Watching

"Our eyes failed, ever watching vainly for help; in our watching we watched for a nation which could not save" Lamentations 4:17. "In the morning I lay my request before you and watch" Psalm 5:3. There are many parts of scripture that talk about waiting and watching for God to fulfill His promises, to fulfill His word. Many times The Bible talks about laying our requests before Him and allowing Him to take our burdens and sustain us; not only sustain us many times but relieve our anxieties and fears to allow us freedom from the previous bondage we put ourselves in. Watch. Wait. Allow God. Give it to Him. They sound right...and good... but do we actually do it? Do we actually give everything to Him? Do we actually watch and expect God to answer? Are we really that confident and do we really believe that much?

The first verse, the one from Lamentations, hit me as I realized how much I share in common with it. I too often watch vainly, irratated or maybe even angry or confused at God for "not helping" or not answering immediately or how I saw fit. But it's profound and incredibly humbling to accumulate the times I watched for a nation which could not save. We expect ourselves to carry the burden, to win people over, to look good and be successful. We expect our friends and family to treat us not only respectfully but kindly and we often come down harshly on them to others if they don't fall into line with how we think they should be. We expect people to do things or be things that make our lives fit and seem perfect. We also often pray to a god that doesn't exist.

God is not a God of controversy. He's not a God that throws hissy fits when we don't come to Him. He's not a God that begs us to adore Him as though He needs us. But He's a God that saves. He's a God of miracles. He's a God that provides a way when there is none. "The kings of the earth did not believe, nor any of the inhabitants of the world, that foe or enemy could enter the gates of Jerusalem" Lam 4:12. You may have strong defenses or a strong hold on something that you're sure of. But it seems like Jerusalem, as well as the rest of the world, was fully convinced that their walls were impenetrable. Look what happened- God scatters them, burning their cities and making their land desolate to put it mildly, very mildly. Not to say He acts towards us in the same manner, thank the good Lord for Jesus paying our penatly and enduring the full wrath of God on the cross, but He's still a God who acts and a God that can do and will do according to His ways and His will.

I often find myself praying to a god that doesn't exist. A god who couldn't really take away my problems. The real God can.. and He will... and He does exist. We just have to believe. We also have to be honest with Him- He knows anyway.