To the Promise

"If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return." Hebrews 11:15

Oh this is such a great verse. It feels like an odd thing to say, as do many parts of Scripture, although admittedly more odd plucked out of context like I have done here. This part of Hebrews is showing the faith of those that have come before and how their faith had not been disappointed. It was faith in a promise. A promise they did not receive in their lifetime because it was yet to come. And yet, it was not disappointed.

It was a faith longing for something better, perfect. A place to call home and dwell in perfect security, in love and without fear.

This world does not contain that place. We're post-Jesus so we arguably have more resources at our disposal than those counted in this chapter and yet, does it make us less likely to think of the country we had left? 

I'm so prone to seeing the trees instead of the forest. I have really no hesitation believing everything will be ok in the end. My doubt emerges in so often having great concern with the path to get there. I so easily doubt the Creators love, over dumbs things, you see. I'm like a child who's riding a 7-second emotion-span.

When in faith we committed our lives to the Lord and asked Jesus to come in, we left everything behind- the "country [we] had left." We left it all at His feet and He nailed the bad parts to the cross. But we left it all, even the parts we might consider good. We submitted and have committed our lives to continually, each day, each moment, submit to His authority and plan. Submit to His deep love for us and in the submission find vulnerability as strength. You see, that vulnerability whether is our lack of control of this world or occasionally of a realization of just how mighty and powerful God is, can often, in human fear, give us opportunity to return from the country [we] had left." We're afraid and we turn back to old habits that we know; we turn back to what we think makes us happy; we turn back to seemingly safe things.

Nothing is safe outside of God. Nothing is eternal or worthwhile. He's very clear in scripture that our earthly lives will not look like what we think and there may be great heartache. But to turn back would be a mistake. We must in faith look ahead to His promises. We must live in assurance of a loving, faithful God and that He, in His infinite wisdom is the sovereign, almighty God we need Him to be.

In the Garden Again

"Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,[b] she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened..." Genesis 3:1-7a

We read the Creation Story, the Fall and other parts of the Bible and we too often miss their significance and reality in our lives. They're nice stories but did they really happen? How could anyone talk to a snake, much less think it's totally normal and then eat some fruit and plunge all of humanity into eternal damnation. Wow. 

Here's the truth- the Bible is a set of writings composed over a few thousand years that lets us know God intimately- His creation, His plans for us, His covenants with us, His path for it all, His authority.

When Satan (the serpent) approached Eve he posed a question he knew to be untrue. She answered with an untrue answer (God didn't say anything about touching the trees). She was drawn to the excitement, the power, the desire. She let her emotions take over. She let the lies in and ahead of the big picture. Her life was so good. She had more than she could ever want. She risked everything to do something she knew factually was wrong and didn't know absolutely anything about what would happen.

Robert Jamieson in his commentary puts it so well, "Her imagination and feelings were completely won; and the fall of Eve was soon followed by that of Adam. The history of every temptation, and of every sin, is the same; the outward object of attraction, the inward commotion of mind, the increase and triumph of passionate desire; ending in the degradation, slavery, and ruin of the soul."

And yet I keep finding myself back in the garden. Back at the beginning, caught up in the desire, curious, thoughts clouded, terrible foresight and swept away. I do it over and over again. In the moment we're such poor decision-makers and afterward, if we're truly fortunate, we have a great God that let's us see things clearly, and with great remorse (hopefully) and repentance we are able to seek and be granted forgiveness from such an awesome God.

I'll sadly be back in that spot a million more times in my life. I'd like to think I'm better than that but having lived 34 years I know better. I'm so prone to selfishness, so prone to fear. I'm doomed and unable to save myself, truly. Perhaps some of the degradation and slavery will help me some- to be better and do better. But the great news is, God saved me while I was still a sinner (Rom 5:8). He didn't save me after I started doing some good or after I got a job and made something of myself. He didn't save me because my good outweighed my bad (no one's ever will). He saved me while I was contemplating the consequences and reaching for that fruit tree. He saved me when while I was eating in temporary, blissful delight. Because nothing...will be able to separate us from the love of God...(Rom 8:35-39). So all the sin does is make my life on this earth ruined. What a waste. God give us eyes to see.

The Complete God

"For I, the Lord, do not change..." Malachi 3:6
"Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:8

Recently I've been thinking a lot about the completeness of God. It's probably because I'm reading The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer but perhaps more significantly it's because God wanted me to do so. We would like to think we have a part, perhaps the larger part, in our salvation and entrance into heaven. Perhaps we find great control in this world, with high-paying jobs and/or great power or simply that we've got things well in hand and can rely on ourselves come what may. Perhaps we're whitty, smart, capable - jobs and relationships come easy. What need do we really have for daily bread?

I've seen recently how easy it is to hide our sin (to ourselves and/or those around us). Or even to not realize we're sinning until hindsight or the fear of getting caught. I think my entire life I've been more afraid of getting caught (by the world) than facing the consequences with God (it's death, by the way). Is it then to be supposed that I must have great faith and trust mightily in God's great grace and mercy that He will redeem me from death so then my gaze fixes on earthly consequences? I would like to hope (sort of). But I think the sad reality is, I'm so easily tossed by the wind of perceptions and others' judgements that my human small-mindedness so easily blocks me from seeing the wonderful, awesome, terrifying God.

The God who doesn't change. Sit with that for a second. He doesn't learn. He doesn't hear a different perspective and change His mind. He doesn't get mad and lash out irrationally. He doesn't grow. He doesn't know one person better than another. He has no need of anything- He is complete in Himself. The Trinity is not a tribunal deciding our fate by vote. He is three-in-one that operates in perfect unison and harmony. He does not make mistakes.

When you pray you do not change God's mind or alter what will be. He doesn't love you because He created a world that went awry and He's making the best of the situation- and you're more good than bad- and certainly better than most. That's not it at all. God has always been. He is mighty and infinitely powerful. Our yesterdays, todays and tomorrows are reigned over at all times. He is not bound by time or space or anything else.

And instead of wondering why pray, why make an effort at all, what's the point then if He and life are unchangeable? Because He is love. It's not a characteristic that decreases with irritation. He's incapable of being irritated. Love is His nature. He cannot part from it so everything He does is perfectly love. What great comfort we ought to feel in the deep vulnerability (in reality, perfect security) of knowing we control nothing and God controls all. And as His children He will love us and save us and everything will be ok. Lord, let us rest in that today and every day. Let us pray and spend time with you so that these words might grow in us and cause us to know you more and more.

Enmity Between Us

"Do not lose sight of the fact that you were born 'Gentiles,' known by those whose bodies were circumcised as 'the uncircumcised.' You were without Christ, you were utter strangers to God's chosen community, the Jews,  and you had no knowledge of, or right to, the promised agreements. You had nothing to look forward to and no God to Whom you could turn. But now, through the blood of Christ, you who were once outside the pale are with us inside the circle of God's love and purpose. For Christ is our living Peace. He has made a unity of the conflicting elements of Jew and Gentile by breaking down the barrier which lay between us. By His sacrifice He removed the hostility of the Law, with all its commandments and rules, and made in Himself out of the two, Jew and Gentile, One New Man, thus producing peace. For He reconciled both to God by the sacrifice of one Body on the cross, and by this act made utterly irrelevant the antagonism between them." Ephesians 2:11-16

Racism. If we truly think about it, it's a completely ridiculous notion. One person is born better than another? Isn't that exactly why America started- to escape tyranny? Shouldn't America, the land of opportunity and freedom, be the exact place people can be all they can be, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, attain the American Dream and all that? But life is hard, we say, so we make it easier by putting others down to build ourselves up. We enslave, both literally and metaphorically, people we think as inferior. In reality, it's because we're afraid.

Fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of people disliking us or not thinking we're special. Fear of not being special. Fear of failure. Fear of not being the best or not being smarter than someone or better looking. I don't know about you, but I can literally be fearful every moment of my life about something. And it manifests in the worst ways (see racism, bullying, lying, cheating, etc.).

Paul in the Bible passage above talks about the New Man (he means person). The only difference God ever saw in people wasn't our skin color, our nationality, our familial status, etc. but that we were Jew or Gentile (all non-Jews). And prior to Jesus, most every Gentile didn't stand a chance of knowing God. But we, by God's amazing grace, live in a time after Jesus- which means we can know Him and be saved from all our fear. Speaking as a Gentile, it's such an incredible gift to think of the time God let me be born into, Post-Jesus, and that because of that I can be part of the New Man and I can be completely a child of God. As a child of God I have no other home, no other distinction or barrier. He made us all one and produced peace.

He brought us peace, people. Peace. Jesus reconciled our differences, forgave and saved us from ourselves. And this path we walk as Christians should demonstrate that great change every day. We've got to do better. We've got to fall as His feet and beg to be continually transformed to more like Him- a God who sees no difference in us and loves all His children the same.

Despised and Rejected

"He was despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and pain and acquainted with grief; and like One from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or esteem Him. But in fact He has borne our griefs, and He has carried our sorrows and pains; Yet we ignorantly assumed that He was stricken, struck down by God and degraded and humiliated." Isaiah 53: 3-4

Recently I've experienced a lot of anxiety and passages like this sum up my deep humiliation as a human. I am guilty. I am a deep sinner. I lie, cheat and steal when I think those things can help me get ahead. And yet often I'm ashamed of the perceptions I think people have of me more so than the acts I've actually committed (or not committed). And how often we get it wrong about other people or people get it wrong about us. We judge things we don't completely understand. We make snap-judgments. We take people's past behaviors, or what we understand about them, and hang them as permanent dark clouds over someone's life.

I'd like to believe because of God I can be better. I believe and have hope He's as sovereign and big as I read in this passage. When He came to earth the Jews were looking for a king to lead them out of captivity into power and glory. And in all their digging in about this perfect picture, so many missed the perfect God that came. And He came in the greatest power and might- as a vessel that understands us, that willingly walks alongside our terribleness and instead of rejecting us, carries our sorrows and pains.

His life on this earth, His power creating this earth, His ongoing love and splendor in this world are fascinating to me. He built a world that would fall, that would be sinful and degrading to Him. He came willingly to be despised and rejected. He came willingly so that His love, deep grief over how ugly we make things and His truth would shine through all the confusion, all the misplaced anxiety and through all the fear.

We are so constantly confused and afraid. And yet, Jesus is such a bright guiding light that deeply wants to show us a clean, simple path of following Him in this life into the next. He was despised and rejected and willing to endure sorrows and pain so we can know Him. He's got such love and hope for us that He willingly came here to save us from ourselves.

He is such a treasure, our only hope. Lord God, teach us how to appreciate your worth. To esteem you. To see beyond our fears, our worldview, our biases. Lord teach us how to be like you, that in your great love you willingly entered a world that would hate and reject you. And yet you didn't hate us first or gather up your defenses. You let it crush you and you loved us still. You forgave us because you see the deep weakness in our humanity. Teach us how to forgive others like you forgive us. Teach us to ask you for forgiveness and live out of sanctification. Teach us how to be fully reliant on you and know that we are saved by grace alone. And in that, to do better and be better not because it gets us salvation but because it's what you did and that's the only way to live.

Turn

"And the hand (the power and presence) of the Lord was with them, and a great number who believed turned to the Lord [for salvation, accepting and drawing near to Jesus as Messiah and Savior]."
Acts 11:21

So in this part of Acts we're in the midst of discussions over who all gets salvation- is it for God's historically chosen people only or has that net widened outside the Jews? But we're not here to discuss that right now- mainly because the answer is obvious (or this non-Jew is cooked).

I wanted to talk about something I noticed in this single verse of Acts 11:21: "...a great number who believed turned to the Lord..."  The way this sentence is structured is super interesting.- because it says a there's a group of people who believe and a great number of them turned to the Lord. So that means that while a great number of them turned, not all of them turned. For that matter, why does "who believed" have to be in the passage at all?

But don't miss that it is because it gives us this simple, yet necessary prescription to salvation that we get wrong a lot. (1) Believe (2) Turn.

Believing is fairly easy upfront. Even Satan believes. And frankly, isn't it easier to believe in someone that could protect and love us forever than the alternative of what, chaos? But often when we talk to people about Jesus the conversion, the believing, is the discussion. And it is a huge part. But the thing is, if people can believe and not be Christians, then the turning is equally important. And important to note that without the turn, you're likely not a Christian. And what is the turn? Turn from who you are and be like Jesus. Let him mold you. Study scripture and learn. Pray and listen. Turn.

And I don't know about you, perhaps you're a better follower than I am, but for me, the main believing happened at first but the reminder happens daily. And the turning happens all the time. And the good Lord who bled to take away my sin defeated death so that I might have a chance to believe and turn and for that to matter enough for me to spend eternity with Him instead of what I deserve.

Believe. Turn. Believe. Turn. Turn. Believe. And keep going.

Love One Another

I get mad at other drivers, especially the bad ones.  Drive slow in the left lane. Pass me, then get in front of me, then start going slower. Are you kidding? I get impatient when meetings run over. I get frustrated at slow walkers. Actually, you do you- be a slow walker. But it's much like slow drivers, get over so other people can pass.

I can go on but I believe you get the idea but probably not my point. You see, I spend an absurd amount of my day having opinions about various things, feeling irritated at someone doing something. Feeling accomplished at what I get done. Feeling dissatisfied for the things left unchecked. I'm up, I'm down, I'm all around.

Frustrated. Frustrating. This hard thing called life. These crazy people of earth.

But with all my opinions and frustrations, I find my vision to be small. It's like I'm hiking focused on my feet instead of enjoying the view.

"By this everyone will know that you are my  disciples, if you love one another." John 13:35.

It's simple. Despite my good and/or bad motives, despite my emotions, my intolerance, and all other various behaviors, it's simple. Love others.

And sometimes my decent motive is real. I do think there's not enough honesty in our world and the people that really love us should help us be better people. And that's true. But am I pointing something out because I'm irritated or because I love you? Does love take priority?

If the people around me could describe me would the first thing they say be that I love them? Or I even care about them? Or would it be something more about me like my accomplishments, my intelligence, etc.?

There's nothing wrong with doing well in a career. Or having a lot of money. Or passing someone on the highway. But first, love. Care about people and things outside yourself. It's the only way to really live. Or so I'm working toward everyday.

Answered Prayer

I've been thinking a lot about prayer. Having been a Christian for about 30 years you'd think I'd be better at it. That's the thought, right? Or more predominantly in my case, I throw a little prayer up and instantly want to take it back, of sorts. Something more important may come along that I'd rather have.

Silly- right?

As though God's some genie? Like you only get a certain number of "yes" prayers and as the day goes on you've used up your allotment. Or he's irritated, like I would be, for your wishes and is now teaching you a lesson to ask better or for better things. Stop bothering him, he's saving people from real things.

Super silly.

"But Gideon said to him, 'Please my lord, if the LORD is for us, then why has all this happened to us? And where are all His wondrous works which our fathers told us about when they said, "Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt?" But now the LORD has abandoned us...'" 

I believe in God. I believe He can do mighty things and is all-powerful. I believe He did everything the Scriptures say and I believe He's so big our imaginations can't contain all His ability. But when you're reading scripture and you're exploring the hundred or so years of slavery, the decades of servitude between judges, and the pretty silent period between the Testaments, it can feel like God does abandon His people, or those are the clips of life I feel like I live in.

Because life is about me, right? How I got along today. How people treated me. Depending on my mood the slightest thing can stress, a glance, a tone -especially a tone- or a perceived slight. And it's not because of self-grandeur but selfishness. It's a coping mechanism, a defense system.

But it doesn't work, really. I can assure you of that. It's a stopgap that won't last and won't work.

We need only seek Him until we're confident we've found Him. He's always there. A-L-W-A-Y-S. But since we're mostly about ourselves we have to wade through all the false emotions, pressing on toward Him. If you fail to reach Him each day, and I mean each day, you've missed out on what He was offering you that day- peace. joy. calm. truth. love.

And He'll help you wade through and He'll fight the battle for you- you need only be still, ask or really, simply accept it.

Grandfather

I often think, as much as I hate to admit it, that I have a very wrong picture of God. You see, one of the ways I let the world in is letting parts of its definition of God creep into mine. He's this grandfatherly, Santa Claus-like figure sitting high up in heaven waiting on me to do things and then blessing or cursing them, not always for a good reason- not to mention the world is so big he's often doing other things and not even helping out with the chaos.

And while the world says this (although it's increasingly less shameful about not acknowledging a god at all), it seems pathetic.

God either exists or He doesn't. And if He exists where do we get His definition or parameters? Society and life have rules necessary to its existence (hello, constitution) so it's reasonable to conclude God-following must too.

But a big wonder of mine about the world is whether the few remaining people that even occasionally acknowledge there's a god believe in a little-g one that's really a figment of the imagination to keep the boogeyman away, to feel more confident, to get what we want, to push away the horror.

And about half the time these fleeting pleas of breath work (law of averages and all) and we've gotten so used to the feeling of chaos that while it's sucking away our lives it's an inevitability so c'est la vie. After all, god might make our lives harder if we don't throw up a prayer, right?

Wrong. He loves us more than we can possibly imagine. And He forgives us. He loves in spite of who we are and what we do. He created a world knowing He would have to slaughter His own child to save us, how far do you think He's willing to go to save you?

"Now these are the nations that the Lord left, to test Israel by them...They were for the testing of Israel, to know whether Israel would obey the commandments of the Lord, which He commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses."  Judges 3: 1a,4

This is not cruelty or trickery on the Lord's part. This is cleansing. And it's tough stuff. It's gut-wrenching and life-taking. It's the refining process where the Potter (God) shapes the clay (us, His children) in order for something better to emerge. 

He's not sitting atop the chaos wondering whether the Israelites will or won't obey. He's the author of life, in every detail but loving us enough to grow us to obey His commandments so that our lives may be fuller. The Israelites chose wrong most of the time, as they did just 2 verses later. But we don't have to find ourselves in slavery, we need only ask Him to be free and our powerful God will rescue us. 

O Holy Night

I'm a fan of Christmas songs, carols really. I can't get enough of them in December and am sad sitting here thinking about how we only get a handful of Sundays to sing them in church (because we're not crazy people who put up their lights at Halloween). Kidding. Kinda.

I'm also a fan of good listeners. And I try to be one, honest. But I have the same problem with it all- I hear something, get stuck on its significance and I can't move to the next phrase. Thus, I need a 7-seconds-back button for life like my tv remote gives me.

How does this all fit together, you ask? Welcome to my brain. But as I sung arguably my favorite carol on Sunday, I was so struck that I couldn't remember the rest of the words later that afternoon, only repeating this one line.

"'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth."

You know the song, it's "O Holy Night."

Worth. Isn't that what we're all searching desperately to find? To be found special. To be found worthwhile, unique, worthy of love and respect. We search in our relationships, in our education, in our jobs, in our volunteer work, in our money and stuff. We search. We search harder. We do more, we get more. We search harder. We think just around this corner I'll find true happiness, true contentment and joy. This corner being a new relationship, a better job, a respectable amount of acquired stuff.

It won't. It'll never be enough. It'll never make you feel the feelings you're looking for. Maybe for a moment, perhaps quite a while without the spark of anything better. But it certainly won't last forever.

But if you're lucky enough, the Lord Jesus plants that spark. And your life of chasing what other people think and feeling inadequate doesn't evaporate but evolves. You see, Jesus shows us that our problem is not that our dreams and expectations are too high, it's that there too low.

When He appeared and the soul felt its worth. We aim for this unattainable earthly perfection in families, jobs, houses and various other things like clothes and electronics. And what God wants from us is to find our satisfaction in Him and put the measure of these wonderful things in perspective. To trust His plan in them. To feel the weight of His decisions of our worth.

We shrink ourselves down every time we try to find our worth in what other people think about us or in what we have. God wants so much more for us than what we're reaching for. Our value and worth are found in His plan and only in our surrender to it will we find that joy and peace we desperately seek.

And as the song rightly proclaims, "Long lay the world in sing and error pining, 'Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth. A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices."  And all we should do is, "Fall on our knees."

What an easily accessible God we have. Quick to love us and always willing to offer His view of us if we only ask. His view of our souls' infinite worth.

What's Important?

I'm plowing through the Gospels at the moment, feeling sometimes like I'm reading the same passage over and over- ha, because I am! But when God repeats things multiple times, like he does with the synoptic Gospels, it means we're supposed to pay special attention- sorta like you saying very, very.

So I've been thinking about Jesus going off alone to pray and how He constantly asked people He healed to not tell anyone- a true lesson in humility and priorities. Speaking of priorities, I read a few paragraphs just now so rich in importance that it's too good not to simply quote directly:

"Prayer is a kind of priority that lies at the root of all the others -- at the root of life itself. It's a lot like eating; if we rarely eat, our physical health will suffer. We'll be weak and sick. It will affect our ability to carry on the activities of life. In a similar way, if we rarely pray, our spiritual life will lack vitality. We'll approach the challenges and successes of life on our own, as though we're not totally dependent on God even for life itself.

"Without prayer, we begin to take credit for the good things in our lives, chalking them up to our skill, knowledge, wisdom and hard work. We begin to forget that all our skill, knowledge, wisdom and hard work are gifts from God -- He gave us the mind, body and circumstances of life that enabled us to have and develop those attitudes.

"On the other hand, without prayer, we fall into fear, anxious worry and even despair at the failures, frustrations and bad events in our lives. We become unsure of God's love for us, unsure that He stands with us in our problems. We feel alone and afraid, doubtful about our ability to cope with what life is heaping onto us.

"Prayer is the grease, we might say, that keeps the gears and wheels of life in good working order. Without prayer, we see ourselves as alone against the world, left to fend off the storms of life on our own wits and brawn. It is in the course of prayer that we learn to see the true state of things -- that we are creatures within a creation, creatures dependent on our Maker and on all the other parts of the creation, and as such, never alone."
-Excerpted from Grace Communion International -- gci.org/bible/mark1j

Old Testament God

“Ezra was praying and confessing. He was crying and bowing down in front of God’s Temple. While Ezra was doing that, a large group of the Israelites—men, women, and children—gathered around him. They were crying. Then Shecaniah son of Jehiel, one of the descendants of Elam, spoke to Ezra and said, “We have not been faithful to our God. We have married the people living around us. But, even though we have done this, there is still hope for Israel. Now let us make an agreement before our God to send away all these women and their children. We will do that to follow the advice of Ezra and the people who respect the laws of our God. We will obey God’s law.”
‭‭Ezra‬ ‭10:1-3‬ ‭ERV‬‬

Not that I'm choosing, because it's an entire book,  but I must admit I find myself drawn more to the Old Testament than New. "What? Why?" I'm glad you asked. You see, the Bible is this simple, straightforward message wrapped up in deep complexity, baffling stupidity and general unfairness (if that's a word). And the Old Testament even more so for me and I'm drawn to it. The Old Testament covers more time, more people. It addresses more issues and breaks open more completely all the uncomfortable things to reckon with of our loving, gracious, giving-good-things-only God.

You see, God is love. He is slow to anger and quick to show mercy. He does forgive us wholly. But he also asks us to be holy- to walk according to His ways, to spend time with Him and with others trying to be like Him to figure out how to do it better. He asks us to give ourselves wholly and to willingly submit to Him- to have faith in the things unseen and an open mind that the things we can't understand -whether because of cultural or personal bias- are things He understands and He's shaping for our good.

He asks us to see beyond ourselves, feel beyond our human bodies and hormones, think beyond our culture and upbringing, and all the while to not grow weary doing it. He asks us to understand the brevity of the covenant we make with Him when we accept His free gift of life forever with Him. Just as these men in the Book of Ezra are becoming holy in order to be in His presence as prescribed by their covenant, he asks us also to be holy in our covenant's order.

Don't hear me sugar coating this passage because by of my culture and my feelings- it's hard to swallow. But I find the things I have to really chew up to get down results in one of two paths, both leading to the same end. The first, makes me think about my biases, my mistruths and the ugly things of this world that went on then just as now. And in my life, just like this story, the Lord protects His people. The second, I'm called to submit to the Bible's teaching- to believe it's a map of God's great love for me and an opportunity to get to know the real God- the loving but equally and at the same time all-powerful and relentless to carry out His plan for His people God.

We like to ignore many of the Old Testament stories, really any story that doesn't fit with the peaceful, prosperous life we think of as connected to God. But He's Ezra's God. And He's the God of Exodus 11 and many other hard to let sink in passages. But this is when we need to see the simple, straightforward message amongst the complexity- It's because being in right relationship with Him is top priority and nothing, absolutely nothing should ever get in the way of that. And when in right relationship He will show you your right path so that you may walk in it.

And while you're washed in the blood and made white as snow, completely and without need of anything but that faith, the journey along the washed path will be one of cleansing power and hard to understand things, but filled with great opportunity to submit and choose faith in the comfort of being within His great love.

So Much Like Sheep

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:1-4 ESV)

Today I was reminded about the Lord being my shepherd. You see, I didn't get a job that I thought was a done deal. But nothing in this life is really a done deal- am I right?

We people are often compared to sheep in the Bible. Sheep- incredibly dumb, aimless and unteachable animals destined to die. Literally. And Psalm 23 has great insight into God's plan for us sheep. Sheep are skittish creatures. They won't even drink from water with loud noises like a stream. Skittish.

But God leads us beside still waters so we don't have to feel anxious.

A shepherd's rod was used to fend off predators and his staff's cruck to pull the sheep back when they got caught in a thicket or went off the path- these things can hurt but they comfort us.

And the only, only time a sheep lays down is when it feels completely safe- no storms, predators, sickness or anything. Anything. And considering that "anything," isn't it amazing that He goes to great lengths to make everything safe so I can lie down in green pastures and not want?

These skittish, lost creatures would literally die of thirst standing by a stream. They need constant leading, just like us.

Have you seen one of the popular drawings of Jesus with the lamb around his shoulders? When a sheep disregards the shepherd over-and-over-and-over, the shepherds used to, in their gentle guidance, break one of its legs and put the sheep around his neck. He walked for the sheep and in the process of healing they got to know each other intimately. They learned to trust and love each other. And once the leg healed a bell was tied around that sheep so the other sheep would follow this one as it would forever stay close by the shepherd's side.

Amazing, huh? So whether you're being pulled by His staff back on the path, He's calming the waters so you don't feel afraid or He's really had to break you, He has a promise for you:

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever." (Psalm 23:6 ESV)

Working for it

I've been reading through a book that a friend gave me for Christmas, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. It's a fantastic book so far, filled with real-life struggle and application. I love to read. I admittedly don't do it as much as I look back and would like. Things always seem to come up- really important things I'm sure. 

My lack of reading and general building-up of the mind over the last few years got me thinking how much I've become like the culture -- quite feelings based. Judaism was quite rules-based. They had several feasts in Jerusalem with required attendance each year. 

They sacrificed, they followed the letter of the law, even the lengthy rules priests added on through the years. Muslims have set prayer times during the day and many wear certain clothing. Mormons require service years. The list is infinitely long but the examples hold that religions require certain things of you, lifestyle things, hard things. Things that take up time and will-power.

But somehow in our world, we've gotten the idea that Christianity is about freedom and how we feel. God wants us to be happy, right? He wants us to want to pray and read the Bible. He wants us to want to go to church. And those are all basically true. They are truths, but we use them as excuses. 

Paul Scherer once said, "The Bible wastes very little time on the way we feel." In the book I mentioned at first, Peterson rightly says that we live in the "age of sensation" where "we think that if we don't feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it." The reality is, God says more clearly that "we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting." Worship is an act, not always a feeling.

Don't hear me say we should swing the other way and become legalistic. I believe in God's great sovereignty and our incredible lostness without His calling and direction. But I also believe He's called us to work and He can will us to do it but He'd also like to see some initiative. He'd like to see us use our freedom authentically, not wasting about with things that feel good for a short while but actually put us back into bondage. As C.S. Lewis once said, "We are far too easily pleased."

Life Would Never Be the Same

I hope this makes sense to you and I'm not just an island out here feeling like I've been led astray by the mystical part of popular Christianity. It's partly my fault really. You see, we all seem to want that "I once was lost but now I'm found" moment. We want the dramatic difference, the breathtaking, end-all-be-all time when we put the ugly behind us and are completely changed.

But the truth for the vast majority of us, if  not absolutely all of us, is that while we may become new and be completely washed clean, we're still very, very human and very, very, very ourselves with the same insecurities, vices and difficulties.  

And yet, I've been a believer decades and I've just verbalizing that I'm still waiting for my moment.

My salvation is steady but my ability to follow ranges from hyperbolic to stagnant in any number of moments. When my emotions run haywire, which is an all too often occurrence, I long for relief, for a day or even a cluster of moments when the constant stream of thought isn't running through my head. After an undetermined period of time I believe quite possibly more than I believe in anything else that a flashpoint will occur and I will be free of that particular struggle. 

So I trudge on, believing that with a little hard work, a bit of time and God's grace for a flashpoint, I'll have that moment that I can look back on forever as the moment I turned from the thing.

The reality is I rarely live in reality. My life tends to rock as though I'm constantly at sea and I float along with wherever the current takes me. Motivation will come so I sit passively until it does, often waiting past a reasonable timeframe for inspiration. Things usually work out- I get it done. Heaven forbid I work on that last pesky fruit of the spirit, self-control. 

I'll stop with the doom-and-gloom, even though that's pretty much the reality of the human condition. Instead I choose to look toward the ultimate Healer no matter how much I revert back to my emotionally-driven, usually illogical and mediocre ability to follow. I will trust in the One who called me His and I will be thankful that His love isn't determined by the strength of mine. 

I do argue that the strength of mine better establishes my faith and any ability to have peace and thereby correctly-defined happiness in this life. Conversely, or perhaps confluently, my salvation is not at all determined by, praise God, the strength of mine.

Praise God that He loved even a fragmented person like me so much that He was willing to create a world where He'd have to send His son, part of Himself, to die just so I could live. And on this journey as I look for my aha moments, I pray God would continue to use the mundane, usual things to lead me to Him so that perhaps I can learn as well from them as from the struggles.

Weary

"The words of Agur son of Jakeh, the oracle, the man declares, I am weary, O God; I am weary, O God, and worn out. Surely I am too stupid to be a man. I have not the understanding of a man. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One." (‭Proverbs‬ ‭30‬:‭1-3‬ ESV)

I have a secret I've been carrying around for a while now that hopefully by my confession will somehow free you to rid yourself of any baggage or dark clouds. It's a secret that a friend of mine at church on Sunday exemplified her freedom to confess a similar vulnerability that has since energized me to do the same. I'm really tired, incredibly worn out actually, of a lot of the ways I've practiced my Christianity over the years.

The daily dull routine of obligatory chores aren't working. The Bible studies and reading can bounce off of me as meaninglessly as they flew in and I'm subsequently spending less and less time doing them.

You see, I have always had a very hard time having true, nurturing and challenging relationships. I'm often stuck in the middle of people that do and do not want to hang around me, too often wanting the exact opposite of whatever I'm being offered. That may sound appallingly selfish and misguided, as often in the "doing" of the relationship we get the return, but we equally can't find ourselves in a cult-following: only in relationship with people that look up to us.

This relationship issue has brought with it a world of issues, most notably, although by no means the  exclusive culprit, an ease of wanton indifference from time to time. I have been a Christian my entire life so skipping any normally daily Christian activity, or even church, makes me no less able to shine in any public Christian setting. I can still be the Bell of the Ball. I'm studied, educated and very capable.

But there's the rub. Jesus came for those that realize their sickness. He came to fulfill prophesy, and to use the broken, the without, the least of us all, to accomplish it. You see, my capability actually creates this barrier to God. My intuition, that I lean on so heavily as my guide, while God-given, equally drives God away.

"I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One." If I did, surely I could see past the ignorance of indifference and find authenticity in the very acts that so easily get pushed aside. But there goes my intuition taking over again.

Perhaps you think all these words equate to me being lost. Perhaps you think I'm overthinking it. Perhaps you think I need to let myself off the hook, we're only human and I'm being too hard on myself. Perhaps a combination of it all but one thing is certain: I am always changing - life is always changing - but God, He is never changing. And when I'm ready, He will show me His bigness.

I haven't really provided any path to take, only statements of current existence. But maybe it's a step toward recovery. I'm addicted to the allures of this life, temporary relief and satisfaction much like  any other addict so maybe in this I'll find comfort in the unity it brings to fellow travelers. Or maybe, perhaps maybe, God will speak and He will open my ears to listen.

Entrusted with the Gospel

"But even after we had suffered before and were spitefully treated at Philippi, as you know, we were bold in our God to speak to you the gospel of God in much conflict. For our exhortation did not come from error or uncleanness, nor was it in deceit.  But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts. For neither at any time did we use flattering words, as you know, nor a cloak for covetousness—God is witness. Not did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, when we might have made demands as apostles of Christ” 1 Thessalonians 2:2-6.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to effectively be a Christian in all circumstances. I find a great deal of what I would term worldly Christians- people who would tell you they believe but quite possibly don’t attend church, Bible studies or any other sort of communal place to worship, regularly sleep with people or drink heavily, both with no or at least inauthentic remorse, curse and use the Lord’s name improperly often, and generally don’t read scripture or spend time in prayer on any consistent basis.

Sounding familiar? They might be called convenience or nominal Christians (Christian when it’s convenient or politically correct) or lukewarm as scripture might say. If you fall into this category (or even occasionally feel yourself there) you’re not alone- we've all been there. But the lingering and most important question is how to safeguard from being there or going there again.

So how do we effectively be for Christ in all circumstances? For me, the way to not be lukewarm is to make the choice in every circumstance to be for Christ and not for public opinion or for myself. It is a lifelong commitment but it’s a daily choice—a daily choice to die to self and live for Christ alone.

I spend a great deal of time making sure I’m still light-hearted, fun, easy to be around, non-judgmental, approachable and unassuming.  Yes, I do buy into the idea that a great many people have been turned away from Christ because of “Christians” themselves. But no, I don’t buy they’re turned completely away if they were meant to know Christ in the first place. It may take them longer, and that’s a serious embarrassment to Christianity, but not irreparable. But despite all my attempts to be the perfect light for Jesus, I’m still going to fall very short.

But that’s OK  I think a great deal of the learning process of salvation is getting things wrong and getting back up to continue on with the fight. We’re going to be misunderstood. We’re going to be called over-serious. We’re quite possibly going to be criticized and whispered about, maybe even shunned. But when it happens our response shouldn't be either extreme- to change or to be prideful. Our response should be to spend even more time with the Lord, allowing Him to examine us, teach us, mold us a little more until we become as much of His spiritual likeness as we are His physical.  It’s a hard and unpopular fight. If it’s not, you’re not doing it right. But that doesn't mean you have any right to respond to the world’s ugliness with anything other than a large measure of grace and guidance.

You've been entrusted with the gospel. Don’t hide behind flattering words or cloaks of covetousness. You've been charged to be bold but you've been equally charged to be humble. And above all remember, it is God who tests hearts so no matter the outcome, find confidence in the counsel you sought and the direction the Lord led you in.

Influences

“…so stand fast in the Lord, beloved” Philippians 4:1b

As a commentary to this passage William Barclay once wrote, “Only with Jesus Christ can we resist the seductions of temptation and the weakness of cowardice.” He goes on to make the point that the word Paul uses for stand fast is a word noted for battle, when the soldiers stand unflinchingly as the opposition charges directly at them. That’s a great word picture.

I often think about standing firm in different situations and how emotions and the people standing near can make us stand strong or fall easily. When I’m with one friend it’s easy to talk about the Lord and feel so connected. But, with another friend, it’s easy to get a little carried away and talk about things (people) that are less than building to the Kingdom. Isn’t life interesting? Our mood, our self-worth, our friends so influence our every moment. They not only influence our moments, they change our emotions, our attitudes and eventually our viewpoints.

That’s not always a bad thing but it’s almost always a universal truth. We are who we spend time with.

Having never experienced life before the fall I can only imagine exactly how God created us. Were we designed strong, unflinching, needing nothing and no one? No. Even in Adam’s perfect state, even with lots of creature naming to consume his time, Adam needed a companion, someone like him. Adam needed someone to walk life with, not help him garden, not to do anything for him necessarily, just to be with him (admittedly the doing can often show how much you love the being).  But even the then-perfect human, Eve, fell for the Evil One’s trick and thus Adam listened and acted as well. Even two perfect people fell when someone didn’t act in their best interest so what hope is there for us?

I often underestimate the difficulty of the battle. We’re inclined to think we can do it on our own. I don’t cheat; I don’t steal; I don’t do any of the “real” lies. I covet occasionally and am jealous- but I’m only human, what do you want from me? But that’s a big Catch 22- the blame game. It’s not my fault, it is my fault, it’s someone else’s fault….on and on. 

The big picture is not what separated us from God. It's not your lifelong measure of good or bad. It's not a scale of deeds or your morality. It was one sin. One act barred us from eternity with the Lord. One willing person to be complicit with evil instead of the Lord's command.

Paul writes stand fast in the Lord, beloved not from the barred side but from the side already experiencing eternity. He writes fully human, fully on earth but fully absorbed in the knowledge and faith of being God's beloved, so much so that he desperately wants the receivers of this letter to experience it too. They're not supposed to be normal and he's reminding them to stand fast BECAUSE they are God's beloved, because they are in the Lord. And because they are in the Lord, they will never have to stand alone.

And it makes me wonder, are we standing with our friends, our family, our acquaintances and allowing their habits and viewpoints to invade our lives or are we stand[ing] fast in the Lord? Are we standing with Him, and He with us, and letting that relationship direct our lives or are we unknowingly letting culture attach? Relationship is so undoubtedly critical to our livelihood, and many a blessing emerges from many of them. But what of the others and what of the broken ones we've not gotten around to working on? And most importantly, what of the ones where we need to throw aside momentary pleasures and stand firm in the Lord? 

Christian and Cultural Beliefs

As I drove in to work today I listened to a song on the radio that struck me, as many often do. It was based on 1 Corinthians 13:2-3, “And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

If I’m being honest (and I likely shouldn’t be as forthright as I sometimes am), I have a hard time with verses like this. As I listened to the song, and as I’ve listened countless times to speakers, I’m initially taken back by statements like this before I fully connect that it’s taken directly from scripture. Once I draw the connection my mind flips over from doubt to passive acceptance, since after all, it’s the infallible Word of God so I have no right to question it.

And while the Word is infallible, I have every right to look into it and examine it against my life. If these two verses and the like were plucked out of scripture and I took the rest of the Bible, I should still draw the same conclusion. But I doubt I would.  Verses like these make me realize just how intimately the Lord knows me. He knew I needed to be told directly. He knew I wouldn’t get it from the likely hundreds of indirect ways he says it in the rest of Scripture.  He left nothing out but describes here great human power and ability, far exceeding mine, so I am left without any excuse but to believe I am and I gain NOTHING apart from loving people. That’s hard to swallow.

But looking at this made me even more aware of how my cultural christianity has invaded my God-like Christianity. My cultural side says, “Do what you can; we’re just human. Fight the fight but you need to give yourself a break and cut lose every once in a while. Jesus’ first miracle He turned water to wine, He knows how to have a good time. Give what you can to the church but don’t worry about it. Go to church when you can make it and smile at strangers. Try to repent if you do something really bad and don’t do things that would hurt other people…” My cultural christianity has no problem with really expensive lifestyles or drinking a little too much. It has no problem if I don’t actually talk about Jesus, ever, to anyone, since I am being nice and everyone in the South knows about Jesus anyway.

This is not a talk about how terrible all of the above is, even if I paint it in a negative light. I am just a person, trying to draw back the shade that is often cast by our culture onto our Christianity. It can be such a subtle difference that we don’t always recognize it. We could have grown up in it and never experienced pure belief and thereby have no authentic measure. I will spend a lifetime sifting my humanity, my culture, my familial values, my feelings and emotions to separate the wheat and the chaff. I may not ever come to the end.

One thing I do know- I have a Book accessible to me at any time that wants to be my guide. It wants to shine bright light on my life so that when any shadow comes upon it I can more distinctly separate it out.  And when I am taken aback by something like this passage before realizing it’s scripture, I pray to realize how thankful I should be that the Lord is not done working out my faith. He’s not done refining my belief system and my life so that I may be his vessel.  He’s not done teaching me that all the power in the world amounts to nothing if we do not love. And regardless of how my culture or history fights that statement, it’s true- plain and simple.

Human Ability

This past week I went through with a group the often-heard, very quotable and applicable passage of Jesus walking on water and Peter’s doubt. It’s a very vivid picture of walking calmly when faith is full contrasted to faith wavering and subsequently plunging into the waves. It’s a great passage of scripture. But as we talked through it someone brought up a rather intriguing point to me.

The statement was made that Jesus was able to walk on water because of His God-nature and that humans in themselves cannot walk on water. The point was well-made; Jesus was able to sustain Peter, allowing him the courage and ability to jump out of the boat. Could Peter have walked on water otherwise? Likely not. Could you walk on water at any given time? Likely not. Has anyone, besides this instance with Jesus present, ever seen someone walk on water? Doubtful.

But is it possible?

My humanity says no way. I could take the most faith-filled person I know and they would sink because in what context would we need in this day for someone to walk on the water?

But is it possible?

I’ve been reading scripture throughout my life and come on the thought many times that so much of our world exists in parallels or contradictions to the Holy Scriptures. So much of our humanity is much the same way. While I deeply wish I was like Christ and could be 100% one nature, much like He was 100% God, if I’m deeply honest I’m usually about 70/30 human to Christian (and it fluctuates but I’ll let you decide which percentage is in which camp…).  While His grace completely covers me, my humanity and the evil that subsequently follows, seeps through my God-likeness and too often reveals itself.

But I’ve been thinking about walking on water and whether someone in our modern world actually could do it, without the physical presence of the Lord. That may be a bizarre thought to dwell on and it most certainly is not a salvation issue to ponder, but it is possible?

Here’s what I know. Jesus himself said in John 14:12, "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father.”  Or this passage in Luke 17:6, “The Lord answered, "If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,' and it would obey you.” Or the similar one in Matthew 17:20, “You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible."

I very likely will never see someone walk on water. I may never see a paralytic be instantly healed by a touch or see the dead walk again. I have a hard time with public healings and exorcism. I have an even harder time with living in the Spirit. But what I do know is that there is scriptural validity not only to each of these practices but also proof that they’ve worked. Maybe not backing for the specific ways we may practice them, but the passages above say without mincing words that we, who are not even 1% God, can do even greater things that Jesus who was 100%. I’m not planning to run over to my neighborhood pool anytime soon, but if He says I can move mountains, it’s time I start having the faith to discover what my life’s mountains look like.