Choices

I'm realizing recently that life is all about choices. The choice to grateful instead of complain. The choice to respond in love instead of anger at a harsh word. Maybe even the choice to be happy instead of sad or truly live instead of sit around. Not to say that any of these choices are easy or even seemingly conscious, but I think that maybe we can change our own lives by helping ourselves to a degree. These choices are difficult indeed, as I think most of the time we fail by choosing the easy way out, the way that we've always used- the way that makes us feel powerful and above the other person or people around us. For me, when I respond harshly to someone it's because I feel threatened. I feel I have to show myself to them and make a point to prove that I am intelligent, wise, etc. I have to prove that my idea was well thought out and correct. What ever happened in our society to the teachings of Christ and James to let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no? We justify ourselves far too much. We have this dying need to be superior, to fight for our opinions, to always be right. Yes, to stand up for what you believe is more than a worthy cause, but why are we, or should I say I, are [am] so afraid of being found wrong? Am I any less of a person, any less perfectly created if I get this opinion incorrect? Surely no. I can't believe in a God if a meaningless mistake such as that should actually shake our self-confidence, our stability, our lives in such a critical way as we often have this blinding mindset deep down towards. Sure, we'd never admit it and probably you're sitting there thinking, "Ok, it's not that bad." But think, why are we so quick to justify, so quick to clear our name, so quick to prove that we're right. Is that person really going to stop being your friend because their answer was better? They'll probably like you more because they see you're not perfect and so far above them. I'm not sure, but it just seems like we have so many opportunities to die to self, to choose to keep your mouth from uttering another hateful word and instead respond in love even if not completely heart felt. Each time the choice must get a "little easier, a little freer, a little less self-conscious. Because every gift I achnowledge reveals another and another until, finally, even the most normal, obvious, and seemingly mundane event or encounter proves to be filled with grace. There is an Estonian proverb that says, "Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." Acts of gratitude make one grateful because, step by step, they reveal that all is grace" (Nouwen).

"If the praise of others elates me...
if the blame of others dresses me...
if I cannot rest when I am misunderstood, without defending myself...
if I love to be loved, more than to give love...
if I love to be served, more than serving...
then I know nothing of Calvary love." Amy Carmichael

Integrity

"I will walk with integrity of heart within my house. I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me" Psalm 101:2b-3. What would my life look like if I lived like this? It would be consistent, I'll tell you that. Walk with integrity within my house- In my house, you know, that place where all your ungliness comes out. That place that all the secret longings and strivings of your heart break free and all your corruption and inner turmoil emerge rearing their ugly heads. That place where you take out the hard things of your day on the people that live there with you. That place. Walk with integrity there- meaning you basically have integrity in all aspects of life and in the places where everyone else is ugly you are even more upright and after God's own heart. And then not set before my eyes anything that is worthless- such a key to a joyous life. How many things do we do that waste time, that do not glorify God. How many times am I lazy and procrastinate, shirking responsibility of things, when in reality those very things are most important and make us feel the most alive. We're anxious when we have "too much" to do and bored when we have too little- when will we cut the worthless stuff and start doing the stuff that pleases God. It's funny how God's designed things- I had this conversation just the other day that He's designed like so full circle. In the Christian life we are designed to glorify God in all things- actions, words, motives, etc. SO by doing these things we bring Glory to God, but through these areas God flips back on us the very things we all strive for- happiness, joy, peace etc. Yet we look for these things in the most worthless areas when only serving God and staying at home in Him can we find happiness, joy and peace. It shall not cling to me- when will I stop-When will I stop convincing myself or believing the lie that those outside of God have more fun or are able to do more. The work of those who fall away is wrong, plain and simple. It's not satisfying, it's not joy giving, it won't make you enduringly happy. But neither will this "God in a box" that our churches teach. Neither will the life that most Christians lead- have you noticed the astonishing number of those that fall away? I read the other day that 90% of child Christians fall away in college. SAD. I don't have an answer, simply a thought that if the Christian life you're leading is exhausting or deep down not worth it, you should reevaulate and see if you're actually worshipping the right God- the God who plants and also destroys, who is gracious but will by no means forgive the sins of the guilty, the God who controls time and space, the God who hears every thought and word you have far before it is communicated, the God who could be everything you'll ever need if you let Him. That God, that one is worth it. If only we believe.

Weakness

I think I discovered one of my major weaknesses last night. I've known it all along, but just now am I coming to see how truly real and apparent it is. I have a hard time separating myself from being in situations but not of situations. Let me explain: Drama is absorbing and I find myself recently all too easily getting sucked in and before I know it I am not only communicating in the same fashion as those around me, but I am hurting myself and others emotionally, physically and spiritually by losing sight of eternal things and resting solely on temporal, meaningless, mindless things of the moment that within 30 minutes I will be frusterated and disgusted that I fell so easily.

"'To whom do I belong? To God or to the world?' Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that i belong more to the world than to God. A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me. It takes very little to raise me up or thrust me down. Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves. All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me."

In our culture particularly, we mostly look to the opposite sex for confirmation and adoration. We push into them and work so hard at making ourselves seem worthy of praise. Then, we realize that the deep loneliness and void we feel isn't being fulfilled and we turn to more drastic measures. We believe this lie that worldly things can fulfill that great part of us that only God can fulfill. It's the puzzle piece that the rest of our puzzled life fits into to make it complete.

scaffolding

I studied today for my child psychology class and learned an interesting thought. Lev Bygotsky, probably the most influential Russian Psychologist of all times, had a two main ideas: one being scaffolding. You know scaffolds, the things on the sides of tall buildings that the painters or whoever stands on to reach the high places. Yeah, his idea was that people are scaffolds; we 'support' by guidance, love, etc., other people in the learning process. He proved with the help of other people that a person could in fact exceed his or her capacity to learn. Fascinating, truly. I think I want to be like scaffolding- supporting friends and challenging them to dig deep in life and truly live out their hopes and aspirations. Support, structure and stability- what qualities could make a better friend than these? The dictionary definition is "A temporary platform, either supported from below or suspended from above, on which workers sit or stand when performing tasks at heights above the ground." That's perfect: temporary- a good friend doesn't have to constantly be in your business checking up on you every second to make sure you're "doing the right thing" From bellow or above- either way, a friend loves no matter if it puts them in a bad situation- the love becase they care and bc Jesus loves and not because of the status it will give them or the love they will receive back. Sit or stand- sometimes friends need to lean a bit more when tough times arise. Above the ground- more than just normal life- those times when life is crazier than homeostatic, those times when you need someone to be scaffolding and consistent with you. So overall, I realized I want to be scaffolding so maybe then I'll have a simple example of how to be a friend, which is something we all desperately need.

Passion

I think the greatest deficiency we have in our world is passion. Passion that feeling that drives us to seek out and do the things we love and to love people with intention and meanin. Passion, so out of context in our modern culture as we think it almost to be a negative or inappropriate word. Maybe not such a harsh connotation, but nonetheless, it's supposed to be a word of exuberance, love and inspiration. A friend introduced me recently to one of my new favorite quotes, "Live life with Passion". Another friend painted me a delightful bright colored flower painting with those inspiring words. It often makes me sad to see the true depth of the lack of passion around us. Sermons particularly, with their seemingly empty words either read from a hand-held page thought up days ago with its spiritual meaning having lost its fervor or reading from another's thoughts of topical sermons or scripture either from commentaries or other write-ups. Don't hear me bashing studying and preparing, each are fundamental to proper biblical teaching, but where's the passion in their voice when reading most of the time. These Words from the Spirit should jump off the page, should bring joy. A preacher's job, as far as I can tell, is to bring life. You bring life by enlightening others about eternal things. I've just noticed recently this great lack of passion in the deep soul of all of us that should make us speak as though God truly is who is claims He is, that he controls ALL things, that He reigns and no one will escape Him, that He seriously died selflessly so that we could not only eternally live, but live abundantly, that we could live life with passion. My greatest objection to speakers is not their material but their feeling, their passion, behind those words. 80% of what you say is nonverbal... did you know that? I think we work so hard at evangelizing and speaking Jesus that we forget that unless we live knowing He truly does reign supreme and have our good at heart, we can never truly change our lives or those around us. We can change for a day or a few years maybe if we're strong, but the number of burned out Christians makes my heart hurt and makes me wonder if they ever lived a life of passion.