So Much Like Sheep

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." (Psalm 23:1-4 ESV)

Today I was reminded about the Lord being my shepherd. You see, I didn't get a job that I thought was a done deal. But nothing in this life is really a done deal- am I right?

We people are often compared to sheep in the Bible. Sheep- incredibly dumb, aimless and unteachable animals destined to die. Literally. And Psalm 23 has great insight into God's plan for us sheep. Sheep are skittish creatures. They won't even drink from water with loud noises like a stream. Skittish.

But God leads us beside still waters so we don't have to feel anxious.

A shepherd's rod was used to fend off predators and his staff's cruck to pull the sheep back when they got caught in a thicket or went off the path- these things can hurt but they comfort us.

And the only, only time a sheep lays down is when it feels completely safe- no storms, predators, sickness or anything. Anything. And considering that "anything," isn't it amazing that He goes to great lengths to make everything safe so I can lie down in green pastures and not want?

These skittish, lost creatures would literally die of thirst standing by a stream. They need constant leading, just like us.

Have you seen one of the popular drawings of Jesus with the lamb around his shoulders? When a sheep disregards the shepherd over-and-over-and-over, the shepherds used to, in their gentle guidance, break one of its legs and put the sheep around his neck. He walked for the sheep and in the process of healing they got to know each other intimately. They learned to trust and love each other. And once the leg healed a bell was tied around that sheep so the other sheep would follow this one as it would forever stay close by the shepherd's side.

Amazing, huh? So whether you're being pulled by His staff back on the path, He's calming the waters so you don't feel afraid or He's really had to break you, He has a promise for you:

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever." (Psalm 23:6 ESV)

Working for it

I've been reading through a book that a friend gave me for Christmas, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. It's a fantastic book so far, filled with real-life struggle and application. I love to read. I admittedly don't do it as much as I look back and would like. Things always seem to come up- really important things I'm sure. 

My lack of reading and general building-up of the mind over the last few years got me thinking how much I've become like the culture -- quite feelings based. Judaism was quite rules-based. They had several feasts in Jerusalem with required attendance each year. 

They sacrificed, they followed the letter of the law, even the lengthy rules priests added on through the years. Muslims have set prayer times during the day and many wear certain clothing. Mormons require service years. The list is infinitely long but the examples hold that religions require certain things of you, lifestyle things, hard things. Things that take up time and will-power.

But somehow in our world, we've gotten the idea that Christianity is about freedom and how we feel. God wants us to be happy, right? He wants us to want to pray and read the Bible. He wants us to want to go to church. And those are all basically true. They are truths, but we use them as excuses. 

Paul Scherer once said, "The Bible wastes very little time on the way we feel." In the book I mentioned at first, Peterson rightly says that we live in the "age of sensation" where "we think that if we don't feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it." The reality is, God says more clearly that "we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting." Worship is an act, not always a feeling.

Don't hear me say we should swing the other way and become legalistic. I believe in God's great sovereignty and our incredible lostness without His calling and direction. But I also believe He's called us to work and He can will us to do it but He'd also like to see some initiative. He'd like to see us use our freedom authentically, not wasting about with things that feel good for a short while but actually put us back into bondage. As C.S. Lewis once said, "We are far too easily pleased."

Life Would Never Be the Same

I hope this makes sense to you and I'm not just an island out here feeling like I've been led astray by the mystical part of popular Christianity. It's partly my fault really. You see, we all seem to want that "I once was lost but now I'm found" moment. We want the dramatic difference, the breathtaking, end-all-be-all time when we put the ugly behind us and are completely changed.

But the truth for the vast majority of us, if  not absolutely all of us, is that while we may become new and be completely washed clean, we're still very, very human and very, very, very ourselves with the same insecurities, vices and difficulties.  

And yet, I've been a believer decades and I've just verbalizing that I'm still waiting for my moment.

My salvation is steady but my ability to follow ranges from hyperbolic to stagnant in any number of moments. When my emotions run haywire, which is an all too often occurrence, I long for relief, for a day or even a cluster of moments when the constant stream of thought isn't running through my head. After an undetermined period of time I believe quite possibly more than I believe in anything else that a flashpoint will occur and I will be free of that particular struggle. 

So I trudge on, believing that with a little hard work, a bit of time and God's grace for a flashpoint, I'll have that moment that I can look back on forever as the moment I turned from the thing.

The reality is I rarely live in reality. My life tends to rock as though I'm constantly at sea and I float along with wherever the current takes me. Motivation will come so I sit passively until it does, often waiting past a reasonable timeframe for inspiration. Things usually work out- I get it done. Heaven forbid I work on that last pesky fruit of the spirit, self-control. 

I'll stop with the doom-and-gloom, even though that's pretty much the reality of the human condition. Instead I choose to look toward the ultimate Healer no matter how much I revert back to my emotionally-driven, usually illogical and mediocre ability to follow. I will trust in the One who called me His and I will be thankful that His love isn't determined by the strength of mine. 

I do argue that the strength of mine better establishes my faith and any ability to have peace and thereby correctly-defined happiness in this life. Conversely, or perhaps confluently, my salvation is not at all determined by, praise God, the strength of mine.

Praise God that He loved even a fragmented person like me so much that He was willing to create a world where He'd have to send His son, part of Himself, to die just so I could live. And on this journey as I look for my aha moments, I pray God would continue to use the mundane, usual things to lead me to Him so that perhaps I can learn as well from them as from the struggles.

Weary

"The words of Agur son of Jakeh, the oracle, the man declares, I am weary, O God; I am weary, O God, and worn out. Surely I am too stupid to be a man. I have not the understanding of a man. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One." (‭Proverbs‬ ‭30‬:‭1-3‬ ESV)

I have a secret I've been carrying around for a while now that hopefully by my confession will somehow free you to rid yourself of any baggage or dark clouds. It's a secret that a friend of mine at church on Sunday exemplified her freedom to confess a similar vulnerability that has since energized me to do the same. I'm really tired, incredibly worn out actually, of a lot of the ways I've practiced my Christianity over the years.

The daily dull routine of obligatory chores aren't working. The Bible studies and reading can bounce off of me as meaninglessly as they flew in and I'm subsequently spending less and less time doing them.

You see, I have always had a very hard time having true, nurturing and challenging relationships. I'm often stuck in the middle of people that do and do not want to hang around me, too often wanting the exact opposite of whatever I'm being offered. That may sound appallingly selfish and misguided, as often in the "doing" of the relationship we get the return, but we equally can't find ourselves in a cult-following: only in relationship with people that look up to us.

This relationship issue has brought with it a world of issues, most notably, although by no means the  exclusive culprit, an ease of wanton indifference from time to time. I have been a Christian my entire life so skipping any normally daily Christian activity, or even church, makes me no less able to shine in any public Christian setting. I can still be the Bell of the Ball. I'm studied, educated and very capable.

But there's the rub. Jesus came for those that realize their sickness. He came to fulfill prophesy, and to use the broken, the without, the least of us all, to accomplish it. You see, my capability actually creates this barrier to God. My intuition, that I lean on so heavily as my guide, while God-given, equally drives God away.

"I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One." If I did, surely I could see past the ignorance of indifference and find authenticity in the very acts that so easily get pushed aside. But there goes my intuition taking over again.

Perhaps you think all these words equate to me being lost. Perhaps you think I'm overthinking it. Perhaps you think I need to let myself off the hook, we're only human and I'm being too hard on myself. Perhaps a combination of it all but one thing is certain: I am always changing - life is always changing - but God, He is never changing. And when I'm ready, He will show me His bigness.

I haven't really provided any path to take, only statements of current existence. But maybe it's a step toward recovery. I'm addicted to the allures of this life, temporary relief and satisfaction much like  any other addict so maybe in this I'll find comfort in the unity it brings to fellow travelers. Or maybe, perhaps maybe, God will speak and He will open my ears to listen.

Entrusted with the Gospel

"But even after we had suffered before and were spitefully treated at Philippi, as you know, we were bold in our God to speak to you the gospel of God in much conflict. For our exhortation did not come from error or uncleanness, nor was it in deceit.  But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts. For neither at any time did we use flattering words, as you know, nor a cloak for covetousness—God is witness. Not did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, when we might have made demands as apostles of Christ” 1 Thessalonians 2:2-6.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to effectively be a Christian in all circumstances. I find a great deal of what I would term worldly Christians- people who would tell you they believe but quite possibly don’t attend church, Bible studies or any other sort of communal place to worship, regularly sleep with people or drink heavily, both with no or at least inauthentic remorse, curse and use the Lord’s name improperly often, and generally don’t read scripture or spend time in prayer on any consistent basis.

Sounding familiar? They might be called convenience or nominal Christians (Christian when it’s convenient or politically correct) or lukewarm as scripture might say. If you fall into this category (or even occasionally feel yourself there) you’re not alone- we've all been there. But the lingering and most important question is how to safeguard from being there or going there again.

So how do we effectively be for Christ in all circumstances? For me, the way to not be lukewarm is to make the choice in every circumstance to be for Christ and not for public opinion or for myself. It is a lifelong commitment but it’s a daily choice—a daily choice to die to self and live for Christ alone.

I spend a great deal of time making sure I’m still light-hearted, fun, easy to be around, non-judgmental, approachable and unassuming.  Yes, I do buy into the idea that a great many people have been turned away from Christ because of “Christians” themselves. But no, I don’t buy they’re turned completely away if they were meant to know Christ in the first place. It may take them longer, and that’s a serious embarrassment to Christianity, but not irreparable. But despite all my attempts to be the perfect light for Jesus, I’m still going to fall very short.

But that’s OK  I think a great deal of the learning process of salvation is getting things wrong and getting back up to continue on with the fight. We’re going to be misunderstood. We’re going to be called over-serious. We’re quite possibly going to be criticized and whispered about, maybe even shunned. But when it happens our response shouldn't be either extreme- to change or to be prideful. Our response should be to spend even more time with the Lord, allowing Him to examine us, teach us, mold us a little more until we become as much of His spiritual likeness as we are His physical.  It’s a hard and unpopular fight. If it’s not, you’re not doing it right. But that doesn't mean you have any right to respond to the world’s ugliness with anything other than a large measure of grace and guidance.

You've been entrusted with the gospel. Don’t hide behind flattering words or cloaks of covetousness. You've been charged to be bold but you've been equally charged to be humble. And above all remember, it is God who tests hearts so no matter the outcome, find confidence in the counsel you sought and the direction the Lord led you in.

Influences

“…so stand fast in the Lord, beloved” Philippians 4:1b

As a commentary to this passage William Barclay once wrote, “Only with Jesus Christ can we resist the seductions of temptation and the weakness of cowardice.” He goes on to make the point that the word Paul uses for stand fast is a word noted for battle, when the soldiers stand unflinchingly as the opposition charges directly at them. That’s a great word picture.

I often think about standing firm in different situations and how emotions and the people standing near can make us stand strong or fall easily. When I’m with one friend it’s easy to talk about the Lord and feel so connected. But, with another friend, it’s easy to get a little carried away and talk about things (people) that are less than building to the Kingdom. Isn’t life interesting? Our mood, our self-worth, our friends so influence our every moment. They not only influence our moments, they change our emotions, our attitudes and eventually our viewpoints.

That’s not always a bad thing but it’s almost always a universal truth. We are who we spend time with.

Having never experienced life before the fall I can only imagine exactly how God created us. Were we designed strong, unflinching, needing nothing and no one? No. Even in Adam’s perfect state, even with lots of creature naming to consume his time, Adam needed a companion, someone like him. Adam needed someone to walk life with, not help him garden, not to do anything for him necessarily, just to be with him (admittedly the doing can often show how much you love the being).  But even the then-perfect human, Eve, fell for the Evil One’s trick and thus Adam listened and acted as well. Even two perfect people fell when someone didn’t act in their best interest so what hope is there for us?

I often underestimate the difficulty of the battle. We’re inclined to think we can do it on our own. I don’t cheat; I don’t steal; I don’t do any of the “real” lies. I covet occasionally and am jealous- but I’m only human, what do you want from me? But that’s a big Catch 22- the blame game. It’s not my fault, it is my fault, it’s someone else’s fault….on and on. 

The big picture is not what separated us from God. It's not your lifelong measure of good or bad. It's not a scale of deeds or your morality. It was one sin. One act barred us from eternity with the Lord. One willing person to be complicit with evil instead of the Lord's command.

Paul writes stand fast in the Lord, beloved not from the barred side but from the side already experiencing eternity. He writes fully human, fully on earth but fully absorbed in the knowledge and faith of being God's beloved, so much so that he desperately wants the receivers of this letter to experience it too. They're not supposed to be normal and he's reminding them to stand fast BECAUSE they are God's beloved, because they are in the Lord. And because they are in the Lord, they will never have to stand alone.

And it makes me wonder, are we standing with our friends, our family, our acquaintances and allowing their habits and viewpoints to invade our lives or are we stand[ing] fast in the Lord? Are we standing with Him, and He with us, and letting that relationship direct our lives or are we unknowingly letting culture attach? Relationship is so undoubtedly critical to our livelihood, and many a blessing emerges from many of them. But what of the others and what of the broken ones we've not gotten around to working on? And most importantly, what of the ones where we need to throw aside momentary pleasures and stand firm in the Lord? 

Christian and Cultural Beliefs

As I drove in to work today I listened to a song on the radio that struck me, as many often do. It was based on 1 Corinthians 13:2-3, “And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

If I’m being honest (and I likely shouldn’t be as forthright as I sometimes am), I have a hard time with verses like this. As I listened to the song, and as I’ve listened countless times to speakers, I’m initially taken back by statements like this before I fully connect that it’s taken directly from scripture. Once I draw the connection my mind flips over from doubt to passive acceptance, since after all, it’s the infallible Word of God so I have no right to question it.

And while the Word is infallible, I have every right to look into it and examine it against my life. If these two verses and the like were plucked out of scripture and I took the rest of the Bible, I should still draw the same conclusion. But I doubt I would.  Verses like these make me realize just how intimately the Lord knows me. He knew I needed to be told directly. He knew I wouldn’t get it from the likely hundreds of indirect ways he says it in the rest of Scripture.  He left nothing out but describes here great human power and ability, far exceeding mine, so I am left without any excuse but to believe I am and I gain NOTHING apart from loving people. That’s hard to swallow.

But looking at this made me even more aware of how my cultural christianity has invaded my God-like Christianity. My cultural side says, “Do what you can; we’re just human. Fight the fight but you need to give yourself a break and cut lose every once in a while. Jesus’ first miracle He turned water to wine, He knows how to have a good time. Give what you can to the church but don’t worry about it. Go to church when you can make it and smile at strangers. Try to repent if you do something really bad and don’t do things that would hurt other people…” My cultural christianity has no problem with really expensive lifestyles or drinking a little too much. It has no problem if I don’t actually talk about Jesus, ever, to anyone, since I am being nice and everyone in the South knows about Jesus anyway.

This is not a talk about how terrible all of the above is, even if I paint it in a negative light. I am just a person, trying to draw back the shade that is often cast by our culture onto our Christianity. It can be such a subtle difference that we don’t always recognize it. We could have grown up in it and never experienced pure belief and thereby have no authentic measure. I will spend a lifetime sifting my humanity, my culture, my familial values, my feelings and emotions to separate the wheat and the chaff. I may not ever come to the end.

One thing I do know- I have a Book accessible to me at any time that wants to be my guide. It wants to shine bright light on my life so that when any shadow comes upon it I can more distinctly separate it out.  And when I am taken aback by something like this passage before realizing it’s scripture, I pray to realize how thankful I should be that the Lord is not done working out my faith. He’s not done refining my belief system and my life so that I may be his vessel.  He’s not done teaching me that all the power in the world amounts to nothing if we do not love. And regardless of how my culture or history fights that statement, it’s true- plain and simple.