Laying Aside Every Weight

Recently I've been reading through this book called A Guide to Prayer. It's something we're reading together as an office. Anyway, here's where I am- I'm in a place of contentment, in a place where I feel I'm supposed to be, in a place that I truly feel happy. But I've had this annoying problem my entire life.

Plain and simple, I lie quite a bit. It's occasionally the telling of some great tale to go along with the current topic at hand that, as soon as I'm done, or even in the middle of the telling, I realize the mistruth of most of my tale. For the most part, however, it's the exaggerations and over-steps that I'm talking about. If it's 40 degrees I'll say 35 so it sounds a little colder and a little more edgy. If I have 10 clients to see this week I'll say 15 just to sound a little busier, a little more demanded for. I'm not sure why I do it, well, I take it back- I do. See, there I go again.

I do it because I always want to be a little better, a little more than whatever my current status or story actually is. I want to be a little more advanced or a little more impressive than the actual truth. The heart of the matter is, I still have an insufficiency complex. I still do not honestly see my value in God's eyes- I see it in my own eyes and try my best to perceive it in others' eyes. And with those two views, I come up short every time.

So, to compensate for that, I exaggerate. I add a little to try and cover the gap of inadequacy I feel. It's a coping mechanism, a strategy I've acquired to make myself feel better about my perception to other people. I'm searching for adoration in your eyes and body language. I'm searching for you to accept me and think I'm special. You don't have to say it, I can feel whether you do or not.

If only I had Jesus' eyes maybe I could see myself and the world for what we are. "Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 2:1). We've got to throw off the weight, we've got to lay aside the encumbrances and run the race. The race is hard enough in itself and all these hindurances of our personalities and emotions hindering us only slow down our pace.

But I think, and I could be wrong about this, but I think it starts with accepting myself. Accepting my downfalls and shortcomings, accepting my stupidity and thoughtlessness, accepting those things I cannot change. I think it starts with seeing myself through Jesus' eyes and being ok with it and finding peace in it. And then, after continuing to find that center each day, throwing off the additional weight again and again until it's not so weighty as it once was because it no longer holds the power I once gave it. There's got to be something so much more than the lives most of us choose to live and I think it starts with letting God be God and finding out what He thinks of us.

Grace

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works” Titus 2:11-14.

I caught up with a friend tonight for a few hours and we often get stuck on the same theme: this construct of absolute truth and absolute right and wrong. That’s vague I realize but I love how this particular friend sees the world so incredibly different than I do- different upbringing, different eyes, different almost everything and yet we are so very similar in so many other ways. But that’s beside the point.

Self-discipline is something I have always struggled with. I’m terrible at it. I hate waking up in the morning; it’s pretty close to torture to me. I hate exercising; it’s too strenuous and makes me feel like I’m going to pass out. I hate doing a lot of things when I’m not in the mood or I’m too lazy to do something productive. Getting the picture I’m bad with self-discipline?

So we sway the other way when self-control and self-discipline don’t work for us. We steer towards grace and let grace cover all our short comings and faults. We let grace cover all our sins. Sounds great and it’s true. But I don’t think it’s always true in the same blanket approach we often think. Look at the passage- “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing…training…to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age…” Did you see it? Not exactly the picture or definition of grace we always think of. But look here: it says grace trains us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and teaches us to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives right now. It’s not training us for Heaven it’s training us how to live TODAY. It’s training us to be servants, to be soldiers, to be fit for whatever may come. It’s training us that in this world we don’t always get our cake and get to eat it too. In the next, we will but for now the grind in the some freeing place to be.

We often think of grace as this band-aid that covers our scars and ugly spots and makes everything great so we don’t really have to work out our faith or make an effort at being godly or Christian. But then we see passages like this one and it clearly exemplifies grace as something very different indeed- grace as a very active thing that instructs us how to live not just a free gift given to cleanse all our poor living.

And then later on- did you know He came to redeem us from lawLESSness? As though it’s better to have rules and strict guides to adhere to instead of what we would consider freedom in our world? Yet again, God’s definition of freedom is indeed very different from our own. What a great God we have to take us and love us in spite of how fallen and confused we often are.

Given a Chance

“But Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison. Now those who were scattered went about preaching the word. Philip went down to the city of Samaria and proclaimed to them the Christ. And the crowds with one accord paid attention to what was being said by Philip when they heard him and saw the signs that he did. For unclean spirits came out of many who were possessed, crying with a loud voice, and many who were paralyzed or lame were healed. So there was much joy in that city” Acts 8:3-8.

We talked in my Bible Study today as to whether life was a constant cause-and-effect scenario. Do something bad, get punished. Follow Christ, have joy and get rewards. I think I can make a somewhat general statement and say that when many of us signed on to Christianity we weren’t thoroughly communicated to that the cause-and-effect often gets tossed out the window. The early Christians barely had the opportunity to formulate full opinions about these new beliefs. Most only knew that they believed greatly in a great man that did miraculous things, and that was good enough. There wasn’t time to think of all the whys and hows, and for that matter, many of them weren’t really smart enough, or at least hadn’t been taught enough, to go there. They just believed. In our time we often haven’t thought through Christianity before committing our lives but afterwards we are given the duration of our lives to find more answers to our soul searching.

In this Bible picture the Christians are being persecuted. They’ve been forced to flee and because of this they’re scattered abroad. Philip purposely went down to Samaria. Why? No clue. But he got the wild idea to go to the half-breed Samarians, the outcasts, the ones hated more than the pure-blood Gentiles. Samaria was the capitol of the Northern Kingdom of Israel. When Israel was conquered by the Assyrians the city became a melting pot. The Israelites didn’t stay pure and instead intermarried, thus becoming half-breeds and in Jewish culture that was one of the ultimate no-nos. They mostly weren’t even supposed to talk to outsiders, much, much less intermarry. Needless to reiterate, the Jews hated the Samarians.
But Philip, being a profound Jew, went to Samaria. Now you could say he was following Christ’s example. You could actually take it a step further and say he was following Christ’s exact footsteps knowing He purposely went to Samaria before to minister there. But early Christianity stayed predominately Jewish converts for quite some time, actually with Cornelius to be the first gentile convert a couple of chapters after this story in Acts. I love this picture in Samaria. Philip has brought the good news to them. He’s performing miracles with healings and the casting out of demons. I love this picture because of the whole of it. The church by many would probably be considered in shambles. People are being murdered, some as quickly as they are converted. The strongest are being scattered and having to hide out in random places in cities where people don’t know to hate Christians yet. But it says, “So there was much joy in that city.” There was no room for sugar-coating the good news in that day. The truth of Christ’s life-saving power was very real but the parallel reality of brutal treatment and a difficult earthly life was also very apparent. Knowing this, the early preaching and telling of the good news had to also contain the news of the reality of the life a Christian would take on by committing to The Way.
But there was much joy in that city. You could say it was a fleeting happiness due to all the healing but that wouldn’t fully complete the word joy. No, this was no fleeting moment; this was joy, full, complete and lasting. I find it amazing because in our day of great religious freedom we seem to have lost this key element of joy that they felt even in imminent danger. Sometimes I wonder if Amy Carmichael said it correct when she said, “Persecution winnows the grain, and we do not want a church of chaff.”

Carrying Out God's Purpose

I had the privilege to go to Africa a few years ago with some friends to do some youth camps and other ministry projects. I vividly remember so many ways that God changed my heart and mind on that trip. Mission trips are interesting to me because they have so many different effects on us. They grow us, they mature us, they teach us how to be better Christians or Christians at all. They also though, often leave us with unrealistic expectations and realities of the Christian life that are never meant to be seen or followed. It always reminds me of C.S. Lewis who said that we're not supposed to live on the high pitch, or mountain-top experience. We're meant to live in the drab drudgeries of life. Christian community and relationship with God often looks very different than how we see it on a mission trip.

But that topic will have to be shelved for another day as I have a different thought in mind currently. As I travelled in S. Africa a met many people that marked my life forever. One of those people being a little girl who asked a very simple question that made me sad I could not answer affirmatively. She asked me if I'd read the entire Bible. In her childlike simplicity being a Christian and reading the entirety of the Word of God went hand-in-hand. She wasn't being spiteful or pointing out my falsehood, she simply assumed that if I was teaching and representing a God who left us a book to learn about Him and find freedom in Him from, then the assumption is I am utilizing that resource and have actually read it.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. No, I hadn't read the entire Bible. Many parts, many times but not the whole of it. I had read whole books, whole chapters, verses, parts, studied old and new testaments but could not definitively say I'd read every word. So, a while later I committed to reading the entire Bible. I read it like a book because it is a book and that's how I read other books (I'm a logic kind of person). I'm happy to report I just finished. It took me 4.5 years but I can truthfully say I've read the entire Bible, cover to cover. One passage struck me last night as I finished up that I thought tied nicely into the realization that God uses many situations and people to carry out His plan and purpose, just like He did with that little girl years ago.

"And the angel said to me, 'The waters that you saw, where the prostitute is seated, are peoples and multitudes and nations and languages. And the ten horns that you saw, they and the beast will hate the prostitute. They will make her desolate and naked, and devour her flesh and burn her up with fire, for God has put into their hearts to carry out His purpose by being of one mind and handing over their royal power to the beast, until the words of God are fulfilled. And the woman that you saw is the great city that has dominion over the kings of the earth'" (Revelation 17:15-18).

I will not attempt to unpack this situation or even tell you what's going on. I'm about to start the Revelation commentary by William Barclay so maybe you'll get an ear full sometime soon. For now, as I read this passage it struck me that God can and will use anything to make His plan work. From what I can tell the prostitute is super powerful in this story- she's sitting on top of the waters that represent everything on earth. So collectively the horns, beast and prostitute (and maybe some more, who knows) represent the whole of evil, I'd say. So in my head if they joined forces and worked together they'd be a more powerful force than individually. However, they can't get past themselves- they want all the glory, I suppose- and the horns and beast hate the prostitute and kill her and then somewhere the horns disappear too. Only the beast is left and I'm going to assume that he's become pretty cocky with all the victory he's had over earth and fellow evil. But what he hasn't realized yet is he cut off his nose to spite his face. He crippled himself unnecessarily and all the time he was guided by the purpose of God.

I wonder how we view evil in our world. Do we know that God can "put into their hearts to carry out His purpose"? Do we know He's omniscient and perfect and that nothing is ever put past Him? I often feel puffed up and in control like I can determine my own end and therefore live freely to do the things I desire. But I'm too often like the beast- feeling secure or pretending to be secure in the things of the world that are fleeting and in realities that too often pass away. If I'm going to carry out God's purpose either way, I think I'd like to be fighting on the right side- the side of eternal claim and victory. If I'm going to be a vessel, I'd like to be a full one.