Frozen Pipes and Dreams

"Now behold, one came and said to Jesus, 'Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?' So [Jesus] said to him...'Keep the commandments.'...The young man said to him, 'All these things I have kept from my youth. What do I still lack?' Jesus said to him, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.'" Matthew 19:16-21.

I had a very inconvenient thing happen to me Sunday- my pipes froze. I had no running water so no way of taking a shower or even washing my face. And you know what my first thought was? Wow, shoot, I can't go to church.

A few days before this I started a chronological plan to read through the Bible in one year. I've been pretty excited about it actually, I'm reading about Job right now and all the calamity he faced. My church also just started this 4 week devotional guide that corresponds with the weekly sermons, which I think is pretty neat. I caught up on my reading Saturday night before I went to bed and decided firmly to wake up early Sunday morning to read my devotional, pray and get to church on time. Then, my faucet went dry.

A call to my dad was the first thing I knew to do. I then called my landlord and left a message. At that point, all I could do was pack a bag and head to my parents house for who knows how long. As I drove the 30 minute car ride to my parents it gave me time to reflect. I'm not always super excited to go to church on Sundays. It's not the church, it's me. I sat irritated because it was a Sunday I was looking forward to, with the new sermon series and all. But then it hit me. I didn't go to church Sunday not necessarily because of the water but because it left me an excuse not to go. It was a viable way out.

I've grown so accustomed to my way of life in America and my comfortable living, building up my savings account, building a life with furniture and things in general, thinking piece by piece I'll feel more secure. I just finished this book called Radical: Taking Your Life Back from the American Dream (or something close to that) and as I said earlier, I'm reading Job. I have also read and reread the passage at the beginning of this blog. It pains me because I've been deathly afraid Jesus would ask me this same question.

What does it mean? Should I really sell ALL my possessions? What about my savings, my future, my retirement? What about my car fund and my emergency fund in case of job loss? Is it wrong to save? Doesn't God tell me to be a good steward of my money? Does he ask this question of everyone or is it just a test like God asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac?

But as I drove home Sunday, shedding some of the layers of American comfort I've allowed to blanket me, I realized that if God took it all away, I could learn not to miss it. I could learn not to be devastated or angry with Him. I could remember and continue to see how much bigger God is than all the stuff. I realised it on that car ride home and said if he wanted to wash it away in a storm or, in my case, flood water through my house as a result of those frozen pipes, then He could, and He would as He willed. I released another piece of me to His care. Another piece that I think I'll have to release most everyday of my life because of my automatic self-preservation gear. It's not an easy piece to let go and it terrifies me but if God isn't bigger than my stuff and if He can't provide for me outside of my own ability, then He's not a very big God and I need not worry about Him asking me that question.

I also realized that shame on me for thinking church was about coming clean instead of leaving clean. It's sad to think a pajamed girl with cowboy boots over her pj pants, with hair thrown up and face unwashed would be looked at and silently scorned for not taking more time to enter worship. But you know, although some people might have felt that way, it's not about them, it's about Jesus, and how He washed me long ago and He washes me still. And although I did not go to church because I had not realized what I know now, He washed me even Sunday morning. And although my outside still might have been a mess, my insides were clean and His mercies were new and His faithfulness never faultered. And although I do believe we should adorn our outward bodies in respect to the Almighty in worship, I do not believe He would reject me if I didn't. He loves me still and it's time I stopped letting the world determine my relationship with Him and started letting God outline it, no matter the cost.