Choices

I'm realizing recently that life is all about choices. The choice to grateful instead of complain. The choice to respond in love instead of anger at a harsh word. Maybe even the choice to be happy instead of sad or truly live instead of sit around. Not to say that any of these choices are easy or even seemingly conscious, but I think that maybe we can change our own lives by helping ourselves to a degree. These choices are difficult indeed, as I think most of the time we fail by choosing the easy way out, the way that we've always used- the way that makes us feel powerful and above the other person or people around us. For me, when I respond harshly to someone it's because I feel threatened. I feel I have to show myself to them and make a point to prove that I am intelligent, wise, etc. I have to prove that my idea was well thought out and correct. What ever happened in our society to the teachings of Christ and James to let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no? We justify ourselves far too much. We have this dying need to be superior, to fight for our opinions, to always be right. Yes, to stand up for what you believe is more than a worthy cause, but why are we, or should I say I, are [am] so afraid of being found wrong? Am I any less of a person, any less perfectly created if I get this opinion incorrect? Surely no. I can't believe in a God if a meaningless mistake such as that should actually shake our self-confidence, our stability, our lives in such a critical way as we often have this blinding mindset deep down towards. Sure, we'd never admit it and probably you're sitting there thinking, "Ok, it's not that bad." But think, why are we so quick to justify, so quick to clear our name, so quick to prove that we're right. Is that person really going to stop being your friend because their answer was better? They'll probably like you more because they see you're not perfect and so far above them. I'm not sure, but it just seems like we have so many opportunities to die to self, to choose to keep your mouth from uttering another hateful word and instead respond in love even if not completely heart felt. Each time the choice must get a "little easier, a little freer, a little less self-conscious. Because every gift I achnowledge reveals another and another until, finally, even the most normal, obvious, and seemingly mundane event or encounter proves to be filled with grace. There is an Estonian proverb that says, "Who does not thank for little will not thank for much." Acts of gratitude make one grateful because, step by step, they reveal that all is grace" (Nouwen).

"If the praise of others elates me...
if the blame of others dresses me...
if I cannot rest when I am misunderstood, without defending myself...
if I love to be loved, more than to give love...
if I love to be served, more than serving...
then I know nothing of Calvary love." Amy Carmichael

Integrity

"I will walk with integrity of heart within my house. I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me" Psalm 101:2b-3. What would my life look like if I lived like this? It would be consistent, I'll tell you that. Walk with integrity within my house- In my house, you know, that place where all your ungliness comes out. That place that all the secret longings and strivings of your heart break free and all your corruption and inner turmoil emerge rearing their ugly heads. That place where you take out the hard things of your day on the people that live there with you. That place. Walk with integrity there- meaning you basically have integrity in all aspects of life and in the places where everyone else is ugly you are even more upright and after God's own heart. And then not set before my eyes anything that is worthless- such a key to a joyous life. How many things do we do that waste time, that do not glorify God. How many times am I lazy and procrastinate, shirking responsibility of things, when in reality those very things are most important and make us feel the most alive. We're anxious when we have "too much" to do and bored when we have too little- when will we cut the worthless stuff and start doing the stuff that pleases God. It's funny how God's designed things- I had this conversation just the other day that He's designed like so full circle. In the Christian life we are designed to glorify God in all things- actions, words, motives, etc. SO by doing these things we bring Glory to God, but through these areas God flips back on us the very things we all strive for- happiness, joy, peace etc. Yet we look for these things in the most worthless areas when only serving God and staying at home in Him can we find happiness, joy and peace. It shall not cling to me- when will I stop-When will I stop convincing myself or believing the lie that those outside of God have more fun or are able to do more. The work of those who fall away is wrong, plain and simple. It's not satisfying, it's not joy giving, it won't make you enduringly happy. But neither will this "God in a box" that our churches teach. Neither will the life that most Christians lead- have you noticed the astonishing number of those that fall away? I read the other day that 90% of child Christians fall away in college. SAD. I don't have an answer, simply a thought that if the Christian life you're leading is exhausting or deep down not worth it, you should reevaulate and see if you're actually worshipping the right God- the God who plants and also destroys, who is gracious but will by no means forgive the sins of the guilty, the God who controls time and space, the God who hears every thought and word you have far before it is communicated, the God who could be everything you'll ever need if you let Him. That God, that one is worth it. If only we believe.

Weakness

I think I discovered one of my major weaknesses last night. I've known it all along, but just now am I coming to see how truly real and apparent it is. I have a hard time separating myself from being in situations but not of situations. Let me explain: Drama is absorbing and I find myself recently all too easily getting sucked in and before I know it I am not only communicating in the same fashion as those around me, but I am hurting myself and others emotionally, physically and spiritually by losing sight of eternal things and resting solely on temporal, meaningless, mindless things of the moment that within 30 minutes I will be frusterated and disgusted that I fell so easily.

"'To whom do I belong? To God or to the world?' Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that i belong more to the world than to God. A little criticism makes me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me. It takes very little to raise me up or thrust me down. Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves. All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me."

In our culture particularly, we mostly look to the opposite sex for confirmation and adoration. We push into them and work so hard at making ourselves seem worthy of praise. Then, we realize that the deep loneliness and void we feel isn't being fulfilled and we turn to more drastic measures. We believe this lie that worldly things can fulfill that great part of us that only God can fulfill. It's the puzzle piece that the rest of our puzzled life fits into to make it complete.

scaffolding

I studied today for my child psychology class and learned an interesting thought. Lev Bygotsky, probably the most influential Russian Psychologist of all times, had a two main ideas: one being scaffolding. You know scaffolds, the things on the sides of tall buildings that the painters or whoever stands on to reach the high places. Yeah, his idea was that people are scaffolds; we 'support' by guidance, love, etc., other people in the learning process. He proved with the help of other people that a person could in fact exceed his or her capacity to learn. Fascinating, truly. I think I want to be like scaffolding- supporting friends and challenging them to dig deep in life and truly live out their hopes and aspirations. Support, structure and stability- what qualities could make a better friend than these? The dictionary definition is "A temporary platform, either supported from below or suspended from above, on which workers sit or stand when performing tasks at heights above the ground." That's perfect: temporary- a good friend doesn't have to constantly be in your business checking up on you every second to make sure you're "doing the right thing" From bellow or above- either way, a friend loves no matter if it puts them in a bad situation- the love becase they care and bc Jesus loves and not because of the status it will give them or the love they will receive back. Sit or stand- sometimes friends need to lean a bit more when tough times arise. Above the ground- more than just normal life- those times when life is crazier than homeostatic, those times when you need someone to be scaffolding and consistent with you. So overall, I realized I want to be scaffolding so maybe then I'll have a simple example of how to be a friend, which is something we all desperately need.

Passion

I think the greatest deficiency we have in our world is passion. Passion that feeling that drives us to seek out and do the things we love and to love people with intention and meanin. Passion, so out of context in our modern culture as we think it almost to be a negative or inappropriate word. Maybe not such a harsh connotation, but nonetheless, it's supposed to be a word of exuberance, love and inspiration. A friend introduced me recently to one of my new favorite quotes, "Live life with Passion". Another friend painted me a delightful bright colored flower painting with those inspiring words. It often makes me sad to see the true depth of the lack of passion around us. Sermons particularly, with their seemingly empty words either read from a hand-held page thought up days ago with its spiritual meaning having lost its fervor or reading from another's thoughts of topical sermons or scripture either from commentaries or other write-ups. Don't hear me bashing studying and preparing, each are fundamental to proper biblical teaching, but where's the passion in their voice when reading most of the time. These Words from the Spirit should jump off the page, should bring joy. A preacher's job, as far as I can tell, is to bring life. You bring life by enlightening others about eternal things. I've just noticed recently this great lack of passion in the deep soul of all of us that should make us speak as though God truly is who is claims He is, that he controls ALL things, that He reigns and no one will escape Him, that He seriously died selflessly so that we could not only eternally live, but live abundantly, that we could live life with passion. My greatest objection to speakers is not their material but their feeling, their passion, behind those words. 80% of what you say is nonverbal... did you know that? I think we work so hard at evangelizing and speaking Jesus that we forget that unless we live knowing He truly does reign supreme and have our good at heart, we can never truly change our lives or those around us. We can change for a day or a few years maybe if we're strong, but the number of burned out Christians makes my heart hurt and makes me wonder if they ever lived a life of passion.

Treasures

This may seem strange to you.. or you may resonate with it somewhat- I found myself envying the people devistated by the hurricane. I went to Bay St. Louis a few weekends ago on a hurricane relief team. The people I worked with were amazing, it was truly a joy to be working with such delightful people. The houses were torn down and things were utterly destroyed by Katrina that ripped through the area about 14 months ago. I felt the all too familiar feeling of longing to be where those people are. I envy them because they have nothing- nothing keeping them from God. I was told by a good friend from Africa a few years ago that she couldn't understand for the life of her how we could be Christians in America. How true it is, all this clutter and busyness we have that mound up in front of God so that our view of Him is blocked and He often is easily forgotten. I envy them because God took all this earthly stuff that truly is unnecessary from them so that many, many indeed, were and still continue to be able to see the loving God much clearer. You see I often justify, "oh, this is good for my life, taking this time to relax" or "Oh, I need a day to sleep in so I'm not going to get up and pray" or "I'll read my Bible later, I just want to watch tv and go to bed"... you get the drift. Don't hear me saying these phrases are always wrong, nothing is wrong with getting some sleep or relaxing, Heaven knows we need rest and harmony. But how many times do I justify too much? I've got the "I'll do it tomorrow" syndrome big time. It's laziness ya'll. It's the voice in our head (that should be a huge red flag when we hear that voice) that says "it doesn't really matter. God says He'll still love you no matter what.. "

Earlier, I said the feeling of envying these people was familiar. I felt it in Africa a few summers ago about the village of kayamandi. The first few days of the trip I found myself paralyzed by hurt and brokenness for the desolate people there. Then the Wednesday of that first week, my third day in the village, we went on a group tour. Children began to gather around us as we walked and within a few minutes somewhere close to 100 kids were walking with us. I began to skip with my kids, singing whatever song came to mind, unconscious of the extra weight clinging to me, realizing I was ‘struggling with all of His energy’ and that is a surplus. Even with 2 kids clinging to me front and back, and 3 or so attached to each arm, it was the lightest I've ever felt. A burden had been lifted, a burden far heavier that human weight. I was told by my African friend that she felt sorry for me. ME! I have everything. Or so I thought. But ya'll- I found out on my trip that possessions, money, a home, medicine, food and all other physical things are great and should be highly regarded, but we don't need them. ALL that matters is that which is eternal. We will die without some combination of these temporal things, but we're going to die anyway and our eternal matters count forever regardless if it's tomorrow or years from now. All we need is that which is eternal.

I realized that in Africa and was so graciously reminded of it in Bay St. Louis. I envy them because they have no possessions keeping them from serving God with a whole heart and any previous high and righteous attitude was probably leveled by the storm. The people on the hurricane's path aren't perfect or fully following God, but they have been forcedly blessed to be one step closer than we are at following God whole-heartedly because the things they held dear were taken away. Our task of resigning them and wholly following is much more difficult. Randy Alcorn said that 15% of Christ's sayings related to possessions- more than talk of Heaven and Hell combined! "And He said to Levi, "Follow me." And leaving everything, he rose and followed Him" (Luke 5:27-28). Can I follow like that? what am I not willing to give up that needs to be purged from me?

commonalities

I have much to say most of the time, as those around me know all too well. I find our Christian dialect (if you will) to be rather amusing and saddening all at the same time. We flippantly throw around words as though people understand what we're trying to say or else we don't consider the full magnitude of the words we are actually uttering. One such example is the commonly bandaided phrase "God is in control". Now if you've had a serious conversation with me in the past few months I would almost undoubtebly imagine that you heard these piercing words come out of my mouth, but let me explain to you my perdicament. At different points during my day God chooses to unload (yet again- if you will) His meanings of things on me and for that moment I am stunned by the truth of the matter. Tonight was one such occassion. I've struggled a great deal with this concept of "God is in control." Yes, God is sovereign so we could sum up that He is in control over all things, sure. But think about it- Control over ALL things? Control over Katrina destroying so many homes, control over heartache and famine, control over my every thought, word or action, control over what the weather will be like today, control over what I'll write in this blog, control over what time I'll actually get out of bed in the morning, utter control? Now don't hear me wrong, our God is not a dictator, but does He truly have control?

But then I stop in my tracks, that often get far too deep and have a hard time turning back, to find that maybe that's not what our focus should be. Maybe instead of looking at it from such a sceptical viewpoint I should look at it from the perspective "what would life look like if God was in control?" How freeing ya'll! Think about, all those screwups and times you "missed your opportunity to share the gospel", all those terrible sins you've committed (terrible is not meant to rate the particular sin but to merely point out that all sin is terrible), all those discouragements and what we think of as "setbacks". Over ALL of those things, GOD IS IN CONTROL! How utterly freeing to realize we don't have to worry about anything past, present or future because God will provide. Maybe we can start here and then see the bigger picture of His control over disaster, famine, and other heartache. Maybe we can be freed here and see His great compassionate, loving plan of control and then find His control in the sad times. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything present your requests to God who sustains you." Now, hold on a second, big disclaimer- If I truly had enough room to discuss such a broad topic as this I would do so, but I don't. To proclaim such a dangerous idea as I have just discussed could throw some into a sense of oversecurity and flippancy towards our actions on this earth, but God is JUDGE remember. By abiding in God we realize His control and by staying at home in Him we are freed from guilt and worry. Amazing.

I just think we so often hear concepts such as "God is in control" and we don't weigh them to find if they stand on their own. We don't sit and consider their full meaning and what exactly comes along with them. If we truly sat down and thought about things, so many of our Christian concepts don't work or intertwine. it's interesting really, and fairly obvious why our modern church is not the church of Acts. One such being the lack of true belief in our Bible......I'm not sure why I just chose to leave you with that because I have not intention of continuing that opinion tonight.. toon in next time!