Watching

"Our eyes failed, ever watching vainly for help; in our watching we watched for a nation which could not save" Lamentations 4:17. "In the morning I lay my request before you and watch" Psalm 5:3. There are many parts of scripture that talk about waiting and watching for God to fulfill His promises, to fulfill His word. Many times The Bible talks about laying our requests before Him and allowing Him to take our burdens and sustain us; not only sustain us many times but relieve our anxieties and fears to allow us freedom from the previous bondage we put ourselves in. Watch. Wait. Allow God. Give it to Him. They sound right...and good... but do we actually do it? Do we actually give everything to Him? Do we actually watch and expect God to answer? Are we really that confident and do we really believe that much?

The first verse, the one from Lamentations, hit me as I realized how much I share in common with it. I too often watch vainly, irratated or maybe even angry or confused at God for "not helping" or not answering immediately or how I saw fit. But it's profound and incredibly humbling to accumulate the times I watched for a nation which could not save. We expect ourselves to carry the burden, to win people over, to look good and be successful. We expect our friends and family to treat us not only respectfully but kindly and we often come down harshly on them to others if they don't fall into line with how we think they should be. We expect people to do things or be things that make our lives fit and seem perfect. We also often pray to a god that doesn't exist.

God is not a God of controversy. He's not a God that throws hissy fits when we don't come to Him. He's not a God that begs us to adore Him as though He needs us. But He's a God that saves. He's a God of miracles. He's a God that provides a way when there is none. "The kings of the earth did not believe, nor any of the inhabitants of the world, that foe or enemy could enter the gates of Jerusalem" Lam 4:12. You may have strong defenses or a strong hold on something that you're sure of. But it seems like Jerusalem, as well as the rest of the world, was fully convinced that their walls were impenetrable. Look what happened- God scatters them, burning their cities and making their land desolate to put it mildly, very mildly. Not to say He acts towards us in the same manner, thank the good Lord for Jesus paying our penatly and enduring the full wrath of God on the cross, but He's still a God who acts and a God that can do and will do according to His ways and His will.

I often find myself praying to a god that doesn't exist. A god who couldn't really take away my problems. The real God can.. and He will... and He does exist. We just have to believe. We also have to be honest with Him- He knows anyway.

God is never late

I attended a prayer meeting at my home church last Sunday and as we prayed one of the men in my group said something that caught my attention. He said "You are never late". I run on my time, my goals, my schedule, my planning. I pray about those things often but I'm still fixated that God comes through in my timing. When things don't line up or happen according to the way I think they will I simply believe I've done something wrong instead of realizing that the wrong lies in not listening to God's timing, God's schedule, God's plan, God's goals and events. We're often prone to conclude that because we're doing "good" by helping at church, organizing something for a missions organization running an outreach program that they must all be things we should be involved with and should be successful in. I think our thinking is skewed. God never promises to fulfill our dreams, our hopes and desires of ourselves. He promises to fulfill the dreams, hopes and desires of the people IN HIM, focuced on him, consumed in the things He's focusing on. Those things really are and should be our hopes anyway.

But as I thought about God not being late it sparked something in me. As I read through the Bible, I have just currently finished the book of Jeremiah. Jeremiah makes everything he prophesies seem so immediate. He condemns the people of Israel for not following God, for turning away on countless occassions and God Himself punishes them for the sins they've committed. I found myself thinking that I wish God was as immediate with me as Jeremiah's prophesies seem to be for the people of Israel. But as I dug deeper I realized the tremendous lag that often occurred between his tellings and the actual events. Months, years, sometimes days between Jeremiah asking for a word and God delivering, between Jeremiah saying something would come true and it actually happening. God is not a God that works on our time, because our time is not perfect. We think in the here and now, the immediate, unfortunately. God thinks in the eternal and sees the big picture, literally. Even with these truths, we are prone to getting frustrated and impatient, thinking God to be mistaken or not really in control. I'm realizing in my current life that if I'm thinking along that road then there are two possible scenarios going on: 1) I'm going on my timing and even though I say outwardly I'm giving it to God, inwardly I'm still in control and working things out on my own; and 2) I'm not praying about the situation enough to really know anything for sure.

Jeremiah knew God would answer, even when people put him at the bottom of a cistern to die, when they jailed him, when they hated him, when they loved him and admired his direct line to God. Jeremiah knew and expected God to answer his every question and asking. God is never late. Never. And if we expect Him to answer we will never have to be disappointed with His timing instead of ours.

Against the Flesh

There are people I am not fond of. Among these people, there are those I am not fond of their manners or their demeanor towards people; those that I do not admire their path with the Lord; those that I do not bare resemblance to as a brother or sister in Christ; those that have a strangeness about their spirituality that I cannot shake. The list could go on really, but I don't want to make too many generalities to confuse my readers. There are people I am not fond of, plain and simple.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Eph 6:12).

Satan uses bodies and humans to infiltrate ministry opportunities for evil. He uses able minded people that sound good on paper and in speech to come in and wreck things. He creates tempers and resentment to bring about problems and fights among Laborers. I came upon this truth tonight as I contemplated someone I am not particularly fond of. But here's what I realized- Satan uses humans in their humanness to sabotage ministry AND he also makes it so that those able minded souls against these foreign thoughts coming in become useless. He distracts the true believers from fighting the infiltrating evil and turns them to fight flesh and blood. We get caught up in disagreeing with people, we vote people off of ministry teams, we argue in meetings and we talk behind people's backs because we fight flesh and blood and not the rulers, authorities, cosmic powers over this present darkness, and the spiritual forces of evil. They exist. They not only exist, they thrive in most circumstances because they've either fully taken over someone or their distracting people with gossip, pride, criticism and self-righteousness so much so that they leave fantastic people helpless and useless.

Wow, I fight flesh and blood all the time. I can make a person the problem in any situation, but the problem is really that evil is in our midst and fooling one party while distracting the other. Neither is effectively and unrestrictedly serving Jesus. We forget to pray for protection against evil. I'm not criticizing regrouping a ministry and weeding tares out, I'm saying that we, or I, often judge people and target them as the problem. Satan is the propblem. Evil is the problem. Sin in the problem. We get so caught up in fighting against people for superiority that we lose sight of the real battles.

A Prayer

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your Will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone. ~Thomas Merton

-A prayer that a dear friend sent recently that brought me the reality that we never face our seasons of life alone. Although I am not currently "working," my desire to please and glorify God does in fact please and glorify Him. What an amazing truth. "For man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7b.

A Big Deal

I babysat some children today that reminded me of a very important life principle. As the two children stood playing with their train set, they began to argue over a particular part of the train. Each wanted the small magnetized car that which contained the important cargo unit. It was clearly the coolest part of the train so obviously they'd fight over it.. (smile). Just like children, isn't it? Someone else wants something or takes something from them and all the sudden the original person wants that particular something immediately more than they wanted it while in their possession. The boy began to whine and cry because his sister took the car. They girl began to cry when he tried to take it back.

Don't we often find ourselves thinking that what just happened is the most catastrophic and life-changing thing that's ever happened to us? Well, maybe you're not as dramatic as I am, but I know that the little things that I look back on retrospectively seem so much bigger at the time. I watched those children today and I realized that we criticize children for acting immaturely, we downplay what they're feeling because we're thinking that it's NOT a big deal AT ALL and they should calm down. But now that I think about it, I bet people older than me would say the same thing about similar moments in my life if they were to look in. I get so frazzled about events that happen, particularly right now in this transition, when in reality things don't matter as much as we think. GOD IS IN CONTROL. God knows. IF my eyes are Heavenward then the small events of my life wouldn't seem like as big of a deal. When things change I would totally believe that God has my good and my growth in mind and I should trust Him.

So it's interesting that as I look at these squabbling children I realize we're not so different- forgetting to look Heavenward and put others before ourselves. Forgetting to put our "problems" into perspective and get our list of importance in line. All that matters is that which is eternal. Father, forgive us for our humanness.

Whatever

I seriously think I have done a post about this so if you are reading this for the second time then treat it like you would holy, holy- something said twice that means you need to pay extra attention to.

So I moved to Charlotte this past weekend, and I apologize for the friends reading this right now with an open mouth because I clearly have not told you. The move has been a great choice, fresh air and fresh start (not that I needed one, God graciously gave me a GREAT college experience!). anyway, stories another day.

In my life and particularly in the last few weeks surrounding my decision and move here, I've tried to set my eyes on Jesus and follow Him where He leads to effectively follow. I find that in life we dwell on the wrong things often and that's what gets us so far off track before we even know it. We watch television or absorb ourselves in other people's drama and let those things consume us to a point that our minds become set on them and not on Jesus. "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God" Romans 8:5-7a. All the drama that we carry around with us- the annoyances we have against friends, the way we pick out the smallest imperfections of people and rip them apart, our critical natures, our exaggerated stories- all of it are just ways that we set our minds on the flesh and not the Spirit.

So I ask God, Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, whatever is excellent, whatever is praiseworthy let me think about such things (Philippians 4:8). Because if I do, I honor God and that is man's chief end and purpose.

"Set your minds on things above and not on earthly things" Colossians 3:2. All that matters is that which is eternal. The switch doesn't come overnight and it's not permanent. We're sinners but the more practice you put in it the better you'll get. I find myself thinking "Things above, katie, things above, not earthly things" and then remembering Phil 4:8 and what classifies as "things above". If you love Jesus, it's worth the shot- it makes life less complicated.

Kindness

I was in Target yesterday waiting in line to checkout. One of the lines had a hold-up and the people in it had been waiting for some time, seeing people in all other lines get checked out while they waited. A man from the line beside it who was about to get his turn stepped back and offered the first lady in the held-up line to go in front of him. The lady politely said "oh no, that's ok" and continued to wait.

I had two thoughts: one- the impact of small kindnesses and two- our often inability to allow someone to be thoughtful and help us.

I didn't know the man, but he seemed to have light in his eyes. Whatever the case, he was being Jesus to that lady. It was such a small thing, 3 minutes extra for him in line if she went in front, and yet it stuck out to me as remarkable that we don't choose to be Jesus to other people more often. I see people who look lost on the streets or in a store and I hardly think to ask if they want help when I'm sure I could help them. I think that there are so many small kindnesses that we choose not to interject ourselves into others' lives and we lose out on small joys that could make a lifetime for us and other people. I wonder why we aren't more focused on storing up treasures in Heaven and I think we do that by the small kindnesses.

Maybe it's because our treasure is often here on earth instead of in heaven that we're less inclined to put others before ourselves and more inclined to do whatever necessary to maximize our time, our own world, our own lives. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21).

My second thought points to the conservative nature of society. We hide things we don't want people to see- we hide the ugly parts about our lives, we hide the embarrassing moments that make us look less than perfect. And you know, we fool a few people, but the people that matter aren't fooled. But when I thought of that lady I wondered why we arent' more inclined to accept the small things people offer. We're programmed to immediately decline before we even think about what the person offers. We don't want to be needy or vulnerable I suppose by taking someone up on what they say. Although I will unfortunately say that often in our culture (yet not in this Target case) people offer things they really don't mean and then we find ourselves full circle on a possible reason why we so quickly tell people no. It's sad really, if only we stood back a moment and thought before we ask or seek help and do it because we're trying to be Jesus.