Splendor

During Christmas at one time or another we are prone to sit back and reflect the greatness of the birth of our Savior. We focus in on the lack of room in the inn and how Mary bore him in a lowly manger. We reflect the wise men and their expensive gifts. We picture the shepherds seeing the angels glorifying God and telling them about the Christ child.

I, on the other hand this Christmas season, have thought about the greatness God gave up by coming down to earth.

"In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon the throne, high and lifted up; and the train of His robe filled the temple. Above Him stood the seraphim...And one called to another and said: 'Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord of Hosts; the whole earth is full of His glory!'"
Isaiah 6:1-3.

"Around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures...And day and night they never cease to say, 'Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!' And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to Him (which is all the time by the way) who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who is seated on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying, "Worthy are You, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things, and by Your will they existed and were created'"
Revelation 4:6-11.

He gave up constant praise, constant adoration. He gave up perfection and painlessness (in a bodily sense). He gave up comfort. He gave up being right and having everyone not only know it but be ok and enamored by it. Can you imagine?

He gave up gold streets and magnificient robes. He gave up His incredible throne. He gave up a place that adored Him, that worshiped Him, that walked exactly in His ways. He gave up everything. EVERYTHING.

This Christmas season and the rest of the year it's very easy to get bogged down and find how unfair life can be. It's easy to get irritated when someone doesn't pull the weight you've deemed necessary for them or when someone inevitably disappoints you. It's easy to feel entitled to certain perks, benefits or alotments. It's easy to feel sorry for yourself because you're left out by friends, not loved enough by others or somethings has gone terribly off course from your expectations. In all of this however, as big of a deal as we always make it, it's a lot different if you sit back and let the weight of what Christ gave up sink in comparitively to what you feel like you're owed.

I often find myself wanting people to know my value, know how intelligent I am, know what I'm capable of. I want people to honor me and stand in awe when I speak. Christ gave up all of that glory and came down to a world that interrupted Him, cast Him down, spit upon Him, threw things at Him, beat Him and finally nailed Him to a tree to kill Him. The amazing thing to me is that He knew all of that beforehand. He knew as He created the world, as He made the choice to come to earth and die for us even before the world began. He knew He'd have to save us from ourselves. He knew He'd have to cast aside His glory and enter our torn and broken domain. He knew what He'd have to give up and He still came.

Am I willing to give it all up just like Christ did? Am I willing to cast aside my own glory, my own intelligence, my own talents, and love those who might not ever fully appreciate it? Am I willing to do someone else's job and pay someone else's penalty even if I don't have to? He didn't have to, but He did. His life here on earth was very significant but maybe even more significant is the magnitude of the life He gave up so that we instead might have it.

Hope

I talked a long time yesterday with a woman whose son recently tried to commit suicide. She talked about watching him sleep that night because she was too afraid that he might try again. She spoke soberly about the great tragedy that he feels no hope.

No Hope- that's what people without Jesus have. It made me hurt for her and her family that they live lives without Jesus and waste away both inwardly and outwardly because of poverty. It also made me think of what we choose to put our hope in during our stay in this world. I've done quite a bit of work down on the gulf coast serving the victims of hurricane Katrina. We say victims because of the great devistation and tragedy that they underwent and continue to feel the wake of because of the demolition of their earthly posessions. And yet, I find myself each time I am down there more and more realizing that I envy the uprooting, the purification, the realization that our great Heavenly Father has given them that they truly need nothing apart from Christ.

We shouldn't have any hope apart from Christ. Even so in our world, we've done a fairly excellent job of imagining things that bring us seasons or moments of hope. We try and mount those things atop one another to keep the feeling a moment longer. I confess I sat listening to this poor woman tell me her story wondering where else I place my hope. Her son was at the end of his ability to displace hope and sadly I think those are the times that we're most primed, most able to find true hope and freedom in our risen Savior. I wonder what else we put our hope in to try and make our lives better. I know I often put my hope in clothes, in my put-together apartment, in my car or in my other possessions. I put my hope in having lots of friends or having a great family. I put my hope in things that of themselves are not bad but as things that block my full need and realization of that need of a Savior. I put hope and survival in those things and many others in order to not feel the vulnerability that comes with living solely by faith.

great mercy

I'm so forgetful. I get frustrated with myself all the time when I forget something really important or don't allow enough time to get somewhere or complete a task. I like being perfect and having people be impressed with my ability to do everything I say and to help out frequently. I like being that girl that people can count on. But you know what? It's exhausting trying to be a certain person and hold a certain image. I find myself too often at work thinking, 'God, I can't hold that person up. It's too heavy.' I was never meant to hold her up. Jesus was meant to hold us both up. "O my God, incline your ear and hear. Open your eyes and see our desolations...For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention and act. Delay not, for your own sake, O my God.." Daniel 9:18-19.

When I pray, I often pray because of my righteousness. I bargain with God as though He needs to be reminded of the nice things and the "God points" I earned that day. I act as though I deserve certain things or I beg as though He's a mean old man who rarely gives me anything I ask. I dare not ask for too much though because then my answered prayer quota will be used up and I won't be able to get something better I want later that day. I transcend too many human and earthly father qualities on my Heavenly Father. For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. He doesn't make fun of us when we ask for silly things. He may chasten us but that is always a loving rebuke that brings us back to a God-center that we so desperately need.

I wonder if I have even a small incling of his great mercy? If I realize He takes special time and extra care for me at all times. I wonder how long it will take some of us to begin to understand the concept that Jesus understands the hard fight we fight every day- to get out of bed, to read scripture, to pray, to love those around us and beyond, to be a light in a very dark place. I wonder when we'll also understand that we're not meant to do it alone, we're not meant to do it by ourselves with our own righteousness. We're meant to fall at the feet of a risen Savior, a man who already defeated everything we encounter and believe after a while that He truly can do it all and that His greatness so far outweighs what we can do that we should stop doing for the glory and give it all to him. I wonder when my life and yours will be about His great mercy and His righteousness and not our own. I have light in me but His light so far outshines mine that why do I strain to keep mine burning when all I have to do is reach over and burn straight from the source?

An excellent spirit

"Then this Daniel became distinguished above all the other presidents and satraps, because an excellent spirit was in him. And the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom. Then the presidents and the satraps sought to find a ground for complaint against Daniel with regard to the kingdom, but they could find no ground for complaint or any fault, because he was faithful, and no error or fault was found in him" Daniel 6:3-4.

I could find plenty of error or fault in my own life and probably the lives of those around me if I really wanted to dig. Daniel strikes me as a very different fellow than most of the Christian world because of his deep love and aquaintance with the unbelieving world. Daniel was one of the top authorities in the entire world at the time. The Bible says that King Darius had him as one of three presidents that fell just below the king himself and had plans to make him even higher as the authority over the other two presidents. So how could Daniel achieve all of this and still have an excellent spirit that continues to be faithful and not corrupt because of his time spent?

We often say that we should live in the world but not of the world. I think Daniel had a great handle on what that means. When Daniel interprets dreams or the handwriting in chapter 5 he refuses gifts saying, "Let your gifts be for yourself, and give your rewards to another". Daniel didn't want the glory as I so often do. Daniel knew a great God that gave him that authority and he realized that it was not he himself who had accomplished anything. When I do something kind or make some great decision I want people to know about it. It seems like there are always strings attached with me and I often think about the good things I've done to someone and how they owe me when I need them for something. Daniel knew that even with great wealth and prosperity, with great riches and glory, with great acclaim and honor, that he would be "Tekel, you have been weighed in the balances and found wanting" if he trusted in the same things his King Balshazzar trusted in. I wonder if we truly know that if we trust in things of this world we will be found wanting?

An excellent spirit is found in those who steadfastly remain affixed on God and realize that from His overflow comes complete satisfaction and joy in this life. I wonder why we search for it in all the wrong places. Considering Daniels lofty position in the world at the time, we don't have half the pressure that he did to go astray and seek after worldly gain. Yet he knew that it was all inconsequencial when it came to knowing his Creator- so much so that he publicly worshiped knowing he would get thrown in the lion's den, almost asking for it.

I wonder if I ever encapsulate that excellent spirit. I'm willing to worship when I have time or its convenient but under such harsh circumstances I wonder if I would go immediately to my house and get on my knees by an open window and pray where people could hear like Daniel in chapter 6. I wonder if I could maintain that excellent spirit as well as Daniel.

Unwalled Villages

"You will advance, coming on like a storm. You will be like a cloud covering the land, you and all your hordes, and many peoples with you. Thus says the Lord God: On that day, thoughts will come into your mind, and you will devise an evil scheme and say, 'I will go up against the land of unwalled villages. I will fall upon the quiet people who dwell securely, all of them dwelling without walls, and having no bars or gates,' to seize spoil and carry of plunder....You will come up against my people Israel, like a cloud covering the land. In the latter days I will bring you against my land, that the nations may know me, when through you, O Gog, I vindicate my holiness before their eyes." Ezekiel 38:9-11,16

I think this passage in its entirety is one of the most thrilling sights of our God. There are two different aspects of this passage that point to the excellence of God. The first being the security of dwelling within Him. In that time it was extremely dangerous to live outside of a city with walls. Just like Jericho, the walls were tall and the gates were shut each night to keep out unwanted visitors or attackers. It's amazing to think that the people of God dwelled so securely within Him and that His authority reigned so heavily on the earth that they lived in the land of unwalled villages..the quiet people who dwell securely. God can do whatever He wants and He can choose to protect us against all reasonable conventional knowledge or He can choose to allow things to happen or even cause them if He deems it necessary. Can you imagine what the equivalence of that in our modern world would be? It'd be like America deciding to no longer have an army and getting rid of all security at airports or anywhere else. We hardly feel like we dwell securely with all of our infrared and nuclear devices pointed at everyone to strike at any moment. We're waiting on the next terrorist attack. Now I'm not saying that we should just put down the weapons and end all security, but think about how crazy you would think it if we did. I bet the other nations thought of Israel in a similar way, crazy. But yet, the Bible records the nations as knowing them as the people who dwell securely.

On that same note, it's extremely relevant to mention that the world's view of God is radically different today than it was in Bible times, particularly the old testament. Think about it. The people of Gog and the other nations surrounding Israel, including Babylon knew that the God of Israel was very powerful and existed in a very large way. On multiple occassions in the scriptures kings of other nations refer to the God of Israel with fear. It's sad in our world that the two sides are believers who know God exists and people who think the Christian God does not exist. I think that's due in large part to the Christian community losing the reverance and respect for God that he deserves. The church that I'm starting to go to in Charlotte, Calvary has a pastor who spoke similarly on Sunday. He said that the saddest thing about the Bible in modern times is not that it's been taken out of schools but that it's been taken out of churches and Christian homes. We often serve a God that fits our profile of a perfect god instead of the Almighty, reigning, omnipotent Creator that He is.

My second aspect speaks of how God brings about the destruction of Gog. In this part of Ezekiel God proclaims his prophecies against certain peoples and nations according to the wrong they have committed. It's interesting in chapter 38 as He speaks against Gog how He goes about coming to their destruction. He chooses to let them grow large, as large as a great horde. He lets many of the other nations join in with them to try and attack Israel to take all of their possessions. If I was Israel I would have been terrified of the large number of people coming to attack us. I would have doomed our village to certain destruction. I sit here wondering how many times some great obstactle that's really difficult has come on me and I've been terrified. That moment when you feel like everyone is ganging up on you; that moment when everything that could have gone wrong financially has and you're not sure how you're going to get by; that moment when all the pressure mounts and you have to make a really tough decision; those moments that in our minds will define out lives forever because that is when we decide to choose the human way and trust ourselves to pull us out and stay on top or choose to trust an unfailing God. I believe that God makes things so difficult when we live in our humanity that it forces us to live in our Godwardness. So instead of dooming our lives to destruction or acting like failures, he calls us to live on a plain that trusts Him so deeply that something like a very large army coming to destroy us would not even remotely take our faith or our trust off of His security and His safe dwelling.

What do you keep safe in your own humanity that in reality is much less protected because you haven't given it to the Protector? Where are you not dwelling securely? Where have you lost your knowledge of the greatness of God? The world doesn't need another savior; the world needs people that know the greatness, power and authority of an all-knowing God.

"And you shall know that I am the Lord"

As I read through the book of Ezekiel I encounter the words “and you shall know that I am the Lord” often in its prophesies. Most of the time it’s unfortunately found at the end of a wrathful prophesy against the nation of Israel or its enemies. The passage usually contains a word from the Lord speaking of disaster and turmoil that will come upon those people because of their waywardness. It’s sad to me that the way God got through to the people of Israel then and the way He gets through to us today is often found in the bad stuff that happens where he aims to lead us back to His side and His ways. Why are we a people that stray and confuse our need for joy with temporary happiness, confuse our hope with money and material wealth, confuse our longings with depression and failure, confuse our love with lustful desires, and confuse our source of life with our humanity, food and heart beat. We are so fallen.

I would love to see the actual number of times the phrase “and you shall know that I am the Lord” is recorded in the precious pages of God’s Word. I would like to see the comparison of when those occurrences are positive because God heaps blessings on a people following His heart and when it unfortunately occurs because of backsliding and a need for the people of Israel to come out of their overgrown humanity and enter back into the throne room. When they leave a life of worshipping and honoring God and turn towards their human ends, their human needs and wants, is when they must in God’s great wrath be turned back and given again a heart of flesh.

Another thing that interests me is the “heart of flesh” given in Ezekiel. “I will remove from you your heart of stone and I will give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules” Ezekiel 36:26-27. Usually in scripture the flesh carries a negative connotation that we must learn to die to and live for Jesus. The interesting part of this passage to me reveals the great qualities of the flesh that our Creator God established. In this passage the flesh takes on permeability. It reveals its great quality to be wounded, to be afflicted so easily by the pain on the outside of what it protects. The flesh here refers to their need to feel again, to open up their lives and allow pain and love to flow back through. God removes their hearts of stone that are calloused and gives them a heart that hurts and fights to heal from the brokenness on the outside that can only wholly come from God.

I hope God gives me and you a heart of flesh. I pray that God will reveal Himself in moments of our lives so that we “shall know” when we’re following. I pray that those encounters with our Risen Savior and Creator God would be much more significant and often than how the Israelites most of the time forcedly returned. But above all, I pray that our God would show you His eternal effort to take you to Himself as His own and show you He will never give up and He will never ultimately leave you brokenhearted if you abide in Him. No matter what side of the fence you fall when God reveals Himself and declares that you shall know that I am the Lord through this, it still should be welcomed and celebrated that the God of all mercy and grace loves you deeply and holistically enough to call you to Himself and His victory. Celebrate what God has to offer and reveal to you today.

The New President

With the elections finally over people seem to be left with many different emotions. Whether Obama supporters or not, we are faced with the difficult decision to cast our personal feelings aside and work towards a common goal. That goal lies in uniting as a country, as citizens, as statesmen, as neighbors and as family towards standing behind our president and the newly appointed staff and holding unwaveringly to the hope we profess in God’s control over all of it before it was even a thought process to anyone. I find it so incredibly easy to want my way or have my thought process win out and when it doesn’t I’m left secretly hoping that the other plan will fall apart and everyone will see how I was right and the error of their ways. Even forsaking my need to be right, it’s still so very easy to want Obama and his staff to fail, to want them to pull some crazy stunt where we can point our fingers and say “I told you so.” When we’re logical we would never actually wish that considering the grave consequences that our nation might face in light of such disasters which Obama’s failings could futuristically include. However, at the present, we are prone to wish ill upon them and hope people will do like they have done Bush and wish he never were president and wish our nation did not look to him as our leader.

On that note, I realized today how we tend to point the finger at Bush and his administration for the economy, the lives lost in the Middle East, and other choices that most Americans have come to believe as poor. But you know, I think we as Christians are the ones that failed Bush. As I sat with a friend today and prayed for our nation, prayed for its new leaders and the decisions they have ahead, I realized I can’t recall the last time I prayed for President Bush. I gave him no protection, no extra confidence, no shield from the enemy, no special word that God would inspire him and lead him in paths of righteousness. I failed President Bush. As a Christian, as a citizen, as a fellow American I had a duty to our president to help him better our nation and to encourage and pray for him that he would lead us in a Godly manner. We have this innate need to blame someone when something doesn’t go like we see it going and President Bush has caught a lot of that flack. As believers and those who stand for the power of our God, it makes me wonder how we will all react to this new presidency. Will we support our new president and unite behind him or will this new season be viewed as something far worse that may damage us as Christians and as individuals?

Whether Barack Obama will lead us in paths of righteousness I do not know. What is certain is that God is not a God of chaos. He’s not a God of freak outs or oopses. He’s not a God sitting in heaven twiddling his thumbs nervously wondering what He’s going to do now that His plan didn’t come true. That’s what we do in our humanness because we’ve decided what’s best instead of looking to an all-knowing God. What’s best doesn’t mean what makes the most sense in our heads or leads us to the most success. What’s best is what God ordains as so to bring about his ends. I wonder how our nation will evolve over the next four years, if we’ll have the life-altering terrorist attack that Biden is so set on or if Obama will tax us to death. But it does no good to worry about tomorrow and it does no good to second guess the plan of God. We must unite and decide to pray for our next president. Pray that Obama makes decisions that will further the kingdom of God and will create in America and across the world believers who truly and wholeheartedly seek the face, the very being of God more than they seek anything else. Obama’s right in a way, It’s time for change. Change from the complacent Christianity that many of us meander through simply to survive instead of standing on God’s promises and living abundantly. Change is coming and I think we as believers must go back to our knees and find our source and pray that He will lead our nation to the Promised Land.

Where You're Going

I've been volunteering recently with a place called The Urban Ministry. It's a colorful little place that practically fully serves the homeless community of Charlotte. They have doctors, nurses, counseling, food, job training, art classes, etc. In my opinion, it embodies Christ's view of helping the homeless. The ministry works hard to not enable people to remain homeless but instead, with great effort, strives to free them from their current trials and help them toward a better life. I was sitting at the desk just a few days ago, listening to all the stories people came up and told me. It's interesting how uninhibited most of these people are, so willing to tell you a story, even if it may not be the complete truth, still a heart-breaker nonetheless. They make me realize that we're not so different and the chasm between us is often not as wide as some of us like to believe. I tell tales to mask my real life as I know almost everyone does.

I met a particular man, nice looking guy probably once was middle class. He didn't seem like the homeless type (and we all know we unfortunately have a stereotype in our heads). He came up to my desk and began to tell me his story. The sincere remorse and hurt he felt telling the story made it much more plausible for me. He stood in front of me, practically shaking with insecurity, telling how he had just left rehab and now had no place to go. He'd been sober 12 months and needed a bus pass to get to a job agency that he knew of to help him get work. He wasn't asking for handouts or anything of that nature. He was asking how to get to the agency.

Thoughts rolled through my head as I listened to this man. What happened to him before? Where did he come from? Where was he planning on going? Does he believe he can truly recover? Does he have family or friends to help him? Does he know a great God that can take his past and use it for great good in his future? But above all, I sat and wondered why he felt so ashamed of where he had been.

I feel that way sometimes- ashamed of my past or thinking my present as a failure. We mask our lives to represent ourselves as better than we actually think we are. We dance around the truth or put it into eloquent words to either obtain pity or a positive impression from people, whatever we're looking for. I saw this man and wondered why he felt so ashamed of a life God knew about, a life that, if he's meant to follow God, can be used to reach all those in his same position and outside of it to glorify, truly magnify this great God that can do all things. I wondered why we're all so ashamed of where we've been and where we are. When I think about it, those things really don't matter. What matters is where we're going.

I'm going a long, long way. I'm going toward and am currently in eternity with God. My past blemishes have either been erased or have been forgiven such that they can be used to carry with me to relate to and love others. I look back on a few of my past "mistakes" and realize God knew all along and has since used every one of those moments to bring me back to him and to help some other person feel God's warmth and grace.

I wanted so deeply to transfer that saving knowledge to this poor man standing in front of me at the desk. But as I tried, I too realized it's a concept that's impossible to grasp without knowing our value in the eyes of a God that made us perfect. I pray that man too will go a long, long way in life. I pray we will all realize that what really matters is where we're going. The impression that I leave with people and the accomplishments that I've had are really insignificant if you think about it. All that matters is where I'm headed.

To be ashamed of where we've been is really to tell God He hasn't been the God of our lives and hasn't been with us all along. Sure we sin but grace abounds all the more when we do. He's promised to never leave us or forsake us. So really, if you think about it, we should never be ashamed of where we've been and the only adjustments to be made are if we're not proud of where we're going.

Pumpkins

My sister-in-law just sent me an email that rang rather true. It compared Christians to pumpkins. As cheesy as it may sound, the comparison is right on. If you think about it, when we becomes believers, I mean true believers, God picks us up out of the patch where we've been growing since our birth. We've been fertilized there and sown in all kinds of weeds that have previously been used to harm us. Now, God picks us up, just as we pick pumpkins out of the patch.

When you pick a pumpkin you take it home and wash it off, just like God washes all our sin and yuckiness off. It sound incredibly cheesy, but it's so accurate. Think about the rest of the process. You cut off the top so you can get all the junk out and carve a face. A person's top is his or her brain. I think where many Christians go wrong is that when we believe and put our faith in Christ He has to chop off our human thinking. We still try to function and do things on our own and we can do nothing apart from Christ. So when we do, we exist in our humanness. Our human mind is filled with our old ways of thinking and our old plans that don't include God. We have to let God chop that off and stop thinking apart from Him. We have to stop the life and the thinking we used to have and learn a whole new way of living.

After the top comes off all the goop and seeds come out. As the email went, the seeds of guilt, doubt and I can't remember what else, but the point still remains. There's still more ugly than just removing our way of viewing life. We have to let God dig it all out and scrape us until we feel like a skeleton. We may feel bare, but it's because God's tearing away the bad to put in the light that can consume us. I know when people become believers they often feel alone in the beginning. It's because you're going through the scraping process that hurts. But think about it- if you don't get all the junk out of the pumpkin it stinks and the excess could catch on fire from the flame. God graciously makes His light bigger than our junk and allows it to consume anything we could try and smooth back on to ourselves in sin.

It's an interesting comparison when I think about it. Interesting that the ordinary things in life, the traditions and daily functions, might actually hold symbolance to a higher order and a better way of living life.

Our Salvation

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Our God is a God of salvation, and to God, the Lord, belong deliverances from death" Psalm 68: 19-20.

God is our salvation. Webster defines salvation as "deliverance from the power and effects of sin". God is our salvation. God is our deliverance from the power and effects of sin. Often I focus on being forgiven, asking for it and realizing I'm going to heaven if I follow God. I forget that the road is not about my pursuit, it's about God. Our salvation is not our passion, our drive or our fight to achieve eternal life, our salvation is God. I think we focus on our life here on earth, trying to do good, to be good, to produce good. Really, life's about God. God is our deliverance from sin if we have our salvation in Him. If we do, then our focus should always be on God, not on the deeds, successes we have or the souls we're winning to the Lord. Maybe it' s not a profound truth to you, but it hit me just now that God is our salvation- not OUR commitment, our Bible reading and prayer schedule, not our missionary successes, but God. We focus too much on the outer layer of Christianity instead of focusing on God. When we focus on God the other stuff just happens as a reflection of His worth to us.

Listening

"When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, 'Do you want to be healed?' The sick man answered, 'Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.' Jesus said to him, 'Get up, take up your bed, and walk.' And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked" John 5:6-9.

A friend of mine was talking about the full breadth of this passage earlier tonight and this particular part struck me as I read it in her car. It doesn't take long to realize that most people have a problem with, or simply don't listen. Everyone has a different mindset about how questions should be answered, to what extent and with how much depth. It's interesting if you think about it how often people don't respond well to the long answer, or a different answer that expected, to their question. But mainly how we are often prone to not even answer, or at least not directly, many questions we are asked. I was thinking just this morning about how much more productive many conversations would be if people specifically answered the question assigned or asked. We instead beat around the question, answer with a story or make an excuse. Now those things are not necessarily bad all the time, but as I read this passage in John, my mind filled with empathy for Jesus. Jesus asks a simple question- Do you want to be healed? The man does not answer, a simple yes would have sufficed, but instead responds with an excuse and a complaint as to why he hasn't been healed. I realize he didn't know it was Jesus, but it makes me realize how often we don't really listen to people's questions or statements. We respond according to what we want/need to say aloud to someone or simply to fill the empty air with words. In conversations I am sometimes prone to think 'just give me an answer to the question I asked' and not tell me some circular answer that takes forever.

Now I'm a big fan of story time and I love to stay connected with what's going on in friends' lives. But I hate it when people don't listen. But what's interesting is Jesus doesn't get mad. Jesus immediately heals him. It's not because he had great faith or because he did a great deed, Jesus just recognized this guy's humanness and desire and healed. I often wish people were totally honest with me. I think Jesus' silence speaks volumes in many instances and probably taught much better lessons than Him possibly saying something. His prayer life This man didn't really listen to Jesus, but Jesus loved him anyway.

Watching

"Our eyes failed, ever watching vainly for help; in our watching we watched for a nation which could not save" Lamentations 4:17. "In the morning I lay my request before you and watch" Psalm 5:3. There are many parts of scripture that talk about waiting and watching for God to fulfill His promises, to fulfill His word. Many times The Bible talks about laying our requests before Him and allowing Him to take our burdens and sustain us; not only sustain us many times but relieve our anxieties and fears to allow us freedom from the previous bondage we put ourselves in. Watch. Wait. Allow God. Give it to Him. They sound right...and good... but do we actually do it? Do we actually give everything to Him? Do we actually watch and expect God to answer? Are we really that confident and do we really believe that much?

The first verse, the one from Lamentations, hit me as I realized how much I share in common with it. I too often watch vainly, irratated or maybe even angry or confused at God for "not helping" or not answering immediately or how I saw fit. But it's profound and incredibly humbling to accumulate the times I watched for a nation which could not save. We expect ourselves to carry the burden, to win people over, to look good and be successful. We expect our friends and family to treat us not only respectfully but kindly and we often come down harshly on them to others if they don't fall into line with how we think they should be. We expect people to do things or be things that make our lives fit and seem perfect. We also often pray to a god that doesn't exist.

God is not a God of controversy. He's not a God that throws hissy fits when we don't come to Him. He's not a God that begs us to adore Him as though He needs us. But He's a God that saves. He's a God of miracles. He's a God that provides a way when there is none. "The kings of the earth did not believe, nor any of the inhabitants of the world, that foe or enemy could enter the gates of Jerusalem" Lam 4:12. You may have strong defenses or a strong hold on something that you're sure of. But it seems like Jerusalem, as well as the rest of the world, was fully convinced that their walls were impenetrable. Look what happened- God scatters them, burning their cities and making their land desolate to put it mildly, very mildly. Not to say He acts towards us in the same manner, thank the good Lord for Jesus paying our penatly and enduring the full wrath of God on the cross, but He's still a God who acts and a God that can do and will do according to His ways and His will.

I often find myself praying to a god that doesn't exist. A god who couldn't really take away my problems. The real God can.. and He will... and He does exist. We just have to believe. We also have to be honest with Him- He knows anyway.

God is never late

I attended a prayer meeting at my home church last Sunday and as we prayed one of the men in my group said something that caught my attention. He said "You are never late". I run on my time, my goals, my schedule, my planning. I pray about those things often but I'm still fixated that God comes through in my timing. When things don't line up or happen according to the way I think they will I simply believe I've done something wrong instead of realizing that the wrong lies in not listening to God's timing, God's schedule, God's plan, God's goals and events. We're often prone to conclude that because we're doing "good" by helping at church, organizing something for a missions organization running an outreach program that they must all be things we should be involved with and should be successful in. I think our thinking is skewed. God never promises to fulfill our dreams, our hopes and desires of ourselves. He promises to fulfill the dreams, hopes and desires of the people IN HIM, focuced on him, consumed in the things He's focusing on. Those things really are and should be our hopes anyway.

But as I thought about God not being late it sparked something in me. As I read through the Bible, I have just currently finished the book of Jeremiah. Jeremiah makes everything he prophesies seem so immediate. He condemns the people of Israel for not following God, for turning away on countless occassions and God Himself punishes them for the sins they've committed. I found myself thinking that I wish God was as immediate with me as Jeremiah's prophesies seem to be for the people of Israel. But as I dug deeper I realized the tremendous lag that often occurred between his tellings and the actual events. Months, years, sometimes days between Jeremiah asking for a word and God delivering, between Jeremiah saying something would come true and it actually happening. God is not a God that works on our time, because our time is not perfect. We think in the here and now, the immediate, unfortunately. God thinks in the eternal and sees the big picture, literally. Even with these truths, we are prone to getting frustrated and impatient, thinking God to be mistaken or not really in control. I'm realizing in my current life that if I'm thinking along that road then there are two possible scenarios going on: 1) I'm going on my timing and even though I say outwardly I'm giving it to God, inwardly I'm still in control and working things out on my own; and 2) I'm not praying about the situation enough to really know anything for sure.

Jeremiah knew God would answer, even when people put him at the bottom of a cistern to die, when they jailed him, when they hated him, when they loved him and admired his direct line to God. Jeremiah knew and expected God to answer his every question and asking. God is never late. Never. And if we expect Him to answer we will never have to be disappointed with His timing instead of ours.

Against the Flesh

There are people I am not fond of. Among these people, there are those I am not fond of their manners or their demeanor towards people; those that I do not admire their path with the Lord; those that I do not bare resemblance to as a brother or sister in Christ; those that have a strangeness about their spirituality that I cannot shake. The list could go on really, but I don't want to make too many generalities to confuse my readers. There are people I am not fond of, plain and simple.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Eph 6:12).

Satan uses bodies and humans to infiltrate ministry opportunities for evil. He uses able minded people that sound good on paper and in speech to come in and wreck things. He creates tempers and resentment to bring about problems and fights among Laborers. I came upon this truth tonight as I contemplated someone I am not particularly fond of. But here's what I realized- Satan uses humans in their humanness to sabotage ministry AND he also makes it so that those able minded souls against these foreign thoughts coming in become useless. He distracts the true believers from fighting the infiltrating evil and turns them to fight flesh and blood. We get caught up in disagreeing with people, we vote people off of ministry teams, we argue in meetings and we talk behind people's backs because we fight flesh and blood and not the rulers, authorities, cosmic powers over this present darkness, and the spiritual forces of evil. They exist. They not only exist, they thrive in most circumstances because they've either fully taken over someone or their distracting people with gossip, pride, criticism and self-righteousness so much so that they leave fantastic people helpless and useless.

Wow, I fight flesh and blood all the time. I can make a person the problem in any situation, but the problem is really that evil is in our midst and fooling one party while distracting the other. Neither is effectively and unrestrictedly serving Jesus. We forget to pray for protection against evil. I'm not criticizing regrouping a ministry and weeding tares out, I'm saying that we, or I, often judge people and target them as the problem. Satan is the propblem. Evil is the problem. Sin in the problem. We get so caught up in fighting against people for superiority that we lose sight of the real battles.

A Prayer

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your Will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone. ~Thomas Merton

-A prayer that a dear friend sent recently that brought me the reality that we never face our seasons of life alone. Although I am not currently "working," my desire to please and glorify God does in fact please and glorify Him. What an amazing truth. "For man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" 1 Samuel 16:7b.

A Big Deal

I babysat some children today that reminded me of a very important life principle. As the two children stood playing with their train set, they began to argue over a particular part of the train. Each wanted the small magnetized car that which contained the important cargo unit. It was clearly the coolest part of the train so obviously they'd fight over it.. (smile). Just like children, isn't it? Someone else wants something or takes something from them and all the sudden the original person wants that particular something immediately more than they wanted it while in their possession. The boy began to whine and cry because his sister took the car. They girl began to cry when he tried to take it back.

Don't we often find ourselves thinking that what just happened is the most catastrophic and life-changing thing that's ever happened to us? Well, maybe you're not as dramatic as I am, but I know that the little things that I look back on retrospectively seem so much bigger at the time. I watched those children today and I realized that we criticize children for acting immaturely, we downplay what they're feeling because we're thinking that it's NOT a big deal AT ALL and they should calm down. But now that I think about it, I bet people older than me would say the same thing about similar moments in my life if they were to look in. I get so frazzled about events that happen, particularly right now in this transition, when in reality things don't matter as much as we think. GOD IS IN CONTROL. God knows. IF my eyes are Heavenward then the small events of my life wouldn't seem like as big of a deal. When things change I would totally believe that God has my good and my growth in mind and I should trust Him.

So it's interesting that as I look at these squabbling children I realize we're not so different- forgetting to look Heavenward and put others before ourselves. Forgetting to put our "problems" into perspective and get our list of importance in line. All that matters is that which is eternal. Father, forgive us for our humanness.

Whatever

I seriously think I have done a post about this so if you are reading this for the second time then treat it like you would holy, holy- something said twice that means you need to pay extra attention to.

So I moved to Charlotte this past weekend, and I apologize for the friends reading this right now with an open mouth because I clearly have not told you. The move has been a great choice, fresh air and fresh start (not that I needed one, God graciously gave me a GREAT college experience!). anyway, stories another day.

In my life and particularly in the last few weeks surrounding my decision and move here, I've tried to set my eyes on Jesus and follow Him where He leads to effectively follow. I find that in life we dwell on the wrong things often and that's what gets us so far off track before we even know it. We watch television or absorb ourselves in other people's drama and let those things consume us to a point that our minds become set on them and not on Jesus. "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God" Romans 8:5-7a. All the drama that we carry around with us- the annoyances we have against friends, the way we pick out the smallest imperfections of people and rip them apart, our critical natures, our exaggerated stories- all of it are just ways that we set our minds on the flesh and not the Spirit.

So I ask God, Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, whatever is excellent, whatever is praiseworthy let me think about such things (Philippians 4:8). Because if I do, I honor God and that is man's chief end and purpose.

"Set your minds on things above and not on earthly things" Colossians 3:2. All that matters is that which is eternal. The switch doesn't come overnight and it's not permanent. We're sinners but the more practice you put in it the better you'll get. I find myself thinking "Things above, katie, things above, not earthly things" and then remembering Phil 4:8 and what classifies as "things above". If you love Jesus, it's worth the shot- it makes life less complicated.

Kindness

I was in Target yesterday waiting in line to checkout. One of the lines had a hold-up and the people in it had been waiting for some time, seeing people in all other lines get checked out while they waited. A man from the line beside it who was about to get his turn stepped back and offered the first lady in the held-up line to go in front of him. The lady politely said "oh no, that's ok" and continued to wait.

I had two thoughts: one- the impact of small kindnesses and two- our often inability to allow someone to be thoughtful and help us.

I didn't know the man, but he seemed to have light in his eyes. Whatever the case, he was being Jesus to that lady. It was such a small thing, 3 minutes extra for him in line if she went in front, and yet it stuck out to me as remarkable that we don't choose to be Jesus to other people more often. I see people who look lost on the streets or in a store and I hardly think to ask if they want help when I'm sure I could help them. I think that there are so many small kindnesses that we choose not to interject ourselves into others' lives and we lose out on small joys that could make a lifetime for us and other people. I wonder why we aren't more focused on storing up treasures in Heaven and I think we do that by the small kindnesses.

Maybe it's because our treasure is often here on earth instead of in heaven that we're less inclined to put others before ourselves and more inclined to do whatever necessary to maximize our time, our own world, our own lives. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:21).

My second thought points to the conservative nature of society. We hide things we don't want people to see- we hide the ugly parts about our lives, we hide the embarrassing moments that make us look less than perfect. And you know, we fool a few people, but the people that matter aren't fooled. But when I thought of that lady I wondered why we arent' more inclined to accept the small things people offer. We're programmed to immediately decline before we even think about what the person offers. We don't want to be needy or vulnerable I suppose by taking someone up on what they say. Although I will unfortunately say that often in our culture (yet not in this Target case) people offer things they really don't mean and then we find ourselves full circle on a possible reason why we so quickly tell people no. It's sad really, if only we stood back a moment and thought before we ask or seek help and do it because we're trying to be Jesus.

Hated for the right cause?

So we're often told in the Christian world that if we want to follow Christ we have to be ok with being hated. Sunday school teachers and pastors continue to remind us that Jesus was hated- which clearly he was considering that the same people that threw palm branches in front Him welcoming him were the same people that screamed to crucify the perfect Lamb. So Jesus was misunderstood, misrepresented, hated, slandered, persecuted, abandoned and left to die by all but His mother and John. The Christian world tells us that if we are to walk in the ways of Christ then we too must follow this path and realize that we will often feel each of these emotions and states of being; we too must die to the outside world and stop caring what they think about us so that we may live more wholly for Christ and the Glory of God.

But are we hated for the right cause? I see so often in the Christian world these trail blazers that have this massive spiritual side and parade around with an almost prophetic air exclaiming that "god told them..". I use a lower case "g" because in my opinion it's blasphemy to use any other in this case. "Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son, whome he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also He created the world" (Hebrews 1:1-2). And then after Jesus' death the Spirit provides wisdom and power because God has left us a Helper to lead us in the right direction. This is the train, the way it works in all the worlds before and after us. I think that many followers want so badly to be fierce in the battle that they run out fighting for a cause that they haven't sat back and made sure was Biblical. I know of people that are "hated" or disrespected at least, the people that others talk about behind their backs as being "super-Christian" or a "Bible-beater". I think a lot of these people are sadly fighting the wrong cause.

I realize it's a fact that if we truly follow God we will be all of those things that Jesus was- misunderstood, abandoned and hated. But the sad thing is that I think a lot of people try to be such radicals to prove they love Jesus, as though God needs proof, that they get far off course and are hated for the wrong cause. I dread the thought of being hated if I'm honest, but God, make it for the right cause. Don't make me one of those bandwagon individuals that gets off course. Make me a true follower that stays so deeply in you that my foundation is steady and the waves of the world do not harm me but only build me stronger in you. It's such a sad thing to have so many different religions that we begin to pick a flavor that suits us instead of letting them drive us into the Bible to find truth and the church that truly follows God by the principles in His Word.

Armor of God

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the WHOLE armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil i nthe heavenly places. Therefore take up the WHOLE armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm" (Ephesians 6:10-13)

Those of us that have grown up in the church have heard the full length of this passage a few dozen times but it recently has made me step back and exam it further. The passage doesn't say "put on some of the armor" or "try to put on at least a few pieces each day".. it says "Put on the WHOLE armor of God". Do I put on the whole armor? It's difficult to remember to strap on my shoes fitted for the readiness given by the gospel of peace particularly when I really want to yell at that person for doing exactly what I just asked them not to do. Or, do I remember to whip out my sword of the Spirit in response to other people thereby responding to someone's questions through scripture and not through my own opinions. This is a hard one for me particularly because if you know me at all you know I'm rather opinionated and yet I'm so very human. What a better way to combat my humaness than to be so equipped with scripture that I can respond in God's perfect words instead of my human and imperfect narration. Another striking piece of the armor is the belt of truth. Wow, here's one I often throw over my shoulder but don't fully fasten. There is only one way to truth and righteousness and those ways have GOd in them. HOw often are we led to leaving some important details out or amplifying the story just a bit to make ourselves sound better? If God truly is in control then we need not exaggerate at all- He's got it and He'll make our lives great- if we let Him and don't screw it up!

I'm sure you're familiar with the rest of the pieces- the helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness and the shield of faith. It amazes me that we're suppose to carry all of that each day, each moment. It shows our great need to spend time alone with God to be able to carry all of this equipment!

I'm also sure you know the days when you haven't carried all of your armor. It's the days that your lose your temper and someone gets hurt. The sad thing though is that because of sin we're bound to mess up. Even when we have the armor on there are times when evil arrows will find their ways through but take heart because GOd has overcome the world. Focus on each piece for each day and "keep alert with all perseverance" (v18). If you do, I can promise life will be worth fighting for- yours and others.

A God afar off

If I was ever asked my biggest problem with God, or confusion rather, I would say that I am often frustrated with the earnest followers I know seeking God from all different versions of religion. How can this be? Today is not the day I offer a view of predestination, baptism or even the necessary works to reach Heaven. I'm referring to major differences- such as Mormons, Catholics, Protestants, Muslims etc. I know people that earnestly seek God, much more so than I do to be honest. Yet, when I listen to them and all of their wise council, they often have things to say that cannot be totally right. Somewhere in their words the modified phrase "I've been praying and I really feel that God is telling me" or "This is God's will, I'm supposed to do this" etc. etc. You HAVE to have heard it. I say it all the time. [SIDENOTE: Do we use God as an excuse to justify our actions so that others support us- Mainly because we so desperately need others' approval to make ourselves feel better?] How can we not all hear the same Guide, the same right and wrong? How can someone earnestly seeking, someone open to hearing God's truth, not hear it?

I encountered some men from the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints the other day (Mormons). I really enjoy talking to people from all religions and so of course I invited them in. These questions I'm asking pain me once again because of these guys. They talked about how much they pray, how committed they must be in order to be a missionary, and the sacrifices they give for the church. It also makes me think about Muslims that pray, what is it, 5 times a day? Or what about the Christian who seeks God on a matter and feels she's been given a word that from a bystanders position could NOT be God's command. Ok, I'm trying to purposely exclude the non-genuine imposters that invade religion and claim to know God but do not humbly seek Him. I'm refering to the humble spirits who I genuinely believe are found in the pages of the Book of Life. I dare not widen the gates of Heaven by saying that we're ALL right in our current strivings and paths... so where's the hitch? Are we not earnestly seeking, are we just so human and tainted that we can't come to God genuinely and our world is so tangled in evil that God doesn't intervene and give us religious direction as much as He did Paul or Moses? Why is there no indication in our world as to the correct way, the way that true Christians follow?

"For who among false prophets has stood in the council of the Lord to see and to hear His word, or who has paid attention to His word and listened? Behold, the storm of the Lord!... But if they had stood in My council, then they would have proclaimed My words to My people, and they would have turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their deeds." (Jeremiah 23:18-19a, 22).

So does this still hold? Does God promise that if we stand in His council we will hear truth? Ok yes to that question.. but let me ask a better: How do we genuinely stand in His council so that we can make good on this promise to hear truth? I consider myself to be decent at knowing the truly genuine seekers but are they? It's strange to think if so many very logical and intelligent people are so far off from God's ways then just how far off am I? Can I rely on this gut feeling I have to tell me right and wrong as 99% of us do? Here's the thing, my heart's inherantly evil, so no, I cannot rely on my emotions to tell me. Yes, the Spirit's voice can be there, but is that the voice you hear?

"Am I a God at hand, declares the Lord, and not a God afar off? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord." (vs 23-24). I sometimes wish the "storm of the Lord" (v19) existed as publicly as it did then- it'd be scarier, but I'd have an answer- quick. It just drives me crazy recently to try to wrap my mind around such fantastic people that I know, people that seek God and read the Bible, people that try to be like Christ and yet have views that to me are so different from not only others' but also from the Bible. I know we're fallen, but how can this be?

Huck Finn

I just finished reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn- great book actually. It's one of Mark Twain's crowning achievements how he is able to get away with so many outrageous happenings on account of it being Huck who is the narrator and so therefore they are "his" beliefs coming through in the tale. Anyway, I like the book because I love getting inside Huck's head and seeing how he sees things and feels about them. He isn't very smart or pure and yet seems to outsmart people and come around to do the right thing somehow.

My point: My favorite line of the adventure is this- "It's the little things that smoothes people's roads the most". He doesn't speak the best english, he doesn't always think before he does things and he messes up A LOT, but he realizes that a kindness goes a long way and he chooses to do things that will smooth the road of life for others. So there's your thought for the day!

Tribeless

I read part of a book today that's called The Scalpel and the Silver Bear. The book is about the Navajo people and one such girl's journey between the Navajo and American worlds. She herself was half and half yet in her heart she felt completely Navajo. The story follows her dividedness to college when she spoke of how outcast and ostracized she felt for her native roots. This is what she had to say about her college experience:

"Some years later, reflecting back on my college experiences, I realized something else. Much of the outside, non-Indian world is tribeless, full of wandering singular souls, seeking connection through societies, clubs, and other groups. White people know what it is to be a family, but to be a tribe is something of an altogether different sort. It provides a feeling of inclusion in something larger, of having a set place in the universe where one always belongs. It provides connectedness and a blueprint for how to live. At Darmouth the fraternities and sororities seemed to be attempts to claim or create tribes. Their activities often seemed to be unconscious re-creations of rituals and initiation ceremonies. But the fraternities emphasized exclusion as much as inclusion...I began to honor and cherish my tribal membership, and in the years that followed I came to understand that such membership is central to mental health, to spiritual health, to physical health. A tribe is a community of people connected by blood or heart, by geography and tradition, who help one another and share a belief system. Community and tribe not only reduce the alienation people feel but in doing so stave off illness. In a sense they are a form of preventative medicine. Most Americans have lost their tribal identities."

I think that's one of the big problems in our world. We lost our community, our central beliefs, our inclusion of others. a correctedness for the blueprint on how to live. I think most everyone feels lost in some regard at different points in life and the way to find ourselves is to build life together. The road less traveled is certainly the right path, but that doesn't mean it has to be traveled alone.

Fanaticism

I read a newspaper article last week about the Gaza Strip that Israel currently controls. Iran, Al Qaeda and a few other big names would like it back to say the least, or free usage of it at the very least "or else" they say. Al Qaeda issued a plea to "all Muslims everywhere" to do whatever is necessary by whatever means necessary to get access and control of it back. They said do it for your beliefs and for your people. Now I have been prown in this whole mess to think that the fanatical Muslims doing all of the suicide bombings were cruel and crazy people that were brainwashed and horrible. But you know I read something in psalms just now that has turned around my thinking somewhat. "For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He adorns the humble with salvation. Let the godly exult in glory; let them sing for joy on their beds. Let the high praises of God be in their throats and two-edged swords in their hands, to execute vengeance on the nations and punishments on the peoples to bind their kings with chains and their nobles with fetters of iron, to execute on them the judgement written! This is honor for all His godly ones. Praise the Lord!" Psalm 149:4-9.

It's really easy to confuse right and wrong. I read these passages and had a large amount of cognitive dissonance because my Christian world has always taught me that I am to act kindly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God. My Christian world has taught me to let God be their judge and to let Him lead me. And my Christian world is right. My point is not what these verses were actually written for and what they mean for us; my point is that it's really easy to confuse what we think what we read means and what our influences are telling us. It's also easy to confuse what's right with what people or your mind is telling you.

My other point it this: I find myself thinking amidst all of these tragic happenings and loses we have seen from Muslim fanatics and I can't help but slightly long for the passion they have. Not all of them obviously, but I watched a documentary the other day on a family of a suicide bomber and they were talking about how proud they were of him and what a great honor it was. He said the same thing and then you see him get into his car and drive away to complete his mission. What if Christians were that convicted and that pursuant of the prize? What if truth was so heavily fought for that people would settle for no less? What the suicide bombers do is certainly not the answer, but what if this world had the passion and conviction that they have to complete the task assigned to them? I believe as Christians we are on this earth with a mission: a mission to let this world know about Jesus, whether it's being Jesus or speaking Jesus. What if we didn't settle for any less from ourselves or those around us that have the same mission?

the true self

Have you ever really admitted to God who you really were? Right then and there I bet you met Jesus- and experienced hope in a way you had never before imagined. God doesn't really start working in our lives until we trust Him with who we really are. That is perhaps the first taste of the true faced life. When we first become believers it's stunning. Incredible. It paints our world in colors we hardly knew existed. But, something happened to many of us in the intervening years. We lost confidence that His delight of us and new life in us would be a strong enough impetus for a growth that would glorify God and fix our junk. So, we gradually bought the slick sales pitch that told us we would need to find something more, something others seemed to have that we could never quite get our hands around. Something magical and mystical that we would receive if we tried hard enough and proved good enough, often enough. And so we began learning to prop things up. We went back to trying to impress God and others-- back to posturing, positioning, manipulating, trying to appear better than who we are. Our two-faced life has severely stunted our growth. And broken our hearts. And left us gasping. Although we may have accumulated titles, status, and accomplishments, we personally remain wounded and immature--long on "success", but short on dreams. We are jealous of the people who live in the true-faced life, but our loss of hope has forced us into desperately trying to discover safety from behind our masks. In a very real sense, we are all performers. Because of sin, we've lost confidence that we will always please our audience, and so we put on a mask. As an unintended result, no one, not even the people we love, ever get to see our true face. Once we put on a mask, we have a hard time taking it off.

We can never resolve our sin by working on it. Nor can our striving to sin less keep us from future sins. Oh, we may change behaviors for a while, but as we try to hide the sins we can't control, we are unwittingly inviting blame, shame, denial, fear and anger to become our constant companions. The key to our maturity and freedom lies in the dominant motive that governs our relationship with God. Pleasing God is actually a by-produce of trusting God. Pleasing is not a means to our personal godliness, it is the fruit of our godliness for it is the fruit of trust. We will never please God through our efforts to become godly. Rather, we will only please God-- and become godly--when we trust God. Not do, but be. Trust God with who you are and you will find a way to put down the mask.
-taken from TrueFaced by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and John Lynch

Why do we stray?

I was reading the call of Jeremiah just now and its words jump off the page. What an honor it must have been to have the Creator of the universe say such powerful words spoken directly to you. But then I realized that if God said these things to Jeremiah then He's saying the same great things to you and I just in our own context of qualities He's equipped us with. "But you, dress yourself for work; arise, and say to them everything that I command you. Do not be dismayed by them, lest I dismay you before them. And I, behold, I make you this day a fortified city, an iron pillar, and bronze walls, against the whole land, against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests, and the people of the land. They will fight against you, but they shall not prevail against you, for I am with you, declares the Lord, to deliver you" (Jeremiah 1:17-19). Such powerful words spoken to you and I. It says "Be ready for each day- make it count. Do what God says, stay true to the Bible. Don't be afraid of man because God is definitely greater" God's saying, "Hey, I'm making you solid, a person with great stability that can withstand ANYTHING. I'm making you someone trustworthy and refined. Someone prepared and fearless. Trust me." It's such a great promise that God makes here in the first chapter of Jeremiah.

The part that struck me just now and considering the promise we just talked about is this: "What wrong did your fathers find in me that they went far from me, and went after worthlessness, and became worthless?...Has a nation changed its gods, even though there are no gods? But my people have changed their glory for that which does not profit (2:5,11). I realized that there in lies the problem: when we stray from God it's because we changed our god, we've exchanged our glory for something else. Our new god and glory could be wealth, getting what we want, temporary happiness in friends or being noticed, beauty, things, love, comfort or whatever else. We've changed our gods. It's not that God is far off, it's not even that something is wrong with our relationship with God; it's that something is wrong with our relationship with other things, other people that we are confusing to be our glory and our joy. If your life is unstable or unhappy- even if for a moment- make sure your priority, your God and your glory are set on Jesus. He's not going anywhere, only you are.

I see a lot of the people around me doing this and if you do too then here is Heaven's answer: "Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate" (2:12). Don't be ok with it, DON'T not saying anything. Don't get used to complacency, it's eating away at our culture. Don't be the one that feeds the virus. It's the small things in life that when let slide can hurt us worse than we know and before we realize it we've exchanged our glory and the people that love us have let us. Don't be ok with that.

What should matter

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods, for His steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for His steadfast love endures forever;
to Him who alone does great wonders, for His steadfast love endures forever;
to Him who by understanding made the heavens, for His steadfast love endures forever.....
to Him who divided the Red Sea in two, for His steadfast love endures forever...
to Him who led His people through the wilderness, for His steadfast love endures forever...
It is He who remembered us in our low estate, for His steadfast love endures forever;
and rescued us from our foes, for His steadfast love endures forever;
He who gives food to all flesh, for His steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven, for His steadfast love endures forever. Psalm 136

Read the whole psalm at your next chance and let its words seep into you. Do you hear it? the repetitive nature of the psalm. When I read it yesterday morning I was originally irritated about having to repeat "for his steadfast love endures forever". I lost all context and relevance in the story line with saying that over and over. I couldn't concentrate. When I finished reading I decided that I would go back through and read only the first lines of each verse which is a story about the attributes of God, the great things He did, the trials Israel went through and how thoughout all of it God rescued them and was faithful. Ok, so I got about half way through reading the first lines when I realized that God wrote scripture perfectly. He planned it out, He made not only the books in perfect order but the chapters, verses and words. Each are there for a reason in that spot. I'm not meant to pick and choose. I'm meant to read it all. So because of this thought I started over at the beginning.

I read it aloud and focused on each word, regardless of repetition or not. I couldn't concentrate again on the story line and I realized something. His love endures forever took over the story. It took over the whole passage because it was in each verse. What if that line His love endures forever took over my life story line? I could no longer concentrate on each individual aspect of life- all my hurts, my desires, my frustrations, my likes and joys, my things that fire me up whether good or bad. I couldn't focus on any of that stuff because after every phrase, after every move, after every thought, after every action, after every glance came for His love endures forever. My story would blur, my focus would change, my attitude would be different and my eyes would be solely focused on Jesus because they would have to be. The only way I knew what the story was about in the psalm was by reading the lines without reading the key part. Without the key, without Gods love our story will be the focus and our lives and God's interaction will be the focus. But that shouldn't be. The focus is His love enduring forever. If I focus there, only that which is important will matter.

By Name

"The sheep hear His voice and He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out" John 10:3. He calls me by name. That verse came to light in Mississippi for me. As it struck me the words, "I have called you by name, you are Mine" came into my head from the familiar song. Over our spring break trip to Bay St. Louis to do Hurrican Katrina relief, I had the pleasure of meeting the crew chief of our house project. He was very particular about how he wanted things to be done. The first day was rather frustrating to some of our group because he did most things himself instead of letting us help or do some of the measuring and marking. We were starting the construction of a house on about 10-foot stilts. Anyway, you see where this is going- we were all having a hard time being productive and being loud while having fun was not advisable. About half way through the day I decided to enact some of the things I have learned from a lifetime of trying to meet people where they are as well as the knowledge I have gained from my elementary education classes. I decided to be exactly what he was asking for. I stood beside him and asked questions. Knowing the answer was of no importance, asking the questions was. Somehow he started to like me and we began to strike up a rather intriguing conversation. He was hard of hearing and so would get flustered and nervous when people got loud. He had bad previous experience with a bunch of students and so was hesitant to let us do things without tight supervision. It all made sense really and instead of us helping the situation and being willing to bend ourselves to getting to know him and seeing it from his perspective we were more inclined to get angry that he wasn't letting us help.

He had made the comment on the first day that he was terrible with names. It was true. After the second day, however, he knew my name. It was the craziest feeling for such a simple thing but I'm not sure if I've ever felt so proud of my name and ever realized how much more gripping it will feel when God Himself says it someday. He called me by name. By that simple word "Katie" he accepted me. He deemed me worthy.

I say all of this not to point out my great deed but to make two points. One: we often do not take ourselves out of situations and look at it from another person's angle. There are always under-the-surface factors involved that we must step back and see before we cast judgements and make situations worse. Second, that Jesus accepts us. He calls us by name and we are His. It's such a comforting place, a place where we can leave everything that is going on in our lives and feel whole and know that we matter there. I want to be a person who calls people by name. I want people to feel at home with me because they know I've accepted them. They know I truly love them. The only way I can do that is to focus on Jesus and see that it is evil and not we ourselves that should be treated like evil. We must cast evil out and hate it but we must learn how to love the fallible humans that lay beneath those sometimes dark deeds. It's the old saying, "love the sinner, hate the sin" but it's so true. If we allow our emotions to guide us we will get angry when things aren't right, but if we let Jesus guide us we will love the sinner inspite of what they do.

Sacrifice

"We look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" 2 Cor 4:18. How often do I sacrifice the eternal for the temporal? I know I harp on this a lot in these postings and if you talk to me even more, but I can't stress it enough. I had a moment just a little while ago that hit me in the heart. Do you ever have those moments that you knew were going to come around and hurt because you chose to let something slide a while ago that now comes back? It was a moment that could have easily been avoided had I not settled for temporal affirmation and satisfaction. We are prone to think that we can let our friends off by not telling them the things that they do to cut us down and "love them in spite of it". Yes, it's true, but there are those moments when we KNOW we should say something, know that they cannot and should not be treating someone like this and yet we allow them. We convince ourselves that this is really loving them and that we need to learn to be stronger and not be so emotionally driven. The details are of no value, but why do we do that? Why do we want people to accept us and stay around so much that we sacrifice the really loving part of the friendship? We do what we need to do at that moment to make them happy instead of being the friend that they really need. Because when we're honest no one really wants that friend right now- the friend that tells you it's not ok to treat them a certain way; the friend that kindly tells you when you should have done what you said you would do; the friend who lets you know that the way you acted the other day or that comment that you made was not appropriate. Those friends, we have a hard time with them. They're the people that love us so much they tell us when they can no longer listen to what we're talking about because it's not uplifting to the Kingdom. The friends that stand by our side when we need stability against all odds and yet tell us when we were wrong.

Anyway, it's because we set our eyes on the things that are seen. We set our eyes on being affirmed, set our eyes on being the best; set our eyes on being well-liked and having lots of attention. We set our eyes on success as being always having plans, always having friends calling, always having the right things to say and do. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Our treasure is our success and affirmation. We want so desperately to be told that we're valued, that we matter. But you know, that shouldn't be my treasure and it's no wonder that because it is my treasure that that is why my life is often filled with disappointment. "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." When your heart is where your treasure is then your mouth is gonna speak some pretty temporal things that are of occasional momentary value but hardly any eternal. It'll make your a decent short-term friend but not worth it for the long run.

So what do we do? We must not lose sight of the prize. "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God had called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Are we pressing on or are we standing still waiting on people to affirm us and lead our lives? We must not lost sight of Jesus. We MUST set our eyes on the eternal, on Jesus. We must set our treasure on things that matter so that we can realize we matter because the things inside of us matter. If our treasure is eternal then our heart will be there which means our overflow from our hearts is good so that our mouths will speak truth and things of value.

If you have those moments that you're not sure why you're insecure, acting weird or you say something that you're not sure why you said it, know that you're human. But know that's not an excuse. Check your heart, check your treasure. Make sure they're eternal. Make sure they matter because it's the only way you will.

Expecting Sunday

An Easter thought arose in my mind yesterday after receiving a sweet friend's kind note. The note was a warm touch from someone dear to me that knew exactly where I was in life and sought to tell me that he supported me there. I think we search our whole lives for people that will support us and encourage us even at their own expense. Anyway, that's another day. This day is about Easter, blessed Easter.

I woke up Easter morning feeling anxiety. I've had the feeling ever since I got back in town from Mississippi. I went to MS for spring break for Hurricane Katrina relief, but that discussion will come soon. Transitions from long trips or back to reality are always difficult for me. Anxiety comes with the territory. It's more of a time will heal issue than an need to talk it out, but I'm deviating from the real issue at hand. I read life words in a short phrase that this friend wrote. He said that we'll all have our Fridays, but take hope because expect Sunday to come. So much meaning packed into that small phrase. We'll all have our Fridays- those days that are deathly, terrible, blinding, beating and draining. Those days that we can't get up to save our lives and we feel defeated. Those sad days or the day nothing goes right and every good intention turns bad and is taken wrong. Those days. Then there's Saturday- the day that we wait. You are probably all too familiar with those days- the day you get really impatient because you have no clue what God is doing or where He is because He should be acting or at least being vocal about His intentions (or at least this is what you're irritatedly thinking). Those days you run around with no direction and feel like you've hit a dead end and life hangs on that next step if only you knew what it was and it's so frusterating because you honestly would follow God or so you think if He just directed you.

Then there's always a Sunday. Easter Day. The Day Jesus Christ rose from the dead and declared freedom to all the captives. The day sin was overcome and we were fully able to reflect the image of Christ to God as He stood in our very place and cancelled our debt. The day that's glorious and you're pretty sure nothing could possibly go wrong. Even the few minor hiccups of people's doubts or misunderstandings don't bother you because it's a great day. The kind of day that shouts freedom and simplicity. The day that everything is clear and your way is steady and sure. The days that give you a renewed sense of rest in Jesus and satisfaction and contentment. Those days, those great days.

But ya know, in my 22 years of life I've found that it's the Fridays I'm most thankful for. The days that are hard and trying, the ones that I'm not sure I'm gonna make it through. Those are the days that I learn my need for a mighty Savior, one who will never leave me or forsake me. One who walks alongside me on that particular Friday I'm having and says, "Cast your burden on me for I care for you" or tells me that He will never give me any more than I can bear. So I feel privileged on those hard days that God has declared me strong enough to withstand what He has given me and that I am being refined to be more like Him.

Without the Fridays we wouldn't continue to die so that we can live more like Christ. In all my life I hope that I continue to thank God for Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays that this life brings.

Whatever

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9). Such common words in our Christian vocabularly, yet they hit me today as I read Colossians. My eyes caught a passage marked above in chapter 4 of Philippians as I scanned the first page of Colossians about rejoicing in the Lord always and as I read through the remander of Philippians those 2 simple verses caught my eye. Think about these things. My mind races and I'll have to admit I'm slightly ashamed when I think of what I think about. How often I am thinking about something very different than my facade appears and my actions portray. "Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart." I wish not. How often do I live up to the outward appearance but not to the heart, the inward thoughts and desires that consume me so often with evil. So how to I combat this? How do I strive with all His energy to follow God? I think about such things. I think about whatever is true, whatever is honorable, commendable, pure, excellent and worthy of praise. I choose to set my mind on things above and not on earthly things. For the things of this world are fading, but the eternal things are forever. What else do I do? Practice what I have learned and seen. The interesting thing to me was that this is Paul speaking, not Jesus. Not the perfect man that descended to earth to take away our sins, no. It's Paul, the guy who transformed from truly terrible to truly magnificient because he let Christ be all. How did he do it? By thinking about such things. By letting Christ be his role model, his person that he looked to for practice for life. Look at the promise- the God of Peace will be with you. What more could we ask for in life, what more could be want? You may not know that's what you want, that's what you need, and you may be thinking that you wish you could honestly say that's all you want. But know this, in 22 1/2 years of life I have come up short in every avenue that I have desired that wasn't God. I have come up short and it has failed me. It has disappointed and left me wanting. The God of Peace will be with you. You can't have peace and still be wanting. You can't have peace and be disappointed. You can't, and you won't. It's a promise.

Fight against my enemies

"Fight against those that fight against me.... Be a barrier against my pursuers." (psalm 35:1,3)

What are the things that fight against me? Let us not lose the comfort and power that is available to us in this scripture by relating the psalmist's prayer to the larger matters only. It touches on and includes the smallest, as well. The wave that sweeps over the great rock is the same that sweeps over the tiny shell on the shore. It is the littlest things of life, the minute, un-important-looking things that are most likely to shatter our peace. Because they are so small, it is most likely that we will fight them ourselves instead of looking up at once to our Strong God- our Barrier between us and them, as the pillar of cloud formed a barricade between the Egyptians and Israel (Exodus 14:20). Fight against them that fight against me...that is to say, against the little foolish feelings that want to keep us back from saying to the blessed will of God, "I am content to do whatever you say-fight against these pursuing feelings, O God!" THEN it will be true: "My soul will rejoice in the Lord and delight in His salvation. My whole being will exclaim, "Who is like you, o Lord? You rescue the poor from those too strong for them" (psalm 35:9-10). What joy our lives can be-when we continually prove His tenderness in the very little things. There is nothing too small for Him to help. He is indeed a Barrier between us and our pursuers. "How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings!" (psalm 36:7). Edges of His Ways p.137

Seeking Men's praise

From my favorite author to you:

IF the praise of others elates me...
if the blame of others depresses me...
if I cannot rest when I am misunderstood, without defending myself...
if I love to be loved, more than to give love...
if I love to be served, more than serving...

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

~If Amy Carmichael

For the Idealists out there

"Woe to those who draw iniquity with cords of falsehood,
who draw sin as with cart ropes, who say: 'Let Him be quick,
let Him speed His work that we may see it;
let the counsel of the Holy One of Israel draw near,
and let it come, that we may know it!'
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil,
who put darkness for light and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!
Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine, and valiant men in mixing strong drink,
who acquit the guilty for a bribe, and deprive the innocent of his right!" Isaiah 5:18-23.

I love the fact that 2 verses earlier is says, "But the Lord of hosts is exalted in justice and the Holy God shows himself holy in righteousness." Clears up the doubt anyone might have had that the God who just said woe four times in a very earth-shaking consequence sort of way could possibly be unjust or unrighteous in His anger. He's still perfect, even in these deadly serious woes. These verses hit me in my pursuit through the Bible as they so clearly lay out what's not ok: Don't tell God to hurry up. He's got great timing, you hush. Don't ask God to see what He's doing, yet again He's in charge you hush. God doesn't owe you anything, especially a life-map so you know where you're going. You may not know His counsel or the next step until it comes, but it's ok and be ok with it.
The part that hit me the most starts in verse 20. How often do I call evil good? How often do I justify things I know are wrong? How often do I veer off the path ever so slightly and make it ok saying that my actions are still better than most? Better than others, as though that's the benchmark, as though doing the right thing is more about hitting close to the target as being good enough. If it's not absolutely right, it's WRONG. that hurts. It's true. Then the kicker in 21 with woe to those who are wise in their own eyes- woe to the people who think they're good at following all the other woes. Woe to the people who try to be good on their own without falling at the feet of Jesus everyday and admitting out inadequacy and allowing His strength to carry our weakness. That's it, that's all the Christian life is about. Weakness entrusting itself to a mighty one to be kept and used to illuminate the Lord of the Universe.

The woes are not meant to be binding and weighing. They're meant to free us from the human justification and lying we do to ourselves everyday. They're meant to raise us to a higher standard and so to start living from that view and not the world's platform. Unless we actually raise our eyes, we'll never see the Son rise and so be called to sit in that light eternally starting today.

Are the good kids happy?

If I ever write a book someday I think this might just be the title Are the Good Kids Happy? We who have grown up in a Christian home and chosen to follow Christ since the womb are the "good kids". You know who you are, the ones that in the world's eyes have never done anything wrong, who all the parents want their kids to be like, who always seem to make the responsible choice and never disobey. Yeah, WE are the good kids. Sure, we are few in number because we always have dropouts- the secret bad kids that you don't find out about until they have some party scandal and stay-at-home, Bible study mom absolutely falls apart and everyone in the church is praying for that sad family -OR- the kids who go ballistic in college and lose all sense of urgency.

So what is life about? Did we miss the boat and put far too much emphasis on our own happiness and cast aside the eternal mindset that God intended? Should we look less to the immediate pleasures this world is so fond of dealing us and press on to the ultimate goal to win the prize at the end of the race? Where is the race? What happened to the prize being all that you want and strive after in a race? Am I in the race?

Are the good kids happy? The kids that follow Christ and choose not to turn away when so many others have tread their trail and forged in the wrong direction. The kids that our adult culture applauds and recognizes as "mature", "grown-up" and a "great kid" to name a few. And let me be honest, we know those kids, typically nerdy with a social life that consists of either church activities or at the very least church friends that you spend all your time with doing scavenger hunts, playing board games and going on weekend church retreats. So are they happy? Where are the pioneers? Where are the zealous college students bursting to tell the "going out" crowd how ecstatic they are about Jesus? Are are we? I get so tired of hearing about the good kids (yes, I still am one..) and how responsible they are. Anyone can be responsible. Anyone can make good choices. Anyone can be a great kid. The hard thing is can someone do all those things while reaching out with both hands to the ones that aren't doing the good things and love them so deeply and joyously that your excitement and happiness for Jesus spill out on that person?

Can we? Can the good kids be happy? Can the good kids go out and have fun without being in a Christian bubble? Can Christians have fun by the world's standards or are we conforming too much to this world? If I were reading a book, this is what I would want to read about. Stuff that affects us right now, stuff that makes Christianity show its true colors before people sell their souls. We can't preach a message that isn't real, that Christianity is all fun and happiness living in Christ (in our world's standards) but we have to preach what is real, because only that is life-giving and fulfilling. So are the good kids really happy?

Capacity to Sin

Ok, so officially I have been wrestling with this question, or more of a line of thought, for 3 days now. Here it is: Was the life that Adam and Eve had in the garden pre-sin ultimately fulfilling and completely joy-giving, was it complete and without lack? Ok, hold your ponies before you answer. Here's a background. What did pre-sin life look like IN (not for, but they themselves look like) Adam and Eve? I can't picture it because I live in humaness, I have a great, I mean GREAT capacity to sin and mess things up. They didn't. They didn't struggle internally, they didn't fuss or fight, they didn't get mad. But they did think illogically one fateful day that marked time forever. So did they have the capacity all along to sin? How was sin never in the world and then a sneaky snake soon to be slithering comes along and brings temptation with it. Isn't contemplating temptation a sin, so didn't she really sin before she sinned the memorable one? Ok, you free-willers out there, I hear you. God loves them so much that he allowed them the choice to live life and they chose sin. So He built them fallible? They had to have had the capacity to sin in order to sin, right? so how was sin not always in the world if they were able to sin?

Stop. Let me retrace all of the questioning and potential slandering that I just did. I believe in an abundantly powerful, ultimately life-giving and joyous God. But what rubs me wrong is our theological tendency to get so high up that we don't think elementary-like (made that phrase up). My statement is this: "One who is full loathes honey, but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet." prov 27:7 (read my last entry). If we are full on God, like they should have been in the garden, why would you want more, how could you think there could be more? Stop looking at it in humaness with a sinful eye. Was it simply a curiousity, but isn't even that wrong and wrong was not in the world. Or here is another example: would you EVER cheat on your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend? Why not?.. so how could you in your very sinful humaness not want to cheat on your other half and yet they wanted in their perfectness to cheat on God? They didn't think about it that way I am sure, but how did they think about it imperfectly if they were perfect?

I'll stop. I have much more to say but I dare not dig my hole deeper. These are just thoughts you see, less of questioning and just thoughts really. And just for clarifications sake- I believe in a God that's ok with me saying stuff like this, just so you know.