I've been volunteering recently with a place called The Urban Ministry. It's a colorful little place that practically fully serves the homeless community of Charlotte. They have doctors, nurses, counseling, food, job training, art classes, etc. In my opinion, it embodies Christ's view of helping the homeless. The ministry works hard to not enable people to remain homeless but instead, with great effort, strives to free them from their current trials and help them toward a better life. I was sitting at the desk just a few days ago, listening to all the stories people came up and told me. It's interesting how uninhibited most of these people are, so willing to tell you a story, even if it may not be the complete truth, still a heart-breaker nonetheless. They make me realize that we're not so different and the chasm between us is often not as wide as some of us like to believe. I tell tales to mask my real life as I know almost everyone does.
I met a particular man, nice looking guy probably once was middle class. He didn't seem like the homeless type (and we all know we unfortunately have a stereotype in our heads). He came up to my desk and began to tell me his story. The sincere remorse and hurt he felt telling the story made it much more plausible for me. He stood in front of me, practically shaking with insecurity, telling how he had just left rehab and now had no place to go. He'd been sober 12 months and needed a bus pass to get to a job agency that he knew of to help him get work. He wasn't asking for handouts or anything of that nature. He was asking how to get to the agency.
Thoughts rolled through my head as I listened to this man. What happened to him before? Where did he come from? Where was he planning on going? Does he believe he can truly recover? Does he have family or friends to help him? Does he know a great God that can take his past and use it for great good in his future? But above all, I sat and wondered why he felt so ashamed of where he had been.
I feel that way sometimes- ashamed of my past or thinking my present as a failure. We mask our lives to represent ourselves as better than we actually think we are. We dance around the truth or put it into eloquent words to either obtain pity or a positive impression from people, whatever we're looking for. I saw this man and wondered why he felt so ashamed of a life God knew about, a life that, if he's meant to follow God, can be used to reach all those in his same position and outside of it to glorify, truly magnify this great God that can do all things. I wondered why we're all so ashamed of where we've been and where we are. When I think about it, those things really don't matter. What matters is where we're going.
I'm going a long, long way. I'm going toward and am currently in eternity with God. My past blemishes have either been erased or have been forgiven such that they can be used to carry with me to relate to and love others. I look back on a few of my past "mistakes" and realize God knew all along and has since used every one of those moments to bring me back to him and to help some other person feel God's warmth and grace.
I wanted so deeply to transfer that saving knowledge to this poor man standing in front of me at the desk. But as I tried, I too realized it's a concept that's impossible to grasp without knowing our value in the eyes of a God that made us perfect. I pray that man too will go a long, long way in life. I pray we will all realize that what really matters is where we're going. The impression that I leave with people and the accomplishments that I've had are really insignificant if you think about it. All that matters is where I'm headed.
To be ashamed of where we've been is really to tell God He hasn't been the God of our lives and hasn't been with us all along. Sure we sin but grace abounds all the more when we do. He's promised to never leave us or forsake us. So really, if you think about it, we should never be ashamed of where we've been and the only adjustments to be made are if we're not proud of where we're going.
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