Choices

I'm realizing recently that life is all about choices. The choice to grateful instead of complain. The choice to respond in love instead of anger at a harsh word. Maybe even the choice to be happy instead of sad or truly live instead of sit around. Not to say that any of these choices are easy or even seemingly conscious, but I think that maybe we can change our own lives by helping ourselves to a degree. These choices are difficult indeed, as I think most of the time we fail by choosing the easy way out, the way that we've always used- the way that makes us feel powerful and above the other person or people around us. For me, when I respond harshly to someone it's because I feel threatened. I feel I have to show myself to them and make a point to prove that I am intelligent, wise, etc. I have to prove that my idea was well thought out and correct. What ever happened in our society to the teachings of Christ and James to let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no? We justify ourselves far too much. We have this dying need to be superior, to fight for our opinions, to always be right. Yes, to stand up for what you believe is more than a worthy cause, but why are we, or should I say I, are [am] so afraid of being found wrong? Am I any less of a person, any less perfectly created if I get this opinion incorrect? Surely no. I can't believe in a God if a meaningless mistake such as that should actually shake our self-confidence, our stability, our lives in such a critical way as we often have this blinding mindset deep down towards. Sure, we'd never admit it and probably you're sitting there thinking, "Ok, it's not that bad." But think, why are we so quick to justify, so quick to clear our name, so quick to prove that we're right. Is that person really going to stop being your friend because their answer was better? They'll probably like you more because they see you're not perfect and so far above them. I'm not sure, but it just seems like we have so many opportunities to die to self, to choose to keep your mouth from uttering another hateful word and instead respond in love even if not completely heart felt. Each time the choice must get a "little easier, a little freer, a little less self-conscious. Because every gift I achnowledge reveals another and another until, finally, even the most normal, obvious, and seemingly mundane event or encounter proves to be filled with grace. There is an Estonian proverb that says, "Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." Acts of gratitude make one grateful because, step by step, they reveal that all is grace" (Nouwen).

"If the praise of others elates me...
if the blame of others dresses me...
if I cannot rest when I am misunderstood, without defending myself...
if I love to be loved, more than to give love...
if I love to be served, more than serving...
then I know nothing of Calvary love." Amy Carmichael