great mercy

I'm so forgetful. I get frustrated with myself all the time when I forget something really important or don't allow enough time to get somewhere or complete a task. I like being perfect and having people be impressed with my ability to do everything I say and to help out frequently. I like being that girl that people can count on. But you know what? It's exhausting trying to be a certain person and hold a certain image. I find myself too often at work thinking, 'God, I can't hold that person up. It's too heavy.' I was never meant to hold her up. Jesus was meant to hold us both up. "O my God, incline your ear and hear. Open your eyes and see our desolations...For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention and act. Delay not, for your own sake, O my God.." Daniel 9:18-19.

When I pray, I often pray because of my righteousness. I bargain with God as though He needs to be reminded of the nice things and the "God points" I earned that day. I act as though I deserve certain things or I beg as though He's a mean old man who rarely gives me anything I ask. I dare not ask for too much though because then my answered prayer quota will be used up and I won't be able to get something better I want later that day. I transcend too many human and earthly father qualities on my Heavenly Father. For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. He doesn't make fun of us when we ask for silly things. He may chasten us but that is always a loving rebuke that brings us back to a God-center that we so desperately need.

I wonder if I have even a small incling of his great mercy? If I realize He takes special time and extra care for me at all times. I wonder how long it will take some of us to begin to understand the concept that Jesus understands the hard fight we fight every day- to get out of bed, to read scripture, to pray, to love those around us and beyond, to be a light in a very dark place. I wonder when we'll also understand that we're not meant to do it alone, we're not meant to do it by ourselves with our own righteousness. We're meant to fall at the feet of a risen Savior, a man who already defeated everything we encounter and believe after a while that He truly can do it all and that His greatness so far outweighs what we can do that we should stop doing for the glory and give it all to him. I wonder when my life and yours will be about His great mercy and His righteousness and not our own. I have light in me but His light so far outshines mine that why do I strain to keep mine burning when all I have to do is reach over and burn straight from the source?