Treasures

This may seem strange to you.. or you may resonate with it somewhat- I found myself envying the people devistated by the hurricane. I went to Bay St. Louis a few weekends ago on a hurricane relief team. The people I worked with were amazing, it was truly a joy to be working with such delightful people. The houses were torn down and things were utterly destroyed by Katrina that ripped through the area about 14 months ago. I felt the all too familiar feeling of longing to be where those people are. I envy them because they have nothing- nothing keeping them from God. I was told by a good friend from Africa a few years ago that she couldn't understand for the life of her how we could be Christians in America. How true it is, all this clutter and busyness we have that mound up in front of God so that our view of Him is blocked and He often is easily forgotten. I envy them because God took all this earthly stuff that truly is unnecessary from them so that many, many indeed, were and still continue to be able to see the loving God much clearer. You see I often justify, "oh, this is good for my life, taking this time to relax" or "Oh, I need a day to sleep in so I'm not going to get up and pray" or "I'll read my Bible later, I just want to watch tv and go to bed"... you get the drift. Don't hear me saying these phrases are always wrong, nothing is wrong with getting some sleep or relaxing, Heaven knows we need rest and harmony. But how many times do I justify too much? I've got the "I'll do it tomorrow" syndrome big time. It's laziness ya'll. It's the voice in our head (that should be a huge red flag when we hear that voice) that says "it doesn't really matter. God says He'll still love you no matter what.. "

Earlier, I said the feeling of envying these people was familiar. I felt it in Africa a few summers ago about the village of kayamandi. The first few days of the trip I found myself paralyzed by hurt and brokenness for the desolate people there. Then the Wednesday of that first week, my third day in the village, we went on a group tour. Children began to gather around us as we walked and within a few minutes somewhere close to 100 kids were walking with us. I began to skip with my kids, singing whatever song came to mind, unconscious of the extra weight clinging to me, realizing I was ‘struggling with all of His energy’ and that is a surplus. Even with 2 kids clinging to me front and back, and 3 or so attached to each arm, it was the lightest I've ever felt. A burden had been lifted, a burden far heavier that human weight. I was told by my African friend that she felt sorry for me. ME! I have everything. Or so I thought. But ya'll- I found out on my trip that possessions, money, a home, medicine, food and all other physical things are great and should be highly regarded, but we don't need them. ALL that matters is that which is eternal. We will die without some combination of these temporal things, but we're going to die anyway and our eternal matters count forever regardless if it's tomorrow or years from now. All we need is that which is eternal.

I realized that in Africa and was so graciously reminded of it in Bay St. Louis. I envy them because they have no possessions keeping them from serving God with a whole heart and any previous high and righteous attitude was probably leveled by the storm. The people on the hurricane's path aren't perfect or fully following God, but they have been forcedly blessed to be one step closer than we are at following God whole-heartedly because the things they held dear were taken away. Our task of resigning them and wholly following is much more difficult. Randy Alcorn said that 15% of Christ's sayings related to possessions- more than talk of Heaven and Hell combined! "And He said to Levi, "Follow me." And leaving everything, he rose and followed Him" (Luke 5:27-28). Can I follow like that? what am I not willing to give up that needs to be purged from me?

commonalities

I have much to say most of the time, as those around me know all too well. I find our Christian dialect (if you will) to be rather amusing and saddening all at the same time. We flippantly throw around words as though people understand what we're trying to say or else we don't consider the full magnitude of the words we are actually uttering. One such example is the commonly bandaided phrase "God is in control". Now if you've had a serious conversation with me in the past few months I would almost undoubtebly imagine that you heard these piercing words come out of my mouth, but let me explain to you my perdicament. At different points during my day God chooses to unload (yet again- if you will) His meanings of things on me and for that moment I am stunned by the truth of the matter. Tonight was one such occassion. I've struggled a great deal with this concept of "God is in control." Yes, God is sovereign so we could sum up that He is in control over all things, sure. But think about it- Control over ALL things? Control over Katrina destroying so many homes, control over heartache and famine, control over my every thought, word or action, control over what the weather will be like today, control over what I'll write in this blog, control over what time I'll actually get out of bed in the morning, utter control? Now don't hear me wrong, our God is not a dictator, but does He truly have control?

But then I stop in my tracks, that often get far too deep and have a hard time turning back, to find that maybe that's not what our focus should be. Maybe instead of looking at it from such a sceptical viewpoint I should look at it from the perspective "what would life look like if God was in control?" How freeing ya'll! Think about, all those screwups and times you "missed your opportunity to share the gospel", all those terrible sins you've committed (terrible is not meant to rate the particular sin but to merely point out that all sin is terrible), all those discouragements and what we think of as "setbacks". Over ALL of those things, GOD IS IN CONTROL! How utterly freeing to realize we don't have to worry about anything past, present or future because God will provide. Maybe we can start here and then see the bigger picture of His control over disaster, famine, and other heartache. Maybe we can be freed here and see His great compassionate, loving plan of control and then find His control in the sad times. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything present your requests to God who sustains you." Now, hold on a second, big disclaimer- If I truly had enough room to discuss such a broad topic as this I would do so, but I don't. To proclaim such a dangerous idea as I have just discussed could throw some into a sense of oversecurity and flippancy towards our actions on this earth, but God is JUDGE remember. By abiding in God we realize His control and by staying at home in Him we are freed from guilt and worry. Amazing.

I just think we so often hear concepts such as "God is in control" and we don't weigh them to find if they stand on their own. We don't sit and consider their full meaning and what exactly comes along with them. If we truly sat down and thought about things, so many of our Christian concepts don't work or intertwine. it's interesting really, and fairly obvious why our modern church is not the church of Acts. One such being the lack of true belief in our Bible......I'm not sure why I just chose to leave you with that because I have not intention of continuing that opinion tonight.. toon in next time!

Ministry to the Poor

I read something just now and it made me realize how often we in our culture misinterpret things of God. As common as the writings of Paul have become, I often take lightly the great depth of insight they contain. He weighs each word according to proper usage and speaks clearly the words he intends. I struggle with mission trips, not because of the phrase, just simply because of the short amount of intense effort done leaving the community served in a few weeks max and going back home leaving them with maybe a resurrected building, a nice coat of paint on their peeling church walls, cleaned streets, or vulnerable hearts left with a verbal commitment to this Christ that is still partly a stranger to them. My heart breaks with the feeling of abandoning these weak souls, usually with a group member telling me, "we left pamplets," that makes me wonder if they really understand, has any good resulted in this trip, will they be changed, will they know the God I know..? BUT LISTEN~ Paul was a frontier missionary, a pioneer missionary, whose job was to plant the church in places where there were no churches and then move on while the church went on with the work of evangelism. He says at one point, "But now, since I no longer have any room for work in these regions.." REALLY?! I'm pretty sure if anyone said that nowadays we would consider them arrogant. But he wasn't! He knew His task. He was the first guy in and knew what needed to be proclaimed. Moreover, he knew the necessary prayer life to bring to saving grace that particular town.

But actually here's my point. Do I know the God I proclaim? Paul knew deeply this great God and could not contain himself but to share this great joy. He wants to go to Rome but has been unable due to the task he willingly operates of spreading the gospel to foreign places. We have this free Book, this free guide to knowing God, realizing our life purposes, understanding conflict and other people, yet I somehow don't adequately use this vital tool. This vital tool we call the Bible with its life-giving words. Its words that should be the reason we 'live and move and have our being'. What will it take for our generation to see the magnitude and importance of scripture?

a new adventure

So I've started this up again... bringing back memories already. In a way it's for me, I find it almost selfish to hold on to things or tidbits I've learned that are not mine to keep. In other ways, it's maybe for you.. not sure how, but maybe so. I've been asked my many to keep it going, so here we go.

Scripture often makes my heart stand still, if only for a moment, over the amazing way each word was written. The Bible transcends all worlds, all generations, all languages, all everything. It's just as alive today as ever. That's thrilling to me. "The Lord said to Samuel, 'How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons.' And Samuel said, 'How can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me.' And the Lord said, 'Take a heifer with you and say, 'I have come to sacrifice, and I will show you what you shall do. And you shall anoint for me him whom declare to you'" (1 Samuel 16:1-3). This struck me tonight as I read it and realized the awesome grace of God. Do you hear it- the fear in Samuel's voice, the lack of trust in God when it all comes down to it. But do you also hear the patient, collected, merciful voice of our God replying in our words, "ok, you're insecure and worried.. I'll give you a way out. I'll provide you comfort and visible protection. That's fine and I love you. I know you're human and I'm ok with that." Such mercy, goodness, kindness. No anger or burning wrath over what we in our age would probably consider lack of faith. I find myself so stressed over presenting myself to God and being the person I want to be. Come as you are. Samuel was scared, he told God.

The only God I can believe in (and as far as I know it's the right one) is the God that deeply desires for honesty, truth, intention, and meaning. A God that yearns for us to cast ALL our cares on him- our insecurities, our lack of desire to pray, our impatientness, our lack of love for another, our faithlessness, our stuborness, etc. all of it; not praying for the big things and fixing the little ones on our own (you know the little ones like increasing patience, joy, passion for reading the Bible, loving other people etc- the ones we forget that only GOd has the power to do, we just to ask and wait in expectation for him to fulfill)

Under His Canopy

something written before I left New Zealand..

Not to me, Father, not to me, but to You be all praise and glory forever.

"Over all the glory will be a canopy. It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain." (Isaiah 4:5b-6) You see, these are life words to me. A canopy over the glory. The glory of the Lord- the great Will of God. A canopy will be over it. That's it, the secret to knowing the will of God. How often we as mere humans struggle to "find the will of God". I know so many people that want to live his/her life for God, but are so uncertain all of the time as to the direction God is leading them. We find ourselves worrying about our futures constantly, trying to decide about college, graduate school, boyfriends, sororities, or even the seemingly smaller things like spending enough time praying or being in the word, studying for tests, insecurities, etc. All in one instant we find that our lives have completely turned on end and are upside down and backwards from how you ever thought it would be. OK, probably not that drastic, but what are you uneasy about? Yeah, go ahead, we all have them. Recently I've been so frusterated with myself for not spending time in prayer and in the Word. I've been angry at my slothfullness and my lack of care toward other people. I've been eating a lot out of boredom and thus adding to my list of aggitations. I'm not living in the canopy. This is not what God had planned as best for my life right now. Yes, we have those certain souls that would say "nothing is outside the will of God." I agree. I dont' think I'll ever be able to wrap my mind around a world that the Holy One does not have absolute and utter control and power over, after all, He created it, so everything createD would be lesser than He, deeming Him as Lord and Master. But, just because He can doesn't mean He does utterly control. No, no our loving Father does what He created the Father figure to do, allows His children to learn and grow from mistakes and hard lessons. A child will only truly know to trust a Father when He tells them not to do something after they have done something and reaped the consequences of that disobedient action. (Was it meant to be that way- after the fall, I mean?)

Illusion

"The kingdom of God is like buried treasure that one must search for in order to find" (Matt 13:44- Kees Bruin, artist.) He paints these beautiful pictures that are displayed in the Christchurch art museum all with this verse in mind. Each of his paintings holds many subtleties that unless looked for one would totally miss. I think he's right how you have to search for God in everything. Yes, God is everywhere, but to see Him I think our eyes have to be trained to see first. "God creates everything out of nothing- and everything God is to use He reduces to nothing" (Soren Keirkegaard). When we are born again (although I hesitate using such a phrase that's been so plastered with churchy, unrealistic, save every person you talk to people), we come as a child to the Father. I think this is where my Christian journey turned off the straight and narrow path. Sure, I've been a believer since before I could properly say the words Jesus Christ, but I've never allowed God to be all to me and make me who He wants me. I have this great complex to be perfect, at everything. I don't really like trying things because there's a possibility that I might not be great at it right off, and I'd rather not know. Yet, if people are around I'll be more than happy to step in because then I think I'm being the bigger person by making others feel comfortable, so then I'm able to pat myself on the back for being such a perfectly nice girl. It's a viscious cycle really, my mind is always looking for my gain. Oh, to defeat the mind and stand in victory with Jesus over the sinful nature. I truly think that our greatest enemy is ourselves. We accredit Satan with far more power than he actually has, and far more intelligence too. I mean really, we're so scared in life of bad things happening. But ya'll, look who we're up against- ourselves and Satan. The Devil, this angel that actually thought he could be God and so tried to basically take over- which is completely rediculous. Or is it so? Oh, we could have the excuse that he saw everything that God is in heaven and then crazily thought he could 'beat' God. But is this not exaclty like us? God's everywhere and so mujch of life He has made Himself so clear to us. Everyone that's a believer has had those stand in awe, struck down to your core, can't move or breath kind of moments that you shake your head that God is so real. And yet, we try to control our world and usurp the higher authority. amazing how ignorant we really are.

I think I'm a terrible writer. I think so because unless you have action behind your words they are worthless, therefore making most of my words worthless. I'm learning here that you can make your life seem perfect by telling people only the details that sound good or are pleasing to the ears and entertaining, but where are all the honest people? Where are all the people that ask the hard questions and challenge you to be the person that when they look at you they see? How can I be that person? I think I've waited my whole life for someone to disagree with me. I say all these super 'spiritual' things and get into all these deep discussions all the time, but it's not challenging most of the time. I don't mean that curely or pridefully, but people just agree with me and so let me carry the conversations and they just chyme in occassionally. Most of my talking and writing is really just rambling, waiting to actually figure our what I'm talking about and fuss at myself later for saying such ignorant things. I think I might marry the first guy that tells me I'm wrong and feels no shame and offers no apologies for doing so. You shouldn't, you know.

winter

I wrote this is the airport, and I'll lose or forget it if I don't type it..

I'm sitting in a crowded airport, people on both sides, all from their own backgrounds, with their own experiences and happenings- their failures and their loses, their victories. It makes me wonder at a God like that. A God that controls time and space; a God that has His very "hook in their nose" (2 Kings 19:28) that controls all things simply because He is God and He created all of this. I wish I realized this great truth all the time- that my Heavenly Father has my good in mind through all events of life. It's so easy to see the tragedies of life as harsh punishments from God sent from fire in His fingertip- the judge, always giving me the hard way so 'I'll learn more'. I have this great clowded view of God so often. He controls the Universe- He's huge!

"Now I saw that as God had His hand in all the providences and dispensations that overtook His elect, so He had His hand in all the temptations that they had to sin against Him, not to animate them to wickedness, but to choose their temptations and troubles for them, and also to leave them for a time to such things only as might not destroy, but humble them- as might not put them beyond, but lay them in the way of the renewing of His mercy." -John Bunyan

It inevitably seems that when I come out of these hard times or seasons I almost long to be back in them, although at the time no thought would have been accepted. I learned in a documentary yesterday that the Kiwi bird species of New Zealand have lost their ability to fly because of lack of preditors. Interesting, isn't it? Those things in life that try to hurt us, bring up down, are the very things that keep us flying and being how God created us to be- the "bad" makes us not just be typical, but to fly. Or here's another:

"We are apt to overshoot, in the days that are calm, and to think ourselves far higher, and more strong than we find we be, when the trying day is upon us... we could not live without such turnings of the hand of God upon us. We should be overgrown with flesh, if we had not our seasonable winters. It is said that in some countries trees will grow, but will bear no fruit because there is not winter there." Without the often harsh, trying winter it could bear no fruit and be what God intended for it to be.