Those days

Have you ever had that day where you wish you could be someone else? I'm not talking about a specific someone else, like seeing a girl and thinking "I wish I was her". No, I'm talking about being tired of being you if I put it bluntly. It's not the ultimately tired of me, it's just today's day. It was a great day actually, I got a lot accomplished and still had time to do the things I wanted. I'm not sure what caused this sudden realization that I had tonight at The Cross. I'm selfish. I want all eyes on me but when they are I don't want it. I want everyone to adore me but when they do I don't want it. I want all the friends in the world but when I have them I want to be alone. I want to control things but when I do I don't like it. But you know what is the big picture of all of this? I'm not abiding in Christ, I'm abiding in Katie. I'm abiding for myself and the immediate pleasures of life. I'm sacrificing the eternal for the temporal. I have no answers to it, no real solutions. I just have a great realization that the way I live life is often wrong. It's wrong because if I'm looking out for my interests and advantages I have my eyes set on the wrong prize.

"One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet." Proverbs 27:7. I read that yesterday and it's so profound to me today. We should be full in Christ, we should be continually being fed and nurtured by Him because we trust our entire survival on Him. We should loath any sweet thing from a lesser source than Jesus. We should loath it because we don't need it, because it's unimportant. You know sweet things, like compliments, kindnesses, favors etc. The people giving them are not unimportant and they should be praised, but the acts themselves are unneeded to build your life. I think I build a lot of my life on those things, those shifting sand for a foundation things. The next part of the verse says "but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet". It's the same story, different verse. We may not be empty, at the end of our ropes, but most of us are not filled. So we take that even tiny unfilled space in us and we try to make something fill it. Even bitter things we convince ourselves are great, worth it and perfect for us. You know the bitter things, like the sweet things except the particular things that you know deep down aren't just right. The relationships that you force because you want to date someone, the things you say to people because you think it might elevate your status to them when you know deep down you shouldn't have said that (whether because it was a lie or because it was something bad about someone). Whatever the bitter things, the things that don't fill and aren't worth it if we can emotionally unattach ourselves to our lives and see it, those things seem sweet. We sell ourselves short. "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C.S. Lewis

Hold on

I learn things so quickly in life, sometimes in such a mess of learning that the ideas get jumbled and I easily let them go. I suppose it would be more correct to say I hear concepts or I realize things often in life but I rarely actually apply them to life and let them change me. But, for now let me draw out all the thoughts in my head and try to make some sense.

"Let us Hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23. This promise was huge to me today. How often I have struggled recently to actually apply the truths I speak of. It's so easy to get into a conversation about what life should be like whether by talking about a more fulfilling life of things of wish I was doing or pretending that my life is spectacular and adding a few details to the easily monotonous, routinely ordinary life that I lead. Don't hear me complaining because of outside sources, it's my fault, but life just seems to be same-old same-old (if that's even how you spell that old saying..). But look at the verse "hold fast, hold unswervingly" as another translation has it to hope. The hope that God is so good and faithful to fulfill our joy, to "make it complete or overflowing". If we don't hold tight without letting to and believe and apply the hope, the faith, the ideas, the conversations, the inspirations that we have then we've got nothing to hold onto. We fall when we have nothing to hold on to to steady us. To have a hand grip is stability, it makes the rock beneath our feet that much easier to remain planted on. Ok, so what promise? Well, God promises so much in the Bible that it's awesome. The promise of 2 Chronicles 7:14, "If my people will humble themselves and pray and seek my face then I will turn to them and heal them." And the same is true about this promise that if you call on the name of Jesus you will be saved. Just like that and "If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from ALL unrighteousness." Hear that key word purify? That's huge! I think I get hung up on being forgiven of my sins and being washed clean and I miss the end. I get so frusterated because I do bad things but I don't change after I see they were bad. I sin over and over, particularly with being lazy and selfish. but he says if we confess He will not only forgive but purify us from all unrighteousness PURIFY- that means purge, get rid of completely. That means if I truly take everything to God, even my frusteration about continuously sinning he will purify me and he who promises is faithful.

The middle of the Hebrews verse says hold on the the hope "unwaveringly". What would my life be like if everything I did was with confidence, with a surety that didn't need affirmation or acceptance? That no matter the outcome I acted the same way to people or situations? What would life be like if even when I didn't get the response from someone I was hoping I was unwavering and my love for them never faltered to be disappointment or irritation?

God teach me to hold your hope without wavering. Teach me to run this race with perseverance. Teach me to do your will and to live each day as if it were the best day of the year. Teach me how you love.

Accessible

"Condescend to all the weaknesses and infirmities of your fellow creatures, cover their frailties, love their excellencies, encourage their vitues, relieve their wants, rejoice in their prosperities, compassionate their distress, receive their frienship, overlook their unkindness, forgive their malice, be a servant of servants, and condescend to do the lowest offices to the lowest of mankind."-William Law

A friend of mine and I were talking last night about the importance of truly being a friend. I struggle with actually what it looks like and we discussed several important aspects of it. This quote above being the backbone of my beliefs, accessibililty and anticipating needs would be core values I believe encompase the essence of true friendship. Even in regards to seasonal friends the same values should still be applied. Accessibility to me is so key to being a friend- someone that you know you can get in touch with fairly quickly if you need them; someone you can rely on; someone you know is willing to drop less important (in an eternal mindset) things and come to your aid if need be. But, as my friend pointed out, you can be too accessbile to people. I think I've never realized that before until he said it last night. I think that's one of my biggest problems- I'm either unaccessible or too accessible. When I start out being friends with someone I'm all about helping and being useful. I'd do just about anything that person asks and I'm more than willing to overlook any misgivings or inconsistencies. But over time I think it's either because I take that person for granted or because I stop overlooking their errors (and who doesn't make them?) and I am less available and willing to that person. Maybe I'm admitting something to you that causes you to cringe because you haven't had this happen, (it's not this extreme!) but I think we forget how much love the savior has for us that we should be liberally applying to our friends. And this is no short list of people, but how do you love everyone equally, yet be allowed to have an inner-circle?

Wisdom

"For whoever finds me [wisdom] finds life and obtains favor from the Lord" (Prov8:35)..."The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight" (9:10) These verses fit to me. Look at the pattern- there's such concrete, workable answers to be found. I always am thinking or saying things like I want to be wise or I want to be kind, nice, humble. But how to I "do" that? What does being wise look like, how to I get there? Even more than that what do we all want? Well I can't answer for you but I want life. I want freedom to be so content with myself that I'm always comfortable, always joyful. I want to live fully and with abandon to whatever I love and however things are working out to be happy. So on that note, that's how these verses stuck out to me. I was reading proverbs the other day and this is where I came across these two verses. It works itself out in reverse order so follow me. 8:35 Whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord... ok so to find life, since we've established "finding life" as the big goal here, the highest place of joy on earth, to find life we've got to find wisdom. Ok, so then if you go on to 9:10 it says The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.. ok so we have to fear God to gain wisdom. Then it says the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. Insight into knowing how to fear God is knowledge of God. Well we obtain knowledge of God by reading scripture and spending time in prayer or just in God's presence. Being in God's presence is just sitting, clearing our heads of our stuff and trying to concentrate on who God is.

SO there's the answer to life. We want to gain life and God's favor. We start out by reading the Bible, spending time in prayer and just sitting, literally, with God. By doing that we gain insight which is the knowledge of the Holy One. By gaining this knowledge we start to fear God and gradually begin to obtain wisdom. Then we find life because For whoever finds wisdom finds life. I think God has given us such a great tool in the Bible that I often don't take advantage of. I also think that a key to understanding the Bible is being willing to be open, to not come in with preconceived notions on what we think God is but to be willing to let it mold our opinion.

Ubuntu

I learned this today in my African Religions class and since I really enjoyed it and I have a few Africa lovers who read this I thought I would share.

Ubuntu stands for the African anthropology and cosmo-vision of life in community. The South African Nobel Laureate Archbishop Desmond Tutu describes Ubuntu in the following way:

"It is the essence of being human. It speaks of the fact that my humanity is caught up and is inextricably bound up in yours. I am human because I belong. It speaks about wholeness, it speaks about compassion. A person with Ubuntu is welcoming, hospitable, warm and generous, willing to share. Such people are open and available to others, willing to be vulnerable, affirming others, do not feel threatened that others are able and good, for they have a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that they belong in a greater whole. They know that they are diminished when others are humiliated, diminished when others are oppressed, diminished when others are treated as if they were less than who they are. The quality of Ubuntu gives people resilience, enabling them to survive and emerge still human despite all efforts to dehumanize them."

Although I do not have time to unpack this statement to you as I would like, I think it is brilliant that so many things scream God in some many ways. Not to say that this statement is Christian or totally right, but to say that it's a great thing to strive to be this person who has proper self-assurance that does not feel threatened when others thrive. We can learn so much from other cultures and peoples that can make us better people by taking the time to listen to their wisdom.

Doing Good

I went to Camp Norris this weekend, it was one of the most reviving weekends I've had in a long time. It was the kind of weekend that awakens the soul and motivates you to strive harder to live more fully and to realize that this life is so great. Camp Norris is a friend of mine's lake house, a cute little name we put on it because it's such a fun place.

I came into the weekend with a lot on my mind. I know that doesn't shock you, when am I not comtemplating something, but recently I've been thinking about the complexity of leading the Christian life IN this world but not OF this world. I live in a college setting that begs to be loved, to be cared for, to have someone to depend on. I live in a setting that needs stability, that needs to know that there is a God that is so great that He's worth giving our lives to because there's joy there and eternal satisfaction. "But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God;" (ps 73:16-17a) This is where I am, and when I read this I sympathized with Asaph a great deal when he speaks of our great envy of the rich, the "happy", the outgoing- you know in a college setting they would be the people who go out a lot, the ones who always have something to do and we envy them because of the number of friends they have and the number of phone calls they get. It seems so lame reading it here on this screen, but it's such a huge struggle I have. But what great comfort that Asaph had the same struggle and you know what he did? He took it to God, he took it all to God and realized that in God we have everything we need. I think a lot of our tasks can seem wearisome when we realize how much we need to be doing to really make a difference in the world around us, but when we take it ALL to God it makes it much easier to bare the burden and our laundry list of good deads doesn't seem so draining, it seems filling. If in dealing with one who does not respond, I weary of the strain, and slip from under the burden then I know nothing of Calvary love. Amy Carmichael

A Prayer

"God teach me to be constant but not overwhelming, uplifting but not pedistaling, encouraging but not flattering, challenging but not demanding, honest but not forceful, gentle but not soft, meak but not lame, joyful but not overzelous, motivating but not nagging, peaceful but not oblivious, and above all to love friends the way I ought to love them and not for personal gain." I don't know if you go through hard times, I'd imagine you do, but I'm going through one. I have this crossroads of how I want to love a friend and how I should love a friend. I won't go into detail, but I bet you've been to that crossroad, even if not in the same story. It's this great desire that we have to be care about, loved and honored by other people. Sure affirmation and care are vital from people in our lives, why would God show us such community in the Bible, but there is always a point when you get close enough to a friend that you have to choose to love them over keeping them. What I mean is the hardest thing about friendship is being the friend you need, they need you to be above what they want you to be. We can be feel-goody, affirming friends all the time which is always great to have an encourager, but we also sometimes have to love them in a hard way, a way that you must choose to be ok with that person not taking well what you have to say but you know that you still have to say it. It's a choice, do you love them enough to choose the path that's best for them and maybe not seemingly best for you, or do you go on not loving them fully because you're scared to lose them? It's a general statement, I realize, but maybe you understand what I've saying.

Shields Carried Away

"So Shishak King of Egypt came up against Jerusalem. He took away the treasures of the house of the Lord and the treasures of the king's house. He took away everything. He also took away the shields of gold that Solomon had made, and King Rehoboam made in their place shields of bronze and committed them to the hands of the offices of the guard, who kept the door of the king's house. And as often as the king went into the house of the Lord, the guard came and carried them and brought them back to the guardroom. And when he humbled himself the wrath of the Lord turned from him, so as not to make a complete destruction. Moreover, conditions were good in Judah" (2 Chron 12:9-12). I look at these verses and the preceding ones and resonate with Rehoboam. Verse one of chapter twelve says "When the rule of Rehoboam was established, and he was strong, he abandoned the law of the Lord." That's where he went wrong- How often do good things happen in my life and I no longer "need" God? Sadly, I'd say it happens a lot. I'm walking into a new setting- a restaurant, a party, a new class or something else and I'm nervous, feeling self-conscious about my personality or looks and my instinct is praying that God would make it all ok. Then when I am comfortable or I find lots of happiness in that setting I lose that initial dependence on God and go about no leaning on Him until I "need" Him next. But God is not a God to be used at our pleasure, He is the God of plans and great purpose. So He levels Rehoboam and Judah in this part of our history. That not to say that God will level us, as though He's the grumpy Father who has a great temper for punishment, oh no, but to say that He knows how to bring us back to His side. But of this story what stuck out to me was the shields- these precious and very valuable shields his father made had now been taken away; he desperately makes bronze shields but he is forced to humble himself to God. Isn't this exactly like me? I cringe as I think of all the defenses, all the shields I put up around my life daily, putting out a stiff arm to vulnerability. I use all my own strengths and draw them together to war on my personal enemies taking up the meager shield I have made. God continues to pull those shields down but I keep making new ones, even pitiful ones of far less strength and worth. How sad. How truly sad that I CAN reach Rehoboam's ending of this story so much quicker by allowing the Bible to teach me its wisdom. Look, "when he humbled himself the wrath of the Lord turned from him." He wasn't destroyed, although he should have taken his own lesson to heart later in life. But we can learn from him- In God's presence there is FULLNESS of joy and without God the situation is not pretty, read it yourself.

Held in Awe

For Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and He is to be held in awe above all gods. (1 Chronicles 16:25) This verse struck me tonight, after the line of other verses preceding it. I wonder because what do I hold in awe above God? I was thinking along those lines tonight as I sat talking with some friends about ministry and having the time in college to devote to working to specifically spread knowledge about Christ. In early years I thought I was on earth to enjoy life and soak up all it had to offer. Then in more recent years I've adopted this I'm here in college to study and have a little fun on the side for sure mindset. But you know? That's still not why I'm here. Sure I can glorify God in my studies- that's a common misconception that I don't think we all realize- that in ALL things we can glorify God. But I'm not here to study, I'm here to Glorify God. That means allowing Him to reign and control time. Control the hours in my day to devote toward where He would have me be, not where I think is best. Am I holding in awe getting an A in that class over Glorifying God? Am I holding in awe trying to hang out with friends as much as possible over being where He would have me? There are so many things that are great things to do but still can be held in awe above God if we are not totally looking to him for our daily necessities- right down to the core details of what to do with each moment we have. Seek the Lord and His Strenth; seek His Presence CONTINUALLY! (vs.11)

Mississippi

I seem to not be very consistent with my updates, I really am going to try harder- time really does slip away so quickly. Anyway, my Mississippi spring break trip down to Bay St. Louis for hurrican relief was amazing.

There was this guy in my group that was great- well most of the guys were great but particularly this guy. He's got one of those smiles that lights up a room and really listens when you talk and remembers things. (No crush, so let's not go there k? haha) He reminded me so much of Jesus when I was down there that it made me really enjoy being in his presence. He was always making sure I was safe, but then again always right in the middle of the fun, making up stories, running around and helping out more than anyone else was. He did all the small jobs, the ones that most people wouldn't have wanted to waste their time on. We all kind of laughed and complained all at the same time because we had one of those houses that had hardly been touched since the hurricane and so much rain had come that my best suggestion was to bulldoze and start over. But we had the task of roofing this rotten monstrosity. A few of us mucked out the rest of the inside that was destroyed by sitting there too long. So the big deal is that this was the first time I was not angry about kind of wasting time. This guy was content and encouraging and I realized that maybe my thought process about time management needed adjusting. I'm one of those make the most of each moment people, that's why I didn't like going out to loud places in early college or being in big crowds- because you're conversations with peole lack substance. I was shown in Mississippi that just because I may not be doing what would build a lot or help the most I was spending time doing good and that time was worth it. I realized that time is a precious thing but that doesn't mean that we have to be busy for all of it or that we know how to fill it best. I try so hard to make things perfect when maybe I just need to let them fall and let God work things out the best way they can be. To build eternal things, even if the process is much slower, is better than building a thousand temporal- even if the temporal is what shows other people your hard work.

Kindness

I was sitting in class on Tuesday waiting a few minutes before it started (I know shock that I was early) when one of my classmates came in. He's in a wheel chair and always makes his way up to the front and scoots a few desks around and settles in on the window side of the room against the wall in the front. His positioning makes no difference but on this particular day there were a number of desks in his way and before I could even think of a way to help this guy that usually sits close (they don't know each other, we just are creatures of habit and sit in the same places every day), this guy gets up and pulls around a few desks very casually and makes just the perfect space for him. The greatest thing to me was that it wasn't charity, it wasn't because he felt sorry for him, it wasn't to be noticed, it was second nature. It wasn't a choice, it was an instinct. What if I lived my life more life that? That kindness would be apart of me, not something I have to practice. What if I spoke to people on the streets like I was genuinely glad to see them and to find out how they were? What if I helped people not because I wanted to be noted as a great person but because that's who I am and what i stand for? These are questions that I have, challenges that i hope I listen to, but mainly these are words that humble because so much of our day we can choose to make about ourselves or we can choose to make others more important and God most important of all.

A man Making Pasta

I met a man today in on of the school cafeterias. He was making pasta and I was in his line. He danced slightly and smiled from ear to ear. he was talking to me about going to a music show which is a few days long. He was so excited about it and couldn't contain it. You could tell that he was truly happy, not some daily change that I feel a lot. I've seen him before, and always the same way. Not fake so you wonder why he's so happy, but genuine and radiant about life. I wonder at people like that. I mean with my socio-economic status it's hard for me to see a pasta maker at our public school cafeteria could possibly be happy making whatever he does. That's harsh so say, but really I think we all would say it. How would you feel if that was your job? like a failure maybe? Ok, so he doesn't have our education, our availability or whatever in life but none the less as much as we say we respect people like that we kinda look down on them. I mean, if you aren't willing to do their job then you kinda think you're too good for it, which kinda means you look down on the person that does do that job. I'm off subject, but it's worth mentioning. Anyway, it struck me today that he was so happy being where he was, doing what he was doing and often I get fed up with my status. I always think I need to be doing something new, going somewhere new, making cool new stories so that life is fresh, yet someone like that can often be happier and more joyful than we are. I strive to be happy, when really maybe I should be content where I am.

I'll write about the Mississippi trip in a few days, so get excited!

Send me

I think a lot of Christians struggle with direction. Knowing where to go in life and what to do has been a point of exhaustion for me. I truly try so hard to be this person God wants me to be and wear myself out trying to fit that good Christian mold. Albeit to be worn down from glorifying God is a brilliant thing, I'm talking about striving so hard for excellence that I often miss the point of Faith. I think my whole Christian existnece, which is from the womb for me, has been trying to find direction and purpose for my life. I have this great fear that I'm worthless and won't do any good or ever feel like I'm supposed to do something or be somewhere. Anyway, I'm not sure if you've been there, but I think far more of us are there than care to admit. Sure it's not this constant nagging, but this gut feeling every once in a while of unsettled leaves me wanting. I pray all the time that God would just direct me. I take the God of the Bible so literally (which I think I should) that I often am frusterated that the way God was so spoken and apparent isn't so today. I know, I know, He left us the spirit which is far more frequent than they had, but still could God not just shout at me every once in a while and say yes or no? Oh, I laugh as I say that aloud, I wonder if you feel that way ever. I had a moment of clarity among all the lies we're often fed of worthlessness- it came tonight at a friend's party (yes, it's a Monday). I realized that God's the planner and provider, He's the one with the agenda. My job is to be willing. That may seem elementary, like one of the things you were told when you were 5, but think about it. Do I stand before God at all times of the day saying, "Here I am Lord, send me"? Am I willing to spend and be spent on doing whatever is necessary to honor Him. I pray for opportunity, which is great, but maybe my prayer should more clearly be for the right heart and mindset to be willing to glorify God in everything. And ultimately, I pray that my motives are heavenly and not for my own gain of happiness or self-satisfaction- because that's, I think, our biggest problem.

A favorite poem

A poem from my quote book for you:

"From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified)
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay,
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod:
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God."
-Amy Carmichael

Open My Eyes That I May See

2 Kings 6:8-17. " Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them." I resonate a lot with this story, in obviously a very different way than the story portrays. You see, I think this type of setting happens a lot in life. Have you ever been stuck, run out of ideas, the enemy has surrounded you and you have no hope? I feel a lot of times just like this. I feel like the enemy has come "by night (surprise) and surrounded" me. I wonder what the temperment of the servant was as he conveyed to Elisha about the army surrounding them.? I know mine would have been panick "Ahhhh! They're coming to kill us. We have NO hope!" That's me though, I dare not put words in his mouth. At my first opportunity I'm so quick to turn to my own methods or antics to try my hand and see if I can survive instead of immediately, instinctively turning to God. It actually kinda frusterates me, if I'm being honest, at how rationally Elisha responds. I've always wanted to be that person who has seemingly total faith, who believes before doubting, but honestly, I'm not. My first instinct is to sceam up something that can save myself. Now my situations are not typically life and death in a physical sense as this story is (thankfully!), but all of our human sceaming, no matter how big or small it is, it's all not going to save us. And you know what? My stuff is "less" of a deal than what Elisha and his servant are up against in this passage, but honestly I envy them. Think about it- they're in a situation that they will die if they don't trust God.Have you ever truly realized that in life? Have you followed God wholeheartedly because He was the only way? There's so much in our culture distracting us, filling up life and keeping us from God and to be put in a situation where He is the only choice is actually quite freeing. I've never been in their particular situation, so I won't vouche for them, but the times I'm at the end of my rope and have no other places to turn but God, there's no greater time in life. Look at the passage- The Lord opened the eyes of the young man and he saw the mountain full of horses and chariots of fire. Did you know they're around you too as a believer? "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14).Do we realize the power and great ability we have on God's side? And listen to this- verse 23b says, "And the Syrains did not come again on raids into the land of Israel." They didn't even fight and nothing bad happened in particular. It means that the ability of God was so powerful over them that they stopped raiding Israel. That's incredible that the presence of God scared them away and stuck in their minds so decidedly that they stopped raiding altogether. Do I live in my daily life knowing that with God, one is a majority? a BIG majority.

Prayer is not a trade floor

A lot has happened in life recently, Christmas break has been full. I will talk about that another time though. Today, while at lunch, we began to talk about prayer and how often we incorrectly pray. And yes, I do believe that we can and often do incorrectly pray. Not to say that the ultimate forgiver and gracious God didn't already know ahead of time of our even trite mistake, but non-the-less, we slip up and say things that aren't actually intended as such. My first awareness of some of this was a couple summers ago. A friend and I got to talking about how we have the promise that God will never leave us or forsake us. He promises that He will always be with us, right beside us, as believers. Well, if we have this promise, and a promise from God will NEVER be broken, taken out of context or anything- it's plain and simple, then why do we always pray for God to be with us? "God, please be with her as she goes through this hard time or God please be with me on this test today." If we really have that promise that He is ALWAYS with us then why do we pray stuff like that? Now let me not blow all of this up and act like it isn't good to pray for guidance, His sure presence to put you in the right direction or make Himself known to someone. My point is that often we spit things out in prayer, reel it off like we're reading our prayers or have memorized them years ago and so we lose not only our passion and meaning but also our desire for them to come true because we're so used to saying them we don't really even know we've uttered them or what these prayers really mean. Anyway, so like I was saying, that was the first time I've considered actually praying correctly. I've always tried hard to view God as an all-encompassing kind of God to pray to- meaning that everything you say while praying or however you say it was ok with Him as long as you talked to Him. I think the church may tell us that so we all can feel more comfortable talking to God, I'm not really sure. But now I see that there is a right way of praying. It's not a set of specific words, it's a lot of things, but there are right things to pray. I think during prayer we convey what we think about God, His abilities and His character. I don't know if you've really thought about that, but if you do, I think you'll agree. When we pray we infer in our prayers, in our tone and words, what we think about the abilities and character of God.

Prayer is not a trade floor. It is not some bartering system where we can "make a deal" with God. It's not a negotiation, it's not one big swapping game trying to make both parties happy. Why are we so quick to do the "God, if you let this thing happen then I'll be good the rest of the week" or "If you let this happen and I won't ask for anything else" we all know the game. Oh, sure, you're mature and "don't play" anymore. PLEASE. I play, and I bet you do too. We may subconsciously do it, making deals with God or begging Him to do "just this one thing". I'm drawing a blank right now as to a really great example, but I think you get the drift. We have to realize that God is first Father, above being creator, about sustainer, He is Father. "Jesus is the firstborn over all creation" Before anything was put into being, God was Jesus' Father. My point is that we beg and plead for Him to "answer" our prayers the way we want them to be answered. We pray not yielding to the Father to provide but instead telling Him the situation and then telling Him the way He should fix it. Now there are times that we must intercede in our prayers but I believe that God will make it known to us when this time arises. I'm talking about the first right now though. A Father greatly desires to give His child everything, do you know that? Do we believe it? God so desires to give us everything we want, but that wouldn't be a loving Father would it?