Have you ever had that day where you wish you could be someone else? I'm not talking about a specific someone else, like seeing a girl and thinking "I wish I was her". No, I'm talking about being tired of being you if I put it bluntly. It's not the ultimately tired of me, it's just today's day. It was a great day actually, I got a lot accomplished and still had time to do the things I wanted. I'm not sure what caused this sudden realization that I had tonight at The Cross. I'm selfish. I want all eyes on me but when they are I don't want it. I want everyone to adore me but when they do I don't want it. I want all the friends in the world but when I have them I want to be alone. I want to control things but when I do I don't like it. But you know what is the big picture of all of this? I'm not abiding in Christ, I'm abiding in Katie. I'm abiding for myself and the immediate pleasures of life. I'm sacrificing the eternal for the temporal. I have no answers to it, no real solutions. I just have a great realization that the way I live life is often wrong. It's wrong because if I'm looking out for my interests and advantages I have my eyes set on the wrong prize.
"One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet." Proverbs 27:7. I read that yesterday and it's so profound to me today. We should be full in Christ, we should be continually being fed and nurtured by Him because we trust our entire survival on Him. We should loath any sweet thing from a lesser source than Jesus. We should loath it because we don't need it, because it's unimportant. You know sweet things, like compliments, kindnesses, favors etc. The people giving them are not unimportant and they should be praised, but the acts themselves are unneeded to build your life. I think I build a lot of my life on those things, those shifting sand for a foundation things. The next part of the verse says "but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet". It's the same story, different verse. We may not be empty, at the end of our ropes, but most of us are not filled. So we take that even tiny unfilled space in us and we try to make something fill it. Even bitter things we convince ourselves are great, worth it and perfect for us. You know the bitter things, like the sweet things except the particular things that you know deep down aren't just right. The relationships that you force because you want to date someone, the things you say to people because you think it might elevate your status to them when you know deep down you shouldn't have said that (whether because it was a lie or because it was something bad about someone). Whatever the bitter things, the things that don't fill and aren't worth it if we can emotionally unattach ourselves to our lives and see it, those things seem sweet. We sell ourselves short. "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C.S. Lewis
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Hold on
I learn things so quickly in life, sometimes in such a mess of learning that the ideas get jumbled and I easily let them go. I suppose it would be more correct to say I hear concepts or I realize things often in life but I rarely actually apply them to life and let them change me. But, for now let me draw out all the thoughts in my head and try to make some sense.
"Let us Hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23. This promise was huge to me today. How often I have struggled recently to actually apply the truths I speak of. It's so easy to get into a conversation about what life should be like whether by talking about a more fulfilling life of things of wish I was doing or pretending that my life is spectacular and adding a few details to the easily monotonous, routinely ordinary life that I lead. Don't hear me complaining because of outside sources, it's my fault, but life just seems to be same-old same-old (if that's even how you spell that old saying..). But look at the verse "hold fast, hold unswervingly" as another translation has it to hope. The hope that God is so good and faithful to fulfill our joy, to "make it complete or overflowing". If we don't hold tight without letting to and believe and apply the hope, the faith, the ideas, the conversations, the inspirations that we have then we've got nothing to hold onto. We fall when we have nothing to hold on to to steady us. To have a hand grip is stability, it makes the rock beneath our feet that much easier to remain planted on. Ok, so what promise? Well, God promises so much in the Bible that it's awesome. The promise of 2 Chronicles 7:14, "If my people will humble themselves and pray and seek my face then I will turn to them and heal them." And the same is true about this promise that if you call on the name of Jesus you will be saved. Just like that and "If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness." Hear that key word purify? That's huge! I think I get hung up on being forgiven of my sins and being washed clean and I miss the end. I get so frusterated because I do bad things but I don't change after I see they were bad. I sin over and over, particularly with being lazy and selfish. but he says if we confess He will not only forgive but purify us from all unrighteousness PURIFY- that means purge, get rid of completely. That means if I truly take everything to God, even my frusteration about continuously sinning he will purify me and he who promises is faithful.
The middle of the Hebrews verse says hold on the the hope "unwaveringly". What would my life be like if everything I did was with confidence, with a surety that didn't need affirmation or acceptance? That no matter the outcome I acted the same way to people or situations? What would life be like if even when I didn't get the response from someone I was hoping I was unwavering and my love for them never faltered to be disappointment or irritation?
God teach me to hold your hope without wavering. Teach me to run this race with perseverance. Teach me to do your will and to live each day as if it were the best day of the year. Teach me how you love.
"Let us Hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23. This promise was huge to me today. How often I have struggled recently to actually apply the truths I speak of. It's so easy to get into a conversation about what life should be like whether by talking about a more fulfilling life of things of wish I was doing or pretending that my life is spectacular and adding a few details to the easily monotonous, routinely ordinary life that I lead. Don't hear me complaining because of outside sources, it's my fault, but life just seems to be same-old same-old (if that's even how you spell that old saying..). But look at the verse "hold fast, hold unswervingly" as another translation has it to hope. The hope that God is so good and faithful to fulfill our joy, to "make it complete or overflowing". If we don't hold tight without letting to and believe and apply the hope, the faith, the ideas, the conversations, the inspirations that we have then we've got nothing to hold onto. We fall when we have nothing to hold on to to steady us. To have a hand grip is stability, it makes the rock beneath our feet that much easier to remain planted on. Ok, so what promise? Well, God promises so much in the Bible that it's awesome. The promise of 2 Chronicles 7:14, "If my people will humble themselves and pray and seek my face then I will turn to them and heal them." And the same is true about this promise that if you call on the name of Jesus you will be saved. Just like that and "If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness." Hear that key word purify? That's huge! I think I get hung up on being forgiven of my sins and being washed clean and I miss the end. I get so frusterated because I do bad things but I don't change after I see they were bad. I sin over and over, particularly with being lazy and selfish. but he says if we confess He will not only forgive but purify us from all unrighteousness PURIFY- that means purge, get rid of completely. That means if I truly take everything to God, even my frusteration about continuously sinning he will purify me and he who promises is faithful.
The middle of the Hebrews verse says hold on the the hope "unwaveringly". What would my life be like if everything I did was with confidence, with a surety that didn't need affirmation or acceptance? That no matter the outcome I acted the same way to people or situations? What would life be like if even when I didn't get the response from someone I was hoping I was unwavering and my love for them never faltered to be disappointment or irritation?
God teach me to hold your hope without wavering. Teach me to run this race with perseverance. Teach me to do your will and to live each day as if it were the best day of the year. Teach me how you love.
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