Laying Aside Every Weight

Recently I've been reading through this book called A Guide to Prayer. It's something we're reading together as an office. Anyway, here's where I am- I'm in a place of contentment, in a place where I feel I'm supposed to be, in a place that I truly feel happy. But I've had this annoying problem my entire life.

Plain and simple, I lie quite a bit. It's occasionally the telling of some great tale to go along with the current topic at hand that, as soon as I'm done, or even in the middle of the telling, I realize the mistruth of most of my tale. For the most part, however, it's the exaggerations and over-steps that I'm talking about. If it's 40 degrees I'll say 35 so it sounds a little colder and a little more edgy. If I have 10 clients to see this week I'll say 15 just to sound a little busier, a little more demanded for. I'm not sure why I do it, well, I take it back- I do. See, there I go again.

I do it because I always want to be a little better, a little more than whatever my current status or story actually is. I want to be a little more advanced or a little more impressive than the actual truth. The heart of the matter is, I still have an insufficiency complex. I still do not honestly see my value in God's eyes- I see it in my own eyes and try my best to perceive it in others' eyes. And with those two views, I come up short every time.

So, to compensate for that, I exaggerate. I add a little to try and cover the gap of inadequacy I feel. It's a coping mechanism, a strategy I've acquired to make myself feel better about my perception to other people. I'm searching for adoration in your eyes and body language. I'm searching for you to accept me and think I'm special. You don't have to say it, I can feel whether you do or not.

If only I had Jesus' eyes maybe I could see myself and the world for what we are. "Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 2:1). We've got to throw off the weight, we've got to lay aside the encumbrances and run the race. The race is hard enough in itself and all these hindurances of our personalities and emotions hindering us only slow down our pace.

But I think, and I could be wrong about this, but I think it starts with accepting myself. Accepting my downfalls and shortcomings, accepting my stupidity and thoughtlessness, accepting those things I cannot change. I think it starts with seeing myself through Jesus' eyes and being ok with it and finding peace in it. And then, after continuing to find that center each day, throwing off the additional weight again and again until it's not so weighty as it once was because it no longer holds the power I once gave it. There's got to be something so much more than the lives most of us choose to live and I think it starts with letting God be God and finding out what He thinks of us.

Grace

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for Himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works” Titus 2:11-14.

I caught up with a friend tonight for a few hours and we often get stuck on the same theme: this construct of absolute truth and absolute right and wrong. That’s vague I realize but I love how this particular friend sees the world so incredibly different than I do- different upbringing, different eyes, different almost everything and yet we are so very similar in so many other ways. But that’s beside the point.

Self-discipline is something I have always struggled with. I’m terrible at it. I hate waking up in the morning; it’s pretty close to torture to me. I hate exercising; it’s too strenuous and makes me feel like I’m going to pass out. I hate doing a lot of things when I’m not in the mood or I’m too lazy to do something productive. Getting the picture I’m bad with self-discipline?

So we sway the other way when self-control and self-discipline don’t work for us. We steer towards grace and let grace cover all our short comings and faults. We let grace cover all our sins. Sounds great and it’s true. But I don’t think it’s always true in the same blanket approach we often think. Look at the passage- “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing…training…to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age…” Did you see it? Not exactly the picture or definition of grace we always think of. But look here: it says grace trains us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions and teaches us to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives right now. It’s not training us for Heaven it’s training us how to live TODAY. It’s training us to be servants, to be soldiers, to be fit for whatever may come. It’s training us that in this world we don’t always get our cake and get to eat it too. In the next, we will but for now the grind in the some freeing place to be.

We often think of grace as this band-aid that covers our scars and ugly spots and makes everything great so we don’t really have to work out our faith or make an effort at being godly or Christian. But then we see passages like this one and it clearly exemplifies grace as something very different indeed- grace as a very active thing that instructs us how to live not just a free gift given to cleanse all our poor living.

And then later on- did you know He came to redeem us from lawLESSness? As though it’s better to have rules and strict guides to adhere to instead of what we would consider freedom in our world? Yet again, God’s definition of freedom is indeed very different from our own. What a great God we have to take us and love us in spite of how fallen and confused we often are.

Given a Chance

“But Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison. Now those who were scattered went about preaching the word. Philip went down to the city of Samaria and proclaimed to them the Christ. And the crowds with one accord paid attention to what was being said by Philip when they heard him and saw the signs that he did. For unclean spirits came out of many who were possessed, crying with a loud voice, and many who were paralyzed or lame were healed. So there was much joy in that city” Acts 8:3-8.

We talked in my Bible Study today as to whether life was a constant cause-and-effect scenario. Do something bad, get punished. Follow Christ, have joy and get rewards. I think I can make a somewhat general statement and say that when many of us signed on to Christianity we weren’t thoroughly communicated to that the cause-and-effect often gets tossed out the window. The early Christians barely had the opportunity to formulate full opinions about these new beliefs. Most only knew that they believed greatly in a great man that did miraculous things, and that was good enough. There wasn’t time to think of all the whys and hows, and for that matter, many of them weren’t really smart enough, or at least hadn’t been taught enough, to go there. They just believed. In our time we often haven’t thought through Christianity before committing our lives but afterwards we are given the duration of our lives to find more answers to our soul searching.

In this Bible picture the Christians are being persecuted. They’ve been forced to flee and because of this they’re scattered abroad. Philip purposely went down to Samaria. Why? No clue. But he got the wild idea to go to the half-breed Samarians, the outcasts, the ones hated more than the pure-blood Gentiles. Samaria was the capitol of the Northern Kingdom of Israel. When Israel was conquered by the Assyrians the city became a melting pot. The Israelites didn’t stay pure and instead intermarried, thus becoming half-breeds and in Jewish culture that was one of the ultimate no-nos. They mostly weren’t even supposed to talk to outsiders, much, much less intermarry. Needless to reiterate, the Jews hated the Samarians.
But Philip, being a profound Jew, went to Samaria. Now you could say he was following Christ’s example. You could actually take it a step further and say he was following Christ’s exact footsteps knowing He purposely went to Samaria before to minister there. But early Christianity stayed predominately Jewish converts for quite some time, actually with Cornelius to be the first gentile convert a couple of chapters after this story in Acts. I love this picture in Samaria. Philip has brought the good news to them. He’s performing miracles with healings and the casting out of demons. I love this picture because of the whole of it. The church by many would probably be considered in shambles. People are being murdered, some as quickly as they are converted. The strongest are being scattered and having to hide out in random places in cities where people don’t know to hate Christians yet. But it says, “So there was much joy in that city.” There was no room for sugar-coating the good news in that day. The truth of Christ’s life-saving power was very real but the parallel reality of brutal treatment and a difficult earthly life was also very apparent. Knowing this, the early preaching and telling of the good news had to also contain the news of the reality of the life a Christian would take on by committing to The Way.
But there was much joy in that city. You could say it was a fleeting happiness due to all the healing but that wouldn’t fully complete the word joy. No, this was no fleeting moment; this was joy, full, complete and lasting. I find it amazing because in our day of great religious freedom we seem to have lost this key element of joy that they felt even in imminent danger. Sometimes I wonder if Amy Carmichael said it correct when she said, “Persecution winnows the grain, and we do not want a church of chaff.”

Carrying Out God's Purpose

I had the privilege to go to Africa a few years ago with some friends to do some youth camps and other ministry projects. I vividly remember so many ways that God changed my heart and mind on that trip. Mission trips are interesting to me because they have so many different effects on us. They grow us, they mature us, they teach us how to be better Christians or Christians at all. They also though, often leave us with unrealistic expectations and realities of the Christian life that are never meant to be seen or followed. It always reminds me of C.S. Lewis who said that we're not supposed to live on the high pitch, or mountain-top experience. We're meant to live in the drab drudgeries of life. Christian community and relationship with God often looks very different than how we see it on a mission trip.

But that topic will have to be shelved for another day as I have a different thought in mind currently. As I travelled in S. Africa a met many people that marked my life forever. One of those people being a little girl who asked a very simple question that made me sad I could not answer affirmatively. She asked me if I'd read the entire Bible. In her childlike simplicity being a Christian and reading the entirety of the Word of God went hand-in-hand. She wasn't being spiteful or pointing out my falsehood, she simply assumed that if I was teaching and representing a God who left us a book to learn about Him and find freedom in Him from, then the assumption is I am utilizing that resource and have actually read it.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. No, I hadn't read the entire Bible. Many parts, many times but not the whole of it. I had read whole books, whole chapters, verses, parts, studied old and new testaments but could not definitively say I'd read every word. So, a while later I committed to reading the entire Bible. I read it like a book because it is a book and that's how I read other books (I'm a logic kind of person). I'm happy to report I just finished. It took me 4.5 years but I can truthfully say I've read the entire Bible, cover to cover. One passage struck me last night as I finished up that I thought tied nicely into the realization that God uses many situations and people to carry out His plan and purpose, just like He did with that little girl years ago.

"And the angel said to me, 'The waters that you saw, where the prostitute is seated, are peoples and multitudes and nations and languages. And the ten horns that you saw, they and the beast will hate the prostitute. They will make her desolate and naked, and devour her flesh and burn her up with fire, for God has put into their hearts to carry out His purpose by being of one mind and handing over their royal power to the beast, until the words of God are fulfilled. And the woman that you saw is the great city that has dominion over the kings of the earth'" (Revelation 17:15-18).

I will not attempt to unpack this situation or even tell you what's going on. I'm about to start the Revelation commentary by William Barclay so maybe you'll get an ear full sometime soon. For now, as I read this passage it struck me that God can and will use anything to make His plan work. From what I can tell the prostitute is super powerful in this story- she's sitting on top of the waters that represent everything on earth. So collectively the horns, beast and prostitute (and maybe some more, who knows) represent the whole of evil, I'd say. So in my head if they joined forces and worked together they'd be a more powerful force than individually. However, they can't get past themselves- they want all the glory, I suppose- and the horns and beast hate the prostitute and kill her and then somewhere the horns disappear too. Only the beast is left and I'm going to assume that he's become pretty cocky with all the victory he's had over earth and fellow evil. But what he hasn't realized yet is he cut off his nose to spite his face. He crippled himself unnecessarily and all the time he was guided by the purpose of God.

I wonder how we view evil in our world. Do we know that God can "put into their hearts to carry out His purpose"? Do we know He's omniscient and perfect and that nothing is ever put past Him? I often feel puffed up and in control like I can determine my own end and therefore live freely to do the things I desire. But I'm too often like the beast- feeling secure or pretending to be secure in the things of the world that are fleeting and in realities that too often pass away. If I'm going to carry out God's purpose either way, I think I'd like to be fighting on the right side- the side of eternal claim and victory. If I'm going to be a vessel, I'd like to be a full one.

Am I Judas?

One of the central things I'm most afraid of is being wrong. You may laugh, saying that everyone is wrong at some point. Sure, very true. But I will do almost anything to avoid it. And if that doesn't work, I'll do my best improv when the opportunity presents itself to cover any doubt that a mistake could be made on my part.

So, another similar fear of mine is that my Christian life is severly or even slightly misguided. And as I read a passage of scripture today I found myself once again getting caught in the depth of my confusion.

"During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper" John 13:2-3.

When I read these verses for themselves and excavate them from the surrounding scripture I'm left with two parallel, yet distinct themes.  The devil put it in Judas' heart to betray Jesus and Jesus was in control of all things. Do me a favor- step back a moment and draw up in your imagination a picture of Jesus being in complete control. Can you see it? Harmony, peace. All roses, huh? But here, in this picture John draws for us it's not that way. It's pretty ugly actually.

I love the order John writes in- no mistaking that Jesus was in control in the midst of the devil consuming Judas. But here's my struggle- did Judas have an aching inside of him, burning a hole right through him that he was wrong? I'm not asking about the end, after he had betrayed Jesus; I'm asking did he know all along, all the way back to the first step he ever took astray, that he was wrong?

Now you may be thinking, no one could possibly convince himself that stealing money from the disciples, sneaking around, having Jesus call you out at the last supper and then handing him over to die could be right. Ok, I see where you're coming from- but where you're coming from is HINDSIGHT. Hindsight is an incredible thing where we can look back and see the whole picture. But at the time, the picture was much less complete, much less clear and much less apparent.

So my question is, can I be Judas? I'm pretty well convinced that there are thousands of people that believe without a doubt in a certain cause, in a certain way and in a certain absolute truth. I'm pretty well convinced that some, not all, but some suicide bombers believe their cause is right and true and that they would not be doing it unless they thought it was truly their duty as a servant of their god. I'm pretty well convinced that some people that are doing, in my eyes, pretty ugly things fully believe that what they are doing is right. So how can I be sure that's not me too?

But if I shudder at the first phrase in the passage and realize that it's very possible for evil to inhabit even the best of us (Paul, for instance), I cannot end my thoughs there. I have to incorporate the second theme and see that despite the devil's inhabitation, Jesus is in control of the whole situation. So, my thought becomes this: with God's authority and control we'll be wrong plenty of times. But the central theme of Christianity is glorifying God and loving one another. Now those two things can mean many things but if I stay myself on those two issues and keep from getting caught up in the confusion of the more complicated, then if I'm wrong at least I can rest knowing that I am working out my faith and that someday when I am called to account I can honestly say I fought the good fight and did what I could to pursue truth. And I think that God will still use us, even if we are wrong, to work out His great will and that HE will reveal His truth in His time.

And the hardest, and I mean it, and most challenging conclusion I can draw is that I need to be willing to be USED by God, not for my glory and my proof of my correctness, but of HIS glory and truth. God needed Saul and Judas just like He needed Peter and Paul.

Definitions of Common Words

I read the following a little while ago and maybe it will help you follow my train of thoughts:

"Though it may be argued, theoretically, that a Christianity in which men know how to picket, but now how to pray, is bound to wither, theorizing is not required, because we can already observe the logic of events. The fact is that emphasis upon the life of outer service, without a corresponding emphasis upon the life of devotion, has already led to obviously damaging results, one of which is calculated arrogance. How different it might be if the angry activists were to heed the words found in The Imitation of Christ, 'Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.'

"The essence of pietism, by contrast, is the limitation of primary interest to personal salvation. Even today, by the highways, we can see signs paid for by somebody, which urge us to 'get right with God.' The evil of this well-intentioned effort lies not in what it says, but in what it so evidently omits. The assumption is that salvation is nothing more than a private transaction between the individual and God and that it can become an accomplished, dated event."
-From The New Man for Our Time by Elton Trueblood 

Follow me for a second, would you, and then hopefully you can see where my rabbit trail emerges. So I read this in my little devotional book and it got me thinking about how as believers many times we have the best of intentions with things and we so desperately want people to see the light and goodness that we see in Jesus that we don't actually give the entire picture. It then led me to thinking about one of my favorite quotes by Amy Carmichael that says, "Persecution winnos the grain, and we do not want a church of chaff." This quote to me spells out the goodness of God in hard times. He knocks us down to build us up.

But now continue on down my rabbit trail and I hope you will see the full circle. When we became believers we signed on to a different dictionary than Webster's. Persecution is never positive in any dictionary I've ever read. But Christ says on multiple occasions that His people will suffer much for their decision to follow Him. So if God is good all the time- and He is, that's not up for discussion currently-  then persecution helps make the church and its people stronger, thus glorifying the Kingdom (thus being good!).  Or take good. If you look it up you'll find things like "above average condition, high-quality." Is that what you call a situation that we've all had in our Christian journey when things go horribly wrong? There are many other words I like to use in those bad situations and "above average" isn't one of them. But those situations are "good" when we think of them from God's definition- meaning things that bring us closer to being more like Him and a little less like ourselves in our human condition.

I could go on and on with examples but my point is this: when we signed on to Christianity our dictionary had to change. We have to stop seeing things from the world's perspective and we have to start learning God's perspective.

Maybe you'll resonate with one last example.

" O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame."  Psalm 25: 2-3a.

I can think of about a hundred or more examples when I've felt pretty embarrased in life. And from my human perspective embarrasment and shame are pretty much the same thing. I'm ashamed when I do something dumb (ranging from tripping on the sidewalk to actual sin). I felt "put to shame" in college on many occasions when the "cool thing" was not something I wanted to do and people thought I was a little uptight.

But God's definition must not be my definition because I'm going to choose to believe instead of doubt. So if I'm going to believe I'm going to take Him at His word and His word says "NONE who wait for you shall be put to shame [PERIOD.]" Not "put to shame sometimes" but "not put to shame ever." So my definition must be WAY off, way misguided, way too far deep into our culture and what we find as happiness-giving but really is a temporary band-aid for deeper needs. Whatever emotion I've experienced in those situations whether because I'm sticking up for Jesus or because I've done something clumsy, it's not shame. And you know why? Because God says He made me perfect and I know what His definition for that word is. It may not always be my definition, but I'd rather use His dictionary anyway.

The Apostles' Creed Part 2

He descended into hell. Did He? Although only alluded to in scripture, I believe He did this in so many words. What is hell? Life without God. Not life totally void of a god, a supreme being, a ruler and controller. But life without that being. Life spent apart from and unable to reach toward goodness and freedom. Bondage. He descended to our fate, our ultimate end because of our sin that He took on. He not only took on sin but He took on our end, the utmost punishment. Sit in that thought for a second. Can you imagine the torture, the pain that hell must be? We sometimes focus on how horrible it must have been to be beaten and nailed to a cross but that was only a few hours of torture. We're talking days in hell here. He willingly did that for you. He willingly did that for me. The amazing thing is, above all the other amazing things, that He created the world in such a way that He would have to die for us. He created the world not only knowing but making it so that He would have to come down, live among us, teach us His ways and then take our place. He loves us that much.

The third day. 3 days in hell. I can hardly imagine three hours of torture and life without God, much less three days of it. Even as someone not yet saved, the capacity still exists to be so if the said person still exists here on earth. But Jesus endured 3 days of life devoid of any semblance of the comfort, authority and alms that He deserved. I don't even know what else to say- 3 days, that's a long time when you're in pain.

He rose again from the dead. We're conveniently surrounded by people here in the south that know about Jesus. I read a statistic the other day that said 94% of Americans believe in God and 46% are Christian. I think I might a "claim to be" in the later but that's my skepticism talking. Have you ever sat back and thought about what it looked like for Jesus to die and then come back to life? When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead I believe He made a distinct decision to wait a few days before going there. Jesus wanted Lazarus good and dead. Dead so that he's beginning to smell and rot, leaving no one suspicious that maybe he's just in a comma and looks dead. Now I'm no history buff but I've heard that they used to put bells in caskets because some people got buried alive. They knew this because when they excavated some graves they found fingernail scratchings and other indications that people tried to get out. How terrible would that be? Anyway, that's not the case here. No desperate attempt to look dead or act dead so He could come off the cross. He was dead. They pierced His side, they embalmed him, they set him in a tomb and rolled a really heavy stone over the entrance. But against all odds, against all faith, against everything that made sense to humanity He rose. He, because He is God, picked himself up and decided to live again. He couldn't be beat. We don't know how and the more we try to rationalize it the more it doesn't make sense. Jesus was dead for too long to be considered logical and He not only started to live again but in that moment all blame, all punishment, all pain and torture that we should have endured vanished for those who love Him.

He ascended into heaven. I've always wanted to fly. I think, however, what amazes me most about this picture (can you see it?) is Jesus' humble attitude throughout the scene. I would have been going nuts, I'll be honest, throwing around a few "I told you so's" and "why didn't you believe me, stupid" and "haha I was right". I would at least have wanted to go back to everyone that laughed at me and pointed and laughed at them. But luckily I'm not god. He continued this amazing ability of communicating love and grace to those that still didn't truly understand. He didn't taunt them with His amazing abilities, He hoped they'd realize they could do the same. He hoped they'd do even greater things. He hoped they would draw strength from His strength and seek not themselves but Him and thus get to the Father. He ascended to His rightful place, His place that He never had to leave but chose to leave. He flew to be back in bodily form with a God He never left spiritually.