. That’s a big deal.

I have a hard enough time not being right for a split second (my mother is nodding right now). As I consider the magnitude of Moses’ commitment to his people, it’s no wonder God saw an amazing leader in the person He’d created and picked Moses as the man for the job despite all his less than stellar prior life choices. But I wonder at this amazing, God-given graciousness to trade your place with someone less deserving. Ok, at that statement bells went off in my head as I considered Christ’s great sacrifice. He came to a very, very imperfect world, gave up His perfect world and entered in as fully human that He might conquer death. What He did was also impossible to me. What Jesus did by setting this fantastic example for us was life-altering and saving. It was amazing.

And my emphasis on Moses in no way translates that I think Moses’ act here as greater than Jesus’. But, I do believe that in our human context, when translated to be proportionate and erased of names and historical relevance, one tells the story of a single statement that if God had chosen to grant would have meant eternal consequences; the other, longer term statement, 30+ years of living it actually, and God did choose to grant the request so that we might live. Both are acts of sacrifice that God triumphantly handled according to His purpose and will.

But my thought still anchors with Moses. A single-mindedness so strong, so absolutely loving towards his fellow man that despite their extreme wondering and at the time his extreme obedience, he still chose for God to sacrifice him, for eternal damnation, if it meant the rest of his people might live. That’s amazing, consider that kind of love before you start puffing up your head about just how good you are. That’s a God-enabled love that’s grounded in stuff, far, far outside my nature, but I’ll pray you’re more like Moses than me ;)

Stupidity vs. Sovereignty

2010-10-07T12:45:00.000-04:00

I had a moment a few days ago that the jury's still out whether everyone else experiences this range of emotions or if I tend to let my emotions capture me and drag me through the mud. I left STL rather late, I'll admit, but with still enough time to reach Cincinnati in the time frame originally planned. I got a ways outside of the city and realized I had forgotten my hanging clothes. Enter the range of emotions, aka a huge mood swing, light headedness, that sinking feeling in my chest, the feeling of tears and a huge chip on my shoulder of disappointment in myself for being so stupid to forget something so key. For a moment I kept driving thinking I could do without but being still in my first year, and the huge desire to impress and fit in, I knew I needed my work clothes. All I have in my bag is jeans and some shirts. So, with much chagrin I turned my car around and my brother and sister-in-law graciously met me half way.

But even now, hours after that mistaken moment (and you're probably thinking I need to calm down and realize it's not a big deal) I still have that weight of stupidity and disappointment hanging on me. It's an emotional thing that becomes physical you see- I can actually feel the pressure in my lower chest. Actually, the exact place I think my heart is.

Now my thought here is not to fill you with a sense of pity (or a sense that I need to be medicated) but to know that it got me thinking about God's Sovereignty and our dumb mistakes, and how it all fits together.

When something goes terribly wrong and we have no way of correcting it we're prone to metaphorically throw in the towel and usually attempt to believe but really mostly cop-out when we say that God's in control and this is clearly how He wanted the situation handled so that's how it worked out. But in my situation I still had the option to continue to Cincinnati and get there really, really late at night or wonder if it was God metaphorically tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to stay in STL for the night and drive early the next morning. You may be laughing, you may have stopped reading or be bored at this point because I'm going into too much detail about something so small, but here's the thing: if God's in control and He truly controls time and space, was it preordained for me to be an idiot and forget my clothes? Am I an idiot for doing it if it was destined to happen? Am I stupid anyway? (don't answer the last question).

It just got me thinking about Sovereignty vs. Stupidity- when our mistakes, our shortcomings, our idiocy fits into God's grand scheme and when it doesn't really make a difference. I guess it always makes a difference in a way, but where do these concepts collide? I don't know if I know the answer. Now there are times when I see those small mistakes blossom into something really good that you look back thankful for what you did but the rest of the time it leaves you with a level of self-doubt that can transcend into something really negative if you let it.

My final thought is this: we're constantly evolving and changing whether to be more like Christ or not. It's a series of constant choices that surround us and those mistakes do not predetermine that part of me. They may weigh heavy on my emotions occasionally but I think as believers we have a job to cast them off and not only leave the self doubt behind but also not let them come to define who we are or who we see others to be. It's really easy to get buried under mistakes and realize you're pigeon holed into a certain set of characteristics. As believers we've got to let people have the capacity to be themselves and mainly to be encouraged to be something better, each day, and allow those little things instead to chisel our humanity a little more to resemble more of our Savior.

The Smile of God

2010-09-23T17:53:00.000-04:00

I ran into a friend yesterday at a meeting and it got me thinking about a book I read years ago. It's called The Hidden Smile of God. I love John Piper's idea in the book about God's way often being the way we'd least expect and the way, in our humanity, we'd least wish for. He pours over the lives of John Bunyan, William Cowper and David Brainerd- three soldiers of the faith that stood through the hardest points any Christian could face. He traces their amazing journeys to show that God's will is often lived out directly in the muck and mire, in the absolutely worst situations and conditions, in the moments of certain defeat and helplessness because, as Amy Carmichael says, "just in those packed places lies the opportunity." I wrote her words on my sophomore dorm room wall and still think of them today. Both authors mean that in those exact moments we'd least like to be in, those moments we see our plan crumbling, are the very moments that God often makes things happen.

I was thinking about that book as I went about the rest of my day and I realized that while Piper makes an excellent point about the Hidden smile of God, I see daily the visible smile. I walked in to the meeting yesterday late, as usual, signed in and took a seat. As I sat down I realized, as I usually do, too late that I had not picked up the handout. Well, you see, I climbed over someone to sit down so getting back up would have caused a stir. But wouldn't you know, the guy I climbed over had already anticipated my need and had walked over and picked up a handout for me.

As I left the meeting I walked out with a gentleman who does similar work to me. We chatted about this and that and then I got into my car. I then realized he had walked the opposite direction of his car to kindly continue our conversation and let me get to my car safely.

I think there are so many ways to express Jesus' love to others but my favorites are the ways that the unobservant person may not notice but still are genuine act of kindness. Those moments that you've made someone's life a little easier, a little more worth living. Those moments that even for a brief period the tension ceases and you experience a moment of harmony. In my moments today these two people showed me Jesus much more than any other means. I am grateful to them as I am to thousands of others who have shown a person like me a great deal of grace and love. And I wonder what I've done today to take a few steps out of my way to lighten someone else's load and be Jesus to them, even if just for a moment.

Elementary Principles

2010-09-22T10:15:00.000-04:00

"See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elementary principles of the world, and not according to Christ. For in Him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority" Colossians 2:8-10.

I love the small point inside of the larger point that Paul makes here. He's talking about not letting our academic lives affect our intimacy with God. I've found often that I can let lots of things take me captive, whether intentionally or not, that lead me astray. I resonate deeply with that song on Christian radio that says, "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade when black and white they turn to gray." I've been attempting to refocus my life recently as I've seen the gray prevailing in most instances instead of the black and white that God calls us to live in. I'm being taken captive by media, social norms and overall culture.

Have you ever realized that our society is a very me-centered place? (Our maybe I'm just giving you a glimpse of my world, welcome.) I walk into rooms where my self-preservation meter goes off instinctively and I'm prone to wonder why people aren't accomodating me better, loving me more, seeing me as important as I am. We value others, sure, but mainly when they value us. I read this quote a few days ago in this great book called The Way We're Working Isn't Working and I think it sums my plight up nicely:

"When we try to build our value at the expense of otherse, through greed or envy, they typically respond as if their own survival is at stake. It's akin to two drowing people trying to save themselves by pushing the other one down. Nobody wins. Likewise, the attempt to prove our superiority over others ends up separating us from the intimate connections we so crave. Our well-being depends not just on building our own value, but also on actively valuing others."

I love this idea, and if we've been filled in Him like Paul says then it's so incredibly true. It's true regardless I guess, but it's a capacity we're able to reach to genuinely value others if we're first rooted in Jesus. There's so much empty deceit and human tradition out there commending our self-preservation and self-centeredness. But then we catch a glimpse in this passage of Paul putting the ways of the world in their correct place- he says the elementray principles of the world. The rules and regulations that govern society (not the laws we're taught to obey but the social norms are what we're talking about) are elementary- beneath the living standard Christ calls us to as a follower. We've got to strip them off and learn to live, through his power, outside of them and apart from their grip. And in reality, that power they so easily exhert over us isn't real because Christ is the head of all rule and authority. Don't underestimate the difficulty you will have to do this, I haven't figured it out myself. But then again, as believers we're supposed to struggle with all of HIS energy, not ours, so I think we'll be able to do it if we continually turns ourselves back to God and believe that He can and He will give us the courage and strength to live out these lives He's blessed us with. And we can start being rooted in His authority and seeking out and applauding the value we see in others.

Laying Aside Every Weight

2010-08-23T14:09:00.000-04:00

Recently I've been reading through this book called A Guide to Prayer. It's something we're reading together as an office. Anyway, here's where I am- I'm in a place of contentment, in a place where I feel I'm supposed to be, in a place that I truly feel happy. But I've had this annoying problem my entire life.

Plain and simple, I lie quite a bit. It's occasionally the telling of some great tale to go along with the current topic at hand that, as soon as I'm done, or even in the middle of the telling, I realize the mistruth of most of my tale. For the most part, however, it's the exaggerations and over-steps that I'm talking about. If it's 40 degrees I'll say 35 so it sounds a little colder and a little more edgy. If I have 10 clients to see this week I'll say 15 just to sound a little busier, a little more demanded for. I'm not sure why I do it, well, I take it back- I do. See, there I go again.

I do it because I always want to be a little better, a little more than whatever my current status or story actually is. I want to be a little more advanced or a little more impressive than the actual truth. The heart of the matter is, I still have an insufficiency complex. I still do not honestly see my value in God's eyes- I see it in my own eyes and try my best to perceive it in others' eyes. And with those two views, I come up short every time.

So, to compensate for that, I exaggerate. I add a little to try and cover the gap of inadequacy I feel. It's a coping mechanism, a strategy I've acquired to make myself feel better about my perception to other people. I'm searching for adoration in your eyes and body language. I'm searching for you to accept me and think I'm special. You don't have to say it, I can feel whether you do or not.

If only I had Jesus' eyes maybe I could see myself and the world for what we are. "Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 2:1). We've got to throw off the weight, we've got to lay aside the encumbrances and run the race. The race is hard enough in itself and all these hindurances of our personalities and emotions hindering us only slow down our pace.

But I think, and I could be wrong about this, but I think it starts with accepting myself. Accepting my downfalls and shortcomings, accepting my stupidity and thoughtlessness, accepting those things I cannot change. I think it starts with seeing myself through Jesus' eyes and being ok with it and finding peace in it. And then, after continuing to find that center each day, throwing off the additional weight again and again until it's not so weighty as it once was because it no longer holds the power I once gave it. There's got to be something so much more than the lives most of us choose to live and I think it starts with letting God be God and finding out what He thinks of us.

Grace

2010-08-19T11:56:00.003-04:00

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works” Titus 2:11-14.

I caught up with a friend tonight for a few hours and we often get stuck on the same theme: this construct of absolute truth and absolute right and wrong. That’s vague I realize but I love how this particular friend sees the world so incredibly different than I do- different upbringing, different eyes, different almost everything and yet we are so very similar in so many other ways. But that’s beside the point.

Self-discipline is something I have always struggled with. I’m terrible at it. I hate waking up in the morning; it’s pretty close to torture to me. I hate exercising; it’s too strenuous and makes me feel like I’m going to pass out. I hate doing a lot of things when I’m not in the mood or I’m too lazy to do something productive. Getting the picture I’m bad with self-discipline?

So we sway the other way when self-control and self-discipline don’t work for us. We steer towards grace and let grace cover all our short comings and faults. We let grace cover all our sins. Sounds great and it’s true. But I don’t think it’s always true in the same blanket approach we often think. Look at the passage- “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing…training…to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age…” Did you see it? Not exactly the picture or definition of grace we always think of. But look here: it says grace trains us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and teaches us to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives right now. It’s not training us for Heaven it’s training us how to live TODAY. It’s training us to be servants, to be soldiers, to be fit for whatever may come. It’s training us that in this world we don’t always get our cake and get to eat it too. In the next, we will but for now the grind in the some freeing place to be.

We often think of grace as this band-aid that covers our scars and ugly spots and makes everything great so we don’t really have to work out our faith or make an effort at being godly or Christian. But then we see passages like this one and it clearly exemplifies grace as something very different indeed- grace as a very active thing that instructs us how to live not just a free gift given to cleanse all our poor living.

And then later on- did you know He came to redeem us from lawLESSness? As though it’s better to have rules and strict guides to adhere to instead of what we would consider freedom in our world? Yet again, God’s definition of freedom is indeed very different from our own. What a great God we have to take us and love us in spite of how fallen and confused we often are.

Given a Chance

2010-08-12T13:05:00.000-04:00

“But Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison. Now those who were scattered went about preaching the word. Philip went down to the city of Samaria and proclaimed to them the Christ. And the crowds with one accord paid attention to what was being said by Philip when they heard him and saw the signs that he did. For unclean spirits came out of many who were possessed, crying with a loud voice, and many who were paralyzed or lame were healed. So there was much joy in that city” Acts 8:3-8.

We talked in my Bible Study today as to whether life was a constant cause-and-effect scenario. Do something bad, get punished. Follow Christ, have joy and get rewards. I think I can make a somewhat general statement and say that when many of us signed on to Christianity we weren’t thoroughly communicated to that the cause-and-effect often gets tossed out the window. The early Christians barely had the opportunity to formulate full opinions about these new beliefs. Most only knew that they believed greatly in a great man that did miraculous things, and that was good enough. There wasn’t time to think of all the whys and hows, and for that matter, many of them weren’t really smart enough, or at least hadn’t been taught enough, to go there. They just believed. In our time we often haven’t thought through Christianity before committing our lives but afterwards we are given the duration of our lives to find more answers to our soul searching.

In this Bible picture the Christians are being persecuted. They’ve been forced to flee and because of this they’re scattered abroad. Philip purposely went down to Samaria. Why? No clue. But he got the wild idea to go to the half-breed Samarians, the outcasts, the ones hated more than the pure-blood Gentiles. Samaria was the capitol of the Northern Kingdom of Israel. When Israel was conquered by the Assyrians the city became a melting pot. The Israelites didn’t stay pure and instead intermarried, thus becoming half-breeds and in Jewish culture that was one of the ultimate no-nos. They mostly weren’t even supposed to talk to outsiders, much, much less intermarry. Needless to reiterate, the Jews hated the Samarians.
But Philip, being a profound Jew, went to Samaria. Now you could say he was following Christ’s example. You could actually take it a step further and say he was following Christ’s exact footsteps knowing He purposely went to Samaria before to minister there. But early Christianity stayed predominately Jewish converts for quite some time, actually with Cornelius to be the first gentile convert a couple of chapters after this story in Acts. I love this picture in Samaria. Philip has brought the good news to them. He’s performing miracles with healings and the casting out of demons. I love this picture because of the whole of it. The church by many would probably be considered in shambles. People are being murdered, some as quickly as they are converted. The strongest are being scattered and having to hide out in random places in cities where people don’t know to hate Christians yet. But it says, “So there was much joy in that city.” There was no room for sugar-coating the good news in that day. The truth of Christ’s life-saving power was very real but the parallel reality of brutal treatment and a difficult earthly life was also very apparent. Knowing this, the early preaching and telling of the good news had to also contain the news of the reality of the life a Christian would take on by committing to The Way.
But there was much joy in that city. You could say it was a fleeting happiness due to all the healing but that wouldn’t fully complete the word joy. No, this was no fleeting moment; this was joy, full, complete and lasting. I find it amazing because in our day of great religious freedom we seem to have lost this key element of joy that they felt even in imminent danger. Sometimes I wonder if Amy Carmichael said it correct when she said, “Persecution winnows the grain, and we do not want a church of chaff.”

Carrying Out God's Purpose

2010-08-09T11:48:00.001-04:00

I had the privilege to go to Africa a few years ago with some friends to do some youth camps and other ministry projects. I vividly remember so many ways that God changed my heart and mind on that trip. Mission trips are interesting to me because they have so many different effects on us. They grow us, they mature us, they teach us how to be better Christians or Christians at all. They also though, often leave us with unrealistic expectations and realities of the Christian life that are never meant to be seen or followed. It always reminds me of C.S. Lewis who said that we're not supposed to live on the high pitch, or mountain-top experience. We're meant to live in the drab drudgeries of life. Christian community and relationship with God often looks very different than how we see it on a mission trip.

But that topic will have to be shelved for another day as I have a different thought in mind currently. As I travelled in S. Africa a met many people that marked my life forever. One of those people being a little girl who asked a very simple question that made me sad I could not answer affirmatively. She asked me if I'd read the entire Bible. In her childlike simplicity being a Christian and reading the entirety of the Word of God went hand-in-hand. She wasn't being spiteful or pointing out my falsehood, she simply assumed that if I was teaching and representing a God who left us a book to learn about Him and find freedom in Him from, then the assumption is I am utilizing that resource and have actually read it.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. No, I hadn't read the entire Bible. Many parts, many times but not the whole of it. I had read whole books, whole chapters, verses, parts, studied old and new testaments but could not definitively say I'd read every word. So, a while later I committed to reading the entire Bible. I read it like a book because it is a book and that's how I read other books (I'm a logic kind of person). I'm happy to report I just finished. It took me 4.5 years but I can truthfully say I've read the entire Bible, cover to cover. One passage struck me last night as I finished up that I thought tied nicely into the realization that God uses many situations and people to carry out His plan and purpose, just like He did with that little girl years ago.

"And the angel said to me, 'The waters that you saw, where the prostitute is seated, are peoples and multitudes and nations and languages. And the ten horns that you saw, they and the beast will hate the prostitute. They will make her desolate and naked, and devour her flesh and burn her up with fire, for God has put into their hearts to carry out His purpose by being of one mind and handing over their royal power to the beast, until the words of God are fulfilled. And the woman that you saw is the great city that has dominion over the kings of the earth'" (Revelation 17:15-18).

I will not attempt to unpack this situation or even tell you what's going on. I'm about to start the Revelation commentary by William Barclay so maybe you'll get an ear full sometime soon. For now, as I read this passage it struck me that God can and will use anything to make His plan work. From what I can tell the prostitute is super powerful in this story- she's sitting on top of the waters that represent everything on earth. So collectively the horns, beast and prostitute (and maybe some more, who knows) represent the whole of evil, I'd say. So in my head if they joined forces and worked together they'd be a more powerful force than individually. However, they can't get past themselves- they want all the glory, I suppose- and the horns and beast hate the prostitute and kill her and then somewhere the horns disappear too. Only the beast is left and I'm going to assume that he's become pretty cocky with all the victory he's had over earth and fellow evil. But what he hasn't realized yet is he cut off his nose to spite his face. He crippled himself unnecessarily and all the time he was guided by the purpose of God.

I wonder how we view evil in our world. Do we know that God can "put into their hearts to carry out His purpose"? Do we know He's omniscient and perfect and that nothing is ever put past Him? I often feel puffed up and in control like I can determine my own end and therefore live freely to do the things I desire. But I'm too often like the beast- feeling secure or pretending to be secure in the things of the world that are fleeting and in realities that too often pass away. If I'm going to carry out God's purpose either way, I think I'd like to be fighting on the right side- the side of eternal claim and victory. If I'm going to be a vessel, I'd like to be a full one.

Am I Judas?

2010-03-22T21:53:00.000-04:00

One of the central things I'm most afraid of is being wrong. You may laugh, saying that everyone is wrong at some point. Sure, very true. But I will do almost anything to avoid it. And if that doesn't work, I'll do my best improv when the opportunity presents itself to cover any doubt that a mistake could be made on my part.

So, another similar fear of mine is that my Christian life is severly or even slightly misguided. And as I read a passage of scripture today I found myself once again getting caught in the depth of my confusion.

"During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper" John 13:2-3.

When I read these verses for themselves and excavate them from the surrounding scripture I'm left with two parallel, yet distinct themes. The devil put it in Judas' heart to betray Jesus and Jesus was in control of all things. Do me a favor- step back a moment and draw up in your imagination a picture of Jesus being in complete control. Can you see it? Harmony, peace. All roses, huh? But here, in this picture John draws for us it's not that way. It's pretty ugly actually.

I love the order John writes in- no mistaking that Jesus was in control in the midst of the devil consuming Judas. But here's my struggle- did Judas have an aching inside of him, burning a hole right through him that he was wrong? I'm not asking about the end, after he had betrayed Jesus; I'm asking did he know all along, all the way back to the first step he ever took astray, that he was wrong?

Now you may be thinking, no one could possibly convince himself that stealing money from the disciples, sneaking around, having Jesus call you out at the last supper and then handing him over to die could be right. Ok, I see where you're coming from- but where you're coming from is HINDSIGHT. Hindsight is an incredible thing where we can look back and see the whole picture. But at the time, the picture was much less complete, much less clear and much less apparent.

So my question is, can I be Judas? I'm pretty well convinced that there are thousands of people that believe without a doubt in a certain cause, in a certain way and in a certain absolute truth. I'm pretty well convinced that some, not all, but some suicide bombers believe their cause is right and true and that they would not be doing it unless they thought it was truly their duty as a servant of their god. I'm pretty well convinced that some people that are doing, in my eyes, pretty ugly things fully believe that what they are doing is right. So how can I be sure that's not me too?

But if I shudder at the first phrase in the passage and realize that it's very possible for evil to inhabit even the best of us (Paul, for instance), I cannot end my thoughs there. I have to incorporate the second theme and see that despite the devil's inhabitation, Jesus is in control of the whole situation. So, my thought becomes this: with God's authority and control we'll be wrong plenty of times. But the central theme of Christianity is glorifying God and loving one another. Now those two things can mean many things but if I stay myself on those two issues and keep from getting caught up in the confusion of the more complicated, then if I'm wrong at least I can rest knowing that I am working out my faith and that someday when I am called to account I can honestly say I fought the good fight and did what I could to pursue truth. And I think that God will still use us, even if we are wrong, to work out His great will and that HE will reveal His truth in His time.

And the hardest, and I mean it, and most challenging conclusion I can draw is that I need to be willing to be USED by God, not for my glory and my proof of my correctness, but of HIS glory and truth. God needed Saul and Judas just like He needed Peter and Paul.

Definitions of Common Words

2010-03-15T17:45:00.001-04:00

I read the following a little while ago and maybe it will help you follow my train of thoughts:

"Though it may be argued, theoretically, that a Christianity in which men know how to picket, but now how to pray, is bound to wither, theorizing is not required, because we can already observe the logic of events. The fact is that emphasis upon the life of outer service, without a corresponding emphasis upon the life of devotion, has already led to obviously damaging results, one of which is calculated arrogance. How different it might be if the angry activists were to heed the words found in The Imitation of Christ, 'Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.'

"The essence of pietism, by contrast, is the limitation of primary interest to personal salvation. Even today, by the highways, we can see signs paid for by somebody, which urge us to 'get right with God.' The evil of this well-intentioned effort lies not in what it says, but in what it so evidently omits. The assumption is that salvation is nothing more than a private transaction between the individual and God and that it can become an accomplished, dated event."
-From The New Man for Our Time by Elton Trueblood

Follow me for a second, would you, and then hopefully you can see where my rabbit trail emerges. So I read this in my little devotional book and it got me thinking about how as believers many times we have the best of intentions with things and we so desperately want people to see the light and goodness that we see in Jesus that we don't actually give the entire picture. It then led me to thinking about one of my favorite quotes by Amy Carmichael that says, "Persecution winnos the grain, and we do not want a church of chaff." This quote to me spells out the goodness of God in hard times. He knocks us down to build us up.

But now continue on down my rabbit trail and I hope you will see the full circle. When we became believers we signed on to a different dictionary than Webster's. Persecution is never positive in any dictionary I've ever read. But Christ says on multiple occasions that His people will suffer much for their decision to follow Him. So if God is good all the time- and He is, that's not up for discussion currently- then persecution helps make the church and its people stronger, thus glorifying the Kingdom (thus being good!). Or take good. If you look it up you'll find things like "above average condition, high-quality." Is that what you call a situation that we've all had in our Christian journey when things go horribly wrong? There are many other words I like to use in those bad situations and "above average" isn't one of them. But those situations are "good" when we think of them from God's definition- meaning things that bring us closer to being more like Him and a little less like ourselves in our human condition.

I could go on and on with examples but my point is this: when we signed on to Christianity our dictionary had to change. We have to stop seeing things from the world's perspective and we have to start learning God's perspective.

Maybe you'll resonate with one last example.

" O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame." Psalm 25: 2-3a.

I can think of about a hundred or more examples when I've felt pretty embarrased in life. And from my human perspective embarrasment and shame are pretty much the same thing. I'm ashamed when I do something dumb (ranging from tripping on the sidewalk to actual sin). I felt "put to shame" in college on many occasions when the "cool thing" was not something I wanted to do and people thought I was a little uptight.

But God's definition must not be my definition because I'm going to choose to believe instead of doubt. So if I'm going to believe I'm going to take Him at His word and His word says "NONE who wait for you shall be put to shame [PERIOD.]" Not "put to shame sometimes" but "not put to shame ever." So my definition must be WAY off, way misguided, way too far deep into our culture and what we find as happiness-giving but really is a temporary band-aid for deeper needs. Whatever emotion I've experienced in those situations whether because I'm sticking up for Jesus or because I've done something clumsy, it's not shame. And you know why? Because God says He made me perfect and I know what His definition for that word is. It may not always be my definition, but I'd rather use His dictionary anyway.

The Apostles' Creed Part 2

2009-09-01T17:30:00.000-04:00

He descended into hell. Did He? Although only alluded to in scripture, I believe He did this in so many words. What is hell? Life without God. Not life totally void of a god, a supreme being, a ruler and controller. But life without that being. Life spent apart from and unable to reach toward goodness and freedom. Bondage. He descended to our fate, our ultimate end because of our sin that He took on. He not only took on sin but He took on our end, the utmost punishment. Sit in that thought for a second. Can you imagine the torture, the pain that hell must be? We sometimes focus on how horrible it must have been to be beaten and nailed to a cross but that was only a few hours of torture. We're talking days in hell here. He willingly did that for you. He willingly did that for me. The amazing thing is, above all the other amazing things, that He created the world in such a way that He would have to die for us. He created the world not only knowing but making it so that He would have to come down, live among us, teach us His ways and then take our place. He loves us that much.

The third day. 3 days in hell. I can hardly imagine three hours of torture and life without God, much less three days of it. Even as someone not yet saved, the capacity still exists to be so if the said person still exists here on earth. But Jesus endured 3 days of life devoid of any semblance of the comfort, authority and alms that He deserved. I don't even know what else to say- 3 days, that's a long time when you're in pain.

He rose again from the dead. We're conveniently surrounded by people here in the south that know about Jesus. I read a statistic the other day that said 94% of Americans believe in God and 46% are Christian. I think I might a "claim to be" in the later but that's my skepticism talking. Have you ever sat back and thought about what it looked like for Jesus to die and then come back to life? When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead I believe He made a distinct decision to wait a few days before going there. Jesus wanted Lazarus good and dead. Dead so that he's beginning to smell and rot, leaving no one suspicious that maybe he's just in a comma and looks dead. Now I'm no history buff but I've heard that they used to put bells in caskets because some people got buried alive. They knew this because when they excavated some graves they found fingernail scratchings and other indications that people tried to get out. How terrible would that be? Anyway, that's not the case here. No desperate attempt to look dead or act dead so He could come off the cross. He was dead. They pierced His side, they embalmed him, they set him in a tomb and rolled a really heavy stone over the entrance. But against all odds, against all faith, against everything that made sense to humanity He rose. He, because He is God, picked himself up and decided to live again. He couldn't be beat. We don't know how and the more we try to rationalize it the more it doesn't make sense. Jesus was dead for too long to be considered logical and He not only started to live again but in that moment all blame, all punishment, all pain and torture that we should have endured vanished for those who love Him.

He ascended into heaven. I've always wanted to fly. I think, however, what amazes me most about this picture (can you see it?) is Jesus' humble attitude throughout the scene. I would have been going nuts, I'll be honest, throwing around a few "I told you so's" and "why didn't you believe me, stupid" and "haha I was right". I would at least have wanted to go back to everyone that laughed at me and pointed and laughed at them. But luckily I'm not god. He continued this amazing ability of communicating love and grace to those that still didn't truly understand. He didn't taunt them with His amazing abilities, He hoped they'd realize they could do the same. He hoped they'd do even greater things. He hoped they would draw strength from His strength and seek not themselves but Him and thus get to the Father. He ascended to His rightful place, His place that He never had to leave but chose to leave. He flew to be back in bodily form with a God He never left spiritually.

Being Mad a God

2009-08-20T11:03:00.003-04:00

"And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them...And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them" Acts 16:6-7,10.

It doesn't solve anything or do any good to be mad at God. You can try, you can beg and whine, cry, barter and make plenty of other deals with Him, but it won't amount to anything. I was reminded of that fact yesterday as it's somewhat the teeter-totter of my life right now. I read this passage last night right before crawling into bed and it was as though the very heavens opened up and spoke directly to me.

Can you imagine Paul going city to city, proclaiming Jesus, being extremely obedient, fasting, praying, giving everything up; basically being super-human, super-Christian, best all-around guy probably ever? Can you picture it? He's in-touch with God. He's got it. He goes to these regions but the Spirit forbids him speaking. Now this time the Spirit forbids him so this time he probably got the word directly and knew he wasn't supposed to preach in Asia. So that's comforting that he knows close to exactly what's why going, why things are going to the way they are and he's ok with it because it's directly what God wants. But then things change. He goes to the next region, Mysia and attempted to go into Bithynia but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. What does that look like? Jesus didn't allow them to go into the city. They were just walking, just trying to do some good, just trying to save some people from eternal damnation and teach them about a risen Savior that could bring them current joy, current satisfaction and hope that nothing else could bring. But Jesus stopped them by whatever means and confounded their path. He didn't appear in a vision and say, "I don't want you going there so I stopped you. Please understand I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I think you're great." Nope, nothing. He just confounded their way and offered no explanation.

But they, Paul, Silas, Timothy and probably others chose to trust God, chose not to get mad or be frustrated that they couldn't enter the town. They chose NOT to doubt in His sovereignty or doubt His plan. They chose to think higher, think wider and believe that God knew the best way. Then Paul had a vision that they should go to Macedonia. It says "immediately WE sought to go..concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them." They concluded, they didn't know for sure, they didn't quite get all the answers about why they'd been stopped from entering Bithynia, but they believed in a God who works everything out for good, who has a divine plan that is so much better than our plans, even if our plans seem good or best at the time.

You can get mad at God. You can tell him how things would have worked out so much better if He'd just done this or that. You can sob and whine thinking He doesn't love you, He doesn't care, He doesn't have control. But He does, and He will continue to. So you can stand in God's way and make things more complicated or you can get out of the way and enter into your Macedonia.

Signs and Wonders

2009-08-15T09:49:00.004-04:00

“And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance…Now many signs and wonders were regularly done among the people by the hands of the apostles….so that the people even carried out the sick into the streets and laid them on cots and mats, that as Peter came by at least his shadow might fall on some of them…And gazing at Stephen, all who sat in the council saw that his face was like the face of an angel…But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God…The Spirit was given through the laying on of the apostles’ hands…An angel of the Lord said to Philip…And when they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord carried Philip away, and the eunuch saw him no more…” Select scripture from Acts 2-8.

I read all of this today from Acts. I got to thinking, mulling over what it must have been like to have lived during this phase. I’m trying to immerse myself in the faith, in the emotion, in the thought-processes that must have been going on at this time. And now I’m wondering what it would be like to have all of these signs and wonders, all of these people and their great faith transplanted into our culture. Picture it- Philip comes up to you while you’re reading something really difficult to grasp from the Bible. You’re confused, perplexed and delighted to find someone so eager to help break the words down for you. He adequately explains the passage; you get so excited about Jesus that you immediately want to be baptized (without the church class). You stop by the side of the road, get out and he dunks you (a non-ordained, uneducated person). Then, if that’s not enough, he’s gone, like gone, gone. The Spirit carries him away.

I find myself thinking how it would go over if someone were carried away by the Spirit in our culture. I think people would be screaming voodoo, witch or something black magic, not ‘neat, the Holy Spirit!’ I think about how many times I’ve needed to literally be two places at one time. I think I’d use this passage as a punch line more than I’m prone to actually attempt to wrap my mind around the circumference, as well as the sincerity and reality of these words. Something like, “Gee, it’d sure be nice to be Philip right now and disappear from one place, landing in the exact spot, the exact time I need to be in the next….” No really, can you imagine it actually happening in our world? Can you imagine an angel speaking directly to someone, telling them to go somewhere particular? Can you picture a man nowadays so powerful and mighty, performing so many signs and wonders that people wanted to touch even his shadow? I think people in 2009 would freak out- and not in a good way. I think most Christians would freak out too.

We say we want a mighty God. We say we want an all powerful deity that reigns supremely. We say we want a God that knows all things, has authority over all things, that makes miracles happen, but do we really? I think one of the saddest things about my generation and the world today is that we don’t spend time sitting in passages like these from acts. We don’t spend time glimpsing what it felt like to be Jesus- to be humiliated for a cause so great. We don’t spend time knowing scripture, figuring it out and unlocking more knowledge and power. We take the cookie cutter Christian life, we take what other people tell us about it, we read the best sellers and we think that’s pretty much all there is to it. We miss out on the authentic Christ, the authentic God, the authentic Spirit and settle for hearsay that truthfully always makes you question whether the bandwagon your on is actually real, is actually going to turn up true. I think it's because sadly a lot of us aren't on the authentic road and therefore that life is coming up short of the awe-inspiring one you thought you might have as a Christian. We've got to read the Bible, we've got to know what's in there so we know what we're getting ourselves into and what God actually exists.

Peter

2009-08-13T10:40:00.003-04:00

Peter has always struck me as an interesting character. He's always trying to jump the gun, always so sure in all his actions and speeches. What I like most about Peter is that He wasn't afraid to look stupid in front on Jesus, at least not from my perspective. Take a look-

"Jesus said to them, 'Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some.' So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in, because of the quantity of fish. That disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, 'It is the Lord!' When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea..for they were not far from land, about a hundred yards off" John 21:6-8.

He threw himself into the sea? Can you picture it? John says, "It's Jesus!" and Peter clumsily puts ON his clothes and jumps overboard. It was a hundred yards, a few minutes delay would have kept him dry, but a few minutes he could not spare.He had to get to Jesus. It meant everything to him. Sure, you can say he's trying to make up for denying Christ, trying to show Jesus he's back being a good guy, but I think by now Peter is well aware that Jesus knows the heart instead of the actions. I think Peter genuinely thinks of nothing else but getting to Jesus as quickly as possible, forsaking being cool, looking good and saving face. Peter knew the importance of being near Jesus.

I also thought about Jesus washing the disciples' feet. Look how Peter acts here:

"Jesus came to Simon Peter, who said to Him, 'Lord, do you wash my feet?' Jesus answered him, "What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.' Peter said to Him, 'You shall never wash my feet.' Jesus answered him, 'If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.' Simon Peter said to Him, 'Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!'" 13:6-9.

I love seeing how feisty Peter acts in life. He's a go-getter. He probably needed John and the other disciples to calm him down and make him think realistically about certain situations because he wanted to do something, wanted to take action and make change probably a little faster than was sometimes good. But look here, He comes unashamed to Jesus, asking him questions, wanting to know more. He says, 'are you really going to wash my feet? Shouldn't I be washing yours?' And instead of just following the crowd because everyone else is sitting in awe He says, 'nope, not going to happen. I should be washing yours not you washing mine. You can't do that Jesus, you're no servant, if anything we're your servants.' But Jesus had a lesson or two to teach Peter about true servant hood. When Peter understood that Jesus wanted to serve, wanted to cleanse him of the dirt that so easily clung to him, Peter got over-zealous and said, 'wash all of me!' But yet again, Jesus in all His wisdom says, 'you don't need it, Peter. You are clean everywhere but this one part of you. I'll fix it, I'll make it clean. You just let me, that's your part.' Peter didn't feel dumb because Jesus had to explain it to him. He didn't say, 'oh, well fine,' like our culture of embarrassment when we're wrong. He grasped on tightly to Jesus' words of correction and embraced the new knowledge and wisdom. He embraced Jesus' ability to cleanse and His desire to serve.

When Peter got to the empty tomb He ran directly in. He didn't stop to think if it was safe, if he should be doing that, or if it was best. He was searching for Jesus and logic was out the window. I think I could learn a great deal from the character of Peter. After all, he's the Rock, the great pillar of the church, the guy who died upside down on a cross because he realized just how unworthy he truly was and how fortunate he was to die for such a man that would wash even him of everything he'd ever done.

The Apostle's Creed

2009-08-03T16:32:00.001-04:00

In what follows I have written a few thoughts of mine surrounding The Apostle's Creed. I've broken it into two days so stay tuned for part 2!

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth. I believe: the deep cry of our souls so desperately wanting this first eternal statement of the Apostles’ Creed to be true. Not only to be true, but to radiate power, authority, dominion- Almighty-ness. Deep breath. The maker of heaven and earth. How far around that statement can we actually wrap our minds? Do we even scratch the surface of realizing the incomprehensible nature of the breadth and depth of the makings of heaven and earth? The making of such a vast expanse from nothing, not even thin air or dirt. To believe in God, the Father who made all of this by speaking it, although not even necessary in itself. Even the act of speaking things into being could be God’s first application of limiting Himself, or better, arranging Himself in such a way that the human mind might more easily comprehend His workings from the beginning. Limiting not in a sense of boundaries to God, but limiting in a sense of deep, perfect, seamless love that realizes so intricately our make-up, since He is the maker, that it limits its incomprehensibility in order that our fleck-of-sand faith might have a possibility of even catching the hem of his tapestry.

And in Jesus Christ His only Son our Lord. His only son. You and I are not original sons and daughters. We are adopted heirs bought, as in normal adoptive cases, but given the same privileges of the only rightful heir. Privileges to live life the way He lived it. Privileges to put the Father and His creations first before ourselves. Privileges not to try and pay back our adoptive price tag or earn our Father’s favor by deeds of obedience, but privileges that embrace the goodness of God and His abundance because He is our Lord, our Messiah, our Redeemer, our infinite God that made Himself finite that we might be able to inherit Kingdom entry because of our adoption.

Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the virgin Mary. A young virgin having a baby, unmarried while pregnant. Nothing is impossible with God. Nothing is conventional about God. Those things which make the least sense often emerge as the most powerful. Those things that require faith often become the most profitable.

suffered under Pontius Pilate. Oh Pilate, didn’t want to go against the grain, didn’t want to disengage the crowd and terrified to be a waves maker. Luke says Pilate was “desiring to release Jesus” (23:20) and he “did not find this man guilty of any of the charges against Him” (v14). Pilate, when will we learn the costliness of your mistake? When will we see that following the crowd’s orders and being more afraid of them than God will never make us succeed or be complete? When will we stop seeking others’ affirmation for voids only God can fulfill? He had a life in His hands that He could have sold everything he had, purchased that life, and lived more abundantly from then on than all His riches held. He could have been a follower of the true leader but instead chose to be a leader of a bunch of false followers. He chose appeasement, he chose fame, he chose prosperity and popularity. . I’m fortunate I wasn’t around in Biblical times. So often in daily practice I stand beside Pilate in the same decisions. My name should be right alongside his in this sacred creed. Suffered under me. Suffered because of my sin, my self-righteous actions, my arrogance, my ideals and my desire to be liked. But he suffered not because of me but for me. He suffered under my sin, under my great desire to deviate from His plan, but not because of my great folly. He chose to suffer and willingly entered into it. He may have prayed in the garden, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me” (Luke 22:42), but He knew when He stood at the beginning with the Father (John 1:1-5), that He would in fact have to prove that life He had in Him was and is the light of men by coming here and suffering for crimes He didn’t commit but willingly took upon Himself. He stood at creation and wholeheartedly agreed in unison that all of creation was very good.

was crucified, dead and buried. Would that be the end, some wondered. Others sat crushed, some feeling duped, some feeling saddened He wasn’t the messiah they were looking for. He wasn’t the king who came to take back what the Jews thought rightfully theirs. He wasn’t boisterous, daring and outspoken. He was a soldier, but a much different one that they imagined or truthfully wanted. And now He was dead so did any of it even matter? They knew the prophesy of the Old Testament, they memorized the scriptures for lack of ability to read. They listened at the synagogue with unparalleled attention to each word coming out of any teacher’s mouth. They had heard Jesus say on multiple occasions that on the third day He would rise. But this crucifixion, this dishonoring and disrespectful way of dying was not according to the human plan. It was not how they saw their King riding into victory. They didn’t understand, but they didn’t ask or stop to think that these three harsh words- crucified, dead and buried could come to hold the most glorious tidings for each of us. He truly did turn that which is most horrid, most terrifying and most ugly to most freeing, beautiful and perfect.

Trials

2009-07-23T09:37:00.003-04:00

Last night I watched a movie called "One Night with the King." It somewhat accurately follows the journey of Queen Esther and her pursuit to save her people, the Jews. Amidst the unknown circumstances of the fate of their people, a friend of her's wants to escape. She replies, "Perhaps instead of asking questions of our trials, our trials are meant to ask questions of ourselves." What profound words, even if they didn't come directly from Queen Esther's lips. We so often look at hard times and trials longing to escape, longing to be in different circumstances that are happier, more satisfying and with wider ground to stand on. Instead, this quote shows the abundant goodness of our God within trials because they are some of the most defining moments we face. Trials make or break us and both situations can still lead to our good if we let God be God.

Trials remind me when Jesus calmed the storm. "Let us go across to the other side," Jesus said. They didn't hear Him, or at least didn't take it in and hold that statement dear as they felt themselves falling from life when the great storm arose. Did you hear it? Jesus said they were going to get to the other side and yet when the storm arose they all lost their faith in Him and doubted His plan. We're not so different, are we? They run to Jesus in exasperation crying, "Do you not care that we are perishing?" Oh, I look at my life and I wonder how many times I've felt myself falling, felt myself 'perishing,' unable to survive much longer. And all along Jesus is there whispering, "Katie, do you not know that I know? Do you not know that I have a great plan to get you to the other side? Do you not have faith that I will act on my promises and carry you through your entire life? Are you that hard-hearted and cold, are you that deaf, are you that doubtful of my abundance, great mercy and power?"

When Jesus calmed their storm, they were terrified and said, "Who then is this, that even wind and sea obey him?" Do we realize His great power and authority that even the wind and sea obey Him? He's a great God, a God that answers these men when they cried out, even in their lack of faith. What trials do we face that instead of asking "why?" of those hard times we should instead be searching within and seeing what questions of ourselves these times are meant to answer.

Actions

2009-07-02T12:07:00.004-04:00

"And when the men had come to Him, they said, 'John the Baptist has sent us to you, saying, 'Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?'' (21) In that hour He healed many people of diseases and plagues and evil spirits, and on many who were blind He bestowed sight. (22) And He answered them, 'Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have good news preached to them'" (Luke 7:20-22).

I'm really good at being a Christian with words; I'm really bad at being a Christian with actions. As I read this passage last night I thought initially that vs 21 was misplaced. John's disciples asked Jesus a direct question which a simple "yes, I am the one" would have sufficed to John. He could have proved His birth from Mary or His lineage to David. He could have made some prophetic statement about John or said something really holy. Better yet He could have recited an Old Testament prophecy that He was fulfilling and intimidated John's disciples with His overwhelming knowledge so much so that they would just take His response as a "yes I am." But Jesus didn't abide in the world that many of us abide in.

Jesus lived above the need to justify Himself. He lived above satisfaction in worldly affirmation and the need for people to acknowledge His greatness. Jesus lived on a Godly plain in which He sought to do the Will of the Father by being Holy, being just, being loving, being righteous, not just saying holy, just, loving and righteous things. Jesus lived what He taught. In the passage, right after John's disciples asked Jesus if He was the one, Jesus healed. I can picture the scene now: They ask him a question, He looks at the them tenderheartedly, and then turns to go about His work- nothing out of the ordinary, nothing special on that particular day. No longing in Him to prove Himself or any extra effort because these were important people that He needed to impress. None of that. He simple turns and loves people by relieving them of their ailments. He heals their bodies hoping that they would see also His ability to heal their souls- healing of far greater value.

I'm sure in that moment that Jesus turns from their question to go about His work the disciples looked puzzlingly at Him thinking, "Dude, we've come a long way and if you could just answer the question so that we can get back and go about our work that would be great." (sure, they thought it respectfully in case this was the Christ!) Then they stood back in amazement as Jesus answers in His actions. He performs miracles they'd never seen before and loved people in such a mighty way that it left them positive He was the Christ.

I wonder if people know I'm a Christ-follower by my actions and not just my speech? Particularly in the secular working world, most of our Christian communication comes through our business practices, our integrity in our work, our handlings and investment in the people we spend 40+ hours a week working with. I wonder if they know I'm a believer by my body language and my work ethic? I wonder how much time I invest in 'the least of these' and not just the people that can help me. I wonder how much Kingdom building I do everyday and not "katie-building." Jesus spoke by His actions and then His speech. What will we be known by or will we be known at all?

Talk

2009-06-29T12:06:00.003-04:00

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that is may give grace to those who hear" Ephesians 4:29.

AHH (that was a yell). Have you ever been talking to someone and slowly gotten very sick of hearing yourself speak? That was yesterday for me. In trying to communicate about a friend's situation to another friend I found myself being very critical and casting hues of gray with my opinion over the situation instead of simply conveying facts and allowing the friend to know and be able to help. There was nothing wrong in itself for telling the story, no confidence broken, no allegiance cut but I do not know why we are so anxious to be critical of other's decisions and lifestyles when it does not build them up and we would not want someone doing it to us.

Ugh. We fill the air with all kinds of words that have no shining quality to even be spoken. I laughed with my friend yesterday when we talked about why girls always have to comment about people right after they leave. It doesn't matter if it's a good or bad comment, but some comment will be made when someone leaves. It's habit- but it's usually a terrible one.

Do my words "give grace" to those who hear? Do my words "build up" my friends and work towards making them better, more consistent and joyful people? Do I justify talking about people because I'm conveying a message to another friend or because 'I need to vent'? We think we have this great right and authority to vent but where does that need come from? Where did it start? Our motive behind venting is to make ourselves feel better, to relieve ourselves from unwanted tension and discontent because things didn't go like we wanted. Things didn't go according to our perfect life plan- that person didn't adore and magnify me like I wanted them to so now I'm mad. I mask it by pointing out their pride, their stubborn nature, their selfishness but those things are masks to the higher problem of my world revolving around me.

We've got to turn ourselves back to Jesus, back to His great sacrifice, back to His mercy so that we can "let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from [us], along with malice [so that we can] be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave [us]" (4:31-32).

The Great Commandment

2009-06-25T10:30:00.002-04:00

"Jesus answered, 'The most important is, 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, The Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength''...And the scribe said to him,'...to love Him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength...is much more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices'" Mark 12:29-33.

The great commandment. How often do I actually follow it? Sure, I think about it, I pray silently in situations that are hard, I listen to Christian music in my car, I read my Bible. But I also consistently let things slide that do not honor God. I often think about how to be a Christian in a non-Christian setting to people who are far from Christ. I often think about when to stick up for God, when to let things go, when to be clear, when to silently pray, when to be righteously angry, when to be understanding, when to do almost everything at all most all times. Maybe one day I'll learn how to truly let Christ be all but for now I'm still trying pretty hard to be perfect like He is.

One of the things that rubs me most wrong is the dozens of times I hear the Lord's name taken in vain daily. I ask myself, 'is this something I should stop a conversation for and ask the person to not say it? Is it worth making things awkward? Would it actually build the kingdom or would it make the doer think I'm an extremist? Am I validating not saying anything because I'm trying to 'accept them for who they are'?' I ask myself these questions all the time. But here's my answer: am I at all times adhering to the greatest commandment to LOVE the Lord with ALL my HEART, MIND and STRENGTH? Am I doing everything possible to love God at all costs?

The greatest commandment is not evangelize, it's not lend a helping hand, it's not make someone feel better about themselves. The 'most important' commandment is to love God with everything we've got, regardless of the consequences. I wonder what our world would look like if Christians loved God at all costs, at all peril to themselves, with all staked on His victory and great plan?

There's no clear cut right answer for every situation. There's no cookie-cutter Christian pat-answer. But what we have is a God that knows what we're going to face and if we only spend time with Him we too will be called conquerors, blameless, victors over a life destined for death. To live life without putting God first is to only half-live. But that decision needs to be made every day, every moment so that God truly would be preeminent.

Ugly

2009-06-17T13:19:00.002-04:00

From one of my favorite books comes the quote, "God don't like ugly." I love that quote. I love it every time I think of the harsh reality of my sin. Every time I think of my great depravity. God does not like ugly. He doesn't like it, He doesn't appreciate it. He doesn't tolerate it.

"And He called the people to Him again and said to them, 'Hear me, all of you, and understand: There is nothing outside a person that by going into him can defile him, but the things that come out of a person are what defile him.' And when he had entered the house and left the people, His disciples asked Him about the parable. And he said to them, 'Then are you also without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from the outside cannot defile him, since it enters not his heart but his stomach, and is expelled?' And He said, 'What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person'" Mark 7:14-22.

Man, I wish I would have known this passage growing up when I was arguing with my parents about going to see a PG-13 or R rated movie. I could have had some really solid convincing material. . Do we realize the significance of this passage? It struck me yesterday when I read it. We almost always blame exterior circumstances for our sin- we blame bad influences, bad movies, bad situations and bad people. We blame everything else but ourselves when we mess up. While those things spur us on no doubt, do we realize the evil lies within us? Yuck, that's ugly.

I think the passage says many things. One, it says we control how things affect us- do they go straight to our hearts and feed our sinful desire to do a certain thing- are we envious at our core and seeing those people makes us explode? Do I crave compliments to feed my pride? "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Do we realize the sins, the emotions, the problems originate in our ugly hearts?

It never occurred to me, no one ever told me I don't think, that the hardest battle I will fight as a Christian is against myself. By nature I'm inclined towards evil. I like doing bad things, I like getting a little ahead in life by telling a mistruth and stepping over someone for my gain. I think I'm pretty special and I have my life very well put-together, thank you. If I just stay away from certain bad influences and people that are terrible anyway, I'll have it made. I can fool people into thinking I'm great.

Wait, step back. That's not what the Christian life is about? Really? Our world sure thinks it is. How sad we as Christians often fight harder to be the people our world dictates as Christian and we don't actually fight to be 'Christ-like'. I'm reading through the Gospels right now and Jesus is very different than our world thinks. He's not quite as nice as I've always pictured Him. He says something interesting earlier in Mark 7, "This people honors me with their lips but their heart is far from me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men."

God don't like ugly. He doesn't like evil, envy, pride or anything else on that list either. Did you see foolishness on there? I think wasting time doing unimportant things falls into that category. ouch, I know. We spend so much time on the things of man, when will we learn? As Americans we work so hard on character, appearances, self-image- when will we work on God-image and stop working on building up ourselves?

Do we realize all those times when we think God is working against us to make our lives miserable and we resent Him for it it's because He is working against us? That's right. He's working against our nature, our very being trying to make us more like Him. If we're trying to be gold, we must let the refiner work the process- and the process hurts, I'll testify.

Knock me down Jesus and build me back up like you.

To Live Above Reproach

2009-05-28T10:22:00.001-04:00

I have such an issue with this whole living above reproach concept. I know, I know, it’s in the Bible so Heaven forbid I have a problem with anything. Yes, I do believe God is a ‘my way or the highway’ kind of God (in the most gracious way that phrase can possibly be used), but I also and more importantly believe we need to excavate the area surrounding scripture.

To live above reproach. I’ve always wanted to buck it. Why should I have to change just so that someone else will not think I’m doing something wrong? What if it’s not wrong? I so often take the words verbatim and never consider the life of Christ, never consider Biblical consistency and cohesion, never consider how our world has skewed phrases or pulled out little things and made them disproportionate to how they were intended. This may or may not be such an all-encompassing case, but it holds a valid argument enough for me to get my frustrations off my chest.

“Pilate said to them, ‘Then what shall I do with Jesus, who is called Christ?’ They all said, ‘Let Him be crucified!’ And he said, ‘Why, what evil has He done?’ But they shouted all the more, ‘Let Him be crucified!’” (Matthew 27:22-23). If someone wants to hurt you, they’ll find a way. They didn’t have a valid argument to kill him (“for Pilate knew it was out of envy that they had delivered Him up” v18). They weren’t being logical or rational. WE are not always logical or rational or even sane sometimes. If someone wants you portrayed in a certain light because of whatever motive, they’ll find a way.

“And they took offense at Him” (13:57). The crowd took offense at Jesus because of His wisdom and ability to perform miracles although He was from that same rough, small town they were. You may say that’s ridiculous, but it’s true. He did only good to and for them there, but they took great offense.

So people are going to do all the crazy things they’re going to do and make the crazy assumptions they want to make, so what difference does it all make? I detest the idea of being legalistic. “Teacher, we know that you are true and do not care about anyone’s opinion. For you are not swayed by appearances, but truly teach the way of God” (Mark 12:14a). True and we should live like this. Look at who Jesus was- a friend of tax collectors, prostitutes, drunkards, outcasts. A friend to the friendless, to the unworthy. But if you think about it, He also caught flack from everyone about possibly living a double life due to His close relationship with these people. So what’s the difference? Jesus was above reproach. He hadn’t committed any sin and spent time with these types to communicate the life-giving and freeing power of God. He wasn’t justifying having a little more fun, wasn’t validating His wrong actions, wasn’t feeding his addiction all in the name of do-gooding. Jesus had pure motives.

When Jesus stood before the Sanhedrin, the Jewish Council, plenty of false witnesses tried to come and testify against Him. I bet they said all kinds of things like, “He’s a drunkard” “He’s a liar” “He doesn’t do the things He says He will” “He’s a deceiver and a manipulator”. But none of them were right and so He had no need to defend His way out. I try on different occasions to adhere to this ‘live above reproach’ concept in our world and here’s the conclusion I just drew. To live above reproach is to attempt to live with as much integrity as Christ. To live in such a way that everything we do honors God. Yes, we fail miserably, but the times we fail it’s because we’re trying to honor ourselves by getting farther in life by career, money or friends. To live above reproach is to abide in the Law of God and yet have the abundant freedom offered within its parameters.

I learned a great deal about Christianity over the weekend. I learned that God has a great plan to bring us closer to Himself through the most unlikely means. I learned that God loves to see us having fun as He rejoices in our joy as we acknowledge that fun as glorifying to Him. Jesus was accused of being a drunkard. Jesus was accused of sleeping around. Jesus was accused of being a very rotten person. I think of this ‘live above reproach’ concept and I realize that it’s not always about not going places or being apart of situations because people might think badly of you. It’s always doing things that glorify God so that in those pure motives we can work out our own salvation. Yes, it sometimes can mean abstaining to benefit another, but I think we miss the important part that living above reproach is about living blamelessly so that when the accusations come, as they will, we can stand before God as those called righteous. Those that did not break the Law of God set in place for our benefit. And those who lived with great integrity and freedom because our God loves to see His children exclaiming the satisfaction they find in Him through means some may label differently.

Think through me

2009-05-21T22:16:00.002-04:00

"Think through me, thoughts of God,
My Father, quiet me,
Till in Thy holy presence, hushed,
I think Thy thoughts with Thee.

"Think through me, thoughts of God,
That always, everywhere,
The stream that through my being flows
May homeward pass in prayer.

"Think through me, thoughts of God,
And let my own thoughts be
Lost like the sand-pools on the shore
Of the eternal sea."

-Amy Carmichael

Is it I?

2009-05-18T17:11:00.001-04:00

I am a lot of things. On different occasions you will find me in different moods, opinionated on different subjects, talkative or quiet, patient or abrupt, happy or sad. If you know me, you know I’m a lot of things. “When it was evening, He reclined at table with the twelve. And as they were eating he said, ‘Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.’ And they were very sorrowful and began to say to him one after another, ‘Is it I, Lord?’ He answered, ‘He who has dipped his hand in the dish with me will betray me…Woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born’” (Matthew 26:20-24). I wasn’t there, so I can’t judge for certain, but I don’t think I would have responded as humbly as each disciple. I think I would have been more like Peter when Jesus told him he would deny- “I will never fall away…Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” (vs33-35). I have at least that much arrogance to tell Christ He’s wrong to His face and that I know myself better than He knows me. Hmm...I wonder how many times I’ve actually done that?

I look at Matthew’s recount of the story here and I marvel at the humility and sheep-likeness of the disciples. They sit eating with their Great Shepherd. They’re, I’m sure, soaking in every word He’s saying. He astonishes them by admonishing that someone in their close-knit twelve will betray. Here’s what interesting- if they knew anything they knew their own wretchedness. They couldn’t account for others and they dared not point any fingers any place else but towards themselves. They may not have understood what Jesus actually came to earth to do, they clearly did not comprehend all of His ways and teachings, they were not the smartest men by a long shot and Jesus later explains that they will in fact all fall away that very night (“For it is written, ‘I will strike the Shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered’”). What they understood very plainly was their great depravity in comparison not only to Jesus but also to the way God intended for us to be apart from sin.

Instead of replying, ‘no we would never!’ they realize a few key truths. 1) Jesus is never wrong- If he says it, it happens. 2) They know how weak they are and they realize the accessibility they give evil to creep in and create ruin in their lives. 3) They’ve dealt with people turning away and denying they ever followed- people they probably thought would do great good and then shocked them. 4) They were scared and their master kept telling them He was going to die which partially made sense and partially confused them. They took all their prior knowledge of who Jesus was and everything He’d ever done in their sight or hearing and they realized above all their great depravity compared to the perfect Christ. They knew they could betray, deny Him. Heaven knows our church was built on a pillar that denied three times. Is betrayal so much worse?

I find myself at this stage of life wondering in the very same place as the disciples did then. Is it me, God? Will I betray You? Will I deny You when the going gets tough? Will I shake an angry fist when You don’t give me what I want when I want it? Will I grow tired of waiting on You? Will the knowledge of eternal rest and pure joy with you give me enough strength to hold out no matter what the cost? Is it me? But you know, in our society, we don’t like dwelling on things that don’t paint us very well. It’s so very easy to forget this moment and go on without a true measure of sorrow for our inadequacy as Christ-followers. Is it I, Lord? Will I be able to fight the fight? Here’s the great part- When we finally realize we weren’t meant to be able to fight, we let our weakness, just like the disciples’, make us humble enough so that God can be magnificently strong.

"I want to see!"

2009-05-14T16:58:00.000-04:00

“And behold, there were two blind men sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was passing by, they cried out, ‘Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!’ The crowd rebuked them, telling them to be silent, but they cried out all the more, ‘Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!’ And stopping, Jesus called them and said, ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ They said to him, ‘Lord, let our eyes be opened.’ And Jesus in pity touched their eyes and immediately they recovered their sight and followed Him” Matthew 20:29-34.

It makes me sad when I think of all the times I’ve been the crowd telling someone to hush, it’s Jesus, be more respectful. Be more reverent, stop yelling, stop waving you hands, stop dancing. Stop doing things in His presence that might not fit into my box of what Jesus wants. Stop. I bet the crowd was thinking, or at least the people in the crowd like me, “I know more than ya’ll do about this guy. He wants to tell me something wise right now, not heal you. Be quiet. He doesn’t have time for you, He’s helping me. If you would come at Him like I do then maybe you’d get more response.”

But here’s what’s interesting. The men didn’t seem to care. It was to their extreme advantage that they’d probably been persecuted and put down their entire blind existence. They had already learned to cope with people telling them to be quiet and from years of learning to ignore the put downs they continued in their pursuit of the Lord who could heal. I wonder if I have the faith and character to endure years of hardship to help grow me and mature me for one such moment as this? I wonder if I could ever get so far past people’s opinions that I didn’t even blink when it came to deciding between listening to them or getting to Jesus?

Another thing I find interesting is what they requested. “Lord, let our eyes be opened.” Another version says, “Lord, I want to see!” Their blindness altered their entire existence. They knew the great limitations it presented them. Do we know our great depravity from spiritual blindness? Are we willing to push through the crowd to get to Jesus? Are we willing to run down the aisle to reach Him faster? No shortcuts are acceptable, but running shortens the journey. Lord, I want to see. And I’m not willing to take any other healing but full healing. I’m not willing to stop until you have pity on me and I recover my full spiritual sight. Are we that relentless?

Two things I ask

2009-05-13T16:53:00.002-04:00

What’s it like to truly ‘live in the moment’? What’s it like to depend on God for every mouthful, every drink, every night of sheltered sleep? What’s it like to constantly depend on God for food and shelter? What’s it like to be needy? Some of us are 'blessed' enough that we've never personally known the answers to these questions.

“Two things I ask of you: deny them not to me before I die: Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God” Proverbs 30:7-9.

This passage goes against every middle class value I’ve ever been taught. Well, I take it back. It by no means contradicts my acquired values, it merely emphasizes principles that I would never wish upon myself if I were being totally honest. I’m sorry God; did you say possibly no savings account? Did you really mean maybe no ownership of a house, ever? Did you mean it that I might not ever feel full when I’m eating and I may not know where or when my next meal may occur? Did you mean it that I can’t sometimes plan for the future or even know what tomorrow might bring for me?

Seriously now, this is my life we’re talking about. I’ve got to have some plan, some system, some routine. I’ve got to. I’ve always had it. I like my neat little life, my savings, my 5-year plan, making more money than I need, eating more than I should, exercising less than I should, sleeping a lot, getting my way, feeling safe and secure. I like my neat little tidy life. I don’t love some things, some big things, but I like knowing my future is set and my financial life is secure. I’d like to make way more money actually, who wouldn’t? God, are you telling me that all these things might be harmful to me instead of good like I’ve always seen them?

Things in themselves are for the most part not bad or evil. They are inanimate and therefore do not hold a specific bad purpose on purpose. But when we allow them to dictate our lives, when we begin to see them before we see God, when we begin to use them as crutches, as security, as any place that the Lord is meant to fill, then they become harmful and destructive to us. God often shows us just how unnecessary they are for our eternal survival; Heaven knows He’s done it to thousands in this current recession. Poof, 401k gone. Stock, see ya, bye. Job, business-budget cut and that someone that had to go was you. 10-year plan out the window. The idea of even going out to dinner becomes unimaginable for many right now. But here’s the interesting thing and the point: It’s not a sign of failure to have all these earthly possessions drained from you. On the contrary, we might even should ask for it. That’s right, I said it. If anything is keeping us from utter dependence on God, anything that makes us even for a moment forget the Lordship of God then it is making us full- it’s filling a place that only God is meant to fill and it needs to be revamped. It may not need to be cut out, but it needs to be altered

Let me put these verses in context for a second. This is Solomon who wrote this- the most, or filling one of the top slots at least, wealthy person that will EVER live. I wonder what it would be like to live like Solomon is describing. If he of all people is making a comment such as this then surely all of the rest of us should listen. If someone so wealthy, so put together, someone who has anything he could possibly want in the whole world is saying that he’d rather live moment to moment and have God provide everything, then maybe we should listen up. Maybe we should trust God’s provisions a lot more and love the world’s a lot less. I wonder what it would look like to truly realize that money is just paper and we should use enough to survive and be willing to give the rest away? Solomon got it, when will the rest of us catch the boat? Lord, don’t even make me full, lest I forget you. This is a man that knows his limitations and made provisions with God against them- What are you doing about yours?

Return

2009-05-07T13:30:00.000-04:00

"So you by the help of your God, return, hold fast to love and justice, and wait continually for your God....But I am the Lord your God from the land of Egypt; you know no God but me, and besides me there is no savior. It was I who knew you in the wilderness, in the land of drought; but when they had grazed, they became full, they were filled up, and their heart was lifted up; therefore they forgot me." Hosea 12:6; 13:4-6

Are we capable of realizing our need for God when things are good? We often hate the bad times, the times when we have a big fight with someone, the times we lose a job, the times we don't have enough money to pay the bills, the times of illness, the times of loss..the list goes on and on. We hate those times mainly. We ache inside and long to be rid of the constant strain in puts on us. We lose sleep, we cry, we are easily agitated and yet we find ourselves praying more. We do so, sadly, because God's our last resort, our only remaining line of defense (or at least we hope we're still defensible). We pray to the God of Heaven and hope that He hears (which He always does). We pray and hesitantly think something may happen, but who knows.

In my limited experience, prayer is meant to not only change situations but it's meant to change us. It's meant to search out all the grievous ways in us, all the yucky pride and contempt, and it's meant to transform us to more of the likeness of Christ. All too often, however, we only want out situation to change, not us. We fight against the very answer God is trying to give us when we pray. Look at the passage. There is no savior besides God in Jesus. None. We can't save ourselves, we can't erase bad things we've done, we can't take bad judgment calls back, but we can be completely forgiven in Christ. We can walk through our wilderness, our land of drought, our hard times, with God and allow Him to lead and guide us. Not to necessarily get us out of the wilderness but to be fed there, to survive there sometimes, even if for just a season, and learn that He truly is our Savior and Lord.

The sad thing about our great depravity is that we become full and we turn away from God. We want to be full, we pray to be full during the drought but when we reach it we go our separate way because now 'we've got it all on our own'. I'm learning that sometimes the drought, sometimes the hard situations are the best places to be in. Not because we want to bask in our mistakes, our short-comings, our ways that keep us from a perfect relationship with Christ, but because in our moments of weakness Christ can be presented strong. Christ can be in our lives what He came to be, our Savior.

Rejoice in your weakness, for in it is your key to life everlasting as a great sinner who has a great Lord.

Miracles

2009-04-13T18:27:00.005-04:00

I often think that if I could only see Jesus, if I could only watch Him perform a miracle, if I could only touch His holes and observe His perfection then I would follow Him whole-heartedly and never stray. I often think I could survive fully on Him if I could do all these things and never need another explanation or experience another 'if only' moment- I would have full faith. But interestingly enough, that wouldn't be the case. "Then Jesus began to denounce the cities where most of His mighty works had been done, because they did not repent" Matthew 11:20. Idiots. It's amazing to me that they could see Jesus restore a sick girl's life, make 2 blind men see, cast out demons, clean lepers, rebuke the winds and the sea and who knows what else and yet they still did not repent. And as amazing as it is, I'm forced to sit back and view my own life and shudder at the many times that I've experienced God and still react in much the same way as those lost souls. I've seen God stop a car so that it didn't run me over in Africa, I've had an attempted robbery that I walked away unharmed, I've watched the power of prayer daily and marveled that God would reach down and care about such small matters. Even in all His miracles that He's performed right in front of my eyes, I still can't gather myself to follow perfectly in His footsteps.

We need to take very seriously all the times we've experienced God. We're accountable to those moments. I think we forget in just how many ways God is great because evil tries to wipe it from our memory. If deception is one Evil's greatest tools, then I think one of the main objectives is simply for us to forget the goodness of God. I once had a friend tell me that every night before she goes to bed she writes down 5 ways God was good that day and 5 good things about her life. It's not such a bad idea if that's what it takes to make us remember the goodness of God, remember the great deeds He performs in our lives every day.

Going to Heaven

2009-04-03T09:21:00.002-04:00

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but the one who does the will of My Father who is in Heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness’” Matthew 7:21-23.

Most people, particularly Christians, wonder at some point in their lives if they are truly saved. We all think we’ve trusted in Jesus as our Lord and Savior; we’ve tried to follow in His ways; we’ve strove to love other people and do good things. We actually sometimes even pat ourselves on the back and think of the good deeds we’ve performed, but are we really saved? Are we really washed in the blood of the lamb or just in the water?

I love this passage in The Scriptures because I think it lays our saving foundation so well. Jesus answers our questions and clears our doubts about salvation all in the guise of pointing out those that are not. He shows His point in three ways (and maybe more!): 1) saying “Lord, Lord” to Jesus 2) Doing the Will of the Father 3) Being Lawful.

The first requirement for going to Heaven is believing in Jesus Christ as Lord. Jesus says that not everyone who does this will enter Heaven; thereby we are able to assume that the opposite is true that if you don’t do it you surely will not enter Heaven. Jesus is Lord and Savior of this world that we live in and He came down as 100% God and 100% man to be able to pay the price for our weakness and inability. We must call Him Lord to receive that great gift that covers our depravity.

The second requirement for going to Heaven is doing the Will of the Father. That Will can be found in the Bible as well as revealed in our prayer, fasting and meditation times (and all the other times the Spirit is with us...). To do the will of the Father is a very difficult thing but praise Jesus that by calling Him ‘Lord’ we are able to fall back on Him each time we fail and know that we are righteous in our pursuit of the Will of God because we first call Jesus “Lord”. That pursuit of the Will of God is just as key to our salvation as calling Jesus “Lord,” which in my opinion is where many people miss the boat.

The last point I see Jesus referring to in this passage shows His rebuke of lawlessness. Jesus says that one day He will exclaim, “Depart from me you workers of lawlessness” to those whom He never knew. So in order for us to be known by God and be called as His child we must be lawFULL people. We must obey the law of the Lord and not stray from Him. Now here again we fall into the grace of first calling Jesus Lord and therefore being able to stumble along our path of being lawful. It’s the same as following the Will of the Father for your life in that it’s the pursuit of the law and your determination to do so victoriously instead of the actual outcomes of each attempt. Yes, we will fail. The good Lord knows just how many times we will fail each and every day. Our attention and willingness to adhere to EACH law presented by our good God determines our ability to be lawful or lawless. Here again many people miss the bandwagon (or should I say many people jump ON the bandwagon and therefore jump OUT of lawfulness?). We pick and choose which rules and regulations we will and will not adhere to. We take some very seriously and others as things that don’t matter if we break. It’s not right if you think about it and completely unbiblical to do so. I think we would adjust some of our ‘fun’ and amusement in life if we acknowledge the weight of our lawlessness many times in those situations.

Do you realize that by blatantly committing sin you are being lawless, therefore violating a prerequisite for eternal life? Do you realize that following your own path counteracts the better path of God, therefore violating a prerequisite for eternal life? Do you realize that using the Lord’s name in vain is showing your lack of knowledge of the power of that name therefore violating a prerequisite for eternal life? Thank the good Lord that His blood cleanses even the caked on mess we make of our sins and violations of God’s law. Don’t let these last questions send you back into a tail spin of wondering if you’re saved. Let the first part make your path certain and these last questions make you realize the serious nature of each decision, each choice, each step in any direction. It’s really easy to make the right decision when it’s going to get you something good or bump you up in life. It’s really difficult to make the right decision when you might get away without anyone knowing or it will cost you something great.

The Lord IS working

2009-02-27T18:27:00.003-05:00

"O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear? Or cry to you, 'violence!' and you will not save? Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise. So the law is paralyzed, and justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; so justice goes forth perverted" Habakkuk 1:2-4.

Have you ever felt like this? I think I can successfully vouch for just about every person I've ever shared life with that we've all had our moments. We've all wanted to shout at God and ask, "Where are you?!?!" We've all wondered as if to say that our plan is better than God's as we shake an angry fist at the perfect Planner of the universe. We have this lase fair version of God as though He's the guy that lazily sits on His magnificent throne up in heaven going in and out of slumber watching idly as we destroy ourselves and everything around us.

But, you say, there are all these terrible people who get great jobs, get spouses they don't deserve, have the ability to do just about anything in life they want and to top it all off everyone loves them and wants to be like them. It's not fair. You say, here you are trying to follow God and you aren't getting the things you signed up for. You want the job, the money, the admiration....really? Is that what's going to make you happy?...Are you sure?

I think we have eyes that are too nearsighted. We see the immediate and grasp for it when the eternal reward of waiting is of so much more value. I think God is working in the midst of us and we either choose to not recognize the work as God or we want something else are so turn disdainfully at Him to hold a grudge. God says, "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I AM doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told" vs5. God is working. God is doing great things in our generation. God is the same God that called down fire and hail to help His people. He's the same God that brought plagues to get His people out of harm, the same God that kept Jonah safe in the fish. He's the same God that will never leave us or forsake us. But, He's God and we're not. "If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay" 2:3b. We have a very jaded timeline when it comes to waiting. God has an eternal timeline.

"Let all the earth keep silence before the Lord" vs20b. Maybe the next time you're wrestling with God over your timeline and over your immediate 'need' for some big issue, take a second and realize that He's God. He's an active, aggressive, passionate, loving and powerful Father that is in all things, knows all things and provides all things. Maybe instead of bombarding the gates of heaven with all your requests, sit back and keep silent before the Lord. Either way, He'll sustain you, but I bet the fastest way to conform to the image of God is to wait patiently for Him and keep silent in His presence and know that He IS working, that He IS moving, and He IS doing great things that we wouldn't even believe if told.

Singlehood

2009-02-26T09:35:00.000-05:00

Our world doesn’t respond well to singles. Let me repeat that, in my opinion, our world responds incorrectly to singles. By ‘our world’ I mean this sudo-Christian, southern comfort, moralistic society that most of us have been brought up in and that we don’t truly realize the magnitude of influence it has over us and the strength it carries to which we live our lives by. Singlehood, in our society, is viewed as a waiting period; a period when we’re trying to figure out what we want and how we’re going to get there; a place of uncertainty where a person continues to move around and switch jobs because they aren’t ready to settle down- singlehood. Mainly though, it’s a place that people feel sorry for you because you haven’t found your one true love that we’re all so convinced will make everything so much better and make our world and future so much more certain. GAG. Ok, so now you’re either thinking, “yeah, she feels that way because she’s young and doesn’t know any better” or “now Katie marriage isn’t all roses” or better yet “everyone needs that time to find themselves”. BOO. We have popularized and idolized marriage as though it’s the crowning victory to our earthly lives. Ok, ok, thus says the cynic, right? Thus says the single girl who’s trying to cope with the fact that she doesn’t have anyone and is lonely you say. You can say whatever you please, but the truth is that our world idealizes marriage. We put life into phases: childhood, the dreaded teenage years (remember that mom?), college with a little sowing of your wild oats and then a short phase of singlehood along with young professionalism and then marriage. You’ve made it. People will take you seriously, they will assume you’re mature, they will invite you over for dinner, and they will speak to you like an adult. However, if you’re still single then you’re still trying to figure things out and just need a little more time so they’ll politely comply for you to grow up.

Our world doesn’t respond well to singles. We have singles Sunday school classes that the whole point is for the sexes to meet one another, start a relationship and get married. We want married couples, we want families, we want generations. We’re scared of single people. We either don’t believe they have enough self-confidence and faith in God to be single or we think them too volatile to be put in any sort of important position. After all, they’re still looking for themselves. Even those in unhappy marriages or marriages that aren’t quite as rosy as they would have thought still prefer to be in their current position than to brave the storm again and become alone. Now you may say the national divorce percentages are astounding, but do you know of people getting divorced that their situation isn't unbearable?

I find our world’s view of singles interesting. I find our church’s view of singles interesting. I find them interesting when I think of all the magnificent single people in the Bible that accomplished super-human feats. As a matter of fact, I would dare say that most of the people in the Bible who accomplished great things were single. Paul actually remarks rather against it on some occasions. Now I don’t necessarily take Paul’s side, I’m still a proponent of marriage, but my point is that we idealize marriage to an unhealthy level causing single people to fall into the vortex of lies about how much better their lives should be. “Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love” Jonah 2:8. I think we make marriage an idol. I think we miss out on a lot of what God has to offer us because we tell ourselves what the next step of life is supposed to be and how it’s supposed to look. We wait for marriage and miss out on the abundance of steadfast love and exceeding joy that flows to us from a Savior, providing us with all we need to not only survive but to thrive. We as a church miss out on the great things single people have to offer us and we accentuate married couples as the best ministers. “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in His way” Psalm 37:7a. From a single person’s perspective, know that the pressure to settle and give in is astounding in our culture. Don’t miss out on either the greatness of singlehood or the greatness that single people have to offer you if you take the chance to get to know just how special God made them. It’s not a waiting period, it’s life. I’m not volatile; I’m actually much more stable than most.

Jonah

2009-02-24T09:34:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading through the Book of Jonah and I never cease to resonate with the man himself. Strong willed, overly zealot on many occasions, unnecessarily passionate in some emotional areas, wanting to have the ability to figure God out down to an art of knowing what He will and won’t do, firm in my own opinions, convinced I know what’s best in life, hot tempered to a fault. Yeah, (sigh)…I resonate with Jonah. “For I knew that You are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster” Jonah 4:2b. As much as I disagree with the Catholics on the point of confession, I still find myself willing to go along with it if it means having my sins forgiven instantaneously if only I say them aloud. What’s the joke? Something about how Catholics flood to mass and confession on Sundays because of what they did on Saturday night? Sounds silly and yet most of us operate on the same standard. We do things we know aren’t right because we want to play both sides. We want the instant gratification and satisfaction and yet we want the forgiveness and free ticket to eternal rewards.

We believe in a god that forgives us of all our sins immediately and without regard to why we committed them or whether we are planning on committing them again. We emphasize the grace and mercy part of God because we need something to make us feel better because of our total depravity. We have churches either disregarding our depravity and making everyone think everything’s peachy or churches that bang depravity so far into your heads that you feel helpless against sin. Either way, the unfortunate end for many listeners that choose not to be individual thinkers is that we sin and then believe in a god who realizes we don’t mean to and so of course forgives us. We believe, far too often, in a god of our own concoction, our own imagination, a god that makes our lives make more sense and that makes us feel better about what we’re doing.

Jonah knew God, and he for sure knew he couldn’t hide from Him. I think when Jonah fled at first he thought, “This is going to make me mad, God. You’re going to save these dreadful people who have been living as though they have nothing to lose. These people who call out your name half-heartedly, the believers who slide by in society and yet aren’t really committed, and yet you’re still going to save them. I hate this, God. Is there any reason I’m following whole-heartedly right now when people who get to play both sides still make it?” But you know what my favorite part of this whole event is? We get to see a different trait of God that makes me realize His deep intimacy and core knowledge of how each of us are woven together. God interacts with Jonah very differently from other noteworthy people in his time. Jonah practically yells and is certainly angry with God throughout this experience and yet God never blinks and acts disrespected. I think it’s because this is the way Jonah learns and the way he gets through is own stubborn nature to find the authority and greatness of God. There’s no doubt Jonah is being incredibly selfish and self-righteous but yet I think God uses His pride for His glory and ultimate will. I think God chisels down Jonah piece by piece in a way much more effective than if He had gotten mad.

There are many things I’m yet to learn about God. But as I read this passage I think I’ve discovered one more. God interacts with me much differently than He interacts with anyone else. It doesn’t mean that He’s a different God or He changes from person to person. It means that He created me so delicately, so perfectly, so intricately that He addresses me according to my need and my ability to comprehend His point. I, like Jonah, want for things that I have not right to and have a skewed version of my entitlement. We know not how far the great riches that await us outweigh anything earthly that the scales do not even tip and we too easily succumb to the manifest of appeal for earthly claim and endearment.

Grieved

2009-02-20T18:22:00.004-05:00

When I take the time to think about the destruction and total depravity of most of our world it makes me shudder. Much too often I erase it as soon as it enters because the pain of fully divulging myself into such thoughts would last a lifetime. We don't take the salvation of others as seriously as we ought. We cast it aside and are thankful for our own salvation, as though we can rest easy and live lives of harmony because we've "found" God and everything else is taken care of. WRONG.

"Woe to those who lie on beds of ivory and stretch themselves out on their couches, and eat lambs from the flock and calves from the midst of the stall, who sing idle songs to the sound of the harp and like David invent for themselves instruments of music, who drink wine in bowls and anoint themselves with the finest oils, but are not grieved over the ruin of Joseph!" Amos 6:4-6.

Are you grieved over the ruin of our world? Are you grieved because even whole churches and certainly active participants in other places of worship actually abhor God and do not follow His teachings? Are you saddened that people have the option of church and yet do not attend because they see it as hypocritical or they are too "busy" to go? Are we grieved?

We're not so different from the people back in the Old Testament are we? We still overindulge and take our eyes off of the prize. We still sit idly as the world continues to fall into utter darkness. We still do things that bring us temporary comfort because we have never chosen to taste the eternal reward that God holds right in front of us everyday. We are much too easily pleased with the trivial and we settle for momentary happiness that flees as quickly as it came. It flees because it wasn't meant to fill the space we're giving it. It flees because only God can fill that void and yet therein lies the great mystery about why we struggle so indepthly to fight off His reign.

I look at the verses from Amos and I realize we're a whole lot like these people. We want the finest things, we want the nicest meals and richest furniture. We want the big houses and fine living. But does it bring us joy? There's always going to be someone that has more, that's more successful, that's smarter, that's thinks more indepthly, that's more intuitive, that's more fun, that's more cunning, that's prettier, that can outsmart you. There's always going to be someone. But what matters is that which is eternal. The salvation of others matter. It matters much more than gold or silver. Think about it- we long for riches like beds of ivory just as the Israelites but we're going to a place where the streets are paved with gold if we decide to cast aside those beds of ivory for now and focus on the plans of the Lord and working out His salvation in our lives. On one hand you have something fleeting and on the other you have someonething WAY better that is also eternal. I think I'll choose the streets of gold and wait to see how much better the bed must be than ivory.

Secrets

2009-02-15T12:03:00.005-05:00

"You only have I known of all the families of the earth; therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities. Do two walk together unless they have agreed to meet? Does a lion roar in the forest when he has no prey? Does a young lion cry out from his den if he has taken nothing? Does a bird fall in a snare on the earth when there is no trap for it? Does a snare spring up from the ground when it has taken nothing? Is a trumpet blown in a city and the people are not afraid? Does disaster come to a city unless the Lord has done it? For the Lord does nothing without revealing His secret to His servants the prophets" Amos 3:2-7.

Reading this passage a few days ago, it struck me, but I wouldn't fully indulge myself into the context and force of its heavy words. Still today I find it difficult to admit to what it says and comply to the entirety I understand it to be. We have no secrets in life that God doesn't know. Every sin or error committed by us is our fault and we should know better. Verse two tells us that the Israelites continue to sin and God in His sovereignty and authority says that He will punish them for everything. "Do two walk together unless they have agree to meet?" Things don't happen by chance, we understand deep down what we get ourselves into and we know ourselves well enough to know what our limits are. So often we test those limits for personal pleasure or indulgence and would rather feel remorse later and ask God's forgiveness on the flip-side than to not put ourselves in the situation in the first place. We love self more than we love others and especially more than we love God.

"Does a bird fall in a snare on the earth when there is no trap for it?" We act surprised when we get into a bind. We act like we think we're immortal and yet we so often are out solely for ourselves and our pleasure. I read an article the other day saying that the average person lies 3 times every 10 minutes. I can think of a zinger or two I've told in the last few days that you find yourself thinking, "oh no, words are coming out of my mouth! why am I saying this to rectify a situation I don't know anything about to make myself seem more important? Why am I always wanting to be right and know everything?" Evil traps are set for us everywhere, particularly as believers. We want to save face after we make a mistake to cover up when maybe the trap was not the mistake but was the urge to lie or act in a certain way that misleads people. Maybe the traps around us are designed to be really enticing and attractive and so we purposely fall into them even though we know the birds end. Will the trap reveal itself and its wicked scheme until it's encompassed you if you get close to it? (5b)--not a chance. Not until you're caught or turn away so fully that the snare awaits a later date to come back and begin its trapping again when it thinks you again weak.

Does anything happen outside of God's knowledge and maybe even God's authority, dominion and actual actions themselves? We so often see God as this great mystery that chooses on a spur of the moment kind of basis what to do next. He says in verse 7, "For the Lord God does nothing without revealing His secret to His servants the prophets." If that's true and we don't have modern day prophets then everything we need to know, all the answers and all the secrets, is contained in the Holy Word of God in its entirety. God may choose to reveal His secrets to you or I in prayer or in reading His Word but how will we know unless we do?

We blaze our own paths in vain.

A Few Stories

2009-02-06T09:48:00.003-05:00

A few stories for you...

A friend of mine and I were getting together a few days ago after work. I ran some errands in her area right around the time she was getting off so that we could meet up right after, according to the plan. Almost three hours after our scheduled meet up she calls. Obviously I'm pretty upset by this time, needless to say it's the blood that runs through my veins. However, I found myself during this time of stalling around her area, continuing to think that any minute she'd call, that I had no where else to go. It reminded me of Peter talking with God after the disciples grumbled about a rather taboo topic both then and now. "After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with Him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, 'Do you want to go away as well?' Simon Peter answered Him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.'" John 6:66-69. I needed her at that moment and was willing to wait as I wish I continually realized my very same need for God.

I heard a great man, a mighty man of our age, speak last week about the rough road of being a disciple, of being a Christian in our culture, and about how often we will have to be completely different than society and its norms. He spoke boldly and unabated, quit a relief from most modern day sympathetic christians. As I walked out of the worship service a guy in the group of people I found myself with commented how utterly boring he found the speaker and a girl agreed with him and continued on about his overly zealous manner and how offensive he sounded to those weak in the faith. I got in my car, as I had thankfully met them there, and instantly needed someone to talk to that understood the great depth of insight and intuition this man had spoken and the great need our society has for more people that relish in the greatness of our God as this man does. It being late at the time therefore counting my family out of the call range I found very few people that I could scroll through my phone and find that could understand the anksed I felt from feeling truly on board with this man yet feeling completely separated and frankly offended by the christian company I resided with that night. "Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life, and I have believed, and come to know that You are the Holy One of God."

I counseled, or maybe I should rather say spoke with, a man yesterday at the Urban Ministry Center that sat down in my office and point blank told me he was going to commit suicide. He had been in and out of mental hospitals for the last few years and had attempted suicide multiple times. When I asked why he was never able to go through with it he said it was because he never had enough resolve to carry it out. He said life wasn't worth living and he was tired. I asked if he knew God. He said Yes. I asked if he read the Bible. He said yes, many time in fact. He said he left it behind when he decided to become homeless, thinking that homelessness would be the last straw and would give him the gumption to kill himself. I said so it wasn't important enough for you to take with you? He said it was like an anchor to him, holding him steady and keeping him fighting and trying to make things work. It was an answer and a way. It was proof of an after life and forced a need to persevere to obtain eternity with God. He said he left it behind so he didn't have to think about it anymore and could end his tired life. "To whom shall we go, you have the words of eternal life?" I told him you can never escape and why do we want to?

Why do we want to...sounds so much easier than it really is, huh? Why do we want to escape from God? Because He is truth and He knows everything about us. If we deal with Him then we have to admit our faults, realize our errors and flee from the sins that frankly we kinda like keeping around. Sure, He's ultimate comfort and fulfillment, but it's an eternal thing and doesn't mean we will instantly ever feel comforted or fulfilled. It's a perseverance battle. It's immediate decisions to go against the popular decision, to stand alone in a crowd, to feel alone in many instances and realizations. It's tough love that many people will not immediately appreciate. It's fighting against our own natures to be what Christ wants and spurs us on to be. It's not letting the desires of the world weigh us down and convince us that we need the same things. Why do we want to run from God like many of Jesus' followers? Because if we cleave to God then we have to run from the world's ways and run from our very nature. But in the end you will find yourself saying along with Peter, "To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life" because the reward is so much greater than any momentary enjoyment we can find here on earth.

Flesh is so weak

2009-01-29T19:15:00.006-05:00

"Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the Lord, that He may come and rain righteousness upon you" Hosea 10:12

I read this verse last night and the subsequent verses and thought how applicable it is to my current life and probably yours. NOW is the time to seek the Lord, while He still may be found. NOW, not later, not when you're less tired or when all that paperwork gets done. Not right after your pop that movie in or go run a few errands. Not after you already get to work or after you do your morning schedule. But NOW. Ok, maybe I'm speaking a little more to myself here but I far to often wake up and think I can sleep a little later and read my Bible after I get out of the shower. I think I can run those morning errands and then I'll have time to sit down and pray, when it's "more convenient" to my schedule. I think, after I go to this meeting then I have the rest of the day off so I'll wait, and here's the good Christian kicker, so I'll have 'more time' to sit down and do it instead of right now. It's so wrong.

Jesus commands us, "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" Matthew 26:41. I've realized recently that I would have to put a "so very" in front of weak from Jesus' words. My flesh is so very weak. I give in to fatigue, convincing myself that I'm treating my body like a holy temple like God also commands. Here's the truth. If we want to justify our actions to make ourselves feel more spiritual or holy we can, there's always a band aid in scripture. But, if you're wanting it to be like it was intended, in it's authenticity, then it's not a band aid to make you feel better, but it's also not a bullet to make you helpless. Hosea says, "Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love, break up your fallow ground."

There are things in my life I'm not proud of, things I hold onto that aren't good for me. There are sins that I commit over and over and I still don 't trust God enough to let them go. I'm choosing not to break up my fallow ground. But you know, because I'm not doing it I'm withholding the shower of righteousness that He promises to rain on me. I act like the Israelites did in Hosea and I act as though that won't be my end. "You have plowed iniquity; you have reaped injustice; you have eaten the fruit of lies. Because you have trusted in your own way and in the multitude of your warriors" v13.

God help us to trust in Your Way, in Your path, in Your direction. Our spirit is willing, but our flesh is so very weak. Let us break up our fallow ground, sow righteousness and reap steadfast love. Let us seek You, Father, while You may be found and while You are near. Teach us how faulty our way is and the great deficiencies of our human defenses and solutions. Let us glimpse your great abundance so that we might be able to more accurately weigh our scales to find how much more valuable your gifts are than our own resources. Let your strength outweigh our fleshly weakness everyday.

Splendor

2008-12-24T10:39:00.003-05:00

During Christmas at one time or another we are prone to sit back and reflect the greatness of the birth of our Savior. We focus in on the lack of room in the inn and how Mary bore him in a lowly manger. We reflect the wise men and their expensive gifts. We picture the shepherds seeing the angels glorifying God and telling them about the Christ child.

I, on the other hand this Christmas season, have thought about the greatness God gave up by coming down to earth.

"In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon the throne, high and lifted up; and the train of His robe filled the temple. Above Him stood the seraphim...And one called to another and said: 'Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of Hosts; the whole earth is full of His glory!'"
Isaiah 6:1-3.

"Around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures...And day and night they never cease to say, 'Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!' And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to Him (which is all the time by the way) who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who is seated on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying, "Worthy are You, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things, and by Your will they existed and were created'"
Revelation 4:6-11.

He gave up constant praise, constant adoration. He gave up perfection and painlessness (in a bodily sense). He gave up comfort. He gave up being right and having everyone not only know it but be ok and enamored by it. Can you imagine?

He gave up gold streets and magnificient robes. He gave up His incredible throne. He gave up a place that adored Him, that worshiped Him, that walked exactly in His ways. He gave up everything. EVERYTHING.

This Christmas season and the rest of the year it's very easy to get bogged down and find how unfair life can be. It's easy to get irritated when someone doesn't pull the weight you've deemed necessary for them or when someone inevitably disappoints you. It's easy to feel entitled to certain perks, benefits or alotments. It's easy to feel sorry for yourself because you're left out by friends, not loved enough by others or somethings has gone terribly off course from your expectations. In all of this however, as big of a deal as we always make it, it's a lot different if you sit back and let the weight of what Christ gave up sink in comparitively to what you feel like you're owed.

I often find myself wanting people to know my value, know how intelligent I am, know what I'm capable of. I want people to honor me and stand in awe when I speak. Christ gave up all of that glory and came down to a world that interrupted Him, cast Him down, spit upon Him, threw things at Him, beat Him and finally nailed Him to a tree to kill Him. The amazing thing to me is that He knew all of that beforehand. He knew as He created the world, as He made the choice to come to earth and die for us even before the world began. He knew He'd have to save us from ourselves. He knew He'd have to cast aside His glory and enter our torn and broken domain. He knew what He'd have to give up and He still came.

Am I willing to give it all up just like Christ did? Am I willing to cast aside my own glory, my own intelligence, my own talents, and love those who might not ever fully appreciate it? Am I willing to do someone else's job and pay someone else's penalty even if I don't have to? He didn't have to, but He did. His life here on earth was very significant but maybe even more significant is the magnitude of the life He gave up so that we instead might have it.

Hope

2008-12-13T14:11:00.003-05:00

I talked a long time yesterday with a woman whose son recently tried to commit suicide. She talked about watching him sleep that night because she was too afraid that he might try again. She spoke soberly about the great tragedy that he feels no hope.

No Hope- that's what people without Jesus have. It made me hurt for her and her family that they live lives without Jesus and waste away both inwardly and outwardly because of poverty. It also made me think of what we choose to put our hope in during our stay in this world. I've done quite a bit of work down on the gulf coast serving the victims of hurricane Katrina. We say victims because of the great devistation and tragedy that they underwent and continue to feel the wake of because of the demolition of their earthly posessions. And yet, I find myself each time I am down there more and more realizing that I envy the uprooting, the purification, the realization that our great Heavenly Father has given them that they truly need nothing apart from Christ.

We shouldn't have any hope apart from Christ. Even so in our world, we've done a fairly excellent job of imagining things that bring us seasons or moments of hope. We try and mount those things atop one another to keep the feeling a moment longer. I confess I sat listening to this poor woman tell me her story wondering where else I place my hope. Her son was at the end of his ability to displace hope and sadly I think those are the times that we're most primed, most able to find true hope and freedom in our risen Savior. I wonder what else we put our hope in to try and make our lives better. I know I often put my hope in clothes, in my put-together apartment, in my car or in my other possessions. I put my hope in having lots of friends or having a great family. I put my hope in things that of themselves are not bad but as things that block my full need and realization of that need of a Savior. I put hope and survival in those things and many others in order to not feel the vulnerability that comes with living solely by faith.

great mercy

2008-12-11T08:45:00.003-05:00

I'm so forgetful. I get frustrated with myself all the time when I forget something really important or don't allow enough time to get somewhere or complete a task. I like being perfect and having people be impressed with my ability to do everything I say and to help out frequently. I like being that girl that people can count on. But you know what? It's exhausting trying to be a certain person and hold a certain image. I find myself too often at work thinking, 'God, I can't hold that person up. It's too heavy.' I was never meant to hold her up. Jesus was meant to hold us both up. "O my God, incline your ear and hear. Open your eyes and see our desolations...For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention and act. Delay not, for your own sake, O my God.." Daniel 9:18-19.

When I pray, I often pray because of my righteousness. I bargain with God as though He needs to be reminded of the nice things and the "God points" I earned that day. I act as though I deserve certain things or I beg as though He's a mean old man who rarely gives me anything I ask. I dare not ask for too much though because then my answered prayer quota will be used up and I won't be able to get something better I want later that day. I transcend too many human and earthly father qualities on my Heavenly Father. For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. He doesn't make fun of us when we ask for silly things. He may chasten us but that is always a loving rebuke that brings us back to a God-center that we so desperately need.

I wonder if I have even a small incling of his great mercy? If I realize He takes special time and extra care for me at all times. I wonder how long it will take some of us to begin to understand the concept that Jesus understands the hard fight we fight every day- to get out of bed, to read scripture, to pray, to love those around us and beyond, to be a light in a very dark place. I wonder when we'll also understand that we're not meant to do it alone, we're not meant to do it by ourselves with our own righteousness. We're meant to fall at the feet of a risen Savior, a man who already defeated everything we encounter and believe after a while that He truly can do it all and that His greatness so far outweighs what we can do that we should stop doing for the glory and give it all to him. I wonder when my life and yours will be about His great mercy and His righteousness and not our own. I have light in me but His light so far outshines mine that why do I strain to keep mine burning when all I have to do is reach over and burn straight from the source?

An excellent spirit

2008-12-08T10:22:00.004-05:00

"Then this Daniel became distinguished above all the other presidents and satraps, because an excellent spirit was in him. And the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom. Then the presidents and the satraps sought to find a ground for complaint against Daniel with regard to the kingdom, but they could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him" Daniel 6:3-4.

I could find plenty of error or fault in my own life and probably the lives of those around me if I really wanted to dig. Daniel strikes me as a very different fellow than most of the Christian world because of his deep love and aquaintance with the unbelieving world. Daniel was one of the top authorities in the entire world at the time. The Bible says that King Darius had him as one of three presidents that fell just below the king himself and had plans to make him even higher as the authority over the other two presidents. So how could Daniel achieve all of this and still have an excellent spirit that continues to be faithful and not corrupt because of his time spent?

We often say that we should live in the world but not of the world. I think Daniel had a great handle on what that means. When Daniel interprets dreams or the handwriting in chapter 5 he refuses gifts saying, "Let your gifts be for yourself, and give your rewards to another". Daniel didn't want the glory as I so often do. Daniel knew a great God that gave him that authority and he realized that it was not he himself who had accomplished anything. When I do something kind or make some great decision I want people to know about it. It seems like there are always strings attached with me and I often think about the good things I've done to someone and how they owe me when I need them for something. Daniel knew that even with great wealth and prosperity, with great riches and glory, with great acclaim and honor, that he would be "Tekel, you have been weighed in the balances and found wanting" if he trusted in the same things his King Balshazzar trusted in. I wonder if we truly know that if we trust in things of this world we will be found wanting?

An excellent spirit is found in those who steadfastly remain affixed on God and realize that from His overflow comes complete satisfaction and joy in this life. I wonder why we search for it in all the wrong places. Considering Daniels lofty position in the world at the time, we don't have half the pressure that he did to go astray and seek after worldly gain. Yet he knew that it was all inconsequencial when it came to knowing his Creator- so much so that he publicly worshiped knowing he would get thrown in the lion's den, almost asking for it.

I wonder if I ever encapsulate that excellent spirit. I'm willing to worship when I have time or its convenient but under such harsh circumstances I wonder if I would go immediately to my house and get on my knees by an open window and pray where people could hear like Daniel in chapter 6. I wonder if I could maintain that excellent spirit as well as Daniel.

Unwalled Villages

2008-11-20T12:02:00.006-05:00

"You will advance, coming on like a storm. You will be like a cloud covering the land, you and all your hordes, and many peoples with you. Thus says the Lord God: On that day, thoughts will come into your mind, and you will devise an evil scheme and say, 'I will go up against the land of unwalled villages. I will fall upon the quiet people who dwell securely, all of them dwelling without walls, and having no bars or gates,' to seize spoil and carry of plunder....You will come up against my people Israel, like a cloud covering the land. In the latter days I will bring you against my land, that the nations may know me, when through you, O Gog, I vindicate my holiness before their eyes." Ezekiel 38:9-11,16

I think this passage in its entirety is one of the most thrilling sights of our God. There are two different aspects of this passage that point to the excellence of God. The first being the security of dwelling within Him. In that time it was extremely dangerous to live outside of a city with walls. Just like Jericho, the walls were tall and the gates were shut each night to keep out unwanted visitors or attackers. It's amazing to think that the people of God dwelled so securely within Him and that His authority reigned so heavily on the earth that they lived in the land of unwalled villages..the quiet people who dwell securely. God can do whatever He wants and He can choose to protect us against all reasonable conventional knowledge or He can choose to allow things to happen or even cause them if He deems it necessary. Can you imagine what the equivalence of that in our modern world would be? It'd be like America deciding to no longer have an army and getting rid of all security at airports or anywhere else. We hardly feel like we dwell securely with all of our infrared and nuclear devices pointed at everyone to strike at any moment. We're waiting on the next terrorist attack. Now I'm not saying that we should just put down the weapons and end all security, but think about how crazy you would think it if we did. I bet the other nations thought of Israel in a similar way, crazy. But yet, the Bible records the nations as knowing them as the people who dwell securely.

On that same note, it's extremely relevant to mention that the world's view of God is radically different today than it was in Bible times, particularly the old testament. Think about it. The people of Gog and the other nations surrounding Israel, including Babylon knew that the God of Israel was very powerful and existed in a very large way. On multiple occassions in the scriptures kings of other nations refer to the God of Israel with fear. It's sad in our world that the two sides are believers who know God exists and people who think the Christian God does not exist. I think that's due in large part to the Christian community losing the reverance and respect for God that he deserves. The church that I'm starting to go to in Charlotte, Calvary has a pastor who spoke similarly on Sunday. He said that the saddest thing about the Bible in modern times is not that it's been taken out of schools but that it's been taken out of churches and Christian homes. We often serve a God that fits our profile of a perfect god instead of the Almighty, reigning, omnipotent Creator that He is.

My second aspect speaks of how God brings about the destruction of Gog. In this part of Ezekiel God proclaims his prophecies against certain peoples and nations according to the wrong they have committed. It's interesting in chapter 38 as He speaks against Gog how He goes about coming to their destruction. He chooses to let them grow large, as large as a great horde. He lets many of the other nations join in with them to try and attack Israel to take all of their possessions. If I was Israel I would have been terrified of the large number of people coming to attack us. I would have doomed our village to certain destruction. I sit here wondering how many times some great obstactle that's really difficult has come on me and I've been terrified. That moment when you feel like everyone is ganging up on you; that moment when everything that could have gone wrong financially has and you're not sure how you're going to get by; that moment when all the pressure mounts and you have to make a really tough decision; those moments that in our minds will define out lives forever because that is when we decide to choose the human way and trust ourselves to pull us out and stay on top or choose to trust an unfailing God. I believe that God makes things so difficult when we live in our humanity that it forces us to live in our Godwardness. So instead of dooming our lives to destruction or acting like failures, he calls us to live on a plain that trusts Him so deeply that something like a very large army coming to destroy us would not even remotely take our faith or our trust off of His security and His safe dwelling.

What do you keep safe in your own humanity that in reality is much less protected because you haven't given it to the Protector? Where are you not dwelling securely? Where have you lost your knowledge of the greatness of God? The world doesn't need another savior; the world needs people that know the greatness, power and authority of an all-knowing God.

"And you shall know that I am the Lord"

2008-11-08T11:03:00.000-05:00

As I read through the book of Ezekiel I encounter the words “and you shall know that I am the Lord” often in its prophesies. Most of the time it’s unfortunately found at the end of a wrathful prophesy against the nation of Israel or its enemies. The passage usually contains a word from the Lord speaking of disaster and turmoil that will come upon those people because of their waywardness. It’s sad to me that the way God got through to the people of Israel then and the way He gets through to us today is often found in the bad stuff that happens where he aims to lead us back to His side and His ways. Why are we a people that stray and confuse our need for joy with temporary happiness, confuse our hope with money and material wealth, confuse our longings with depression and failure, confuse our love with lustful desires, and confuse our source of life with our humanity, food and heart beat. We are so fallen.

I would love to see the actual number of times the phrase “and you shall know that I am the Lord” is recorded in the precious pages of God’s Word. I would like to see the comparison of when those occurrences are positive because God heaps blessings on a people following His heart and when it unfortunately occurs because of backsliding and a need for the people of Israel to come out of their overgrown humanity and enter back into the throne room. When they leave a life of worshipping and honoring God and turn towards their human ends, their human needs and wants, is when they must in God’s great wrath be turned back and given again a heart of flesh.

Another thing that interests me is the “heart of flesh” given in Ezekiel. “I will remove from you your heart of stone and I will give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules” Ezekiel 36:26-27. Usually in scripture the flesh carries a negative connotation that we must learn to die to and live for Jesus. The interesting part of this passage to me reveals the great qualities of the flesh that our Creator God established. In this passage the flesh takes on permeability. It reveals its great quality to be wounded, to be afflicted so easily by the pain on the outside of what it protects. The flesh here refers to their need to feel again, to open up their lives and allow pain and love to flow back through. God removes their hearts of stone that are calloused and gives them a heart that hurts and fights to heal from the brokenness on the outside that can only wholly come from God.

I hope God gives me and you a heart of flesh. I pray that God will reveal Himself in moments of our lives so that we “shall know” when we’re following. I pray that those encounters with our Risen Savior and Creator God would be much more significant and often than how the Israelites most of the time forcedly returned. But above all, I pray that our God would show you His eternal effort to take you to Himself as His own and show you He will never give up and He will never ultimately leave you brokenhearted if you abide in Him. No matter what side of the fence you fall when God reveals Himself and declares that you shall know that I am the Lord through this, it still should be welcomed and celebrated that the God of all mercy and grace loves you deeply and holistically enough to call you to Himself and His victory. Celebrate what God has to offer and reveal to you today.

The New President

2008-11-06T19:49:00.000-05:00

With the elections finally over people seem to be left with many different emotions. Whether Obama supporters or not, we are faced with the difficult decision to cast our personal feelings aside and work towards a common goal. That goal lies in uniting as a country, as citizens, as statesmen, as neighbors and as family towards standing behind our president and the newly appointed staff and holding unwaveringly to the hope we profess in God’s control over all of it before it was even a thought process to anyone. I find it so incredibly easy to want my way or have my thought process win out and when it doesn’t I’m left secretly hoping that the other plan will fall apart and everyone will see how I was right and the error of their ways. Even forsaking my need to be right, it’s still so very easy to want Obama and his staff to fail, to want them to pull some crazy stunt where we can point our fingers and say “I told you so.” When we’re logical we would never actually wish that considering the grave consequences that our nation might face in light of such disasters which Obama’s failings could futuristically include. However, at the present, we are prone to wish ill upon them and hope people will do like they have done Bush and wish he never were president and wish our nation did not look to him as our leader.

On that note, I realized today how we tend to point the finger at Bush and his administration for the economy, the lives lost in the Middle East, and other choices that most Americans have come to believe as poor. But you know, I think we as Christians are the ones that failed Bush. As I sat with a friend today and prayed for our nation, prayed for its new leaders and the decisions they have ahead, I realized I can’t recall the last time I prayed for President Bush. I gave him no protection, no extra confidence, no shield from the enemy, no special word that God would inspire him and lead him in paths of righteousness. I failed President Bush. As a Christian, as a citizen, as a fellow American I had a duty to our president to help him better our nation and to encourage and pray for him that he would lead us in a Godly manner. We have this innate need to blame someone when something doesn’t go like we see it going and President Bush has caught a lot of that flack. As believers and those who stand for the power of our God, it makes me wonder how we will all react to this new presidency. Will we support our new president and unite behind him or will this new season be viewed as something far worse that may damage us as Christians and as individuals?

Whether Barack Obama will lead us in paths of righteousness I do not know. What is certain is that God is not a God of chaos. He’s not a God of freak outs or oopses. He’s not a God sitting in heaven twiddling his thumbs nervously wondering what He’s going to do now that His plan didn’t come true. That’s what we do in our humanness because we’ve decided what’s best instead of looking to an all-knowing God. What’s best doesn’t mean what makes the most sense in our heads or leads us to the most success. What’s best is what God ordains as so to bring about his ends. I wonder how our nation will evolve over the next four years, if we’ll have the life-altering terrorist attack that Biden is so set on or if Obama will tax us to death. But it does no good to worry about tomorrow and it does no good to second guess the plan of God. We must unite and decide to pray for our next president. Pray that Obama makes decisions that will further the kingdom of God and will create in America and across the world believers who truly and wholeheartedly seek the face, the very being of God more than they seek anything else. Obama’s right in a way, It’s time for change. Change from the complacent Christianity that many of us meander through simply to survive instead of standing on God’s promises and living abundantly. Change is coming and I think we as believers must go back to our knees and find our source and pray that He will lead our nation to the Promised Land.

Where You're Going

2008-10-07T10:39:00.004-04:00

I've been volunteering recently with a place called The Urban Ministry. It's a colorful little place that practically fully serves the homeless community of Charlotte. They have doctors, nurses, counseling, food, job training, art classes, etc. In my opinion, it embodies Christ's view of helping the homeless. The ministry works hard to not enable people to remain homeless but instead, with great effort, strives to free them from their current trials and help them toward a better life. I was sitting at the desk just a few days ago, listening to all the stories people came up and told me. It's interesting how uninhibited most of these people are, so willing to tell you a story, even if it may not be the complete truth, still a heart-breaker nonetheless. They make me realize that we're not so different and the chasm between us is often not as wide as some of us like to believe. I tell tales to mask my real life as I know almost everyone does.

I met a particular man, nice looking guy probably once was middle class. He didn't seem like the homeless type (and we all know we unfortunately have a stereotype in our heads). He came up to my desk and began to tell me his story. The sincere remorse and hurt he felt telling the story made it much more plausible for me. He stood in front of me, practically shaking with insecurity, telling how he had just left rehab and now had no place to go. He'd been sober 12 months and needed a bus pass to get to a job agency that he knew of to help him get work. He wasn't asking for handouts or anything of that nature. He was asking how to get to the agency.

Thoughts rolled through my head as I listened to this man. What happened to him before? Where did he come from? Where was he planning on going? Does he believe he can truly recover? Does he have family or friends to help him? Does he know a great God that can take his past and use it for great good in his future? But above all, I sat and wondered why he felt so ashamed of where he had been.

I feel that way sometimes- ashamed of my past or thinking my present as a failure. We mask our lives to represent ourselves as better than we actually think we are. We dance around the truth or put it into eloquent words to either obtain pity or a positive impression from people, whatever we're looking for. I saw this man and wondered why he felt so ashamed of a life God knew about, a life that, if he's meant to follow God, can be used to reach all those in his same position and outside of it to glorify, truly magnify this great God that can do all things. I wondered why we're all so ashamed of where we've been and where we are. When I think about it, those things really don't matter. What matters is where we're going.

I'm going a long, long way. I'm going toward and am currently in eternity with God. My past blemishes have either been erased or have been forgiven such that they can be used to carry with me to relate to and love others. I look back on a few of my past "mistakes" and realize God knew all along and has since used every one of those moments to bring me back to him and to help some other person feel God's warmth and grace.

I wanted so deeply to transfer that saving knowledge to this poor man standing in front of me at the desk. But as I tried, I too realized it's a concept that's impossible to grasp without knowing our value in the eyes of a God that made us perfect. I pray that man too will go a long, long way in life. I pray we will all realize that what really matters is where we're going. The impression that I leave with people and the accomplishments that I've had are really insignificant if you think about it. All that matters is where I'm headed.

To be ashamed of where we've been is really to tell God He hasn't been the God of our lives and hasn't been with us all along. Sure we sin but grace abounds all the more when we do. He's promised to never leave us or forsake us. So really, if you think about it, we should never be ashamed of where we've been and the only adjustments to be made are if we're not proud of where we're going.

Pumpkins

2008-10-05T21:52:00.002-04:00

My sister-in-law just sent me an email that rang rather true. It compared Christians to pumpkins. As cheesy as it may sound, the comparison is right on. If you think about it, when we becomes believers, I mean true believers, God picks us up out of the patch where we've been growing since our birth. We've been fertilized there and sown in all kinds of weeds that have previously been used to harm us. Now, God picks us up, just as we pick pumpkins out of the patch.

When you pick a pumpkin you take it home and wash it off, just like God washes all our sin and yuckiness off. It sound incredibly cheesy, but it's so accurate. Think about the rest of the process. You cut off the top so you can get all the junk out and carve a face. A person's top is his or her brain. I think where many Christians go wrong is that when we believe and put our faith in Christ He has to chop off our human thinking. We still try to function and do things on our own and we can do nothing apart from Christ. So when we do, we exist in our humanness. Our human mind is filled with our old ways of thinking and our old plans that don't include God. We have to let God chop that off and stop thinking apart from Him. We have to stop the life and the thinking we used to have and learn a whole new way of living.

After the top comes off all the goop and seeds come out. As the email went, the seeds of guilt, doubt and I can't remember what else, but the point still remains. There's still more ugly than just removing our way of viewing life. We have to let God dig it all out and scrape us until we feel like a skeleton. We may feel bare, but it's because God's tearing away the bad to put in the light that can consume us. I know when people become believers they often feel alone in the beginning. It's because you're going through the scraping process that hurts. But think about it- if you don't get all the junk out of the pumpkin it stinks and the excess could catch on fire from the flame. God graciously makes His light bigger than our junk and allows it to consume anything we could try and smooth back on to ourselves in sin.

It's an interesting comparison when I think about it. Interesting that the ordinary things in life, the traditions and daily functions, might actually hold symbolance to a higher order and a better way of living life.

Our Salvation

2008-09-29T11:42:00.003-04:00

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Our God is a God of salvation, and to God, the Lord, belong deliverances from death" Psalm 68: 19-20.

God is our salvation. Webster defines salvation as "deliverance from the power and effects of sin". God is our salvation. God is our deliverance from the power and effects of sin. Often I focus on being forgiven, asking for it and realizing I'm going to heaven if I follow God. I forget that the road is not about my pursuit, it's about God. Our salvation is not our passion, our drive or our fight to achieve eternal life, our salvation is God. I think we focus on our life here on earth, trying to do good, to be good, to produce good. Really, life's about God. God is our deliverance from sin if we have our salvation in Him. If we do, then our focus should always be on God, not on the deeds, successes we have or the souls we're winning to the Lord. Maybe it' s not a profound truth to you, but it hit me just now that God is our salvation- not OUR commitment, our Bible reading and prayer schedule, not our missionary successes, but God. We focus too much on the outer layer of Christianity instead of focusing on God. When we focus on God the other stuff just happens as a reflection of His worth to us.

Listening

2008-09-23T22:47:00.004-04:00

"When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed?' The sick man answered, 'Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.' Jesus said to him, 'Get up, take up your bed, and walk.' And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked" John 5:6-9.

A friend of mine was talking about the full breadth of this passage earlier tonight and this particular part struck me as I read it in her car. It doesn't take long to realize that most people have a problem with, or simply don't listen. Everyone has a different mindset about how questions should be answered, to what extent and with how much depth. It's interesting if you think about it how often people don't respond well to the long answer, or a different answer that expected, to their question. But mainly how we are often prone to not even answer, or at least not directly, many questions we are asked. I was thinking just this morning about how much more productive many conversations would be if people specifically answered the question assigned or asked. We instead beat around the question, answer with a story or make an excuse. Now those things are not necessarily bad all the time, but as I read this passage in John, my mind filled with empathy for Jesus. Jesus asks a simple question- Do you want to be healed? The man does not answer, a simple yes would have sufficed, but instead responds with an excuse and a complaint as to why he hasn't been healed. I realize he didn't know it was Jesus, but it makes me realize how often we don't really listen to people's questions or statements. We respond according to what we want/need to say aloud to someone or simply to fill the empty air with words. In conversations I am sometimes prone to think 'just give me an answer to the question I asked' and not tell me some circular answer that takes forever.

Now I'm a big fan of story time and I love to stay connected with what's going on in friends' lives. But I hate it when people don't listen. But what's interesting is Jesus doesn't get mad. Jesus immediately heals him. It's not because he had great faith or because he did a great deed, Jesus just recognized this guy's humanness and desire and healed. I often wish people were totally honest with me. I think Jesus' silence speaks volumes in many instances and probably taught much better lessons than Him possibly saying something. His prayer life This man didn't really listen to Jesus, but Jesus loved him anyway.

Watching

2008-09-22T20:42:00.002-04:00

"Our eyes failed, ever watching vainly for help; in our watching we watched for a nation which could not save" Lamentations 4:17. "In the morning I lay my request before you and watch" Psalm 5:3. There are many parts of scripture that talk about waiting and watching for God to fulfill His promises, to fulfill His word. Many times The Bible talks about laying our requests before Him and allowing Him to take our burdens and sustain us; not only sustain us many times but relieve our anxieties and fears to allow us freedom from the previous bondage we put ourselves in. Watch. Wait. Allow God. Give it to Him. They sound right...and good... but do we actually do it? Do we actually give everything to Him? Do we actually watch and expect God to answer? Are we really that confident and do we really believe that much?

The first verse, the one from Lamentations, hit me as I realized how much I share in common with it. I too often watch vainly, irratated or maybe even angry or confused at God for "not helping" or not answering immediately or how I saw fit. But it's profound and incredibly humbling to accumulate the times I watched for a nation which could not save. We expect ourselves to carry the burden, to win people over, to look good and be successful. We expect our friends and family to treat us not only respectfully but kindly and we often come down harshly on them to others if they don't fall into line with how we think they should be. We expect people to do things or be things that make our lives fit and seem perfect. We also often pray to a god that doesn't exist.

God is not a God of controversy. He's not a God that throws hissy fits when we don't come to Him. He's not a God that begs us to adore Him as though He needs us. But He's a God that saves. He's a God of miracles. He's a God that provides a way when there is none. "The kings of the earth did not believe, nor any of the inhabitants of the world, that foe or enemy could enter the gates of Jerusalem" Lam 4:12. You may have strong defenses or a strong hold on something that you're sure of. But it seems like Jerusalem, as well as the rest of the world, was fully convinced that their walls were impenetrable. Look what happened- God scatters them, burning their cities and making their land desolate to put it mildly, very mildly. Not to say He acts towards us in the same manner, thank the good Lord for Jesus paying our penatly and enduring the full wrath of God on the cross, but He's still a God who acts and a God that can do and will do according to His ways and His will.

I often find myself praying to a god that doesn't exist. A god who couldn't really take away my problems. The real God can.. and He will... and He does exist. We just have to believe. We also have to be honest with Him- He knows anyway.

God is never late

2008-09-21T15:01:00.004-04:00

I attended a prayer meeting at my home church last Sunday and as we prayed one of the men in my group said something that caught my attention. He said "You are never late". I run on my time, my goals, my schedule, my planning. I pray about those things often but I'm still fixated that God comes through in my timing. When things don't line up or happen according to the way I think they will I simply believe I've done something wrong instead of realizing that the wrong lies in not listening to God's timing, God's schedule, God's plan, God's goals and events. We're often prone to conclude that because we're doing "good" by helping at church, organizing something for a missions organization running an outreach program that they must all be things we should be involved with and should be successful in. I think our thinking is skewed. God never promises to fulfill our dreams, our hopes and desires of ourselves. He promises to fulfill the dreams, hopes and desires of the people IN HIM, focuced on him, consumed in the things He's focusing on. Those things really are and should be our hopes anyway.

But as I thought about God not being late it sparked something in me. As I read through the Bible, I have just currently finished the book of Jeremiah. Jeremiah makes everything he prophesies seem so immediate. He condemns the people of Israel for not following God, for turning away on countless occassions and God Himself punishes them for the sins they've committed. I found myself thinking that I wish God was as immediate with me as Jeremiah's prophesies seem to be for the people of Israel. But as I dug deeper I realized the tremendous lag that often occurred between his tellings and the actual events. Months, years, sometimes days between Jeremiah asking for a word and God delivering, between Jeremiah saying something would come true and it actually happening. God is not a God that works on our time, because our time is not perfect. We think in the here and now, the immediate, unfortunately. God thinks in the eternal and sees the big picture, literally. Even with these truths, we are prone to getting frustrated and impatient, thinking God to be mistaken or not really in control. I'm realizing in my current life that if I'm thinking along that road then there are two possible scenarios going on: 1) I'm going on my timing and even though I say outwardly I'm giving it to God, inwardly I'm still in control and working things out on my own; and 2) I'm not praying about the situation enough to really know anything for sure.

Jeremiah knew God would answer, even when people put him at the bottom of a cistern to die, when they jailed him, when they hated him, when they loved him and admired his direct line to God. Jeremiah knew and expected God to answer his every question and asking. God is never late. Never. And if we expect Him to answer we will never have to be disappointed with His timing instead of ours.

Against the Flesh

2008-09-08T00:45:00.004-04:00

There are people I am not fond of. Among these people, there are those I am not fond of their manners or their demeanor towards people; those that I do not admire their path with the Lord; those that I do not bare resemblance to as a brother or sister in Christ; those that have a strangeness about their spirituality that I cannot shake. The list could go on really, but I don't want to make too many generalities to confuse my readers. There are people I am not fond of, plain and simple.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Eph 6:12).

Satan uses bodies and humans to infiltrate ministry opportunities for evil. He uses able minded people that sound good on paper and in speech to come in and wreck things. He creates tempers and resentment to bring about problems and fights among Laborers. I came upon this truth tonight as I contemplated someone I am not particularly fond of. But here's what I realized- Satan uses humans in their humanness to sabotage ministry AND he also makes it so that those able minded souls against these foreign thoughts coming in become useless. He distracts the true believers from fighting the infiltrating evil and turns them to fight flesh and blood. We get caught up in disagreeing with people, we vote people off of ministry teams, we argue in meetings and we talk behind people's backs because we fight flesh and blood and not the rulers, authorities, cosmic powers over this present darkness, and the spiritual forces of evil. They exist. They not only exist, they thrive in most circumstances because they've either fully taken over someone or their distracting people with gossip, pride, criticism and self-righteousness so much so that they leave fantastic people helpless and useless.

Wow, I fight flesh and blood all the time. I can make a person the problem in any situation, but the problem is really that evil is in our midst and fooling one party while distracting the other. Neither is effectively and unrestrictedly serving Jesus. We forget to pray for protection against evil. I'm not criticizing regrouping a ministry and weeding tares out, I'm saying that we, or I, often judge people and target them as the problem. Satan is the propblem. Evil is the problem. Sin in the problem. We get so caught up in fighting against people for superiority that we lose sight of the real battles.

A Prayer

2008-09-06T22:43:00.002-04:00

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your Will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone. ~Thomas Merton

-A prayer that a dear friend sent recently that brought me the reality that we never face our seasons of life alone. Although I am not currently "working," my desire to please and glorify God does in fact please and glorify Him. What an amazing truth. "For man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7b.

A Big Deal

2008-09-05T17:07:00.002-04:00

I babysat some children today that reminded me of a very important life principle. As the two children stood playing with their train set, they began to argue over a particular part of the train. Each wanted the small magnetized car that which contained the important cargo unit. It was clearly the coolest part of the train so obviously they'd fight over it.. (smile). Just like children, isn't it? Someone else wants something or takes something from them and all the sudden the original person wants that particular something immediately more than they wanted it while in their possession. The boy began to whine and cry because his sister took the car. They girl began to cry when he tried to take it back.

Don't we often find ourselves thinking that what just happened is the most catastrophic and life-changing thing that's ever happened to us? Well, maybe you're not as dramatic as I am, but I know that the little things that I look back on retrospectively seem so much bigger at the time. I watched those children today and I realized that we criticize children for acting immaturely, we downplay what they're feeling because we're thinking that it's NOT a big deal AT ALL and they should calm down. But now that I think about it, I bet people older than me would say the same thing about similar moments in my life if they were to look in. I get so frazzled about events that happen, particularly right now in this transition, when in reality things don't matter as much as we think. GOD IS IN CONTROL. God knows. IF my eyes are Heavenward then the small events of my life wouldn't seem like as big of a deal. When things change I would totally believe that God has my good and my growth in mind and I should trust Him.

So it's interesting that as I look at these squabbling children I realize we're not so different- forgetting to look Heavenward and put others before ourselves. Forgetting to put our "problems" into perspective and get our list of importance in line. All that matters is that which is eternal. Father, forgive us for our humanness.

Whatever

2008-08-27T22:40:00.003-04:00

I seriously think I have done a post about this so if you are reading this for the second time then treat it like you would holy, holy- something said twice that means you need to pay extra attention to.

So I moved to Charlotte this past weekend, and I apologize for the friends reading this right now with an open mouth because I clearly have not told you. The move has been a great choice, fresh air and fresh start (not that I needed one, God graciously gave me a GREAT college experience!). anyway, stories another day.

In my life and particularly in the last few weeks surrounding my decision and move here, I've tried to set my eyes on Jesus and follow Him where He leads to effectively follow. I find that in life we dwell on the wrong things often and that's what gets us so far off track before we even know it. We watch television or absorb ourselves in other people's drama and let those things consume us to a point that our minds become set on them and not on Jesus. "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God" Romans 8:5-7a. All the drama that we carry around with us- the annoyances we have against friends, the way we pick out the smallest imperfections of people and rip them apart, our critical natures, our exaggerated stories- all of it are just ways that we set our minds on the flesh and not the Spirit.

So I ask God, Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, whatever is excellent, whatever is praiseworthy let me think about such things (Philippians 4:8). Because if I do, I honor God and that is man's chief end and purpose.

"Set your minds on things above and not on earthly things" Colossians 3:2. All that matters is that which is eternal. The switch doesn't come overnight and it's not permanent. We're sinners but the more practice you put in it the better you'll get. I find myself thinking "Things above, katie, things above, not earthly things" and then remembering Phil 4:8 and what classifies as "things above". If you love Jesus, it's worth the shot- it makes life less complicated.

Kindness

2008-08-21T18:27:00.003-04:00

I was in Target yesterday waiting in line to checkout. One of the lines had a hold-up and the people in it had been waiting for some time, seeing people in all other lines get checked out while they waited. A man from the line beside it who was about to get his turn stepped back and offered the first lady in the held-up line to go in front of him. The lady politely said "oh no, that's ok" and continued to wait.

I had two thoughts: one- the impact of small kindnesses and two- our often inability to allow someone to be thoughtful and help us.

I didn't know the man, but he seemed to have light in his eyes. Whatever the case, he was being Jesus to that lady. It was such a small thing, 3 minutes extra for him in line if she went in front, and yet it stuck out to me as remarkable that we don't choose to be Jesus to other people more often. I see people who look lost on the streets or in a store and I hardly think to ask if they want help when I'm sure I could help them. I think that there are so many small kindnesses that we choose not to interject ourselves into others' lives and we lose out on small joys that could make a lifetime for us and other people. I wonder why we aren't more focused on storing up treasures in Heaven and I think we do that by the small kindnesses.

Maybe it's because our treasure is often here on earth instead of in heaven that we're less inclined to put others before ourselves and more inclined to do whatever necessary to maximize our time, our own world, our own lives. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21).

My second thought points to the conservative nature of society. We hide things we don't want people to see- we hide the ugly parts about our lives, we hide the embarrassing moments that make us look less than perfect. And you know, we fool a few people, but the people that matter aren't fooled. But when I thought of that lady I wondered why we arent' more inclined to accept the small things people offer. We're programmed to immediately decline before we even think about what the person offers. We don't want to be needy or vulnerable I suppose by taking someone up on what they say. Although I will unfortunately say that often in our culture (yet not in this Target case) people offer things they really don't mean and then we find ourselves full circle on a possible reason why we so quickly tell people no. It's sad really, if only we stood back a moment and thought before we ask or seek help and do it because we're trying to be Jesus.

Hated for the right cause?

2008-08-20T09:18:00.002-04:00

So we're often told in the Christian world that if we want to follow Christ we have to be ok with being hated. Sunday school teachers and pastors continue to remind us that Jesus was hated- which clearly he was considering that the same people that threw palm branches in front Him welcoming him were the same people that screamed to crucify the perfect Lamb. So Jesus was misunderstood, misrepresented, hated, slandered, persecuted, abandoned and left to die by all but His mother and John. The Christian world tells us that if we are to walk in the ways of Christ then we too must follow this path and realize that we will often feel each of these emotions and states of being; we too must die to the outside world and stop caring what they think about us so that we may live more wholly for Christ and the Glory of God.

But are we hated for the right cause? I see so often in the Christian world these trail blazers that have this massive spiritual side and parade around with an almost prophetic air exclaiming that "god told them..". I use a lower case "g" because in my opinion it's blasphemy to use any other in this case. "Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son, whome he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also He created the world" (Hebrews 1:1-2). And then after Jesus' death the Spirit provides wisdom and power because God has left us a Helper to lead us in the right direction. This is the train, the way it works in all the worlds before and after us. I think that many followers want so badly to be fierce in the battle that they run out fighting for a cause that they haven't sat back and made sure was Biblical. I know of people that are "hated" or disrespected at least, the people that others talk about behind their backs as being "super-Christian" or a "Bible-beater". I think a lot of these people are sadly fighting the wrong cause.

I realize it's a fact that if we truly follow God we will be all of those things that Jesus was- misunderstood, abandoned and hated. But the sad thing is that I think a lot of people try to be such radicals to prove they love Jesus, as though God needs proof, that they get far off course and are hated for the wrong cause. I dread the thought of being hated if I'm honest, but God, make it for the right cause. Don't make me one of those bandwagon individuals that gets off course. Make me a true follower that stays so deeply in you that my foundation is steady and the waves of the world do not harm me but only build me stronger in you. It's such a sad thing to have so many different religions that we begin to pick a flavor that suits us instead of letting them drive us into the Bible to find truth and the church that truly follows God by the principles in His Word.

Armor of God

2008-08-17T15:09:00.004-04:00

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the WHOLE armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil i nthe heavenly places. Therefore take up the WHOLE armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm" (Ephesians 6:10-13)

Those of us that have grown up in the church have heard the full length of this passage a few dozen times but it recently has made me step back and exam it further. The passage doesn't say "put on some of the armor" or "try to put on at least a few pieces each day".. it says "Put on the WHOLE armor of God". Do I put on the whole armor? It's difficult to remember to strap on my shoes fitted for the readiness given by the gospel of peace particularly when I really want to yell at that person for doing exactly what I just asked them not to do. Or, do I remember to whip out my sword of the Spirit in response to other people thereby responding to someone's questions through scripture and not through my own opinions. This is a hard one for me particularly because if you know me at all you know I'm rather opinionated and yet I'm so very human. What a better way to combat my humaness than to be so equipped with scripture that I can respond in God's perfect words instead of my human and imperfect narration. Another striking piece of the armor is the belt of truth. Wow, here's one I often throw over my shoulder but don't fully fasten. There is only one way to truth and righteousness and those ways have GOd in them. HOw often are we led to leaving some important details out or amplifying the story just a bit to make ourselves sound better? If God truly is in control then we need not exaggerate at all- He's got it and He'll make our lives great- if we let Him and don't screw it up!

I'm sure you're familiar with the rest of the pieces- the helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness and the shield of faith. It amazes me that we're suppose to carry all of that each day, each moment. It shows our great need to spend time alone with God to be able to carry all of this equipment!

I'm also sure you know the days when you haven't carried all of your armor. It's the days that your lose your temper and someone gets hurt. The sad thing though is that because of sin we're bound to mess up. Even when we have the armor on there are times when evil arrows will find their ways through but take heart because GOd has overcome the world. Focus on each piece for each day and "keep alert with all perseverance" (v18). If you do, I can promise life will be worth fighting for- yours and others.

A God afar off

2008-07-31T23:29:00.002-04:00

If I was ever asked my biggest problem with God, or confusion rather, I would say that I am often frustrated with the earnest followers I know seeking God from all different versions of religion. How can this be? Today is not the day I offer a view of predestination, baptism or even the necessary works to reach Heaven. I'm referring to major differences- such as Mormons, Catholics, Protestants, Muslims etc. I know people that earnestly seek God, much more so than I do to be honest. Yet, when I listen to them and all of their wise council, they often have things to say that cannot be totally right. Somewhere in their words the modified phrase "I've been praying and I really feel that God is telling me" or "This is God's will, I'm supposed to do this" etc. etc. You HAVE to have heard it. I say it all the time. [SIDENOTE: Do we use God as an excuse to justify our actions so that others support us- Mainly because we so desperately need others' approval to make ourselves feel better?] How can we not all hear the same Guide, the same right and wrong? How can someone earnestly seeking, someone open to hearing God's truth, not hear it?

I encountered some men from the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints the other day (Mormons). I really enjoy talking to people from all religions and so of course I invited them in. These questions I'm asking pain me once again because of these guys. They talked about how much they pray, how committed they must be in order to be a missionary, and the sacrifices they give for the church. It also makes me think about Muslims that pray, what is it, 5 times a day? Or what about the Christian who seeks God on a matter and feels she's been given a word that from a bystanders position could NOT be God's command. Ok, I'm trying to purposely exclude the non-genuine imposters that invade religion and claim to know God but do not humbly seek Him. I'm refering to the humble spirits who I genuinely believe are found in the pages of the Book of Life. I dare not widen the gates of Heaven by saying that we're ALL right in our current strivings and paths... so where's the hitch? Are we not earnestly seeking, are we just so human and tainted that we can't come to God genuinely and our world is so tangled in evil that God doesn't intervene and give us religious direction as much as He did Paul or Moses? Why is there no indication in our world as to the correct way, the way that true Christians follow?

"For who among false prophets has stood in the council of the Lord to see and to hear His word, or who has paid attention to His word and listened? Behold, the storm of the Lord!... But if they had stood in My council, then they would have proclaimed My words to My people, and they would have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their deeds." (Jeremiah 23:18-19a, 22).

So does this still hold? Does God promise that if we stand in His council we will hear truth? Ok yes to that question.. but let me ask a better: How do we genuinely stand in His council so that we can make good on this promise to hear truth? I consider myself to be decent at knowing the truly genuine seekers but are they? It's strange to think if so many very logical and intelligent people are so far off from God's ways then just how far off am I? Can I rely on this gut feeling I have to tell me right and wrong as 99% of us do? Here's the thing, my heart's inherantly evil, so no, I cannot rely on my emotions to tell me. Yes, the Spirit's voice can be there, but is that the voice you hear?

"Am I a God at hand, declares the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord." (vs 23-24). I sometimes wish the "storm of the Lord" (v19) existed as publicly as it did then- it'd be scarier, but I'd have an answer- quick. It just drives me crazy recently to try to wrap my mind around such fantastic people that I know, people that seek God and read the Bible, people that try to be like Christ and yet have views that to me are so different from not only others' but also from the Bible. I know we're fallen, but how can this be?

Huck Finn

2008-07-13T22:05:00.002-04:00

I just finished reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn- great book actually. It's one of Mark Twain's crowning achievements how he is able to get away with so many outrageous happenings on account of it being Huck who is the narrator and so therefore they are "his" beliefs coming through in the tale. Anyway, I like the book because I love getting inside Huck's head and seeing how he sees things and feels about them. He isn't very smart or pure and yet seems to outsmart people and come around to do the right thing somehow.

My point: My favorite line of the adventure is this- "It's the little things that smoothes people's roads the most". He doesn't speak the best english, he doesn't always think before he does things and he messes up A LOT, but he realizes that a kindness goes a long way and he chooses to do things that will smooth the road of life for others. So there's your thought for the day!

Tribeless

2008-07-10T21:39:00.003-04:00

I read part of a book today that's called The Scalpel and the Silver Bear. The book is about the Navajo people and one such girl's journey between the Navajo and American worlds. She herself was half and half yet in her heart she felt completely Navajo. The story follows her dividedness to college when she spoke of how outcast and ostracized she felt for her native roots. This is what she had to say about her college experience:

"Some years later, reflecting back on my college experiences, I realized something else. Much of the outside, non-Indian world is tribeless, full of wandering singular souls, seeking connection through societies, clubs, and other groups. White people know what it is to be a family, but to be a tribe is something of an altogether different sort. It provides a feeling of inclusion in something larger, of having a set place in the universe where one always belongs. It provides connectedness and a blueprint for how to live. At Darmouth the fraternities and sororities seemed to be attempts to claim or create tribes. Their activities often seemed to be unconscious re-creations of rituals and initiation ceremonies. But the fraternities emphasized exclusion as much as inclusion...I began to honor and cherish my tribal membership, and in the years that followed I came to understand that such membership is central to mental health, to spiritual health, to physical health. A tribe is a community of people connected by blood or heart, by geography and tradition, who help one another and share a belief system. Community and tribe not only reduce the alienation people feel but in doing so stave off illness. In a sense they are a form of preventative medicine. Most Americans have lost their tribal identities."

I think that's one of the big problems in our world. We lost our community, our central beliefs, our inclusion of others. a correctedness for the blueprint on how to live. I think most everyone feels lost in some regard at different points in life and the way to find ourselves is to build life together. The road less traveled is certainly the right path, but that doesn't mean it has to be traveled alone.

Fanaticism

2008-06-09T13:18:00.003-04:00

I read a newspaper article last week about the Gaza Strip that Israel currently controls. Iran, Al Qaeda and a few other big names would like it back to say the least, or free usage of it at the very least "or else" they say. Al Qaeda issued a plea to "all Muslims everywhere" to do whatever is necessary by whatever means necessary to get access and control of it back. They said do it for your beliefs and for your people. Now I have been prown in this whole mess to think that the fanatical Muslims doing all of the suicide bombings were cruel and crazy people that were brainwashed and horrible. But you know I read something in psalms just now that has turned around my thinking somewhat. "For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He adorns the humble with salvation. Let the godly exult in glory; let them sing for joy on their beds. Let the high praises of God be in their throats and two-edged swords in their hands, to execute vengeance on the nations and punishments on the peoples to bind their kings with chains and their nobles with fetters of iron, to execute on them the judgement written! This is honor for all His godly ones. Praise the Lord!" Psalm 149:4-9.

It's really easy to confuse right and wrong. I read these passages and had a large amount of cognitive dissonance because my Christian world has always taught me that I am to act kindly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God. My Christian world has taught me to let God be their judge and to let Him lead me. And my Christian world is right. My point is not what these verses were actually written for and what they mean for us; my point is that it's really easy to confuse what we think what we read means and what our influences are telling us. It's also easy to confuse what's right with what people or your mind is telling you.

My other point it this: I find myself thinking amidst all of these tragic happenings and loses we have seen from Muslim fanatics and I can't help but slightly long for the passion they have. Not all of them obviously, but I watched a documentary the other day on a family of a suicide bomber and they were talking about how proud they were of him and what a great honor it was. He said the same thing and then you see him get into his car and drive away to complete his mission. What if Christians were that convicted and that pursuant of the prize? What if truth was so heavily fought for that people would settle for no less? What the suicide bombers do is certainly not the answer, but what if this world had the passion and conviction that they have to complete the task assigned to them? I believe as Christians we are on this earth with a mission: a mission to let this world know about Jesus, whether it's being Jesus or speaking Jesus. What if we didn't settle for any less from ourselves or those around us that have the same mission?

the true self

2008-06-01T18:05:00.003-04:00

Have you ever really admitted to God who you really were? Right then and there I bet you met Jesus- and experienced hope in a way you had never before imagined. God doesn't really start working in our lives until we trust Him with who we really are. That is perhaps the first taste of the true faced life. When we first become believers it's stunning. Incredible. It paints our world in colors we hardly knew existed. But, something happened to many of us in the intervening years. We lost confidence that His delight of us and new life in us would be a strong enough impetus for a growth that would glorify God and fix our junk. So, we gradually bought the slick sales pitch that told us we would need to find something more, something others seemed to have that we could never quite get our hands around. Something magical and mystical that we would receive if we tried hard enough and proved good enough, often enough. And so we began learning to prop things up. We went back to trying to impress God and others-- back to posturing, positioning, manipulating, trying to appear better than who we are. Our two-faced life has severely stunted our growth. And broken our hearts. And left us gasping. Although we may have accumulated titles, status, and accomplishments, we personally remain wounded and immature--long on "success", but short on dreams. We are jealous of the people who live in the true-faced life, but our loss of hope has forced us into desperately trying to discover safety from behind our masks. In a very real sense, we are all performers. Because of sin, we've lost confidence that we will always please our audience, and so we put on a mask. As an unintended result, no one, not even the people we love, ever get to see our true face. Once we put on a mask, we have a hard time taking it off.

We can never resolve our sin by working on it. Nor can our striving to sin less keep us from future sins. Oh, we may change behaviors for a while, but as we try to hide the sins we can't control, we are unwittingly inviting blame, shame, denial, fear and anger to become our constant companions. The key to our maturity and freedom lies in the dominant motive that governs our relationship with God. Pleasing God is actually a by-produce of trusting God. Pleasing is not a means to our personal godliness, it is the fruit of our godliness for it is the fruit of trust. We will never please God through our efforts to become godly. Rather, we will only please God-- and become godly--when we trust God. Not do, but be. Trust God with who you are and you will find a way to put down the mask.
-taken from TrueFaced by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and John Lynch

Why do we stray?

2008-05-26T23:28:00.004-04:00

I was reading the call of Jeremiah just now and its words jump off the page. What an honor it must have been to have the Creator of the universe say such powerful words spoken directly to you. But then I realized that if God said these things to Jeremiah then He's saying the same great things to you and I just in our own context of qualities He's equipped us with. "But you, dress yourself for work; arise, and say to them everything that I command you. Do not be dismayed by them, lest I dismay you before them. And I, behold, I make you this day a fortified city, an iron pillar, and bronze walls, against the whole land, against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests, and the people of the land. They will fight against you, but they shall not prevail against you, for I am with you, declares the Lord, to deliver you" (Jeremiah 1:17-19). Such powerful words spoken to you and I. It says "Be ready for each day- make it count. Do what God says, stay true to the Bible. Don't be afraid of man because God is definitely greater" God's saying, "Hey, I'm making you solid, a person with great stability that can withstand ANYTHING. I'm making you someone trustworthy and refined. Someone prepared and fearless. Trust me." It's such a great promise that God makes here in the first chapter of Jeremiah.

The part that struck me just now and considering the promise we just talked about is this: "What wrong did your fathers find in me that they went far from me, and went after worthlessness, and became worthless?...Has a nation changed its gods, even though there are no gods? But my people have changed their glory for that which does not profit (2:5,11). I realized that there in lies the problem: when we stray from God it's because we changed our god, we've exchanged our glory for something else. Our new god and glory could be wealth, getting what we want, temporary happiness in friends or being noticed, beauty, things, love, comfort or whatever else. We've changed our gods. It's not that God is far off, it's not even that something is wrong with our relationship with God; it's that something is wrong with our relationship with other things, other people that we are confusing to be our glory and our joy. If your life is unstable or unhappy- even if for a moment- make sure your priority, your God and your glory are set on Jesus. He's not going anywhere, only you are.

I see a lot of the people around me doing this and if you do too then here is Heaven's answer: "Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate" (2:12). Don't be ok with it, DON'T not saying anything. Don't get used to complacency, it's eating away at our culture. Don't be the one that feeds the virus. It's the small things in life that when let slide can hurt us worse than we know and before we realize it we've exchanged our glory and the people that love us have let us. Don't be ok with that.

What should matter

2008-05-02T21:09:00.004-04:00

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods, for His steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for His steadfast love endures forever;
to Him who alone does great wonders, for His steadfast love endures forever;
to Him who by understanding made the heavens, for His steadfast love endures forever.....
to Him who divided the Red Sea in two, for His steadfast love endures forever...
to Him who led His people through the wilderness, for His steadfast love endures forever...
It is He who remembered us in our low estate, for His steadfast love endures forever;
and rescued us from our foes, for His steadfast love endures forever;
He who gives food to all flesh, for His steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven, for His steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136

Read the whole psalm at your next chance and let its words seep into you. Do you hear it? the repetitive nature of the psalm. When I read it yesterday morning I was originally irritated about having to repeat "for his steadfast love endures forever". I lost all context and relevance in the story line with saying that over and over. I couldn't concentrate. When I finished reading I decided that I would go back through and read only the first lines of each verse which is a story about the attributes of God, the great things He did, the trials Israel went through and how thoughout all of it God rescued them and was faithful. Ok, so I got about half way through reading the first lines when I realized that God wrote scripture perfectly. He planned it out, He made not only the books in perfect order but the chapters, verses and words. Each are there for a reason in that spot. I'm not meant to pick and choose. I'm meant to read it all. So because of this thought I started over at the beginning.

I read it aloud and focused on each word, regardless of repetition or not. I couldn't concentrate again on the story line and I realized something. His love endures forever took over the story. It took over the whole passage because it was in each verse. What if that line His love endures forever took over my life story line? I could no longer concentrate on each individual aspect of life- all my hurts, my desires, my frustrations, my likes and joys, my things that fire me up whether good or bad. I couldn't focus on any of that stuff because after every phrase, after every move, after every thought, after every action, after every glance came for His love endures forever. My story would blur, my focus would change, my attitude would be different and my eyes would be solely focused on Jesus because they would have to be. The only way I knew what the story was about in the psalm was by reading the lines without reading the key part. Without the key, without Gods love our story will be the focus and our lives and God's interaction will be the focus. But that shouldn't be. The focus is His love enduring forever. If I focus there, only that which is important will matter.

By Name

2008-04-08T13:49:00.002-04:00

"The sheep hear His voice and He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out" John 10:3. He calls me by name. That verse came to light in Mississippi for me. As it struck me the words, "I have called you by name, you are Mine" came into my head from the familiar song. Over our spring break trip to Bay St. Louis to do Hurrican Katrina relief, I had the pleasure of meeting the crew chief of our house project. He was very particular about how he wanted things to be done. The first day was rather frustrating to some of our group because he did most things himself instead of letting us help or do some of the measuring and marking. We were starting the construction of a house on about 10-foot stilts. Anyway, you see where this is going- we were all having a hard time being productive and being loud while having fun was not advisable. About half way through the day I decided to enact some of the things I have learned from a lifetime of trying to meet people where they are as well as the knowledge I have gained from my elementary education classes. I decided to be exactly what he was asking for. I stood beside him and asked questions. Knowing the answer was of no importance, asking the questions was. Somehow he started to like me and we began to strike up a rather intriguing conversation. He was hard of hearing and so would get flustered and nervous when people got loud. He had bad previous experience with a bunch of students and so was hesitant to let us do things without tight supervision. It all made sense really and instead of us helping the situation and being willing to bend ourselves to getting to know him and seeing it from his perspective we were more inclined to get angry that he wasn't letting us help.

He had made the comment on the first day that he was terrible with names. It was true. After the second day, however, he knew my name. It was the craziest feeling for such a simple thing but I'm not sure if I've ever felt so proud of my name and ever realized how much more gripping it will feel when God Himself says it someday. He called me by name. By that simple word "Katie" he accepted me. He deemed me worthy.

I say all of this not to point out my great deed but to make two points. One: we often do not take ourselves out of situations and look at it from another person's angle. There are always under-the-surface factors involved that we must step back and see before we cast judgements and make situations worse. Second, that Jesus accepts us. He calls us by name and we are His. It's such a comforting place, a place where we can leave everything that is going on in our lives and feel whole and know that we matter there. I want to be a person who calls people by name. I want people to feel at home with me because they know I've accepted them. They know I truly love them. The only way I can do that is to focus on Jesus and see that it is evil and not we ourselves that should be treated like evil. We must cast evil out and hate it but we must learn how to love the fallible humans that lay beneath those sometimes dark deeds. It's the old saying, "love the sinner, hate the sin" but it's so true. If we allow our emotions to guide us we will get angry when things aren't right, but if we let Jesus guide us we will love the sinner inspite of what they do.

Sacrifice

2008-04-07T19:03:00.002-04:00

"We look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" 2 Cor 4:18. How often do I sacrifice the eternal for the temporal? I know I harp on this a lot in these postings and if you talk to me even more, but I can't stress it enough. I had a moment just a little while ago that hit me in the heart. Do you ever have those moments that you knew were going to come around and hurt because you chose to let something slide a while ago that now comes back? It was a moment that could have easily been avoided had I not settled for temporal affirmation and satisfaction. We are prone to think that we can let our friends off by not telling them the things that they do to cut us down and "love them in spite of it". Yes, it's true, but there are those moments when we KNOW we should say something, know that they cannot and should not be treating someone like this and yet we allow them. We convince ourselves that this is really loving them and that we need to learn to be stronger and not be so emotionally driven. The details are of no value, but why do we do that? Why do we want people to accept us and stay around so much that we sacrifice the really loving part of the friendship? We do what we need to do at that moment to make them happy instead of being the friend that they really need. Because when we're honest no one really wants that friend right now- the friend that tells you it's not ok to treat them a certain way; the friend that kindly tells you when you should have done what you said you would do; the friend who lets you know that the way you acted the other day or that comment that you made was not appropriate. Those friends, we have a hard time with them. They're the people that love us so much they tell us when they can no longer listen to what we're talking about because it's not uplifting to the Kingdom. The friends that stand by our side when we need stability against all odds and yet tell us when we were wrong.

Anyway, it's because we set our eyes on the things that are seen. We set our eyes on being affirmed, set our eyes on being the best; set our eyes on being well-liked and having lots of attention. We set our eyes on success as being always having plans, always having friends calling, always having the right things to say and do. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Our treasure is our success and affirmation. We want so desperately to be told that we're valued, that we matter. But you know, that shouldn't be my treasure and it's no wonder that because it is my treasure that that is why my life is often filled with disappointment. "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." When your heart is where your treasure is then your mouth is gonna speak some pretty temporal things that are of occasional momentary value but hardly any eternal. It'll make your a decent short-term friend but not worth it for the long run.

So what do we do? We must not lose sight of the prize. "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God had called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Are we pressing on or are we standing still waiting on people to affirm us and lead our lives? We must not lost sight of Jesus. We MUST set our eyes on the eternal, on Jesus. We must set our treasure on things that matter so that we can realize we matter because the things inside of us matter. If our treasure is eternal then our heart will be there which means our overflow from our hearts is good so that our mouths will speak truth and things of value.

If you have those moments that you're not sure why you're insecure, acting weird or you say something that you're not sure why you said it, know that you're human. But know that's not an excuse. Check your heart, check your treasure. Make sure they're eternal. Make sure they matter because it's the only way you will.

Expecting Sunday

2008-03-24T23:10:00.003-04:00

An Easter thought arose in my mind yesterday after receiving a sweet friend's kind note. The note was a warm touch from someone dear to me that knew exactly where I was in life and sought to tell me that he supported me there. I think we search our whole lives for people that will support us and encourage us even at their own expense. Anyway, that's another day. This day is about Easter, blessed Easter.

I woke up Easter morning feeling anxiety. I've had the feeling ever since I got back in town from Mississippi. I went to MS for spring break for Hurricane Katrina relief, but that discussion will come soon. Transitions from long trips or back to reality are always difficult for me. Anxiety comes with the territory. It's more of a time will heal issue than an need to talk it out, but I'm deviating from the real issue at hand. I read life words in a short phrase that this friend wrote. He said that we'll all have our Fridays, but take hope because expect Sunday to come. So much meaning packed into that small phrase. We'll all have our Fridays- those days that are deathly, terrible, blinding, beating and draining. Those days that we can't get up to save our lives and we feel defeated. Those sad days or the day nothing goes right and every good intention turns bad and is taken wrong. Those days. Then there's Saturday- the day that we wait. You are probably all too familiar with those days- the day you get really impatient because you have no clue what God is doing or where He is because He should be acting or at least being vocal about His intentions (or at least this is what you're irritatedly thinking). Those days you run around with no direction and feel like you've hit a dead end and life hangs on that next step if only you knew what it was and it's so frusterating because you honestly would follow God or so you think if He just directed you.

Then there's always a Sunday. Easter Day. The Day Jesus Christ rose from the dead and declared freedom to all the captives. The day sin was overcome and we were fully able to reflect the image of Christ to God as He stood in our very place and cancelled our debt. The day that's glorious and you're pretty sure nothing could possibly go wrong. Even the few minor hiccups of people's doubts or misunderstandings don't bother you because it's a great day. The kind of day that shouts freedom and simplicity. The day that everything is clear and your way is steady and sure. The days that give you a renewed sense of rest in Jesus and satisfaction and contentment. Those days, those great days.

But ya know, in my 22 years of life I've found that it's the Fridays I'm most thankful for. The days that are hard and trying, the ones that I'm not sure I'm gonna make it through. Those are the days that I learn my need for a mighty Savior, one who will never leave me or forsake me. One who walks alongside me on that particular Friday I'm having and says, "Cast your burden on me for I care for you" or tells me that He will never give me any more than I can bear. So I feel privileged on those hard days that God has declared me strong enough to withstand what He has given me and that I am being refined to be more like Him.

Without the Fridays we wouldn't continue to die so that we can live more like Christ. In all my life I hope that I continue to thank God for Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays that this life brings.

Whatever

2008-03-09T16:34:00.004-04:00

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9). Such common words in our Christian vocabularly, yet they hit me today as I read Colossians. My eyes caught a passage marked above in chapter 4 of Philippians as I scanned the first page of Colossians about rejoicing in the Lord always and as I read through the remander of Philippians those 2 simple verses caught my eye. Think about these things. My mind races and I'll have to admit I'm slightly ashamed when I think of what I think about. How often I am thinking about something very different than my facade appears and my actions portray. "Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." I wish not. How often do I live up to the outward appearance but not to the heart, the inward thoughts and desires that consume me so often with evil. So how to I combat this? How do I strive with all His energy to follow God? I think about such things. I think about whatever is true, whatever is honorable, commendable, pure, excellent and worthy of praise. I choose to set my mind on things above and not on earthly things. For the things of this world are fading, but the eternal things are forever. What else do I do? Practice what I have learned and seen. The interesting thing to me was that this is Paul speaking, not Jesus. Not the perfect man that descended to earth to take away our sins, no. It's Paul, the guy who transformed from truly terrible to truly magnificient because he let Christ be all. How did he do it? By thinking about such things. By letting Christ be his role model, his person that he looked to for practice for life. Look at the promise- the God of Peace will be with you. What more could we ask for in life, what more could be want? You may not know that's what you want, that's what you need, and you may be thinking that you wish you could honestly say that's all you want. But know this, in 22 1/2 years of life I have come up short in every avenue that I have desired that wasn't God. I have come up short and it has failed me. It has disappointed and left me wanting. The God of Peace will be with you. You can't have peace and still be wanting. You can't have peace and be disappointed. You can't, and you won't. It's a promise.

Fight against my enemies

2008-02-18T10:43:00.002-05:00

"Fight against those that fight against me.... Be a barrier against my pursuers." (psalm 35:1,3)

What are the things that fight against me? Let us not lose the comfort and power that is available to us in this scripture by relating the psalmist's prayer to the larger matters only. It touches on and includes the smallest, as well. The wave that sweeps over the great rock is the same that sweeps over the tiny shell on the shore. It is the littlest things of life, the minute, un-important-looking things that are most likely to shatter our peace. Because they are so small, it is most likely that we will fight them ourselves instead of looking up at once to our Strong God- our Barrier between us and them, as the pillar of cloud formed a barricade between the Egyptians and Israel (Exodus 14:20). Fight against them that fight against me...that is to say, against the little foolish feelings that want to keep us back from saying to the blessed will of God, "I am content to do whatever you say-fight against these pursuing feelings, O God!" THEN it will be true: "My soul will rejoice in the Lord and delight in His salvation. My whole being will exclaim, "Who is like you, o Lord? You rescue the poor from those too strong for them" (psalm 35:9-10). What joy our lives can be-when we continually prove His tenderness in the very little things. There is nothing too small for Him to help. He is indeed a Barrier between us and our pursuers. "How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings!" (psalm 36:7). Edges of His Ways p.137

Seeking Men's praise

2008-02-17T14:26:00.003-05:00

From my favorite author to you:

IF the praise of others elates me...
if the blame of others depresses me...
if I cannot rest when I am misunderstood, without defending myself...
if I love to be loved, more than to give love...
if I love to be served, more than serving...

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

~If Amy Carmichael

For the Idealists out there

2008-02-04T22:48:00.000-05:00

"Woe to those who draw iniquity with cords of falsehood,
who draw sin as with cart ropes, who say: 'Let Him be quick,
let Him speed His work that we may see it;
let the counsel of the Holy One of Israel draw near,
and let it come, that we may know it!'
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil,
who put darkness for light and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!
Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine, and valiant men in mixing strong drink,
who acquit the guilty for a bribe, and deprive the innocent of his right!" Isaiah 5:18-23.

I love the fact that 2 verses earlier is says, "But the Lord of hosts is exalted in justice and the Holy God shows himself holy in righteousness." Clears up the doubt anyone might have had that the God who just said woe four times in a very earth-shaking consequence sort of way could possibly be unjust or unrighteous in His anger. He's still perfect, even in these deadly serious woes. These verses hit me in my pursuit through the Bible as they so clearly lay out what's not ok: Don't tell God to hurry up. He's got great timing, you hush. Don't ask God to see what He's doing, yet again He's in charge you hush. God doesn't owe you anything, especially a life-map so you know where you're going. You may not know His counsel or the next step until it comes, but it's ok and be ok with it.
The part that hit me the most starts in verse 20. How often do I call evil good? How often do I justify things I know are wrong? How often do I veer off the path ever so slightly and make it ok saying that my actions are still better than most? Better than others, as though that's the benchmark, as though doing the right thing is more about hitting close to the target as being good enough. If it's not absolutely right, it's WRONG. that hurts. It's true. Then the kicker in 21 with woe to those who are wise in their own eyes- woe to the people who think they're good at following all the other woes. Woe to the people who try to be good on their own without falling at the feet of Jesus everyday and admitting out inadequacy and allowing His strength to carry our weakness. That's it, that's all the Christian life is about. Weakness entrusting itself to a mighty one to be kept and used to illuminate the Lord of the Universe.

The woes are not meant to be binding and weighing. They're meant to free us from the human justification and lying we do to ourselves everyday. They're meant to raise us to a higher standard and so to start living from that view and not the world's platform. Unless we actually raise our eyes, we'll never see the Son rise and so be called to sit in that light eternally starting today.

Are the good kids happy?

2008-01-31T01:07:00.000-05:00

If I ever write a book someday I think this might just be the title Are the Good Kids Happy? We who have grown up in a Christian home and chosen to follow Christ since the womb are the "good kids". You know who you are, the ones that in the world's eyes have never done anything wrong, who all the parents want their kids to be like, who always seem to make the responsible choice and never disobey. Yeah, WE are the good kids. Sure, we are few in number because we always have dropouts- the secret bad kids that you don't find out about until they have some party scandal and stay-at-home, Bible study mom absolutely falls apart and everyone in the church is praying for that sad family -OR- the kids who go ballistic in college and lose all sense of urgency.

So what is life about? Did we miss the boat and put far too much emphasis on our own happiness and cast aside the eternal mindset that God intended? Should we look less to the immediate pleasures this world is so fond of dealing us and press on to the ultimate goal to win the prize at the end of the race? Where is the race? What happened to the prize being all that you want and strive after in a race? Am I in the race?

Are the good kids happy? The kids that follow Christ and choose not to turn away when so many others have tread their trail and forged in the wrong direction. The kids that our adult culture applauds and recognizes as "mature", "grown-up" and a "great kid" to name a few. And let me be honest, we know those kids, typically nerdy with a social life that consists of either church activities or at the very least church friends that you spend all your time with doing scavenger hunts, playing board games and going on weekend church retreats. So are they happy? Where are the pioneers? Where are the zealous college students bursting to tell the "going out" crowd how ecstatic they are about Jesus? Are are we? I get so tired of hearing about the good kids (yes, I still am one..) and how responsible they are. Anyone can be responsible. Anyone can make good choices. Anyone can be a great kid. The hard thing is can someone do all those things while reaching out with both hands to the ones that aren't doing the good things and love them so deeply and joyously that your excitement and happiness for Jesus spill out on that person?

Can we? Can the good kids be happy? Can the good kids go out and have fun without being in a Christian bubble? Can Christians have fun by the world's standards or are we conforming too much to this world? If I were reading a book, this is what I would want to read about. Stuff that affects us right now, stuff that makes Christianity show its true colors before people sell their souls. We can't preach a message that isn't real, that Christianity is all fun and happiness living in Christ (in our world's standards) but we have to preach what is real, because only that is life-giving and fulfilling. So are the good kids really happy?

Capacity to Sin

2008-01-14T23:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, so officially I have been wrestling with this question, or more of a line of thought, for 3 days now. Here it is: Was the life that Adam and Eve had in the garden pre-sin ultimately fulfilling and completely joy-giving, was it complete and without lack? Ok, hold your ponies before you answer. Here's a background. What did pre-sin life look like IN (not for, but they themselves look like) Adam and Eve? I can't picture it because I live in humaness, I have a great, I mean GREAT capacity to sin and mess things up. They didn't. They didn't struggle internally, they didn't fuss or fight, they didn't get mad. But they did think illogically one fateful day that marked time forever. So did they have the capacity all along to sin? How was sin never in the world and then a sneaky snake soon to be slithering comes along and brings temptation with it. Isn't contemplating temptation a sin, so didn't she really sin before she sinned the memorable one? Ok, you free-willers out there, I hear you. God loves them so much that he allowed them the choice to live life and they chose sin. So He built them fallible? They had to have had the capacity to sin in order to sin, right? so how was sin not always in the world if they were able to sin?

Stop. Let me retrace all of the questioning and potential slandering that I just did. I believe in an abundantly powerful, ultimately life-giving and joyous God. But what rubs me wrong is our theological tendency to get so high up that we don't think elementary-like (made that phrase up). My statement is this: "One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet." prov 27:7 (read my last entry). If we are full on God, like they should have been in the garden, why would you want more, how could you think there could be more? Stop looking at it in humaness with a sinful eye. Was it simply a curiousity, but isn't even that wrong and wrong was not in the world. Or here is another example: would you EVER cheat on your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend? Why not?.. so how could you in your very sinful humaness not want to cheat on your other half and yet they wanted in their perfectness to cheat on God? They didn't think about it that way I am sure, but how did they think about it imperfectly if they were perfect?

I'll stop. I have much more to say but I dare not dig my hole deeper. These are just thoughts you see, less of questioning and just thoughts really. And just for clarifications sake- I believe in a God that's ok with me saying stuff like this, just so you know.

Those days

2007-11-29T00:12:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had that day where you wish you could be someone else? I'm not talking about a specific someone else, like seeing a girl and thinking "I wish I was her". No, I'm talking about being tired of being you if I put it bluntly. It's not the ultimately tired of me, it's just today's day. It was a great day actually, I got a lot accomplished and still had time to do the things I wanted. I'm not sure what caused this sudden realization that I had tonight at The Cross. I'm selfish. I want all eyes on me but when they are I don't want it. I want everyone to adore me but when they do I don't want it. I want all the friends in the world but when I have them I want to be alone. I want to control things but when I do I don't like it. But you know what is the big picture of all of this? I'm not abiding in Christ, I'm abiding in Katie. I'm abiding for myself and the immediate pleasures of life. I'm sacrificing the eternal for the temporal. I have no answers to it, no real solutions. I just have a great realization that the way I live life is often wrong. It's wrong because if I'm looking out for my interests and advantages I have my eyes set on the wrong prize.

"One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet." Proverbs 27:7. I read that yesterday and it's so profound to me today. We should be full in Christ, we should be continually being fed and nurtured by Him because we trust our entire survival on Him. We should loath any sweet thing from a lesser source than Jesus. We should loath it because we don't need it, because it's unimportant. You know sweet things, like compliments, kindnesses, favors etc. The people giving them are not unimportant and they should be praised, but the acts themselves are unneeded to build your life. I think I build a lot of my life on those things, those shifting sand for a foundation things. The next part of the verse says "but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet". It's the same story, different verse. We may not be empty, at the end of our ropes, but most of us are not filled. So we take that even tiny unfilled space in us and we try to make something fill it. Even bitter things we convince ourselves are great, worth it and perfect for us. You know the bitter things, like the sweet things except the particular things that you know deep down aren't just right. The relationships that you force because you want to date someone, the things you say to people because you think it might elevate your status to them when you know deep down you shouldn't have said that (whether because it was a lie or because it was something bad about someone). Whatever the bitter things, the things that don't fill and aren't worth it if we can emotionally unattach ourselves to our lives and see it, those things seem sweet. We sell ourselves short. "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C.S. Lewis

Hold on

2007-11-11T23:25:00.000-05:00

I learn things so quickly in life, sometimes in such a mess of learning that the ideas get jumbled and I easily let them go. I suppose it would be more correct to say I hear concepts or I realize things often in life but I rarely actually apply them to life and let them change me. But, for now let me draw out all the thoughts in my head and try to make some sense.

"Let us Hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23. This promise was huge to me today. How often I have struggled recently to actually apply the truths I speak of. It's so easy to get into a conversation about what life should be like whether by talking about a more fulfilling life of things of wish I was doing or pretending that my life is spectacular and adding a few details to the easily monotonous, routinely ordinary life that I lead. Don't hear me complaining because of outside sources, it's my fault, but life just seems to be same-old same-old (if that's even how you spell that old saying..). But look at the verse "hold fast, hold unswervingly" as another translation has it to hope. The hope that God is so good and faithful to fulfill our joy, to "make it complete or overflowing". If we don't hold tight without letting to and believe and apply the hope, the faith, the ideas, the conversations, the inspirations that we have then we've got nothing to hold onto. We fall when we have nothing to hold on to to steady us. To have a hand grip is stability, it makes the rock beneath our feet that much easier to remain planted on. Ok, so what promise? Well, God promises so much in the Bible that it's awesome. The promise of 2 Chronicles 7:14, "If my people will humble themselves and pray and seek my face then I will turn to them and heal them." And the same is true about this promise that if you call on the name of Jesus you will be saved. Just like that and "If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness." Hear that key word purify? That's huge! I think I get hung up on being forgiven of my sins and being washed clean and I miss the end. I get so frusterated because I do bad things but I don't change after I see they were bad. I sin over and over, particularly with being lazy and selfish. but he says if we confess He will not only forgive but purify us from all unrighteousness PURIFY- that means purge, get rid of completely. That means if I truly take everything to God, even my frusteration about continuously sinning he will purify me and he who promises is faithful.

The middle of the Hebrews verse says hold on the the hope "unwaveringly". What would my life be like if everything I did was with confidence, with a surety that didn't need affirmation or acceptance? That no matter the outcome I acted the same way to people or situations? What would life be like if even when I didn't get the response from someone I was hoping I was unwavering and my love for them never faltered to be disappointment or irritation?

God teach me to hold your hope without wavering. Teach me to run this race with perseverance. Teach me to do your will and to live each day as if it were the best day of the year. Teach me how you love.

Accessible

2007-10-02T14:30:00.000-04:00

"Condescend to all the weaknesses and infirmities of your fellow creatures, cover their frailties, love their excellencies, encourage their vitues, relieve their wants, rejoice in their prosperities, compassionate their distress, receive their frienship, overlook their unkindness, forgive their malice, be a servant of servants, and condescend to do the lowest offices to the lowest of mankind."-William Law

A friend of mine and I were talking last night about the importance of truly being a friend. I struggle with actually what it looks like and we discussed several important aspects of it. This quote above being the backbone of my beliefs, accessibililty and anticipating needs would be core values I believe encompase the essence of true friendship. Even in regards to seasonal friends the same values should still be applied. Accessibility to me is so key to being a friend- someone that you know you can get in touch with fairly quickly if you need them; someone you can rely on; someone you know is willing to drop less important (in an eternal mindset) things and come to your aid if need be. But, as my friend pointed out, you can be too accessbile to people. I think I've never realized that before until he said it last night. I think that's one of my biggest problems- I'm either unaccessible or too accessible. When I start out being friends with someone I'm all about helping and being useful. I'd do just about anything that person asks and I'm more than willing to overlook any misgivings or inconsistencies. But over time I think it's either because I take that person for granted or because I stop overlooking their errors (and who doesn't make them?) and I am less available and willing to that person. Maybe I'm admitting something to you that causes you to cringe because you haven't had this happen, (it's not this extreme!) but I think we forget how much love the savior has for us that we should be liberally applying to our friends. And this is no short list of people, but how do you love everyone equally, yet be allowed to have an inner-circle?

Wisdom

2007-09-06T14:39:00.000-04:00

"For whoever finds me [wisdom] finds life and obtains favor from the Lord" (Prov8:35)..."The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight" (9:10) These verses fit to me. Look at the pattern- there's such concrete, workable answers to be found. I always am thinking or saying things like I want to be wise or I want to be kind, nice, humble. But how to I "do" that? What does being wise look like, how to I get there? Even more than that what do we all want? Well I can't answer for you but I want life. I want freedom to be so content with myself that I'm always comfortable, always joyful. I want to live fully and with abandon to whatever I love and however things are working out to be happy. So on that note, that's how these verses stuck out to me. I was reading proverbs the other day and this is where I came across these two verses. It works itself out in reverse order so follow me. 8:35 Whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord... ok so to find life, since we've established "finding life" as the big goal here, the highest place of joy on earth, to find life we've got to find wisdom. Ok, so then if you go on to 9:10 it says The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.. ok so we have to fear God to gain wisdom. Then it says the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. Insight into knowing how to fear God is knowledge of God. Well we obtain knowledge of God by reading scripture and spending time in prayer or just in God's presence. Being in God's presence is just sitting, clearing our heads of our stuff and trying to concentrate on who God is.

SO there's the answer to life. We want to gain life and God's favor. We start out by reading the Bible, spending time in prayer and just sitting, literally, with God. By doing that we gain insight which is the knowledge of the Holy One. By gaining this knowledge we start to fear God and gradually begin to obtain wisdom. Then we find life because For whoever finds wisdom finds life. I think God has given us such a great tool in the Bible that I often don't take advantage of. I also think that a key to understanding the Bible is being willing to be open, to not come in with preconceived notions on what we think God is but to be willing to let it mold our opinion.

Ubuntu

2007-09-04T16:57:00.001-04:00

I learned this today in my African Religions class and since I really enjoyed it and I have a few Africa lovers who read this I thought I would share.

Ubuntu stands for the African anthropology and cosmo-vision of life in community. The South African Nobel Laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu describes Ubuntu in the following way:

"It is the essence of being human. It speaks of the fact that my humanity is caught up and is inextricably bound up in yours. I am human because I belong. It speaks about wholeness, it speaks about compassion. A person with Ubuntu is welcoming, hospitable, warm and generous, willing to share. Such people are open and available to others, willing to be vulnerable, affirming others, do not feel threatened that others are able and good, for they have a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that they belong in a greater whole. They know that they are diminished when others are humiliated, diminished when others are oppressed, diminished when others are treated as if they were less than who they are. The quality of Ubuntu gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and emerge still human despite all efforts to dehumanize them."

Although I do not have time to unpack this statement to you as I would like, I think it is brilliant that so many things scream God in some many ways. Not to say that this statement is Christian or totally right, but to say that it's a great thing to strive to be this person who has proper self-assurance that does not feel threatened when others thrive. We can learn so much from other cultures and peoples that can make us better people by taking the time to listen to their wisdom.

Doing Good

2007-09-03T16:06:00.000-04:00

I went to Camp Norris this weekend, it was one of the most reviving weekends I've had in a long time. It was the kind of weekend that awakens the soul and motivates you to strive harder to live more fully and to realize that this life is so great. Camp Norris is a friend of mine's lake house, a cute little name we put on it because it's such a fun place.

I came into the weekend with a lot on my mind. I know that doesn't shock you, when am I not comtemplating something, but recently I've been thinking about the complexity of leading the Christian life IN this world but not OF this world. I live in a college setting that begs to be loved, to be cared for, to have someone to depend on. I live in a setting that needs stability, that needs to know that there is a God that is so great that He's worth giving our lives to because there's joy there and eternal satisfaction. "But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God;" (ps 73:16-17a) This is where I am, and when I read this I sympathized with Asaph a great deal when he speaks of our great envy of the rich, the "happy", the outgoing- you know in a college setting they would be the people who go out a lot, the ones who always have something to do and we envy them because of the number of friends they have and the number of phone calls they get. It seems so lame reading it here on this screen, but it's such a huge struggle I have. But what great comfort that Asaph had the same struggle and you know what he did? He took it to God, he took it all to God and realized that in God we have everything we need. I think a lot of our tasks can seem wearisome when we realize how much we need to be doing to really make a difference in the world around us, but when we take it ALL to God it makes it much easier to bare the burden and our laundry list of good deads doesn't seem so draining, it seems filling. If in dealing with one who does not respond, I weary of the strain, and slip from under the burden then I know nothing of Calvary love. Amy Carmichael

A Prayer

2007-06-23T15:29:00.000-04:00

"God teach me to be constant but not overwhelming, uplifting but not pedistaling, encouraging but not flattering, challenging but not demanding, honest but not forceful, gentle but not soft, meak but not lame, joyful but not overzelous, motivating but not nagging, peaceful but not oblivious, and above all to love friends the way I ought to love them and not for personal gain." I don't know if you go through hard times, I'd imagine you do, but I'm going through one. I have this crossroads of how I want to love a friend and how I should love a friend. I won't go into detail, but I bet you've been to that crossroad, even if not in the same story. It's this great desire that we have to be care about, loved and honored by other people. Sure affirmation and care are vital from people in our lives, why would God show us such community in the Bible, but there is always a point when you get close enough to a friend that you have to choose to love them over keeping them. What I mean is the hardest thing about friendship is being the friend you need, they need you to be above what they want you to be. We can be feel-goody, affirming friends all the time which is always great to have an encourager, but we also sometimes have to love them in a hard way, a way that you must choose to be ok with that person not taking well what you have to say but you know that you still have to say it. It's a choice, do you love them enough to choose the path that's best for them and maybe not seemingly best for you, or do you go on not loving them fully because you're scared to lose them? It's a general statement, I realize, but maybe you understand what I've saying.

Shields Carried Away

2007-06-11T00:48:00.000-04:00

"So Shishak King of Egypt came up against Jerusalem. He took away the treasures of the house of the Lord and the treasures of the king's house. He took away everything. He also took away the shields of gold that Solomon had made, and King Rehoboam made in their place shields of bronze and committed them to the hands of the offices of the guard, who kept the door of the king's house. And as often as the king went into the house of the Lord, the guard came and carried them and brought them back to the guardroom. And when he humbled himself the wrath of the Lord turned from him, so as not to make a complete destruction. Moreover, conditions were good in Judah" (2 Chron 12:9-12). I look at these verses and the preceding ones and resonate with Rehoboam. Verse one of chapter twelve says "When the rule of Rehoboam was established, and he was strong, he abandoned the law of the Lord." That's where he went wrong- How often do good things happen in my life and I no longer "need" God? Sadly, I'd say it happens a lot. I'm walking into a new setting- a restaurant, a party, a new class or something else and I'm nervous, feeling self-conscious about my personality or looks and my instinct is praying that God would make it all ok. Then when I am comfortable or I find lots of happiness in that setting I lose that initial dependence on God and go about no leaning on Him until I "need" Him next. But God is not a God to be used at our pleasure, He is the God of plans and great purpose. So He levels Rehoboam and Judah in this part of our history. That not to say that God will level us, as though He's the grumpy Father who has a great temper for punishment, oh no, but to say that He knows how to bring us back to His side. But of this story what stuck out to me was the shields- these precious and very valuable shields his father made had now been taken away; he desperately makes bronze shields but he is forced to humble himself to God. Isn't this exactly like me? I cringe as I think of all the defenses, all the shields I put up around my life daily, putting out a stiff arm to vulnerability. I use all my own strengths and draw them together to war on my personal enemies taking up the meager shield I have made. God continues to pull those shields down but I keep making new ones, even pitiful ones of far less strength and worth. How sad. How truly sad that I CAN reach Rehoboam's ending of this story so much quicker by allowing the Bible to teach me its wisdom. Look, "when he humbled himself the wrath of the Lord turned from him." He wasn't destroyed, although he should have taken his own lesson to heart later in life. But we can learn from him- In God's presence there is FULLNESS of joy and without God the situation is not pretty, read it yourself.