Laying Aside Every Weight

Recently I've been reading through this book called A Guide to Prayer. It's something we're reading together as an office. Anyway, here's where I am- I'm in a place of contentment, in a place where I feel I'm supposed to be, in a place that I truly feel happy. But I've had this annoying problem my entire life.

Plain and simple, I lie quite a bit. It's occasionally the telling of some great tale to go along with the current topic at hand that, as soon as I'm done, or even in the middle of the telling, I realize the mistruth of most of my tale. For the most part, however, it's the exaggerations and over-steps that I'm talking about. If it's 40 degrees I'll say 35 so it sounds a little colder and a little more edgy. If I have 10 clients to see this week I'll say 15 just to sound a little busier, a little more demanded for. I'm not sure why I do it, well, I take it back- I do. See, there I go again.

I do it because I always want to be a little better, a little more than whatever my current status or story actually is. I want to be a little more advanced or a little more impressive than the actual truth. The heart of the matter is, I still have an insufficiency complex. I still do not honestly see my value in God's eyes- I see it in my own eyes and try my best to perceive it in others' eyes. And with those two views, I come up short every time.

So, to compensate for that, I exaggerate. I add a little to try and cover the gap of inadequacy I feel. It's a coping mechanism, a strategy I've acquired to make myself feel better about my perception to other people. I'm searching for adoration in your eyes and body language. I'm searching for you to accept me and think I'm special. You don't have to say it, I can feel whether you do or not.

If only I had Jesus' eyes maybe I could see myself and the world for what we are. "Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 2:1). We've got to throw off the weight, we've got to lay aside the encumbrances and run the race. The race is hard enough in itself and all these hindurances of our personalities and emotions hindering us only slow down our pace.

But I think, and I could be wrong about this, but I think it starts with accepting myself. Accepting my downfalls and shortcomings, accepting my stupidity and thoughtlessness, accepting those things I cannot change. I think it starts with seeing myself through Jesus' eyes and being ok with it and finding peace in it. And then, after continuing to find that center each day, throwing off the additional weight again and again until it's not so weighty as it once was because it no longer holds the power I once gave it. There's got to be something so much more than the lives most of us choose to live and I think it starts with letting God be God and finding out what He thinks of us.