"They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man and said to him, 'Where are you?' He said, 'I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself'" Genesis 3:8-10.
I know the exact feeling Adam and Eve felt that day. I can feel it in my bones almost everyday. It's terrifying having someone really know you- know your thoughts, your deeds, your very core so well that you can't run or hide anything from them. It takes a pretty intimate relationship to reach this point and oftentimes we rarely have even one person in our lives we might let in this much. But then there's God.
In my experience this attribute of God is what's so terrifying, but yet awe-inspiring and freeing about Him. He knows my thoughts; He knows my heart; He knows my inner-longings and my goals; He knows my very frame. (Acts 15:8, Ps 44:21 and 103:14 , 1 Corinthians 3:20, Matt 9:4) He knows everything. All the yuckiness that I still hold inside. All the slander, malice, jealousy and anger. All the slothfulness, gluttony and resentment. All my shortcomings and faults. He knows it all. He knows when I give someone advice that I myself am not following, He knows the fronts I put on and the great acting ability I have sometimes. He knows. And He still loves me.
To me, that's the miracle. HE isn't frightened or looking on me smirkingly as He comes to cover my frailties. He isn't wincing because He HAS to love me. He had a choice and He chose me. He picked me out and molded me. He may me perfect, and although I've done an excellent job messing that up, He still calls me whole and puts me back in His arms day after day, despite my carrying on and running after lesser things, and makes His mercies new again.
He sees my nakedness and isn't ashamed- for Himself or for me. So why should I be so afraid? I can think of a thousand reasons still but if you think about it, they all fall short. He already sees all those things. We should find comfort in that nakedness with God, not fear. Because in that comfort we can find forgiveness. And in that forgiveness we can find peace. And in that peace we can find a way to heal and not continue to pile on the clothing layers of self-preservation and acting like we're better than we are. We can come to Him as we are, since He already knows, and find the courage to be better, to do better and to accomplish more for His glory- all the while watching and realizing our other layers are shedding away.
Psalm 32 sums it up perfectly - "You are my hiding place." Adam just picked the wrong one.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Frozen Pipes and Dreams
"Now behold, one came and said to Jesus, 'Good Teacher, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?' So [Jesus] said to him...'Keep the commandments.'...The young man said to him, 'All these things I have kept from my youth. What do I still lack?' Jesus said to him, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.'" Matthew 19:16-21.
I had a very inconvenient thing happen to me Sunday- my pipes froze. I had no running water so no way of taking a shower or even washing my face. And you know what my first thought was? Wow, shoot, I can't go to church.
A few days before this I started a chronological plan to read through the Bible in one year. I've been pretty excited about it actually, I'm reading about Job right now and all the calamity he faced. My church also just started this 4 week devotional guide that corresponds with the weekly sermons, which I think is pretty neat. I caught up on my reading Saturday night before I went to bed and decided firmly to wake up early Sunday morning to read my devotional, pray and get to church on time. Then, my faucet went dry.
A call to my dad was the first thing I knew to do. I then called my landlord and left a message. At that point, all I could do was pack a bag and head to my parents house for who knows how long. As I drove the 30 minute car ride to my parents it gave me time to reflect. I'm not always super excited to go to church on Sundays. It's not the church, it's me. I sat irritated because it was a Sunday I was looking forward to, with the new sermon series and all. But then it hit me. I didn't go to church Sunday not necessarily because of the water but because it left me an excuse not to go. It was a viable way out.
I've grown so accustomed to my way of life in America and my comfortable living, building up my savings account, building a life with furniture and things in general, thinking piece by piece I'll feel more secure. I just finished this book called Radical: Taking Your Life Back from the American Dream (or something close to that) and as I said earlier, I'm reading Job. I have also read and reread the passage at the beginning of this blog. It pains me because I've been deathly afraid Jesus would ask me this same question.
What does it mean? Should I really sell ALL my possessions? What about my savings, my future, my retirement? What about my car fund and my emergency fund in case of job loss? Is it wrong to save? Doesn't God tell me to be a good steward of my money? Does he ask this question of everyone or is it just a test like God asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac?
But as I drove home Sunday, shedding some of the layers of American comfort I've allowed to blanket me, I realized that if God took it all away, I could learn not to miss it. I could learn not to be devastated or angry with Him. I could remember and continue to see how much bigger God is than all the stuff. I realised it on that car ride home and said if he wanted to wash it away in a storm or, in my case, flood water through my house as a result of those frozen pipes, then He could, and He would as He willed. I released another piece of me to His care. Another piece that I think I'll have to release most everyday of my life because of my automatic self-preservation gear. It's not an easy piece to let go and it terrifies me but if God isn't bigger than my stuff and if He can't provide for me outside of my own ability, then He's not a very big God and I need not worry about Him asking me that question.
I also realized that shame on me for thinking church was about coming clean instead of leaving clean. It's sad to think a pajamed girl with cowboy boots over her pj pants, with hair thrown up and face unwashed would be looked at and silently scorned for not taking more time to enter worship. But you know, although some people might have felt that way, it's not about them, it's about Jesus, and how He washed me long ago and He washes me still. And although I did not go to church because I had not realized what I know now, He washed me even Sunday morning. And although my outside still might have been a mess, my insides were clean and His mercies were new and His faithfulness never faultered. And although I do believe we should adorn our outward bodies in respect to the Almighty in worship, I do not believe He would reject me if I didn't. He loves me still and it's time I stopped letting the world determine my relationship with Him and started letting God outline it, no matter the cost.
I had a very inconvenient thing happen to me Sunday- my pipes froze. I had no running water so no way of taking a shower or even washing my face. And you know what my first thought was? Wow, shoot, I can't go to church.
A few days before this I started a chronological plan to read through the Bible in one year. I've been pretty excited about it actually, I'm reading about Job right now and all the calamity he faced. My church also just started this 4 week devotional guide that corresponds with the weekly sermons, which I think is pretty neat. I caught up on my reading Saturday night before I went to bed and decided firmly to wake up early Sunday morning to read my devotional, pray and get to church on time. Then, my faucet went dry.
A call to my dad was the first thing I knew to do. I then called my landlord and left a message. At that point, all I could do was pack a bag and head to my parents house for who knows how long. As I drove the 30 minute car ride to my parents it gave me time to reflect. I'm not always super excited to go to church on Sundays. It's not the church, it's me. I sat irritated because it was a Sunday I was looking forward to, with the new sermon series and all. But then it hit me. I didn't go to church Sunday not necessarily because of the water but because it left me an excuse not to go. It was a viable way out.
I've grown so accustomed to my way of life in America and my comfortable living, building up my savings account, building a life with furniture and things in general, thinking piece by piece I'll feel more secure. I just finished this book called Radical: Taking Your Life Back from the American Dream (or something close to that) and as I said earlier, I'm reading Job. I have also read and reread the passage at the beginning of this blog. It pains me because I've been deathly afraid Jesus would ask me this same question.
What does it mean? Should I really sell ALL my possessions? What about my savings, my future, my retirement? What about my car fund and my emergency fund in case of job loss? Is it wrong to save? Doesn't God tell me to be a good steward of my money? Does he ask this question of everyone or is it just a test like God asking Abraham to sacrifice Isaac?
But as I drove home Sunday, shedding some of the layers of American comfort I've allowed to blanket me, I realized that if God took it all away, I could learn not to miss it. I could learn not to be devastated or angry with Him. I could remember and continue to see how much bigger God is than all the stuff. I realised it on that car ride home and said if he wanted to wash it away in a storm or, in my case, flood water through my house as a result of those frozen pipes, then He could, and He would as He willed. I released another piece of me to His care. Another piece that I think I'll have to release most everyday of my life because of my automatic self-preservation gear. It's not an easy piece to let go and it terrifies me but if God isn't bigger than my stuff and if He can't provide for me outside of my own ability, then He's not a very big God and I need not worry about Him asking me that question.
I also realized that shame on me for thinking church was about coming clean instead of leaving clean. It's sad to think a pajamed girl with cowboy boots over her pj pants, with hair thrown up and face unwashed would be looked at and silently scorned for not taking more time to enter worship. But you know, although some people might have felt that way, it's not about them, it's about Jesus, and how He washed me long ago and He washes me still. And although I did not go to church because I had not realized what I know now, He washed me even Sunday morning. And although my outside still might have been a mess, my insides were clean and His mercies were new and His faithfulness never faultered. And although I do believe we should adorn our outward bodies in respect to the Almighty in worship, I do not believe He would reject me if I didn't. He loves me still and it's time I stopped letting the world determine my relationship with Him and started letting God outline it, no matter the cost.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Radical
I've been reading a book recently at the encouragement of a pastor friend. The book is called Radical by David Platt. So far, it's fantastic. One part has really hit me:
"The gospel reveals eternal realities about God that we would sometimes rather not face. We prefer to sit back, enjoy our clichés, and picture God as a Father who might help us, all the while ignoring God as a Judge who might damn us. Maybe this is why we fill our lives with the constant drivel of entertainment in our culture--and in the church. We are afraid that if we stop and really look at God in His Word, we might discover that He evokes greater awe and demands deeper worship that we are ready to give Him."
As I read that it hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel the weight of it every day and there it is on the written page. Platt had been talking about how Jesus spent much of His time talking people out of following than talking them into it. When people wanted to follow Jesus He responded with statements like, "Go sell all your possessions and then come follow me." Platt made the point that we try so hard to twist Jesus' words to sound better and that Jesus didn't really mean it. I wonder in my life how many times Jesus has requested the same, or maybe something different, from me that I ignored as more of a heart matter than a reality. Maybe it is just a heart matter but I also think a lot of the times the only way for the heart matter to resolve is if the actual act comes to be.
This part of the book also reminds me of a sermon I heard months ago about how we capitalize on the characteristics of God that we like and minimize others. We don't like to think of God as wrathful, jealous or angry. It's interesting, isn't it? How we make God be who we want Him to be a lot of the time. I agree with Platt that I think I do it because I'm scared of what He really is, what I might have to give and what I might have to experience.
I'm only thirty pages in but so far, it's a great book. You should check it out.
"The gospel reveals eternal realities about God that we would sometimes rather not face. We prefer to sit back, enjoy our clichés, and picture God as a Father who might help us, all the while ignoring God as a Judge who might damn us. Maybe this is why we fill our lives with the constant drivel of entertainment in our culture--and in the church. We are afraid that if we stop and really look at God in His Word, we might discover that He evokes greater awe and demands deeper worship that we are ready to give Him."
As I read that it hits me like a ton of bricks. I feel the weight of it every day and there it is on the written page. Platt had been talking about how Jesus spent much of His time talking people out of following than talking them into it. When people wanted to follow Jesus He responded with statements like, "Go sell all your possessions and then come follow me." Platt made the point that we try so hard to twist Jesus' words to sound better and that Jesus didn't really mean it. I wonder in my life how many times Jesus has requested the same, or maybe something different, from me that I ignored as more of a heart matter than a reality. Maybe it is just a heart matter but I also think a lot of the times the only way for the heart matter to resolve is if the actual act comes to be.
This part of the book also reminds me of a sermon I heard months ago about how we capitalize on the characteristics of God that we like and minimize others. We don't like to think of God as wrathful, jealous or angry. It's interesting, isn't it? How we make God be who we want Him to be a lot of the time. I agree with Platt that I think I do it because I'm scared of what He really is, what I might have to give and what I might have to experience.
I'm only thirty pages in but so far, it's a great book. You should check it out.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
His own Special People
I've been reading through church doctrine recently (it's one of my hobbies. seriously) and I came across a statement that I wondered whether I could sign my name under. In a local church's covenant document it reads "To turn from all godless living and sinful pleasures and to live consistent, God-honoring lives." Now that's all good stuff and sounds really pleasing to God. But the truth is, I can't do that. I'll always turn to godless living, it's my nature and I'll always have to be turned back, again and again. So I'm struggling with this today, wrestling with such a weighty commitment and feeling like I've already failed God and my committment to Him on so many counts, every day, that to make another committment aloud makes it real and real means I have to try to follow it, giving me more things to fail at.
Then I noticed a series of scripture passages connected with the statements and opened to Titus 2:12-13. "Denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works." (as an editor's note please notice this is one sentence and I started in the middle so no complaining about my run-ons. Now back to the point).
The friction I felt before flushed out after reading this passage. Do you see it? So at the beginning we're right where we were- trying to deny ourselves everything of the world and live godly lives. But it doesn't end there and it doesn't leave all the pressure on us. It says "that He might REDEEM us..." He is going to continually save us and we need not rest on our own merit or accomplishments. I fight so hard to be a Christian and do the right thing on my own effort. I strive and push myself and forget to lean on Him and let God be God. He never intended a period in that sentence because the climax hadn't yet come when He was explaining our duties. He planned to redeem us, to set up apart, to "purify for Himself His own special people." I'm not just a person, I'm a special person. I'm not an accident, I'm not a mistake, I'm special and intricately made perfect. And while I don't act perfect all the time (ok fine, hardly ever), He still made me perfect and set me apart. And that's all I need to know. I think we search our whole lives to be told we're enough and He just told me that.
Then I noticed a series of scripture passages connected with the statements and opened to Titus 2:12-13. "Denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works." (as an editor's note please notice this is one sentence and I started in the middle so no complaining about my run-ons. Now back to the point).
The friction I felt before flushed out after reading this passage. Do you see it? So at the beginning we're right where we were- trying to deny ourselves everything of the world and live godly lives. But it doesn't end there and it doesn't leave all the pressure on us. It says "that He might REDEEM us..." He is going to continually save us and we need not rest on our own merit or accomplishments. I fight so hard to be a Christian and do the right thing on my own effort. I strive and push myself and forget to lean on Him and let God be God. He never intended a period in that sentence because the climax hadn't yet come when He was explaining our duties. He planned to redeem us, to set up apart, to "purify for Himself His own special people." I'm not just a person, I'm a special person. I'm not an accident, I'm not a mistake, I'm special and intricately made perfect. And while I don't act perfect all the time (ok fine, hardly ever), He still made me perfect and set me apart. And that's all I need to know. I think we search our whole lives to be told we're enough and He just told me that.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Translations
If you live here in Knoxville or care to read papers across TN (and possibly other states) you'll read today about the new version of the NIV Bible translation that's just hit the shelves. Apparently the NIV was updated in 2002 to be more gender-inclusive, i.e. use words like "humankind" instead of "mankind," etc. Apparently too, this version was wildly unpopular and so just last month they've tried to join the two versions to find some common ground. They've leaned more towards the old version, however, because it is so popular.
One of the apparent Bible Scholars (I say that without meaning sarcasm but to emphasize I do doubt slightly this man's vision) stated that when they were translating they tried to create an accurate English Bible without ticking off readers. When I read that, well, it kinda ticked me off.
I don't know about you, but the Bible ticks me off sometimes. Come on now, do you really want to be kind all the time? Do you really want to hold your tongue when someone slanders you, judges you without cause or cuts you down? When turning our lives around and becoming a Believer the whole idea, and the only way it will work, is a total transformation and almost total suppression of all our humanity. It's almost completely against any instinct, any emotion, any cultural norm or practice. It's not like anything we've been taught governing moralism or behavior. Think I'm exaggerating? Our society is based on immediate reward. I do something good, I get acknowledged. I do something unethical, as long as I don't get caught I get the reward I sought and I still keep my character in tact (bc no one knows). We're taught to be kind and friendly because we're southern (well those of us that are blessed, anyway) and not because it's what Jesus would do. Sure, we may say it's because of Jesus, and sometimes it is, but generally it's human-decency governing us. Those that win the crowd rise to the top in our world.
The Bible teaches us to suppress the need for immediate reward which is entirely what our world is built on. The Bible teaches us to put others first and pay no regard to ourselves and in reality I put others first mainly when I can see the reward for myself.
The Bible ticks me off that Abraham could pretend Sarai was his sister and when the Egyptians found out he was lavished with gifts, not punished by God. Again, contradictory to human traditions. We live and die on earth by what is fair. But God doesn't. Grace isn't fair, not by a long shot.
But as a whole it irritates me that our religion has turned into something that as we translate the word of God, our closest physical connection to our Lord, that even a consideration is popular opinion. Are you kidding me? Humans are going to hate it, it's in our DNA, because it restricts commonality and popular livelihood.
If the original translates the word as brothers, translate the word as brothers. If it translates brothers and sisters, translate it brothers and sisters. If it translates brothers but the word used meant all humans then translate it as everyone. Put notes at the bottom so we can understand the culture and know how to define the correct translations. Stop trying to dumb down our religion because we've given up on people actually studying and try failingly to at least translate the Bible in such a common way that if someone happens to pick it up they might be able to understand. Have we forgotten that the word of God is foreign to those that don't believe? They're not meant to understand, that comes with the Spirit teaching us, not us watering it down so much that it becomes less than divinely-inspired.
We often aim in our modern churches not to create Saints but to create converts. We aim to save people and then teach them to come each week, sit in a chair for an hour and hear a word spoken by a person on Sunday mornings. We aim to make Christianity so easy that anyone can do it and should do it, because it's convenient and popular. Don't we realize that we're selling ourselves short by expecting less than who God is capable of making us? That we're selling ourselves short by allowing modernism and survival to be put above how the Word of God tells us to live? We don't tithe, we only pray when we need something, we definitely don't fast, we check Jesus at the door like some old coat when we walk into most social gatherings. I say we here, both because I'm human and because I've fallen prey particularly recently to many of these modern-day Christianisms. We live by the bare minimum commitment to Christ even though it's completely contradictory to Jesus' words about lukewarmity. And we think we're fine...and safe.
But now I realize I'm overly stating the problem but have yet to produce a solution. And I think the solution is very complex and difficult and I definitely don't have the answers. I do know that being a Christ-follower is a continuous turning, a continuous coming back to His riven side and asking Him to fill us, to complete us, to pardon our sins and make us feel whole. I think if I could hear Christ audibly speaking He'd be constantly whispering in the ear, "You're enough, Katie, you're enough." And not because I am enough but because He's made me enough. And that's enough to make me cling tightly, even in my wandering, and it's surely enough for me to realize that this appeasement that plagues Christianity to try to win over society is a losing battle and will result in would-be Saints never feeling like they're enough because that god isn't whispering the same thing in their ear and they spend their days only half filled. And that's not enough for me and it shouldn't be for you either.
One of the apparent Bible Scholars (I say that without meaning sarcasm but to emphasize I do doubt slightly this man's vision) stated that when they were translating they tried to create an accurate English Bible without ticking off readers. When I read that, well, it kinda ticked me off.
I don't know about you, but the Bible ticks me off sometimes. Come on now, do you really want to be kind all the time? Do you really want to hold your tongue when someone slanders you, judges you without cause or cuts you down? When turning our lives around and becoming a Believer the whole idea, and the only way it will work, is a total transformation and almost total suppression of all our humanity. It's almost completely against any instinct, any emotion, any cultural norm or practice. It's not like anything we've been taught governing moralism or behavior. Think I'm exaggerating? Our society is based on immediate reward. I do something good, I get acknowledged. I do something unethical, as long as I don't get caught I get the reward I sought and I still keep my character in tact (bc no one knows). We're taught to be kind and friendly because we're southern (well those of us that are blessed, anyway) and not because it's what Jesus would do. Sure, we may say it's because of Jesus, and sometimes it is, but generally it's human-decency governing us. Those that win the crowd rise to the top in our world.
The Bible teaches us to suppress the need for immediate reward which is entirely what our world is built on. The Bible teaches us to put others first and pay no regard to ourselves and in reality I put others first mainly when I can see the reward for myself.
The Bible ticks me off that Abraham could pretend Sarai was his sister and when the Egyptians found out he was lavished with gifts, not punished by God. Again, contradictory to human traditions. We live and die on earth by what is fair. But God doesn't. Grace isn't fair, not by a long shot.
But as a whole it irritates me that our religion has turned into something that as we translate the word of God, our closest physical connection to our Lord, that even a consideration is popular opinion. Are you kidding me? Humans are going to hate it, it's in our DNA, because it restricts commonality and popular livelihood.
If the original translates the word as brothers, translate the word as brothers. If it translates brothers and sisters, translate it brothers and sisters. If it translates brothers but the word used meant all humans then translate it as everyone. Put notes at the bottom so we can understand the culture and know how to define the correct translations. Stop trying to dumb down our religion because we've given up on people actually studying and try failingly to at least translate the Bible in such a common way that if someone happens to pick it up they might be able to understand. Have we forgotten that the word of God is foreign to those that don't believe? They're not meant to understand, that comes with the Spirit teaching us, not us watering it down so much that it becomes less than divinely-inspired.
We often aim in our modern churches not to create Saints but to create converts. We aim to save people and then teach them to come each week, sit in a chair for an hour and hear a word spoken by a person on Sunday mornings. We aim to make Christianity so easy that anyone can do it and should do it, because it's convenient and popular. Don't we realize that we're selling ourselves short by expecting less than who God is capable of making us? That we're selling ourselves short by allowing modernism and survival to be put above how the Word of God tells us to live? We don't tithe, we only pray when we need something, we definitely don't fast, we check Jesus at the door like some old coat when we walk into most social gatherings. I say we here, both because I'm human and because I've fallen prey particularly recently to many of these modern-day Christianisms. We live by the bare minimum commitment to Christ even though it's completely contradictory to Jesus' words about lukewarmity. And we think we're fine...and safe.
But now I realize I'm overly stating the problem but have yet to produce a solution. And I think the solution is very complex and difficult and I definitely don't have the answers. I do know that being a Christ-follower is a continuous turning, a continuous coming back to His riven side and asking Him to fill us, to complete us, to pardon our sins and make us feel whole. I think if I could hear Christ audibly speaking He'd be constantly whispering in the ear, "You're enough, Katie, you're enough." And not because I am enough but because He's made me enough. And that's enough to make me cling tightly, even in my wandering, and it's surely enough for me to realize that this appeasement that plagues Christianity to try to win over society is a losing battle and will result in would-be Saints never feeling like they're enough because that god isn't whispering the same thing in their ear and they spend their days only half filled. And that's not enough for me and it shouldn't be for you either.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Deleted from the Book
“But now, if you will forgive their sin—but if not, please blot me out of your book that you have written” Exodus 32:32.
I’m about to finish a commentary on Revelation, I know I’ve been reading it for ages, sue me. I’m in Chapter 20 where it talks about judgment on the people based on what the books say. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll just talk about the Book of Life, which is what Moses talks about in the passage above. It struck me as I consider the significance of his statement. I try to love people, be kind to them, do little things like pick up someone’s copies from the printer, call a random friend and genuinely ask how they’re doing, send a short note or email of encouragement occasionally. I speak to people on the streets and smile as often as I catch someone’s eye. But being willing to go to HELL because I love someone so much I would trade places if the Lord required it? AHHHH. That’s, well, an eternal life choice. That’s a big deal.
I have a hard enough time not being right for a split second (my mother is nodding right now). As I consider the magnitude of Moses’ commitment to his people, it’s no wonder God saw an amazing leader in the person He’d created and picked Moses as the man for the job despite all his less than stellar prior life choices. But I wonder at this amazing, God-given graciousness to trade your place with someone less deserving. Ok, at that statement bells went off in my head as I considered Christ’s great sacrifice. He came to a very, very imperfect world, gave up His perfect world and entered in as fully human that He might conquer death. What He did was also impossible to me. What Jesus did by setting this fantastic example for us was life-altering and saving. It was amazing.
And my emphasis on Moses in no way translates that I think Moses’ act here as greater than Jesus’. But, I do believe that in our human context, when translated to be proportionate and erased of names and historical relevance, one tells the story of a single statement that if God had chosen to grant would have meant eternal consequences; the other, longer term statement, 30+ years of living it actually, and God did choose to grant the request so that we might live. Both are acts of sacrifice that God triumphantly handled according to His purpose and will.
But my thought still anchors with Moses. A single-mindedness so strong, so absolutely loving towards his fellow man that despite their extreme wondering and at the time his extreme obedience, he still chose for God to sacrifice him, for eternal damnation, if it meant the rest of his people might live. That’s amazing, consider that kind of love before you start puffing up your head about just how good you are. That’s a God-enabled love that’s grounded in stuff, far, far outside my nature, but I’ll pray you’re more like Moses than me ;)
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Stupidity vs. Sovereignty
I had a moment a few days ago that the jury's still out whether everyone else experiences this range of emotions or if I tend to let my emotions capture me and drag me through the mud. I left STL rather late, I'll admit, but with still enough time to reach Cincinnati in the time frame originally planned. I got a ways outside of the city and realized I had forgotten my hanging clothes. Enter the range of emotions, aka a huge mood swing, light headedness, that sinking feeling in my chest, the feeling of tears and a huge chip on my shoulder of disappointment in myself for being so stupid to forget something so key. For a moment I kept driving thinking I could do without but being still in my first year, and the huge desire to impress and fit in, I knew I needed my work clothes. All I have in my bag is jeans and some shirts. So, with much chagrin I turned my car around and my brother and sister-in-law graciously met me half way.
But even now, hours after that mistaken moment (and you're probably thinking I need to calm down and realize it's not a big deal) I still have that weight of stupidity and disappointment hanging on me. It's an emotional thing that becomes physical you see- I can actually feel the pressure in my lower chest. Actually, the exact place I think my heart is.
Now my thought here is not to fill you with a sense of pity (or a sense that I need to be medicated) but to know that it got me thinking about God's Sovereignty and our dumb mistakes, and how it all fits together.
When something goes terribly wrong and we have no way of correcting it we're prone to metaphorically throw in the towel and usually attempt to believe but really mostly cop-out when we say that God's in control and this is clearly how He wanted the situation handled so that's how it worked out. But in my situation I still had the option to continue to Cincinnati and get there really, really late at night or wonder if it was God metaphorically tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to stay in STL for the night and drive early the next morning. You may be laughing, you may have stopped reading or be bored at this point because I'm going into too much detail about something so small, but here's the thing: if God's in control and He truly controls time and space, was it preordained for me to be an idiot and forget my clothes? Am I an idiot for doing it if it was destined to happen? Am I stupid anyway? (don't answer the last question).
It just got me thinking about Sovereignty vs. Stupidity- when our mistakes, our shortcomings, our idiocy fits into God's grand scheme and when it doesn't really make a difference. I guess it always makes a difference in a way, but where do these concepts collide? I don't know if I know the answer. Now there are times when I see those small mistakes blossom into something really good that you look back thankful for what you did but the rest of the time it leaves you with a level of self-doubt that can transcend into something really negative if you let it.
My final thought is this: we're constantly evolving and changing whether to be more like Christ or not. It's a series of constant choices that surround us and those mistakes do not predetermine that part of me. They may weigh heavy on my emotions occasionally but I think as believers we have a job to cast them off and not only leave the self doubt behind but also not let them come to define who we are or who we see others to be. It's really easy to get buried under mistakes and realize you're pigeon holed into a certain set of characteristics. As believers we've got to let people have the capacity to be themselves and mainly to be encouraged to be something better, each day, and allow those little things instead to chisel our humanity a little more to resemble more of our Savior.
But even now, hours after that mistaken moment (and you're probably thinking I need to calm down and realize it's not a big deal) I still have that weight of stupidity and disappointment hanging on me. It's an emotional thing that becomes physical you see- I can actually feel the pressure in my lower chest. Actually, the exact place I think my heart is.
Now my thought here is not to fill you with a sense of pity (or a sense that I need to be medicated) but to know that it got me thinking about God's Sovereignty and our dumb mistakes, and how it all fits together.
When something goes terribly wrong and we have no way of correcting it we're prone to metaphorically throw in the towel and usually attempt to believe but really mostly cop-out when we say that God's in control and this is clearly how He wanted the situation handled so that's how it worked out. But in my situation I still had the option to continue to Cincinnati and get there really, really late at night or wonder if it was God metaphorically tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to stay in STL for the night and drive early the next morning. You may be laughing, you may have stopped reading or be bored at this point because I'm going into too much detail about something so small, but here's the thing: if God's in control and He truly controls time and space, was it preordained for me to be an idiot and forget my clothes? Am I an idiot for doing it if it was destined to happen? Am I stupid anyway? (don't answer the last question).
It just got me thinking about Sovereignty vs. Stupidity- when our mistakes, our shortcomings, our idiocy fits into God's grand scheme and when it doesn't really make a difference. I guess it always makes a difference in a way, but where do these concepts collide? I don't know if I know the answer. Now there are times when I see those small mistakes blossom into something really good that you look back thankful for what you did but the rest of the time it leaves you with a level of self-doubt that can transcend into something really negative if you let it.
My final thought is this: we're constantly evolving and changing whether to be more like Christ or not. It's a series of constant choices that surround us and those mistakes do not predetermine that part of me. They may weigh heavy on my emotions occasionally but I think as believers we have a job to cast them off and not only leave the self doubt behind but also not let them come to define who we are or who we see others to be. It's really easy to get buried under mistakes and realize you're pigeon holed into a certain set of characteristics. As believers we've got to let people have the capacity to be themselves and mainly to be encouraged to be something better, each day, and allow those little things instead to chisel our humanity a little more to resemble more of our Savior.
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